Storming Back

Dean Ashton is the subject of the Guardian's 'Big Interview' today.

Ashton Storms back with sights on a better break
By Stuart James

With tears streaming down his cheeks and pain coursing through his broken right ankle, Dean Ashton recalls contemplating his footballing future. Having forced his way into the England set-up for the first time, the West Ham striker was set to make his international debut against Greece the next day until an innocuous challenge with Shaun Wright-Phillips in training changed everything. There was "a big crack" before frenzied emotion took over.

"I was crying uncontrollably once I was off the pitch and into the dressing rooms because I knew it was long-term," said Ashton. "The crying comes from the shock - I couldn't control it at all. Your instant thoughts are: 'I've missed the chance to play for England.' The pinnacle of your career. You know you are going to be out for a long time. 'Am I ever going to play again?' All these things go through your mind at the same time. It wasn't very nice."

That was 13 months ago but Ashton is back, fitter, stronger and free-scoring. Three goals in as many games underline the 23-year-old's claim that he is in "the best shape ever", each restorative appearance edging him nearer to the England call-up that would help to erase the memories, if not the scars, from August last year. Steve McClaren has not been in touch yet but the forward's name is expected to appear in Friday's squad for the upcoming Euro 2008 qualifiers.

Ashton admits there have been frustrating moments when he has thought "I could have had 10 caps", but otherwise his mindset remains positive. "I think there are always places up for grabs in the England squad if you believe it," said the striker, who will lead West Ham's attack at Arsenal today. "I believe I can be as good as any striker that is in the England squad and, therefore, I feel that I am good enough to play well enough to eventually deserve a place."

His current run of form puts him ahead of Peter Crouch, Jermain Defoe and Darren Bent, who all seem to spend more time on the substitutes' bench than the pitch these days, while Andrew Johnson's goal drought, together with injuries to Michael Owen and Emile Heskey, have pushed wide open a door that was slightly ajar. That certainly did not appear to be the case when Ashton watched England, and Heskey in particular, impress against Israel and Russia.

"It's difficult because [Heskey] doing well perhaps makes it seem like a player like me could be used in the squad but, at the same time, I don't think you would be human if you thought, 'Oh fantastic, he's doing brilliantly, there goes my chance'. But it doesn't really matter how [Heskey] does, it's down to me. I feel I've got different attributes but he's earned the right to be in the squad and he's played well when he's been in there so I've got to play better to get above him."

His rehabilitation work should help. Alan Pardew, West Ham's former manager, was talking up Ashton's physical condition before he broke down with England but the former Norwich striker insists he has made huge strides since then under the influence of John Green, the physiotherapist who has worked closely with Owen. Indeed Ashton is so grateful to have had the opportunity to learn from Green that he describes his injury as "a blessing" at one point.

"When Alan Pardew said about me being a 'meaner machine', that was me doing my own regime in the summer and coming back losing a bit of weight," he explained. "Whereas this time someone has been telling me what they think is best for me. I feel like I am a hell of a lot stronger but quicker at the same time, so I feel like I have really made the best use of my physique. I like to think that I now try to transfer the power that I've got into speed as well.

"It's about how you use weight to your advantage. An example is people looked at [the rugby union player] Jonah Lomu and you wouldn't have said, 'God, he's fat'. He was absolutely rapid but he's a huge guy and that's what I like to look at. People have said about me, 'Perhaps he's a bit too heavy or too slow'. But I think if they actually took the time out and came and watched me, face to face, they would realise that I'm not actually fat and I'm not that slow."

He is also not tired, which is a little surprising given that Ethan, Ashton's first child, was born at the end of last month. Ashton claims being a dad is "the best feeling in the world", a phrase that many West Ham fans are likely to have applied to securing their Premier League place on the final day of last season. The campaign was a testing time for everyone at Upton Park, Ashton's patience stretched more than most as he watched, helpless, from the sidelines.

"Obviously you don't want to see your team-mates struggling and getting caned in the press but, at the same time, there was nothing I could do except encourage. Being injured is hard enough but the thought of your team getting relegated after I had worked so hard to get out of that league was difficult. I was really made up for everybody that we stayed in the Premier League. Not only was it fantastic for the club but they did me a favour at the same time."

Ashton admits Euro 2008 is something "I'd love to be part of" although for the moment his mind is focused on the Emirates Stadium, where he believes West Ham can be "more than a match" for Arsenal. Another good performance and the memory of watching the England's game against Greece from his hospital bed might be forgotten. "It was one of those nights when there were plenty of chances and I just remember thinking, 'I wish I was playing'." He surely will be soon.

The Shaman Of Our Football

His Grace Arsene, the shaman of our football- The superlative Arsene Wenger has scarily made Arsenal even better post Thierry Henry
By Russell Brand

Six or seven games in we are able to ascertain the flavour of the season, we have savoured the first giddy sips and can now assess whether this shall be a vintage year. It'll be some time till we rinse away the spectacular taste of that swoonsome, dark rascal Jose Mourinho, probably we'll dispatch into the spittoon far sooner the bitter tang of Martin Jol, the poor sod, like a cuckolded father putting a brave face on for his bewildered kids, while Daniel Levy capers around Europe in a push-up bra with his knickers showing.

Fernando Torres is reckoned to be the new Ian Rush by Steven Gerrard and the arrival of the cartoonishly pretty Spaniard does seem significant. His input could ensure a realistic challenge from Merseyside for the first time in a decade-and-a-half and who but the blue faction of that city would begrudge them?

There is much to ponder in this richly evolving drama but my attention is drawn currently to Arsène Wenger, whose beautiful, more "royal" than ever, Arsenal visit Upton Park tomorrow. Last season West Ham bested the Gunners twice, a feat that is unlikely to be repeated as Arsenal appear to have several teams playing with a grace, confidence and joy that is almost transcendental.

Given the concern that many expressed pre-season about post-Henry Arsenal this is a surprising and exciting development and one that can only really be attributed to Wenger, who to me seems to be vibrating above the frequency typically associated with our national game. I consider him a mystic, a shaman, an alchemist, speaking from somewhere far behind his inky eyes, issuing spiritual sermons on the game's decline and our obligation to nurture English talent.

"English football's responsibility is to continue raising quality without losing its soul," he says, talking of foreign money and bare terraces as potential symbols of an atheistic erosion of our holy essence. Ten years ago Wenger came over here, taking our jobs, recruited a clutch of Gallics and Latinos and picked up the double with the insouciance of a gent collecting a baguette and an espresso. The debate continues to this day as to whether the influx of foreign talent has harmed our national team; I feel that if the game is elevated and standards raised that will ultimately be positive across all strata and few would dispute the contribution made by "the professor" unless they are actual racists or Spurs fans.

Now that Wenger has expressed concern about the development of young English players it does seem more serious. But aside from his new ecclesiastical role he has no duty to anyone other than the fans and board of Arsenal and that doesn't run to positive discrimination in favour of Anglo Saxons.

He spoke of fans as "the keepers of the game" which is a further nod to the civic, if not sacred nature of the sport, which makes me query the new directive to referees to regard with renewed positivity "hard to call" offside decisions, the reasoning being that "a dodgy goal is preferable to a dodgy offside". Is that an edict with which most fans would concur? Obviously that would be contingent on whether it was scored or conceded.

For me the relative scarcity of goals, perhaps the factor that has prevented football enchanting America, enhances their sanctity. Gary Lineker and his sexy, brown legs would never put the ball in the net in a pre-match kick-about so as not to tarnish the magic of that rarely achieved objective and in midweek I saw, in a match against Real Zaragoza, that paragon of the footballer as divine, Thierry Henry, on sighting a raised flag, curtail his magisterial canter towards goal with the despondence of a man abruptly woken from a beautiful dream.

It was as if, in that moment, meaning itself had been suspended, the ball with trickling inertia departed from its master, who himself was left to wonder, when would come his first goal in La Liga. Amidst the swirl of the scandals the rumours, the ignoble chatter and limitless tainted money something chaste and sacred remains and it belongs to us, the fans and cannot be bought, sold or branded. Wenger is aware of this, which is why one can over look the paucity of Englishmen in his side; he could field a team of ravens and be closer to the games essence than most, and I hope, for West Ham's sake, that tomorrow he does.

Guardian column

Healthy Respect

The Hammers have won the last two matches at Upton Park, against Middlesbrough in the Premier League and Plymouth in the Carling Cup, while Arsenal are looking for their fifth straight win to keep their two point lead at the top of the table. The Gunners are unbeaten in 17 matches in all competitions, since they lost to West Ham at the Emirates in April. Alan Curbishley is gearing up for the clash buoyed by the fact the Irons did the double over Arsenal last season, but also in the belief that Arsene Wenger's side are a very different prospect this campaign.

"There were so many games where they did great but missed chances," he said. "This year they look a lot more direct. They have changed things around, not so much in the way they attack getting into the box, but they have been more forceful in front of goal. Perhaps they have looked at some criticisms of them and done more about it. They've got a different make up to their team. The average age of the Arsenal side that played against Newcastle in the Carling Cup was about 20 or 21. They're a young team and they're growing together. We've not seen enough of them yet this season to see what their weaknesses are. We'll have to see as the season progresses because it's a long old season. No one here is going into the game thinking (Arsenal) are invincible. What sums up football is what Plymouth did to us on Wednesday. They came and gave us a really good game."

West Ham captain Lucas Neill is playing the innocent when asked if strong-arm tactics, as displayed against Arsenal by his old side Blackburn over the seasons, might be in order to stop the Premier League leaders at Upton Park. Neill was in the Blackburn line-up castigated by Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger for kicking his men off the park in the 2005 FA Cup semi-final, but the Hammers skipper insists he has tempered his outlook. "You have to approach it in the right manner and try to play with a tempo," he said. "We have to close them down. If we give them time (on the ball) they will absolutely ruin us. So, yes, we have to be up in their faces. But I'd call it a West Ham working performance. I wouldn't call it the Blackburn way." Neill had the satisfaction of winning for West Ham at the Emirates last season. "We beat them 1-0, although if it had been a boxing match, we'd have had to throw the towel in," he admitted. "We ground it out and stuck together. But you always know against Arsenal you can have them for 89 minutes, then they only need one flash of brilliance from one of any number of their players and that's it."

At least West Ham have the benefit of Arsenal old boy Freddie Ljungberg's knowledge about his old team to help them this time. West Ham boss Alan Curbishley said: "Arsene Wenger didn't want to let Freddie go, but Freddie wanted a new challenge. We've had a chat with him about one or two things, we're aware of some of the things we might try and about what Arsenal like to do. But we need a passionate start and see where it takes us. Players always enjoy taking on their old clubs and Freddie will be no different. Lucas Neill added: "Ljungberg has been giving his team-mates an extra gee-up in training as he is so desperate to beat his former club. Freddie has made sure everyone has been having a good week in training. He’s been useful because he’s been able to tell us about Arsenal’s movement."

Both managers have a healthy respect for the players they will face this weekend. Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas has started the season in blistering form and Curbishley is well aware of the threat he will pose. "Over the last year he's come to the fore for Arsenal and he has become a major force," said the Hammers boss. "For someone so young he shows maturity beyond his years. We're aware of the things he can do." Meanwhile, Arsene Wenger admits to being a long term fan of Dean Ashton - and he sees no reason why the West Ham striker cannot do a job for England. Steve McClaren has something of a selection poser in attack for the forthcoming Euro 2008 qualifiers against Estonia and Russia, with Michael Owen and Emile Heskey currently sidelined by injury. Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney is now fit following his broken metatarsal and is expected to come straight back into the side, but just who plays alongside him is open to debate. Liverpool frontman Peter Crouch, Andy Johnson, Jermain Defoe, Darren Bent and Ashton - now back among the goals for the Hammers - are all likely to be on McClaren's mind. Ashton, 23, had been set to make his full England debut against Greece in August 2006, only to break an ankle training with the national side and miss the best part of a year.

The powerfully-built striker maintains he is "ready for England" - and Wenger, who takes his table-toppers to West Ham tomorrow, believes it would be on merit. "When he was at Crewe, they played against us in the FA Youth Cup and he was outstanding," he recalled. "I tried to get him here, but they had an agreement with Liverpool. Ashton is an intelligent player and uses his body well and is good in the air. We were looking at the time for someone who could give us something a bit different and help us play slightly more direct if needed, and we felt he could develop into that sort of player. After, he went to Norwich and that was a surprise because suddenly he would not join us." Wenger added: "In my opinion, yes [he can play for England]. Certainly he will be involved now because you have Owen and Heskey out. The problem for Dean Ashton was he was injured for a long time. He showed a lot of character to come back. I would not be surprised to see Steve McClaren in the stand tomorrow."

On the team news front, Scott Parker has recovered from his knee injury and is in contention for a place in the squad after playing in the Hammers' Carling Cup win over Plymouth in midweek. Craig Bellamy is back in training after his groin injury and Freddie Ljungberg could be up against up against his former club. In fact, with many members of the West Ham United squad returning to full fitness, there are a few selection issues to ponder. "Freddie is fit, Scott Parker too and Craig Bellamy is back in full training so I've got a bit of thinking to do," admitted Curbishley. "Apart from that, Bobby Zamora is out as he has just had a knee injury and we are still without Julien Faubert and Kieron Dyer, who are long terms injuries. Calum Davenport is recovering from his calf injury and Nigel Quashie has been out since the Spurs game with a injured foot but both are back in training." Arsenal midfielder Alexander Hleb faces a late fitness test, while Tomas Rosicky (hamstring), William Gallas (groin), Jens Lehmann (elbow) and Alex Song (calf) are all ruled out.

Last five meetings in the Premier League:

07/04/2007 Arsenal 0 West Ham United 1 (Zamora, 45)
05/11/2007 West Ham United 1 (Harewood, 89) Arsenal 0
01/02/2006 Arsenal 2 (Henry, 45, Pires, 89) West Ham United 3 (Reo-Coker, 25, Zamora, 32, Etherington, 80)
24/09/2005 West Ham United 0 Arsenal 0
21/09/2003 Arsenal 3 (Henry, 14pen, 71, 86) West Ham United 1 (Defoe, 40)

I Smell Garlic

West Ham United and Arsenal have played out many memorable games, especially at Upton Park, where our recent record against the Gunners has been pretty good. Here is a flashback to one of the most eventful clashes of the last few years, from early October 1999. The Hammers were inspired to victory by two goals and a brilliant performance from Paolo Di Canio, but the game was largely overshadowed by the infamous 'spitting' incident that followed an angry confrontation between Neil Ruddock and Patrick Vieira.

Di Canio dons a two-goal disguise
By Martin Thorpe

West Ham United 2 Arsenal 1 (October 02, 1999)

A cursory analysis of this game will paint two-goal Paolo Di Canio as the hero of West Ham's victory while Arsenal's Patrick Vieira, sent off and facing allegations of spitting, will be cast as the bad guy. If only life were that simple.

Di Canio, not for the first time, was also a villain. And let us not forget either the man in black. Mike Reid fell for two apparent dives by Di Canio which resulted in Vieira receiving the fourth red card of his Arsenal career. He also missed a handball in the build-up to West Ham's first goal, yet managed to spot enough other offences to see Marc Vivien Foe sent off in injury-time for a second caution and 10 yellow cards issued in total.

As for Vieira, having picked up his fifth yellow card and first sending-off this season, he now faces the possibility of further punishment after allegedly spitting in the face of West Ham's Neil Ruddock following his red card.

"He is the lowest of the low," Ruddock said of the Frenchman afterwards. "I like him as a player but not as a man. He deserves a long ban." One can only hope the fourth official or video replay also picked up the pious Ruddock's body-charge into the angry Frenchman seconds earlier.

The after-match verbal confrontation continued to reflect the bad feeling of the game itself when the Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger said of West Ham's Italian striker: "It was cheating by Di Canio. He had a great game but I was very frustrated by his behaviour. He dived for Vieira's first yellow card and again for the sending-off, so Patrick was very upset."

And to think that the game was billed as the first Premiership meeting between two old friends, Davor Suker and Igor Stimac. However, the more minutes that ticked by, the greater the animosity grew between two teams at different points on the aspirational scale.

So what about the football? Arsenal began in control of the game, with Suker and Dennis Bergkamp going close. West Ham were restricted to long shots until the half-hour, when they went ahead.

A great run by Di Canio past about five challenges ended with the ball squirting out to Trevor Sinclair on the right of the area. As David Seaman, back from injury, blocked the threat, the ball ballooned up and Sinclair appeared to control it with his outstretched hand. The ensuing cross was half-hit by Paulo Wanchope and Di Canio stabbed it home.

Arsenal threw away their early caution and went for the equaliser, playing three forwards for much of the second half. Three times Suker went close and so did Bergkamp before having a "goal" disallowed for a debatable offside.

West Ham were working hard to minimise the threat posed by the north Londoners while waiting for the chance to attack on the break. Sinclair shot wastefully wide on one such occasion, then Silvinho's saving tackle denied Di Canio.

But on 72 minutes the Italian produced another piece of magic to extend West Ham's lead, lifting the ball past Martin Keown with his left foot and firing majestically past Seaman with his right.

Four minutes later Arsenal pulled a goal back when Steve Lomas's marshmallow defensive header fell straight to Suker, who this time found the net. But, although the visitors piled forward in ever greater numbers, it was West Ham who went closest to scoring again, Di Canio outwitting Tony Adams and firing in a shot which Seaman turned brilliantly over the bar.

West Ham United: Shaka Hislop- Steve Potts, Neil Ruddock, Igor Stimac- Steve Lomas, Trevor Sinclair, Marc Vivien Foe, John Moncur (Javier Margas 87), Frank Lampard- Paolo Di Canio, Paulo Wanchope (Paul Kitson 80)

Unused: Craig Forrest, Marc Keller, Michael Carrick

New Challenges

Sir Trevor Brooking believes Dean Ashton is ready to solve England's striking problems for the crucial Euro qualifiers. Steve McClaren faces a major selection dilemma for the games against Estonia and Russia after Emile Heskey and Michael Owen were ruled out of the must-win clashes on October 13th and 17th. The FA's Director of Football Development has today warned the striker to make sure he is ready if England come calling.

West Ham’s uncapped striker, 23, missed all last season through injury after suffering a broken ankle on the eve of his first cap against Greece in August 2006. He has finally regained full fitness and many believe could be in the squad to face Estonia and Russia next month after netting three goals in three games. Brooking sees no reason why Ashton cannot reproduce the form which made him one of the hottest properties in the English game. "Dean has been out for over a year," he said. "We all know he has ability. He has just to work on that match fitness, do it consistently and get that sharpness back to get the spring and the confidence. You have to be sure Dean is fully fit and raring to go."

Hammers legend Brooking is convinced the injuries to Owen and Heskey could open the door for Ashton to gain his first full England cap. "There is going to be a lot of debate about who should play and who should not for England next time," he stated. "England manager Steve McClaren, though, is the one to say who should be in - and I am sure you will have about eight different strikers put forward. Probably last time, Emile was not high on many people’s suggested list, but Steve came up with him and showed a lot of courage. The disappointment of somebody means an opportunity for somebody else. Hopefully any player picked will respond if they are given the chance. Everyone is aware when you go into the England side you have to perform."

A West Ham player will less lofty immediate ambitions is Scott Parker. The midfielder enjoyed his first appearance for the Hammers at Upton Park on Wednesday night as the team progressed through to the fourth round of the Carling Cup with a 1-0 win over Plymouth. "I'm pleased to be back after being out a long time with my knee," he said. "It was nice to be involved and get a win; that was the most crucial thing. It was always going to be a tough, competitive match, playing against lower league opposition. You've got nothing to gain, as such. You're expected to win and they come and give everything they've got. It turned out that way and a late strike from Deano put us through, which was pleasing."

Speaking about his own progress since recovering from the knee injury he suffered during the Hammers' pre-season friendly against Lazio in Austria, Parker said: "I'm feeling alright. I'm probably still a little bit away from where I want to be but you only get that from playing games. You can train as much as you can but I think the main thing coming out of last night was coming through the game without any reaction to my knee. That was the most pleasing thing. Hopefully now I can push on a bit, gain a bit more confidence in my knee and the way I play and we'll go from there."

Parker remains hopeful of being involved in tomorrow's game against league leaders, Arsenal. "I haven't spoken to the manager yet," he admitted. "I think I'll probably be involved in one way or another, but I don't know whether I'll play or whether I'll be on the bench. I'll leave that decision to the manager. Obviously, Saturday's game comes quite quickly but it's down to the manager. Whenever you play Arsenal it's always a tough game and Saturday certainly won't be any different. They're on fire and it's going to be a tough but we're in good form ourselves and we'd like to put up a good show. Hopefully we'll get a result."

Freddie Ljungberg is another player looking forward to the visit of Arsenal. He faces the Gunners for the first time since quitting them to join West Ham - and believes his former side have recaptured some of the belief they had during his glorious nine years at the club. "When I had success with Arsenal they played with great belief and confidence - and you can see that with this team," said the 30-year-old, who hopes to start after fighting his way back from injury. "There was a great team spirit throughout the club and respect for the manager. They have some brilliant young players who play together and for each other. It will feel a little strange when I play against Arsenal but I'm with a new team now and I have a new challenge."

Pilates And Preparation

With West Ham United's recent injuries, new head of physiotherapy George Cooper has been a busy man. In a detailed interview in tonight's Citizen, he explains how the physio's role has changed since the days of the 'magic sponge', and gives the latest on the recovery of Julien Faubert...

The image of footballers as sporting hard men might have softened somewhat since the 1970s and 80s, but nevertheless the concept of West Ham's tough, 6ft-something stars lining up eagerly for their Pilates session comes as a bit of a surprise. "Pilates is a massive thing we do here," explains Cooper. "It's optional but the majority of the players do it. We screen them and see who needs what and if they're a good candidate for it. I've easily got a third of them up to speed where they just do it on their own."

Cooper joined the club in the summer from Charlton and is a trained Pilates instructor. He says the exercise programme, which helps build core stability through stretching and muscle control, is a big part of injury prevention at the club. "It used to be the old bucket and sponge and a spray and get on with it," he said of the physio's role. "There's a lot more science behind it now and physiotherapists are encouraged to sports science as well. Basically now if you can prevent injuries, that's what you want to do. Obviously there are some injuries - like Kieron Dyer fracturing his leg - that you can't do anything about and then we repair as well."

Cooper who describes himself as a "failed footballer" after a stint at Chelsea as a schoolboy, is head of a medical team of four, including two other physios and two masseurs, who also work closely with club's two sports scientists. It is their job to maintain players fitness and nurse them back to health when something goes wrong. While newspaper reports often obsess about scans used to ascertain the seriousness of an injury, Cooper said Scott Parker's recent knee problem perfectly demonstrates the way things are really done. "Scans that are done within 48 hours often cloud the issue," he said. "You have to wait for the knee to settle down and the bleeding to stop, so scans are only used really in conjunction with what you find clinically. Within those two or three days you'll already have a very good idea of what the problem is. Then you'll go into the scanner to confirm what you've found. After that, depending on the problem, you put a protocol together and the whole team sits down, this is what you can massage, this is what you can't, this is what you can work on, this is what you can't'. It's different for every single injury. If you had a cruciate ligament for one player, his protocol would be different to the others."

He added: "Every one of us would have worked on a player that's out for more more than a week and we'd have got them back together. Parker played the other day and it's taken a lot of work. I take a lot of pride in the team here." Cooper started his career at Arsenal's academy in 1997 while in the third year of his physiotherapy degree. He went on to work at Nottingham Forest, Crystal Palace and most recently Charlton, completing a Masters in sports science along the way. His ambition was always to work at a top London club and he said: "I consider West Ham a very top London club."

But it's not just the kudos and the medicine that made him work for a career in professional football. Players gravitate to the physio's room as the place where the banter happens. "We've had some fantastic times in the physio rooms, real hilarious stories," he said. "I couldn't tell you most of them. But discussions about an issue with Big Brother or which popstar is better than that one, religion or anything like that get heated and it just rolls and rolls and in the end it gets personal. It's just funny though. None of it is nasty. Everyone brings up good points and as people walk in they join in the argument and there's a big a divide in the room and it's great. There's a topic of the day and bang they're off. West Ham is like a home from home and it's exactly that which made me want to stay in football."

The first time George Cooper ran on to the pitch for West Ham, was the day Julien Faubert ruptured his achilles. "It was a big blow," said Cooper. "He played about 18 minutes in a friendly and that was it. But he looked fantastic in that 18 minutes."

Faubert, who pulled up in a summer friendly against Czech side Sigma Olomouc, is currently completing the first stage of his rehabilitation at a centre in the south of France. "He'd just moved to the club so he didn't speak a great deal of English. He had a surgeon in France that had worked on his thigh before and he'd done rehab there before, so we sent him back," explained Cooper. "We've kept in constant contact and he's flown back two or three times to watch games. When he's ready he'll come back here. We'll assess him every morning and see what level of function he has and he'll go out with the sports scientists. Then we'll assess him again, and again the next morning until he's fully fit." Cooper added: "It was only the third time I'd seen a ruptured achilles. I heard it snap and he was sitting there without any distress and I thought, don't be so melodramatic, it can't be a rupture, but it was."

Reflections On Plymouth

Following victories over both Bristol Rovers and Plymouth Argyle, Alan Curbishley is desperately hoping that Saturday's fourth round draw can bring yet more Carling Cup cheer to Upton Park. While some of his Premier League counterparts may not have the competition chalked down as 'Top Priority', it is certainly a tournament that the Hammers' boss is approaching with an air of deadly seriousness. A Premiership side will win the Carling Cup so we've got to give it our best shot," insisted Curbishley after seeing Dean Ashton's venomous 92nd-minute volley eliminate the Pilgrims at Upton Park.

Curbishley continued: "Certainly, we've shown our intentions by putting out strong sides against both Bristol Rovers and against Plymouth. We had five or six players who needed a game but, no matter how much you train, it's still not the same as playing an actual match and it got tough out there. It was always going to be a difficult cup tie - just as Manchester United and Aston Villa have found out against Coventry City and Leicester City - and I was trying to tell everyone beforehand that Plymouth would make it a very awkward match for us. Scott Parker hasn't played for eight weeks and he had to feel his way into the tie but that's three games under his belt now and we need him back. I also wanted to give the likes of Richard Wright, Freddie Ljungberg, Luis Boa Morte, Danny Gabbidon and James Collins a game but, in all fairness, even though I made six changes, it was still a strong side and a strong bench, too. I had no doubts about the team that I picked because I knew it was good enough to win the game but Plymouth came here with other ideas! They made the first-half really difficult for us and they showed that they're a very well organised and settled side. They'll be going home feeling really upset that they lost it in the last minute but that's cup football."

Although there was strong competition for places in most areas of the park, it appears Curbishley had little option but to play Ashton who may otherwise have been rested. "After playing up at Newcastle United on Sunday, I asked Dean Ashton about facing Plymouth and he said that he wanted to play," revealed Curbishley. "Bobby Zamora has had an operation to wash out his knee and it'll take about three or four weeks until he's ready, while Henri Camara was cup-tied and I just couldn't risk Craig Bellamy ahead of the Arsenal game even though he was itching to play. I went with Deano and Carlton Cole again. I think that we all talk too much about playing three games in a week because I reckon that some of that's in the mind and, anyway, if the game had gone to extra-time then we would've just got on with that, too. All along, though, I could see that Deano was getting stronger and stronger as the tie wore on and I was hoping that, if we did get a chance in normal time, it would fall to him, because I knew that there was a good chance that he'd finish it. I was also pleased for our substitute Kyel Reid who came on and supplied the cross for Deano to produce such a great volley. We haven't put any pressure on Dean Ashton and, although we've been criticised in some quarters for the way we've taken our time in using him so far, we just had to get it right. The work that he put in before pre-season has seen him get through the summer and thanks to that effort, he's now being repaid in both games and goals."

Curbishley refused to be drawn on any talk of an international call-up for his in-form striker. "I'm not even thinking about him going off with England. I'm just happy that Dean Ashton's playing for West Ham United and, hopefully, we can now get him and Craig Bellamy playing together, starting against Arsenal at the weekend." Certainly, Saturday is a key date for the Hammers as they discover their Carling Cup fourth round opponents, ahead of that testing derby against the Premier League pace-setters. "We're hoping for a decent draw and if we can also get through the next round, then, who knows what could happen from there?" concluded the West Ham manager before heading off to plot how he can shoot down Arsene Wenger's high-flying Gunners. "I've got a bit of thinking to do about the side to face Arsenal because we were very disappointed with the result at Newcastle. The defending up at St James's Park was poor and I let them know all about that on Sunday and Monday. Arsenal have got a fantastic squad and they've made a great start to the season, too, so it's going to be a 'proper' match. There will be a fantastic atmosphere at Upton Park and I'm sure that everyone is looking forward to it. Arsene Wenger will come and play their game, so let's just wait and see what happens."

One player whose performance may have gone largely unnoticed last night is Richard Wright. The former Arsenal and Ipswich stopper made his home debut last night and was pleased to keep a clean sheet. "It was nice to play at Upton Park," he said. "It's been a long time since the start of the season and I'm glad that it's come around now. I kept a clean sheet and we got a win in the Cup as well. You know it's always going to be difficult when you're playing lower league teams. They came and shut up shop, they put us under a bit of pressure as well. It was a bit of a relief for everyone, once we scored the goal at the end, to make sure we went through. It was a great goal. Reidy came off the bench and did really well and put in a great cross. Deano finished it really well and we're pleased we kept clean sheet as well. Hopefully we can build on that and take that into the Premier League as well." The 28-year-old is looking forward to Saturday's fourth round draw, regardless of who the Hammers are paired against. "At this stage of the competition all the better teams are still in there," he said. "If we want to progress in this tournament it doesn't matter who we play we have to go out with the same attitude and if we have to grind out a result against a lower league team or get a result against a top team then that will hopefully be the case."

Teams in the draw for the fourth round of the Carling Cup: Arsenal; Blackburn Rovers; Blackpool; Bolton Wanderers; Cardiff City; Chelsea; Coventry City; Everton; Leicester City; Liverpool; Luton Town; Manchester City; Portsmouth; Sheffield United; Tottenham Hotspur; West Ham United

Sealing A Deal For Foquinha?

West Ham United are interested in Brazilian teenager Kerlon Moura Souza according to various reports this morning. The Mirror claims the 19-year-old, who currently stars for Cruzeiro, wants to come to Europe and Torino, Real Betis and Espanyol are all said to be keeping tabs on the £5million rated striker. The Hammers hope the South America connections that brought Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano to Upton Park will put them in pole position. The Mail states that the Hammers believe they have beaten Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal to the punch for the teen sensation and have not been put off South American signings after the debacle surrounding the deals which bought the Argentinians to the east End at the start of last season.





Kerlon, of course, is no longer one of Brazil's best kept secrets. Thanks to the blanket coverage of the World Youth Championships, his championing by several respected columnists and the proliferation of footage on YouTube, the boy nicknamed Foquinha (Little Seal) for his ability to dribble the ball on his forehead has become a much discussed name among the footballing fraternity.

West Ham United 1 Plymouth Argyle 0

Ashton Breaks The Deadlock by Andy Martin

Dean Ashton's stoppage-time winner sent West Ham into the fourth round of the Carling Cup at the expense of Plymouth. The match looked to be heading into extra time as the Championship side held out for 91 minutes in the face of almost constant pressure... Guardian

Ashton Stunner Sinks Argyle by Nick Szczepanik

Dean Ashton produced a spectacular volleyed goal in injury time at Upton Park last night to send West Ham United into the fourth round of the League Cup for the first time in seven seasons. So often the victims of clubs from lower divisions in knockout competitions... Times

Dean Ashton Applies Killer Touch For West Ham by Stewart Jackson

Dean Ashton scored in stoppage time to save West Ham's blushes last night, a right-footed strike claiming victory and his third goal in as many games. Alan Curbishley was true to his word and fielded a strong side — he spoke this week of the Carling Cup being a viable route back into European football... Telegraph

Ashton Stunner nicks It late On by Ian Gibb

Dean Ashton's stunning shot in the second minute of injury time gave West Ham victory and brought relief to Upton Park. The striker, who has made it clear he hopes to be part of England's plans for their Euro 2008 games next month, latched on to a long cross from substitute Kyal Reid and swept his drive into the corner of the net from outside the penalty area... Mail

Halting The Pilgrims' Progress

Better to be despised for too anxious apprehensions than ruined by too confident a security.
John Bunyan

Alan Curbishley is looking ahead to tonight's tie against Plymouth and is sticking by his early season pledge to take the Carling Cup as seriously as possible. The West Ham manager sent out an experienced side in the previous round, which saw Bristol Rovers beaten 2-1 thanks to two Craig Bellamy strikes. Although the loss of Kieron Dyer to a broken leg that night meant victory came at a high cost, Curbishley made it clear he would continue to use a majority of first-choice players in a competition he believes his side can win.

"I did say after the Bristol Rovers game how disappointed I was after what happened to Kieron but we are in these competitions and we have got to attack them," said Curbishley. "Every now and then a team from outside the top four gets to the final so if you are a team like that then that is what you should be looking to do. We have injuries here but we have got enough to attack it." Although eager for the Hammers to continue to progress in the Carling Cup, Curbishley is anticipating a tricky tie against the Pilgrims at Upton Park. "I know Ian quite well. He is someone who can lift a club when he goes in there. He did a terrific job at QPR and Plymouth have the opportunity to be a big club with their fan base. They always threaten to get in and around those play-off places and I'm sure that will be their aim this season. Plymouth are a steady side and they will bring a lot of fans so the atmosphere should be good. It's game on for us. Plymouth can come and enjoy it somewhat but we have had them watched and we know we will have a game on our hands."

On turning his thoughts to team selection, Curbishley stated: "Our new signings Nobby Solano and Henri Camara are cup-tied but we're hoping Scott Parker will be back. With Craig Bellamy, we have to see. He wants to give it a go but we'll have to see if we decide to risk it tomorrow or wait for Arsenal." The Hammers are acutely aware there will be little respite before the Premier League leaders visit on Saturday. "If Craig doesn't make it we have only two recognised senior strikers. We could bring in youngsters if we wanted to but I can also play Freddie Ljungberg or Luis Boa Morte up there. We can cope."

When questioned about another absentee striker, Curbishley admitted there is growing concern over Bobby Zamora's lingering knee injury. It still remains unclear when the former Spurs front-man will be able to resume a season that was put on hold following the 2-1 victory at Bristol Rovers in the previous round at the end of August. "We started the season with Zamora and Bellamy and on Sunday it was Ashton and Carlton Cole. It's just the way things go," said Curbishley. "Since the Bristol Rovers game Bobby's knee keeps swelling up. It's not the same problem he was struggling with last season but we have tried one or two things and it hasn't quite happened so we will have to re-assess that now." Elsewhere, Richard Wright will take over from Robert Green in goal with the former Everton and Arsenal man having made his debut at Bristol Rovers but then being dropped back to the bench. Also, Wales defender Danny Gabbidon is likely to make only his second start of the season, having been used for just four minutes of Premier League action so far this term.

Provisional squad: Wright, Green, Neill, Ferdinand, Upson, Gabbidon, McCartney, Bowyer, Mullins, Noble, Etherington, Ashton, Cole, Pantsil, Collins, Spector, Ljungberg, Parker, Boa Morte, Davenport, Reid, Bellamy.

East London Gone Posh

There is an interesting piece in The Times in which Martin Samuel argues West Ham United and Chelsea are actually natural rivals in London's football firmament...

A full house watched Arsenal defeat Sevilla last week. Tuesday’s Carling Cup tie against Newcastle United is also a 60,000 sell-out. Yet Chelsea drew just 24,975 for their opening Champions League match with Rosenborg. The quality of the opposition had something to do with it, as did recent results, but there is a simpler explanation, that Roman Abramovich has overlooked. For all the talk of worldwide domination, Chelsea are not a big club. Its traditional rival in London is not Arsenal or even Tottenham Hotspur: it is West Ham United.

The north London clubs are twinned geographically but also in terms of size and history. Arsenal is bigger and more successful, but Tottenham was the first team to win the Double, have won three European trophies to Arsenal’s two and until the new millennium, were ahead on the number of FA Cup victories, too. Tottenham’s desperation to break into the elite group is driven by the knowledge of its potential, if successful. At heart, it belongs.

Chelsea were always bigger than the neighbours, Fulham, just as West Ham’s mutual animosity with Millwall is weakened by spending just 20 of 87 years in the same division. So traditionally, despite being at opposite ends of London, Chelsea and West Ham pair off, too. Attendances are often similar and while Chelsea won the League in 1955 and West Ham never came close, until the last ten years, West Ham had won as many European trophies as Chelsea and had paraded the FA Cup three times to Chelsea’s one. And it is the habits of decades, not a few great years that dictates the size of a football club.

It will take Chelsea a quarter of a century at least to get what Arsenal has now; regardless of success, or the quality of football. Managers might get the blame but Chelsea’s problem, deep down, is that they are still little more than east London gone posh.

Icky Thump

And if I'm wasting my time
then nothing could be better
than hanging on the line
and waiting for an honest word forever

The media speculation machine is running red hot today and I'm not talking about the dubious Meg White sex tape furore that seems to be sweeping the internet at the moment. According to several newspapers Michael Owen's latest injury setback means Steve McClaren is likely to take a close look at Dean Ashton for England's crucial Euro 2008 qualifiers against Estonia and Russia next month. Ashton has taken more than a year to recover from a broken ankle but has now scored two goals in two games for his club, including a superb volley during Sunday's 3-1 defeat at Newcastle. "It's down to Steve McClaren who he picks but obviously I'd be delighted to be selected," said Ashton. "I feel I'm ready for an England call-up. It would be lovely to finally realise my dream of winning a first England cap, but I just have to be patient and I will be working as hard as possible for West Ham and, hopefully, it will come some time. I wouldn’t be playing if I wasn’t ready for an England call-up. I have been ready for a long time."

The player broke his ankle 13 months ago while training with England before the friendly match against Greece, robbing him of an international debut, but, more significantly, causing him to miss the entire season. His comeback has been gruelling, but two goals in his past two appearances for West Ham have boosted confidence. "What kept me going over the last year was just the thought of playing again and being able to go out and enjoy my football, so I’m really pleased that I’m back doing that," he said. "I feel very good. I'm glad I got 90 minutes under my belt and I was glad to get a goal but, above all, I want my team to do well and I'd like to think that my progression will help us climb the table."

During his rehabilitation Ashton was treated by John Green, a physiotherapist who has also worked with Owen, and he watched a lot of games. "I worked on every aspect of my physique with John Green but I also watched a lot of football, other teams as well as West Ham, and learnt a lot by looking at things from the outside. Being an onlooker taught me a lot," he said. "I feel I've a better understanding of football, a better feel for it. Getting the chance to watch other teams was good for me. It's massively exciting to be back, though; I really appreciate every minute I play now and I'd like to think I can help West Ham progress up the table. I'm feeling very good at the moment. I feel I'm 100% fit and that I can last the games really well. As for sharpness, I am improving day by day. It was a long, long time to be out, so it does take a long time to get all that back, but I am getting very close."

Physically imposing, the Hammers striker is in the mould of the traditional centre-forward and is pleased to see his breed apparently coming back into fashion. According to The Times, the recuperation of Ashton- a player who boasts a similar bulky physique to Heskey and could replicate the qualities of the Wigan Athletic player- represents a small glimmer of hope for the national team. "I thought Emile Heskey was outstanding for England against Israel and Russia. It was great for him to be recalled and he responded with two excellent performances so hopefully that shows there is room for a big guy up front," said Ashton.

Elsewhere, Kieron Dyer has revealed that he has been given a huge lift by the support he has received from his team-mates and the Hammers faithful as he recovers from his own injury nightmare. The midfielder suffered the injury against Bristol Rovers in the Carling Cup last month on just his third appearance for West Ham United. The England international is expected to be out for six months and Dyer is aiming to be back in the West Ham team 'sooner rather than later'. "I have been passed so many messages that the fans have been sending in," Dyer said. "Nearly every member of the squad came to see me and a lot of the staff as well. That was brilliant and really gave me a lift, considering I have only been at Upton Park a short space of time. I have been trying to stay as positive as I can. The physios and my specialist were really pleased with how the operation went and said there is no reason why I shouldn't make a full recovery. I'm focusing on that for now and getting some rest before I begin my rehab shortly. They don't give exact timescales with this type of injury because some people heal a lot quicker than others. Also, there can be complications when you have screws put in, so you have to play it by ear really. But I am just staying positive and focusing on being back and playing for West Ham sooner rather than later."

Are You Avram A laugh?

Eyal Berkovic, arguably Israeli football's most successful export to Britain, has has aimed a verbal kick to the head at Avram Grant, the new Chelsea manager, suggesting he "should be ashamed to walk the streets" and arguing he made Israelis more unpopular. Berkovic, who played for five Premiership clubs, and Celtic, admitted Grant's appointment was a milestone for Israeli football and believed he would be successful, but added: "He will be always remembered as the man who pushed away Jose Mourinho."

Writing on ONE, an Israeli website, Berkovic said: "To be honest, if there are people who hate Israelis now they hate us more because of Avram. I think the way that Grant got his job was disgusting. As a human being I would be ashamed to walk on the streets after the things Avram has done. Avram undermined Chelsea's greatest manager. The one all Chelsea fans admired with craziness and probably the most charismatic man in the football world today. And don't tell me it is not Avram Grant who did it."

The former Southampton, West Ham, Manchester City, Blackburn and Portsmouth midfielder, whose 82-cap international career was ended by Grant while he was Israel coach, added: "Way to go, Grant. You made it. There is no need to be a great manager in order to become successful with a team like Chelsea. You have got money, good players and everything you want. All you have to be is a good psychologist and you are very good at it. I have the feeling Grant will be successful but there is one problem, though. He became hated in the United Kingdom and will be always remembered as the man who pushed away Jose Mourinho. As for Chelsea players I can understand their feelings and thoughts right now. This is far from being a professional act, and it's really hard to understand."

Newcastle United 3 West Ham United 1

Vibrant Viduka Pays Dividends by Louise Taylor

The stricken local bank, Northern Rock, used Newcastle's advertising hoardings to persistently flash up the message "Rock Steady" yesterday. If financial analysts might disagree with that most brazen assertion, it was difficult to argue with those cynics who have labelled Michael Owen Tyneside's "Northern Crock"... The Guardian

Newcastle Roll On After Own Hits the Rocks by George Caulkin

The T-shirts sported by Newcastle United’s players before kick-off were emblazoned with a supportive message for a local bank that has famously undergone difficulties recently - and Sam Allardyce hopes that it will also prove a prophecy for his team... The Times

Owen Concern Takes Edge Off Newcastle's Joy by Michael Walker

Michael Owen will have a scan today to discover whether he requires surgery to correct his stubborn groin injury, a development that will concern the England manager, Steve McClaren, as much as Newcastle's Sam Allardyce... The Independent

Newcastle's Michael Own Faces Operation by Rob Stewart

Newcastle manager Sam Allardyce last night admitted for the first time he was worried that Michael Owen would need surgery to tackle a groin problem that is jeopardising his chances of leading England's attack in next month's Euro 2008 qualifiers... The Telegraph

Viduka Double Sinks Luckless Hammers

Mark Viduka announced his arrival on Tyneside with a first-half double as Newcastle saw off West Ham in a tight encounter. The Australian got his side off to the perfect start with a second-minute bullet header, and then converted Charles N'Zogbia's cross four minutes before half-time... Daily Mail

Onward Christian Soldier

In the recent roll-call of Newcastle bad boys, Craig Bellamy and Lee Bowyer would figure quite highly. They return to St James' Park tomorrow as major figures in West Ham's bid to land a third successive away win in the Premier League. Alan Curbishley backed his judgment in splashing £7.5million on controversial Welshman Bellamy, but he had no worries about finding Bowyer already at the club, having nurtured him since he was a 12-year-old at Charlton. "Craig reminds me of Paolo Di Canio," said Curbishley. "When Paolo came to Charlton from West Ham, the thing that riled him more than any other was being unprofessional and people not training properly. That's like Bellamy — he trains like a trouper and expects everyone else to follow. And now he's at West Ham, he sees himself as the main man, the big fish if you like, and that may help him. He's a better player than I thought and the only problem is trying to stop him getting involved in dropping deep. When you think of Craig, you see him streaking away from the back four."

Bowyer figures highly in the Curbishley managerial story, as the Hammers boss explained: "His transfer to Leeds probably helped build Charlton's East Stand. He was the most expensive teenager in the domestic game when we sold him to Leeds, but when I came here he was trying too hard after leaving Newcastle. I told him to try and relax a bit more, though I can't stop him working as hard as he has always done. He's been such a prolific scorer when we were at Charlton and then when he was at Leeds. He just needed that goal to take the weight off his shoulders. He got it against Wigan and then scored a beauty last week against Middlesbrough."

Elsewhere, Curbishley has been reassured that his own position will not be affected by the recent boardroom reshuffle at the club. Eggert Magnusson stepped aside as executive chairman this week as the club's billionaire owner, Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, pledged to take more of an active role in the running of the club. Despite building a close bond with Magnusson since taking over at Upton park in December last year, Curbishley insists he is unconcerned by the latest movements. "I have been assured that nothing much has changed. It was a bit like a blind date when I started working with Eggert, but we worked hard, and we have a good relationship. He will still be in the directors' box for our matches. I went out to dinner on Thursday with Eggert, he is at Upton Park every day, and we talk every day." Magnusson is likely to be asked to concentrate on longer-term projects, such as the club's proposed move to a new 60,000-seater stadium near West Ham tube station.

Finally, a fond farewell to Christian Dailly. Uber-permed Football Genius joined Championship side Southampton on a one-month loan yesterday, with view to a permanent deal. He is set to make his debut against Barnsley at St Mary's today. George Burley moved for the experienced centre-half after being left short in defence following injuries to Claus Lundekvam and Darren Powell. "I am delighted to bring Christian to the club for an initial month, and we will take it from there," Burley told saintsfc.co.uk. "He will give us just the sort of experience and composure we need at the back right now. Christian is a leader, a good character and enthusiastic. He's played a lot for Scotland and has been at West Ham for many years. He's still fit and still hungry to play so bringing him in will give us a big boost."

Dailly, 33, has barely featured in the United first team since Alan Curbishley took the managerial reigns from Alan Pardew a year ago. He has slipped further down the pecking order at Upton Park since due to the arrivals of Matthew Upson, Lucas Neill and Calum Davenport. Dailly is currently the club's longest serving player, having been a Hammer since moving to Upton Park in a £1.75m switch from Blackburn (as a replacement for Leeds-bound Rio Ferdinand) in January 2001.

Randy Stags

Chelsea too small for these randy stags- Just what exactly went wrong between Jose Mourinho and Roman Abramovich
By Russell Brand

Jetlagged and delirious, I'm trying to make sense of the events that adorn the front and back pages of the English newspapers. Jose Mourinho and Chelsea have parted company "by mutual consent" due to a "breakdown in their relationship". This doesn't seem to me to be the typical language of the boardroom but the brittle nomenclature of damaged emotions. When I recall the numerous occasions on which I've been, in my case deservedly, sacked, my incensed employers seldom said things like "It's not you - it's me" or "I just feel we should spend some time apart". It was usually "Get out you thief" or "You smell of gin".

I'm not suggesting that Mourinho and Roman Abramovich were having a big, saucy, gay love affair that has ended in recrimination and unfulfilled potential but the fact that it would be impossible to allocate who would be passive and who the aggressor in such a tryst is perhaps central to this saga. Whilst I acknowledge that most homosexuals chuckle at the antiquated, heterosexual assumption that gay relationships have a "man" and "wife" dynamic, partnerships the world over are defined by status, and the inability of these powerful men to find professional harmony, to me, resembles two randy stags, nostrils flared, bristling, with angry erections locking horns over which one is going to bite on a branch and be Bambi's mummy.

Ultimately Chelsea are Abramovich's club and there could be only one winner but as a result we, the English nation, the Premier League and the media, have lost an intriguing and charismatic figure.

Like most people I became aware of Mourinho when he darted down the touchline arms aloft in that coat, at Old Trafford, having engineered Porto's victory over United. "What a twit," I remember thinking. The fact that the coat became independently famous is a testimony to the unique place he attained in the firmament of top-flight bosses. What other garments have secured such cachet? Brian Clough's green sweatshirt? Arsène Wenger's specs? Fergie's gum? Unless Roy Keane starts turning up to matches in cowboy boots it'll be a while until personal style makes such an impression from the dugout.

His departure is significant enough to prompt comment from figures as diverse as Gordon Brown and my mum - "He made a huge impact in such a short time" and "That dishy manager" respectively. Neither of them cared when Alan Pardew left West Ham.

We can glean from this momentous event several things: Abramovich will be satisfied with nothing less than immediate success in Europe, he wants attractive football and he wants to stick his oar in whenever he fancies and put his mates in the team. One of the difficulties is that most of the great footballing dynasties have achieved success with practical, as opposed to flamboyant, football. Milan, Juventus and recent Real Madrid sides have prioritised winning over all else whereas teams like Barcelona or Arsenal always have moments of vulnerability and but two European Cup wins between them.

Personally, I'm sad about it. I've mentioned in this column before that Mourinho's presence at Chelsea prevented me from harbouring the hatred expected of a West Ham fan for our rivals across the capital because he provoked in me a kind of neutered lust. I enjoyed his aloof, snooty, manipulative interviews and eccentric outbursts; calling dear Wenger a voyeur and Frank Rijkaard a pervert. What about when he fled from police with his unquarantined lapdog? That's berserk, I can't imagine any other manager embarking on such a daft quest.

Sam Allardyce would not try to sneak his cat into a disco, David Moyes would never ride a cow to work and Alex Ferguson wouldn't squabble with cider tycoons over the ownership of a gee-gee. Actually he would because he too is a genius in the business of football management and in exchange for that bedazzling gift we'll tolerate his refusal to talk to the BBC, his hurling of boots at national treasures and his insistence on absolute authority at his club. But Abramovich wouldn't tolerate that, which is why when Chelsea visit Sir Alex's Manchester United tomorrow it'll be under the stewardship of Avram Grant, of whom I know little but suspect if Abramovich demanded his yacht play in goal and his wife on the wing would offer little resistance.

Like many a spurned lover before him Mourinho said he was going to take time off to unwind and wait for the phone to ring. I don't imagine he'll have long to wait till he gets optimistic tinklings from north and possibly east London and whatever he chooses to do I don't suppose it'll be long before he's back at the Bridge with a new paramour and then I suspect it'll be Abramovich who ends up heartbroken.

Guardian column

Get Curbs

It's a three hour train ride from London's King Cross to Newcastle's 'craphole', but it's 3,000 light years from home...

Craig Bellamy, Lee Bowyer, Nolberto Solano and Scott Parker will have extra reason for wanting a place in West Ham United's squad against Newcastle United at St James' Park on Sunday. The quartet, along with injured Kieron Dyer, have all swapped black and white for claret and blue in recent times and would love nothing more than helping West Ham to take another three points in what has been a tremendous start to the new campaign. Bellamy, 28, made 93 league appearances for Newcastle, scoring 27 goals between June 2001 and 2005, while Bowyer struck six goals in 79 league outings in three seasons from July 2003.

Solano and Parker are both yet to make their West Ham debuts with the former only arriving just before the transfer window shut and the latter just back to fitness after a pre-season knee injury. Former club captain Parker was involved in 55 fixtures, with four goals, after moving to the north east in June 2005. Solano had two spells at Newcastle, with a total of 230 league appearances, and 37 goals. "I am looking forward to going back to Newcastle, if I have the opportunity to play," said Solano. "I will be professional because I am a West Ham United player now. Hopefully our good form can continue because the team is trying to finish well. It's going to be strange. If I am in the squad it will be my first game with the team and it will be against my old team. I have to take it in a professional way and I have nothing whatsoever against Newcastle. I have a fantastic relationship with the fans, a great relationship with the people there. Football is like that, you never know when that will happen. I'm a West Ham United player and I'm looking forward to doing my best here."

Alan Curbishley is especially hopeful his Welsh striker will be fit to make the trip to Tyneside. Bellamy has been suffering with a tight groin in recent weeks and had to come off in the first half of the Hammers' 3-0 win over Middlesbrough. "The problem, as we understand it, is that he has been wearing orthotics in his boot to correct discomfort he's felt in certain areas," explained Curbishley. "It has cleared up the problem he had, but created another. We thought it might be a hernia but it's just that the mouldings have put more pressure on certain parts of his body that before. It's just something we'll have to work through. In pre-season he, Scott Parker and Julien Faubert set the tone for our training. He trains like a Trojan and he expects everyone else to do the same." It was also revealed that Anton Ferdinand and Danny Gabbidon are back in training and in contention for a place in the squad after suffering a respective knee injury and illness.

Despite conflicting reports concerning his fitness, England striker Michael Owen is included in the Newcastle squad for Sunday's clash after overcoming a groin problem. The 27-year-old is included, and could once again line up alongside Mark Viduka, who has recovered from a hamstring strain. Joey Barton (fractured metatarsal) and Emre (knee) are back in training but not yet available, and Jose Enrique is yet to gain full match fitness, while Peter Ramage (knee), Damien Duff (ankle), Stephen Carr and Celestine Babayaro (both hamstring) are still out.

Finally, for all those travelling up for the game this weekend here is a little something to set you on your way.

England Rumours Make Me Laugh!

Here is the latest entry from Dean Ashton's online diary. I've reprinted it here to save people having to register for the site.

England rumours make me laugh!
By Dean Ashton

It was such a special feeling to finally score again. It had been a long time. It's great to finally get a reward and see some return for all the hard work I have done over the past year. I know strikers are always classed on their goals and I am no different, it's just nice to get off the mark.

For some strikers getting that first goal of the season can hang over you. But it's not like that for me – just to be back playing is good. I knew the goals would come. But in other peoples' eyes I think it shows that I still know where the goal is.

Not only is it a welcome return to the scoresheet, it's the whole package - the fans singing, celebrating with your team-mates, all of that - I've Missed it. My team-mates were all there for me when I was injured and they've seen what it's been like for me, so I am glad that they were there to see me score. There's been no mention of a biscuit bonus yet, but I'm still eating them the night before a game. I'll always stick to that – it's just one of those things that has stuck. Maybe I'll get one at the end of the season!

As for my targets, they haven’t changed since before I got injured. I always want to better the season before, in terms of goals, games and performances and of course getting myself back into the England squad.

In the ankle itself, there's not really been any feeling since I've been playing again. It's all to do with my joint, so I still have to manage it a little bit. I went to see the specialist and he was really pleased with my progress, but it's not one of those things that goes away. I'll have to deal with it for a little longer, carry on doing special exercises and training extra hard for example. People won't notice that though, it will be me behind the scenes doing the work.

We're in sixth place going into the weekend and the mood is a lot lighter around the place, especially looking back at last season. When you are winning games things are very rosy and we have made a good start. But we don’t want it to be just that, we want it to continue. Hopefully by Christmas we will be in the same position.

We've still got quite a few players out injured as well. It shows that throughout the side we've got quality players, and youngsters. There are plenty of players to come back and credit must go to those who have come in. It shows that we can take a few injuries and still be good for it.

We've got Newcastle on Sunday, up at St James' Park and now that I've had a taste of getting back into the goals, I want more. It was really nice to get that goal against Boro, but I feel so good now that I want to play every match, improve, and score as many goals as I can. It's an addictive feeling.

It looks like Michael Owen might be out for this one. If that’s true, then it's good news for West Ham. Michael's a world class player. Then again, they do have fantastic forwards in their team, so we're going to have to be on top of our game no matter what.

One final thing – I had to laugh this week when I saw all the stories in the papers about me being on standby for England because of the suit I was sent. That suit was from when I was in the squad before I got injured. At that time they were sorting official suits out for whoever was in the squad. They happened to put me and my measurements down to get my suit done before the ankle break, and it has taken a year to get to me! But the coincidence is that it got sent through at the same time as Emile Heskey got injured.

People have put two and two together and got five. I haven’t got a clue how the papers knew I'd got it either. I just laughed, I can't stop it happening. I know the truth behind it though, and that's that the people who made the suit just had the kindness to send it on…

Taken from Icons.com

Great Expectations

Take nothing on its looks; take everything on evidence. There's no better rule.
Charles Dickens

Alan Curbishley today voiced his concern about the "people who have no history or affiliation" with the Premier League clubs they own and have "unrealistic expectations" of their managers.

In what the Daily Mail is calling "a remarkable outburst that may upset West Ham's Icelandic owners", Curbishley said he was worried about the constant changing of managers and the effect it is having on English football. Curbishley was talking in the wake of Jose Mourinho's departure from Chelsea and the news earlier this week that billionaire Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, who owns more than 90 per cent of the club, is to have a bigger involvement at West Ham, with Eggert Magnusson stepping back to become non-executive chairman.

"It's a fact that people are taking charge of football clubs now with no previous history or affiliation to that club," said Curbishley. "At Aston Villa, for example, Doug Ellis had been there 'forever', as had the Moores family at Liverpool. There was a sense that the the owners were fans first, that they understood the English game. Now we have people in charge of English clubs and it's their first attempt. My worry, and obviously there is a similar situation at West Ham, is that the people who are in charge haven't got that history and that can be a difficult situation. They might react to criticism, they might react to results while perhaps a seasoned campaigner would take things in their stride. This year, the expectation levels for a lot of clubs have become unrealistic. Short-termism seems to be to the fore. The pressure's on everyone and it's all about now." Speaking about the moves in the West Ham boardroom, Curbishley said: "Nothing much has changed. Eggert will still be in the directors' box but BG will have a bigger involvement."

Seasons In The Sun

Here is a flashback to a memorable game at Newcastle in 2000. Harry Redknapp was down to the bare bones and was forced to give debuts to both Michael Carrick and Shaun Byrne. Trevor Sinclair operated as a lone striker, Igor Stimac hit his first ever West Ham goal and the Irons rescued an improbable point from the jaws of defeat. To leaven the joy, iniquitous Irish gobshites Westlife were number one in the charts with I Have A Dream/Seasons In the Sun.

Hammers hand Robson a youthful lesson
By David Hopps

Newcastle United 2 West Ham United 2 (January 03, 2000)

Nikos Dabizas may have had the honour of registering Newcastle United's first goal of the 21st century, but by the end all the attention was being lavished upon the nearest thing football has to a bunch of millennium babies.

West Ham, with 10 senior players injured, fielded three of last season's Youth Cup winning side, with another three staring starry-eyed from the bench. All this talk of a new era of youthful opportunity has clearly had an uplifting effect, for the Hammers scored twice in the last five minutes to steal a point that had seemed beyond them.

Nobody could have complained had Newcastle, with 15 minutes remaining, gone three ahead, when Kevin Gallacher, still without a goal for the club, responded in disbelief as Shaka Hislop turned aside his ferocious drive.

"Shaka has been an unbelievable free transfer," said West Ham's manager Harry Redknapp and as it was Newcastle from whence he came, the reminder was hard to bear.

Newcastle, perhaps crucially, had lost Rob Lee to a thigh injury soon after half-time. His replacement, Jose Antunes, is the sort who cannot make up his mind about his name or allegiance, being known as Fumaca in various other loan deals around the country.

Neither could he decide whether to mark Frank Lampard, who with great deliberation stroked a 25-yard shot wide of Steve Harper and in off the left post.

Newcastle were equally slack for West Ham's equaliser three minutes from time. Joe Cole, who had coped maturely with an unfamiliar role just behind a lone striker, Trevor Sinclair, was fouled 30 yards from goal. From Sinclair's free kick, Igor Stimac was left unmarked to head his first goal for West Ham.

"The kids did great," said Redknapp. "I was going to bring on a 16-year-old - Jermaine Defoe - as well but he's probably got school in the morning."

Talk of all these West Ham youngsters is a particular embarrassment for Newcastle. Successive managers showed disregard for youth development in one of the most fertile breeding grounds in the land and Bobby Robson has been left to address such stupidity. His recovery has been based on sound principles and seemed set to continue when Dabizas shot past Hislop, who was still reeling from Alan Shearer's challenge for Alessandro Pistone's hanging cross.

All thoughts of a West Ham recovery seemed to evaporate by the mid-point of the second half. First Harper dashed across his line to save brilliantly from Marc Keller after Sinclair had outfoxed Pistone. Then Newcastle scored a second. Solano jinked infield from the right and his low cross was met by Gary Speed's perfectly executed volley.

Newcastle, with victory seeming assured, then fell asleep. Well, it's been an exhausting week and only a bunch of teenagers would be too insouciant to realise it.

West Ham United: Shaka Hislop- Steve Potts, Rio Ferdiand, Igor Stimac, Scott Minto- Michael Carrick, Marc Vivien Foe, Frank Lampard, Marc Keller (Shaun Byrne 79), Joe Cole- Trevor Sinclair

Unused: Craig Forrest, Jermain Defoe, Ezomo Iriekpen, Adam Newton

The Fall Of Chairman Egg

Could this be the poster that finally cost Eggert Magnusson his executive status at West Ham United? According to a piece in the Mail, the advert for airline Iceland Air that appeared in Saturday's programme is symptomatic of Magnusson's high profile status in and around the football club. The article quotes insiders as saying 'Chairman Egg' was getting too much credit as the figurehead of a club in which he is only a five per cent shareholder, and suggests that such publicity could well have irked the club's true powerbroker Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson. It is a nice story on the day that Jose Mourinho leaves Chelsea, primarily over a suspected clash of egos, and although it echoes the sentiment of a story that ran in The Sun yesterday there is likely to be little or no truth in it.

In fact, West Ham insisted again today that club chairman Magnusson had not been pushed aside as a result of changes at boardroom level. Magnusson is to step down as executive chairman but is to stay on in a non-executive capacity as a new management team is brought in to support the club's owner, Icelandic businessman Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson. "The fans will still see Eggert in the directors' box and he will remain as non-executive chairman," said club spokesman Mike Lee, who could become a board member under the new plans. "It was felt, though, that the club needed a new corporate structure to take it on to the next level."

Time To Breathe

Here is a translated version of Eggert Magnusson's first interview since the board room reshuffle two days ago. It is taken from Icelandic newspaper Morgunblaðið

I needed time to breathe- Eggert Magnusson quits as managing director but remains chairman.

"I just needed time to breath. A lot has been going on and taking up my time but now I can focus on bringing West Ham into the future," said Eggert Magnusson yesterday.

He reveals Scott Duxbury will now deal with the day-to-day running of the club. "There is no drama in this. We are strengthening the foundation of the club," Magnuson told Morgunblaðið, reiterating that the changes are a natural step for the club and that he will continue as the chairman. Magnusson admits he has been under alot of pressure doing two jobs at the same time. "I never intended to run the club this way, by being a managing director and chairman," he said. "But things turned out this way when I took over from Terry Brown. I had to respond to a surprising situation when Paul Aldridge left. He had been managing director for 10 years. A lot has been going on this year but we decided this was the right time for a change. We have been sailing in troubled water of late. It took time to conclude the Tevez saga. Now that is finished but I must admit it really took its toll on me."

West Ham currently lie in 6th place in the Premiership and seem to be moving in the right direction after fighting relegation for the whole of last season. "I'm first and foremost a football fan and I will follow the team wherever it goes despite these changes. Our next game is against Newcastle and I will, of course, be there with the supporters. It's a massive game for us because not many teams come away with a good result from that ground."

Magnusson says the future vision of West Ham is still in the process of being moulded. "We are set to relocate to a new ground," he stated. "It's clear that the Olympic Stadium is not for us but we have several other options. After having had discussions with Ken Livingston, the Mayor of London, we are now focussing on an area nearby the proposed Olympic Stadium. I think the new West Ham Stadium will fair well there and would be part of a commercial and housing area. There is a lot to do and there is a real optimism in the air at the club."

The Comeback Trail

The Mirror claim Derby midfield ace Giles Barnes is set to sign for West Ham United in January on a loan-back arrangement until the summer. Barnes, nephew of former Hammer Bobby, has been a long-term target for Alan Curbishley. A source close to Upton Park is reported as saying: "Derby will want £5million, with a clause he can spend the rest of the season on loan at Pride Park following the switch." The Mail think manager Billy Davies is resigned to the fact that he will one day have to sell his star midfielder, who was a target for the Hammers and Tottenham in the summer after helping the Rams reach the top flight with a string of eye-catching performances. Barnes is close to a return after injuring a foot in the play-off final against West Brom and Davies is determined to get his prize asset fit and firing before even considering parting company with the youngster.

Elsewhere, Bobby Zamora is ready to hand the Hammers a boost as he should be fit to face Newcastle at the weekend. The striker has been out with a knee injury, but expects to return to replace crocked Craig Bellamy, who has suffered a groin injury. Speaking of Bellamy, you can hear an exclusive interview with the Wales striker in this week's The Game podcast in The Times.


Scott Parker is also on the comeback trail after playing 90 minutes in the reserve team victory over Portsmouth last night. A strong West Ham team containing eight first-team regulars saw of Pompey with Henri Camara scoring both goals in a 2-1 win. The Senegal striker showed great poise and technique to grab his goals and declared himself delighted to be able to play for his new club at last. "I was very pleased just to play, as I joined the club and then had to go away with Senegal which meant that I have not had much time to meet with everyone and be considered for games," he said. "To play in this match was important and very good for me and to get two goals made it even better. There were some good crosses coming into the box and I just tried to get on the end of them. I was very happy to see the goals go in, it was my first match and I hope to carry on and score more." The former Wigan and Wolves forward is settling in well and is currently finding himself a London base to call home. "I like London a lot already and West Ham is a big club that I was only too happy to join. We have a lot of good players and I am looking forward to playing with all of them and helping the club have a good season."

Cogito, Eggo Sum

Eggert Magnusson was elbowed sideways because of increasing concerns about his power base within the club and the trend towards spiralling players’ wages, according to an article in The Sun. The Hammers chairman lost his executive status — and his six-figure salary — in the shock boardroom shake up yesterday. It is reported that the move came after West Ham United spent a fortune offering players such as Craig Bellamy, Lucas Neill and Scott Parker wages topping £60,000 a week. There was also growing alarm at the way Magnusson has been projected as the man in control, even though he only owns five per cent of the club. An insider said: "It wasn’t really Eggert’s fault, but everyone seemed to think he ruled the club and there was no one else in the background."

Naturally, reports in the less fictitious Icelandic media tell a slightly different story. In an interview with Mbl.is, Magnusson revealed Scott Duxbury will take over the day to day running of the club as the next logical step forward, but also that he would remain very much involved in other areas. "When we took over at the club last year it was never my intention of running the club on a daily basis, 24 hours a day," stated Magnusson. "I, however, did this to begin with as it developed that way. There has been a lot happening over the last few months but we think this is the right time to do these changes. In fact, I needed some time to breath. It has been very busy but now I can concentrate on other things regarding the future vision of the club." On Visir.is, Magnusson reiterated: "I'm still the chairman and will see over the big decisions like buying/selling players."

The clear inference is that Magnusson will enjoy a reduction in his daily responsibilities and will be able to devote more time to the broader issues. These include improving the clubs links with the commercial world, developing the global brand and work on a new 60,000-seater ground near to West Ham tube station. The latter has moved a step nearer after club sources confirmed Hammers have been granted exclusive negotiating rights to buy land for the £250million stadium.

An interesting piece in today's Guardian suggests an unexpected beneficiary of Alisher Usmanov's decision to increase his stake in Arsenal to 21% is the billionaire Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, whose bank Landsbanki acted as broker for Usmanov's investment vehicle, Red & White Holdings. Gudmundsson, who owns more than 90% of West Ham, became chairman of what was previously Iceland's national bank in the 1990s, and its London subsidiary is understood to have brokered Usmanov's purchase of an additional 6% of the club's stock for more than £30million. The role played by Landsbanki has prompted speculation that Gudmundsson was instrumental in introducing Usmanov to David Dein, whose 14.6% stake gave the Uzbek his initial foothold in the club. Gudmundsson, who said he is to take a more hands-on role at West Ham, spent several years in Russia after being charged with fraud in Iceland. He founded the Bravo brewery in Russia, later selling it to Heineken for $400million.

Coup de Foudre

Every revolution was first a thought in one man's mind
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Eggert Magnusson is to step down as West Ham's executive chairman, it was announced today. Magnusson will remain as the club's non-executive chairman and the Hammers' Icelandic owner Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson is to take a more hands-on role in the club. Gudmundsson will continue to chair the board of West Ham United Holding, with his close aide Thor Kristjansson as both vice-chairman of the holding company and executive vice-chairman of the club. Scott Duxbury remains chief executive and an expanded executive team will be announced in the near future, with this body directing the overall strategy of the Club.

While an executive team will be appointed to handle the day-to-day running of things, Magnusson will continue to be heavily involved and will keep his own stake in West Ham. The Board has decided that in order to move to the next stage of the Club's development a broader management team must be put in place. The shake-up is intended to take West Ham forward in their plans to break into the top four in the Premier League, and move to a new stadium.

Addressing the changes, Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson said: "I am so proud of what we have achieved since becoming involved with the Club and I am grateful for Eggert Magnusson's contribution to West Ham throughout this time. Of course there have been challenges but we have made real progress and can be confident about the future. It is now vital for our longer term ambitions to become one of the leading clubs in England playing for honours both at home and in Europe that we strengthen the senior team at the Club and build a truly professional management structure for the future."

Eggert Magnusson said the time was right to "stand back a little". Speaking on the official site, he said: "We have worked hard to create stability and optimism sometimes in very difficult and trying circumstances. I think it is now important to broaden the management team so that we can deliver the bright future that is opening up for the Club. I have enjoyed my time as Executive Chairman but feel the moment is right to stand back a little as we move into a new and exciting period."

Although the timing of these developments may come as a surprise to many people, the recent Observer Sport interview with Gudmundsson, in which Eggert Magnusson was presented as a marginalised figure, did appear to presage changes ahead. It is being reported that Mike Lee, the former communications chief of the Premier League, Uefa and the London 2012 Olympic bid, may now be in line for a director’s role after advising Magnusson on PR strategy over the last year. Finally, the club felt the need to reiterate that the changes will have no impact on manager Alan Curbishley and his coaching staff, who will remain in control of all football matters.

The Beast In Me

The beast in me
Is caged by frail and fragile bonds
Restless by day
And by night, rants and rages at the stars
God help, the beast in me

Former West Ham United nutjob Tomas Repka is in the news back in Czech Republic after lashing out at a cameraman upon being sent off during a league game. The Sparta Prague captain, no stranger to seeing red during an oft robust career, was shown his marching orders as his club lost for the first time this season against Teplice on Sunday.

Upon leaving the field Repka aimed an impromptu attack in the direction of a Czech television cameraman; in an incident which has culminated in him being fined 150,000 koruna (£3,800) by his club. Repka in his defence has claimed he was 'under great stress' but whether his pleas will be treated charitably by the Czech football disciplinary commission remains subject to conjecture. In what was a somewhat tempestuous contest Sparta midfielder Martin Abraham was also red carded, and subsequently fined, for verbally abusing the referee and his assistant.

The Jinx

Dean Ashton believes it could be another year before the ankle he seriously injured while on England duty, is 100 per cent again. Ashton, who badly broke the ankle and damaged ligaments in a training ground collision with Chelsea's Shaun Wright-Phillips before Steve McClaren's first match as England coach, also wants his international place back, although next month's European Championship qualifiers will come too soon for the 23-year-old front man. The former Crewe and Norwich striker scored his first Premiership goal for more than 18 months when he netted the third in West Ham's 3-0 win over Middlesbrough and said today: "It's been a long, long time since I scored a Premiership goal so there were a lot of emotions when that one went in. Even though it was only from three yards out, it meant a lot. I just need to play games to improve the sharpness but there is more I can do in terms of the ankle. It's not something which is just going to go away, I need to work for anything up to a year before I see that the ankle is back to where it was. They are only little things but I have to keep working on it. I still see John Green regularly and work with him."

The big striker also revealed that watching video tapes of him scoring before he was injured, kept him going through the long months of recuperation. "I've sat there during those long months out and and watched videos of me scoring," he said. "Sometimes it's the only way to keep yourself going. I've watched the 2006 FA Cup Final against Liverpool where I managed to score and however painful it was to lose, I was really proud of the team and myself in that game. I'll probably keep on watching it." Alan Curbishley, meanwhile, admitted it would have been easy to have put Ashton back into his team before he was ready. "I've been as desperate as everyone else to have Dean back but you can't force the issue," he said. "People wanted to see him back into the team but we knew the worst thing we could have done was to have rushed it. Now he has to keep going."

The only problem for Curbishley following the victory over Middlesbrough, is that he may have to wait a little longer before seeing Ashton and Craig Bellamy develop their striking partnership. The Welsh international limped off after just 26 minutes at Upton Park on Saturday with a groin problem and Curbishley said: "I have £20 million of players out at the moment and now Craig Bellamy may be joining them so I'm pleased we have the points on the board. After the helter skelter of the last few seasons, we need a nice solid season this time around." According to the Mirror, Bellamy's lay-off could be a lengthy one and is just another example of West Ham's injury jinx. Curbishley was hoping to have £7million midfielder Scott Parker back but he has suffered a setback in his recovery from a knee injury while Anton Ferdinand, Kieron Dyer and Julien Faubert are all out. "I've got £20million worth of players out and I may have another one out with Bellamy now," said Curbishley. "I said to Eggert in the summer 'I want a nice solid season this year.' And he said 'yeah, let's get into Europe.' But when you lose players like we have it makes it a bit more difficult. I'm happy to get the win but we must not get carried a way."

West Ham United 3 Middlesbrough 0

Cole Changes Hammers' Hearts by David Lacey

Goals change games and can sometimes change minds. By half-time, after a routine mix of the bright and the banal, West Ham United supporters had clearly got it in for Carlton Cole... The Guardian

Cole Comes In From Cold by Will Buckley

The sun was shining and the Hammers were at home for the first time since a 3-0 victory at Reading. T'were very heaven to be a cultured West Ham fan. The first half, however, was a purgatory that seemed to have no end... The Observer

Ashton On Target by James Wrigley

It would be wrong to put West Ham's apparent revival down to the return of the striker Dean Ashton, who missed the whole of his club's chaotic campaign last season with a broken ankle... The Independent

Ashton Brings House Down by Jim Foulerton

West Ham produced a first home win for their supporters that had at one point seemed highly improbable but which by the end was emphatic. Three goals inside 16 second-half minutes... Independent on Sunday

Ashton Gets Back On Target by John Aizlewood

Forty-five minutes in and a frankly soporific first half had come and gone with two enforced substitutions the main incidents of note. Another 45 minutes and an effervescent West Ham, helmed in midfield by the admirable Mark Noble and led from the front by the rejuvenated Dean Ashton, had crushed Middlesbrough, who were left to rue a plethora of missed chances and continuing confirmation that, like cheap wine and fresh milk, they are poor travellers... Sunday Times

Dean Ashton Raises The Roof by Alyson Rudd

Steve McClaren probably never imagined that he would curse the news that Emile Heskey is injured, but at the same time as England’s unlikely hero was nursing a fractured foot, an obvious replacement was proving a point at Upton Park... The Times

Eager Dean Ashton Back On Goal Trail by Andrew Warshaw

West Ham fans will be the first to admit that their team too often flatter to deceive and lack consistency. A second straight 3-0 win, propelling them into the top six, would tend to discount that but Alan Curbishley is taking nothing for granted... Sunday Telegraph

Dean Ashton Is Worth The Wait by Mark Ogden

He has assumed near mythical status in east London during a long injury absence, so waves of relief rolled around Upton Park as Dean Ashton completed West Ham's 16-minute, three-goal match-winning whirlwind against a shellshocked Middlesbrough... The Telegraph

The Greatest Ever

Bobby Moore has been voted England's best ever footballer in a three month-long nationwide survey conducted this summer by leading five-a-side organiser Pitch Invasion. Votes were received from football fans across the country, and the 1966 World Cup winning captain was joined in the top three by team mates Gordon Banks and Bobby Charlton, who were voted second and third respectively.

Of the current England players, only former captain David Beckham who finished seventh in the poll and present captain John Terry who finished ninth, made the top ten. Craig Davies, Pitch Invasion General Manager, said: "According to our survey, the ultimate England five-a-side team would be Banks in goal, Moore in defence, Bobby Charlton and Paul Gascoigne in midfield, and Gary Lineker up front providing the goals.

"Even though it was a long time ago, the achievements of the 1966 World Cup team are held in very high regard, with Moore, Banks and Charlton as its iconic players. Gary Lineker scored 10 goals at two World Cups, and Gazza is one of the most exciting and skilful English players to ever played the game." In the survey a total of 67 England players were selected, with players from the pre-66 World Cup era, such as Harry Gregg, Billy Wright, Duncan Edwards, Stanley Matthews and Not Lofthouse included. The newest England cap to be voted for was Aaron Lennon.

The full list of 67 includes 8 of the 1966 World Cup winning team: Gordon Banks, Bobby Moore, Jackie Charlton, George Cohen, Nobby Stiles, Alan Ball, Martin Peters and Geoff Hurst.

1 Bobby Moore
2 Gordon Banks
3 Sir Bobby Charlton
4 Gary Lineker
5 Paul Gascgoine
6 Peter Shilton
7 David Beckham
8 Alan Shearer
9 John Terry
10 Geoff Hurst
11 Steven Gerrard
12 Tony Adams
13 Bryan Robson
14 Wayne Rooney
15 David Seaman
16 Stuart Pearce and Michael Owen
18 Alan Ball
19 Terry Butcher
20 Jimmy Greaves

Barnes Still A Target

It's an easy Sunday morning gossip round-up this week with just one story making the papers. The People claim West Ham United expect to sign Derby County whizkid Giles Barnes in January after agreeing a £7.5million fee. The Rams are reportedly resigned to losing midfielder Barnes, 19, with the Hammers in the driving seat after agreeing on the eve of last month's transfer deadline to cough up £5.5million with a further £2million depending on appearances. The move was shelved at the last minute because of doubts over the short term fitness of the player following an ankle injury. Tottenham are also intrested but have not come close to the fee Derby County want. It has become quite common for struggling and newly promoted Premiership clubs to opt to cash in on their main assets in the January window. By that time, any pre-season thoughts of survival have often dissipated and club boards begin to make early plans for a inevitable return to the Championship. A case in point was last season when Watford agreed to sell Ashley Young to West Ham, only for the player to choose Aston Villa instead.

Repent At Leisure

Only slightly less startling than the McCann family's approach to West Ham's former PR adviser this week has been Formula One's audaciously cosmetic blitz against espionage. Phil Hall, the former News of the World editor, was last seen sailing through the rocky waters of the West Ham takeover and the Carlos Tevez affair. The possibility of his subsequent involvement in handling the media fall-out from the disappearance of a four-year-old child says something about modern life too deep for a sports column to contemplate. So begins today's Paul Hayward column in the Daily Mail; the latest attempt by the paper to ligate the football club to the aphotic ills of the world.

Hall is probably more surprised than all of us, notes Hayward. Both "stories" — one heart-piercing, one utterly trivial — demonstrate that there is no corner of existence where the "message" is not fretted over or shaped. By an eerie coincidence, it was the £5million fine levied against West Ham for lying about Tevez that may have given the FIA their template for imposing a photogenic financial penalty while allowing the beneficiaries of the skulduggery to keep playing. Tevez kept West Ham up, Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso drive on — even though the FIA's explosive revelations yesterday showed Alonso to be aware of the collusion.


Repent, for the kingdom of Steve is at hand
By Russell Brand

The one thing that could perhaps redeem the column I wrote seven, vast days ago; immense days, days with the limitless, intimidating scale of the expansive Kansas plains that I've been crossing this past week is that, at its close, having spent 800 words fear-mongering, I did offer, with rare perspicacity, the sentence: "I reserve the right to flood these pages with hyperbole if England win both matches." Well England did win both matches but hyperbole is not what I'm going to offer, no, I think more appropriate would be contrition.

I feel contrite at having referred to the team's key player in those games, Emile Heskey, as a "confidence junky". So what if strong, committed, unselfish, skilful, Emile sometimes requires what Ron Atkinson (note: this stereotyping refers to pre-racist Ron, when he was just a bejewelled vending machine for cliches) would doubtless describe as "an arm round him" once in a while.

I think that's rather lovely. In this age where the modern footballer is regarded as a brash millionaire floozies-harvester, players like Emile, and indeed Shaun Wright-Phillips, occasionally suffer from self-doubt and need assurance from their manager if they are to perform to their potential. Unhelpful then to reduce Heskey to a man who uses esteem like a drug and sees his coach as the pusher, hence "confidence junky". Sorry.

Also in my doom-laden scribbling I conjectured with grisly portent that Steven Gerrard would end up in a wheelchair as a result of fierce Mossad attacks or assaults from ex-KGB but, I now accept, he seems to be fine. Again, I'm sorry.

Then dear, triumphant, indefatigable Steve McClaren or "McLazarus", as I dubbed him due to his tendency to resurrect dead or at least departed players, a tendency which I now realise marks him out as brave and willing to take risks rather than being a victim to the whims of an all too fickle press, of which I must now stand as the worst example. Also "McLazarus" doesn't quite work because the biblical character Lazarus, upon whom my cruel, cheap pun was based, was resurrected by Christ and did not resurrect anyone himself, so I've offended theologians as well as the great tactician McClaren.

I've had scores of complaints from theologians but I'm less concerned about insulting a group who have forgiveness as one of their core tenets than I am noble McClaren who is as wise and gracious as Christ. I'm so very sorry.

I did also say that Alexi Lalas looks like a live action version of the Scooby Doo character Shaggy. I stand by that. Thank God I didn't have time to express my ill-informed views on Michael Owen who I would've probably dismissed as "finished" or "a bastard" but would now like to celebrate as a great servant of the game who will doubtless surpass Bobby Charlton's 49 goals during the qualifying phase of this tournament, a tournament that last week I revealed grave doubts that we'd be attending beyond this formative stage but now firmly believe we'll win.

Furthermore I cast aspersions on Owen's assertion that Wembley would become a fortress, claiming it was as impenetrable as Nancy Spungen's jugular. I was writing the piece in the Chelsea Hotel and it seemed a fitting simile as it was there that Sid Vicious for once lived up to his name and murdered her. The line was cut from the published article on grounds of taste - I only wish the censor's pen had removed the relentless, pulsating pessimism which seeped through the column staining the page the way Nancy's blood did the tarnished floorboards of my hotel room.

Tentatively, let me say this: West Ham were tumbling towards the championship last season with such fervour and pace that one could be forgiven for thinking that the players were sexually aroused by the prospect of poor stadiums, then I went to Hawaii to work and they immediately became a squad of well drilled, committed heroes winning eight of their last nine fixtures.

When I left the country 10 days ago England were playing like a bunch of berks and McClaren picked his sides like a homeless drunk shuffling bags in a trolley. He is now indispensable and Gareth Barry is the new Bryan Robson. I said if England won both games I'd campaign for the manager to be knighted; I now demand that Her Majesty kicks Phil right out of the royal sex-pit and instates Steve as her lover and the new King of England. I'd also like her to sit beside him on the bench and squeeze his thigh and coo when things go well.

Well done England and sorry for last week's column. Prudently, I've read this week's column back and I've written nothing that could offend anyone, what a relief. Finally, huge congratulations to our dear brothers north of the border. I should probably stay in America for football's sake.

Guardian column

Rakes On A Plane

The international break is usually quite dull as far as domestic matters are concerned so it was quite exciting to read that one of our players was involved in a 'fight' on the flight back from a European Championship qualifier in Iceland. The Belfast Telegraph reports that the incident involving Keith Gillespie and George McCartney happened on the plane as the Northern Ireland party were preparing to fly home from Reykjavik following last night's 2-1 defeat to Iceland. In astonishing scenes, eye witnesses told the paper that the players became involved in a flare-up to the amazement of fellow passengers on the Iceland Air flight from Reykjavik to Heathrow. It is understood that the row was over a passport.

The witness said: "Initially, Keith Gillespie and George McCartney had words and then punches were thrown. It was amazing. David Healy, Warren Feeney and Steve Davis did a great job in separating them but it was still an unsavoury incident." The Irish FA admitted that an incident had taken place. In a statement, the association said: "An incident occurred today between team members of the senior Northern Ireland squad of which the president (Raymond Kennedy) and chief executive (Howard Wells) are aware of. Both the president and the chief executive will investigate the situation and take appropriate action. There will be no further comment at this stage."

Sheffield United star Gillespie is the most experienced Northern Ireland player in the squad while West Ham's McCartney has only just returned to the international squad after refusing to play for the team when previous manager Lawrie Sanchez was in charge. Later reports subsequently exonerated the West Ham defender from any blame. It is claimed that Gillispie boarded the plane drunk and within seconds lashed out at McCartney landing a number of punches to the player's face and body. Gillespie slept for the rest of the flight home and was said to be dishevelled and disorientated when the plane landed three hours later. Gillespie, of course, has a history of drunken and violent behaviour. He was once famously floored by Alan Shearer in a fight during his days at Newcastle United.

Elsewhere, Alan Curbishley has welcomed back all the West Ham players who have been away on international duty. "I think they've all come through fine, we've had no calls to say otherwise," said the manager. "The Welsh boys don't land until five o'clock tonight so we'll see them tomorrow. In some respects you fear the international break a bit, but all our players have come through it well. It wouldn't be such a bad idea if we played on the Sunday after internationals, rather than the Saturday, but I'm sure a few traditionalists would have something to say about that! We've had Jonathan Spector playing in Chicago, Nolberto Solano out in Bolivia and Lucas Neill playing in Australia. To then come back and play on Saturday is a big ask. The break has given other players an opportunity to regain fitness and focus on training. Dean Ashton has played two reserve games since Reading, Scott Parker has had 80 minutes for the reserves and Freddie Ljungberg is back in full training, so we're clearing up a bit. Craig had a great night with Wales. He desperately wanted to play for them after missing out on Saturday. He wants to play all the time. We were going to rest him for the Bristol Rovers game but he wanted to play. He is always raring to go."

John Toshack has hailed Craig Bellamy's performance against Slovakia. "Normally, there are 22 football players on a field battling it out but tonight there was 21 and one player who gave an unbelievable individual performance," said Toshack. "Bellamy was scintillating this evening. It's a long time since I have seen an individual display and one player influence a result like he did." Bellamy scored twice for Wales, set up two other goals and was unlucky not to get a hat trick, with another effort hitting the post.

The Boy's A Bit Special

Mark Noble is interviewed in 'The Boy's A Bit Special' feature in this month's FourFourTwo magazine...


Mark Noble, West Ham United
Born: London, 8/5/87
Position: Central Midfield

Nickname - Everyone calls me Nobes, they always have done. Some people don't even know my first name.

Club supported as a boy - West Ham. I'm from Canning Town, so naturally all my family are mental West Ham fans. I used to go and watch them with my dad when I was a kid.

Strengths - Passing and tackling. I used to try a few more skills when I broke into the team but I've developed into a holding midfielder these days. I reckon it's my best position now.

Weaknesses - I treat everything as a weakness and work on making it stronger.

I play a bit like - Steven Gerrard or Paul Scholes. They're the guys I've always looked up to.

Highlights - I'm only 20 but I've had a few highlights already. I played 20 minutes in the FA Cup Final but to stay up last season when no one thought we could was amazing.

Lowlights - losing the FA Cup at the last gasp was horrible and that Tottenham game when we lost 4-3 was really shattering, too. But the worse part of my career so far has been having to cope with injury and not being selected in the team. I hate to miss out.

Toughest opponent - Paul Scholes. He's been there and done it all, so inventive and hard to tie down. It's great to test yourself against guys like him.

Best player played with - Last season Carlos Tevez was amazing.

Biggest influence - Teddy Sheringham has always been there with advice. I count him as a friend - though I stay out of his card schools. My dad was another big factor in my progress. He's been there from the moment I first kicked a ball.

Best advice given - I made my debut, played a couple of games then the manager said he was going to rest me. I was a bit down but Chris Powell came over and said to me, "No matter where you are, you always need to be ready". The next game someone got injured and I came on after three minutes. If I'd been sulking I might not have been ready without his advice.

Biggest practical joker - Has to be Bobby Zamora

Latest car - I've got a Rimini red Range Rover Sport with a cream interior.

Flicks - Scarface or Rocky III

Chicks - Kelly Brook

TV programmes - I watch Prison Break but I'm not that big a fan of telly. If I do watch it's usually live sport: golf, tennis, motor racing.

If you hadn't been a footballer... - Oh, Jesus. I'd have probably ended up working with my dad's mates. I don't even like to think about that!

Tell us something we don't know - There's things I don't even know about myself.

With my first pay packet I bought... - A Compaq laptop. I wanted something I could take away, watch DVDs and connect to the internet.

If I could play alongside any player... - It would be Steven Gerrard, he has so much ability and drive.

School report - They weren't bad but me and school just didn't get on.

Describe yourself in five words - Confident, enthusiastic, streetwise, funny. Can I have good-looking?

If I could have one superpower... - To pull any woman. Is that a superpower?

Most embarrassing moment - When West Ham got promoted we were stood up on the balcony at the stadium getting cheered by thousands of fans. As I held up the trophy, one of the boys pulled down my shorts.

In five years time... - I want to break into the senior squad for England and push for Europe with West Ham. That, and stay healthy.

Beaten By Bohemia

Never mind Israel, I've been beaten by Bohemia
Russell Brand

I am writing this at the Chelsea Hotel in New York, where Arthur Miller wrote The View From The Bridge, where Sid Vicious killed Nancy Spungen and where Leonard Cohen received "head on an unmade bed" from Janis Joplin. As is the case with most hotels trading on history, it's a bloody dump.

When I phoned reception in the dead of night to ask for water, water, I was told: "There's a deli across the street." In Maslow's hierarchy of needs water is right there with shelter and excretion at the pyramid's foundation; they may as well dispense with the toilet and the building; they could just have a bellhop stood in the street charging you $200 a night for crapping in the gutter and snuggling up with Oscar the Grouch. Comprised neatly in this scenario is the perennial issue of the romantic versus the pragmatic - you don't stay at the Chelsea for room service, you stay because you're renting a little counter-cultural history for the night.

Today England face Israel at fortress Wembley, God help us. A draw against Brazil, defeat against Germany - it's not exactly impenetrable. Steven Gerrard has his own romance v pragmatism choice to make - does he play with a fractured toe, knowing his significance and skill are vital to Blighty, or does he heed the advice of his club and convalesce?

It seems that Stevie will play, which worries me for a couple of reasons. I hope no one treads on his foot in the game of football he is playing against Israel's national football team on a football pitch. Also it is difficult not to be concerned about the state of our squad when sickbeds have to be trundled to stadiums like wheelbarrows and tipped on to the field so we can scrabble together 11 men.

In addition to Steve McClaren's grave-robbing selection policy - this week Emile Heskey, next week Dixie Dean - it leaves me thinking that not qualifying is a realistic possibility. Romantically, I think, "No, England shall qualify, 'tis our destiny. None shall pass." But bloody hell it don't look good. Rio Ferdinand said that not qualifying is "unthinkable" but that just sounds like Chris Eubank describing the Titanic. It is thinkable, too bloody thinkable, I'm thinking about it right now in Yanksville, Americee, where in '94 a World Cup took place in which there was nobody speaking proper English and Alexi Lalas was just a Hanna-Barbera flesh sketch, a living Shaggy, not yet the manager of another resurrected Mc-Lazarus selection.

It's awful when England don't qualify; I'd rather watch every woman I've ever loved drunkenly fellating handsome idiots at a bus depot than sit through another USA '94. Actually the bus depot thing could be quite sexy, inducing a masturbatory experience that flits between jealousy and intense excitement, where one cries, despite oneself, during the act of onanism. I believe it's popularly known as a "cr-ank". But I'll be damned if I'm going to crank my way through Euro 2008. I'm older now and more dignified.

How are we to avoid this phantom of a nation lost in sexual flagellation - which would be an awful, Catholic, Marvin Gaye anthem: "In this situation I need, sexual flagellation, get up, get up, get up, let's cry-wank tonight"? It'll never catch on, so how do we avoid it? Where do we look for salvation? Dear, hobbling Stevie Gerrard? Confidence junky Emile Heskey? Joe Cole? Possibly, but he's not starting for Chelsea and I don't think he's ever recovered from Glenn Roeder's barmy decision to make him put on two stone - why did he do it? He might as well've bulked up Darcy Bussell or Harry Potter.

I don't know if I'll be able to watch the qualifying matches as I'm all caught up making a documentary about Jack Kerouac and On The Road for the BBC and I've got more chance of discovering the essence of being that the Beats quested after than a telly showing soccer-ball - even in the Beckham era.

Good luck England. I reserve the right to flood these pages with hyperbole if we beat Israel and Russia, and begin a campaign for McClaren's knighthood. Such is the nature of football. Now for a spot of breakfast at the Chelsea, which will most likely be a lampshade smeared in peanut butter, by me with a room key. No wonder Sid killed Nancy - he was probably hungry and had a delirious vision of her as a hamburger. Arthur Miller was probably bored into writing that play and I bet Leonard and Janis's bed was unmade when they arrived.

Guardian column

Personal Demons

West Ham wide boy Matthew Etherington last night admitted he "hit rock bottom" because of his much publicised gambling addictions. The winger spent a week in the renowned Sporting Chance clinic undergoing treatment for his gambling habit last season and blew tens of thousands of pounds on horses, greyhounds and in card schools - and even owned up that he could not remember the last day when he did not have a bet. Etherington, 26, was left in total despair as his gambling addiction spiralled out of control at the end of 2006 writes John Cross in today's Mirror. While the majority of the Hammers' stars were driving round in Baby Bentleys and enjoying all the trappings of being Premier League stars, Etherington was in a VW Golf fearing that his Upton Park career was over.

Alan Curbishley was forced to impose a gambling ban on his first-team squad as keeper Roy Carroll also went into rehab, while high stakes late-night card schools ripped team spirit apart. Teddy Sheringham, viewed as a key disruptive influence, was increasingly marginalised to the periphery of team affairs. Curbishley was so desperate to break up the dressing room culture that he inherited that he attempted to sell Etherington in January and the ex-Tottenham winger also nearly left this summer with a reported strong interest from Derby County. But Etherington has gone a long way to earning a reprieve from Curbishley, fighting his way back from the brink of disaster to reclaim full fitness, form and a place into the first team- culminating with the two-goal display in Saturday's win at Reading. "I did hit rock bottom last season and it was probably a reflection on my form," confessed Etherington. "I didn't play anywhere near my best. I realise that and I am sure a lot of other people realise that. I let myself down and I realise that. I hold my hands up, but I dealt with it and all that's behind me now and I'm looking forward. I've made a great step forward. You have got to maintain that and keep on the right side of it. I am more than over that, more than happy in my life now. I wasn't happy last year but I moving on and hopefully will keep taking the right steps."


Etherington is convinced that the experiences of last season, as well as pulling things together to beat the drop on the final day of the campaign, will serve as a personal and collective wake-up call. "I suppose you get a time in your career where things don't go right for you and last year was one of those years. This season is a new season, a new start for me and I've started off well. Hopefully I can move on to even bigger and better things. I've had a very good pre-season. I knew I'd have a lot of competition for my place and I've just worked really hard, kept my head down and hopefully I can keep up this form and push on. I know I have the ability and I've just got to try to maintain it and not take things for granted." Last season, states Cross, West Ham was a viper's nest full of egos, poor discipline and under-performing players. "How we got out of what we did last season I don't know," muses Etherington. "It was unbelievable. Our run at the end of the season was title-winning form. This year is a matter of doing it week-in, week-out and we know we can do it because we've got a lot of quality now. If we do, then we should finish in the top half of the table."

Speaking about players with personal problems Inter Milan striker Adriano, whose £125,000-a-week wage demands priced him out of a move to Manchester City and West Ham United, has been accused of spending his money on a playboy lifestyle. According to an article in the Mail, Brazilian Adriano has informed West Ham that he would reconsider a loan move to the Premier League in January. Yet Alan Curbishley may be more than perturbed to hear reports from Italy that claim the striker has been dropped from Inter's Champions League squad, with his poor form blamed on his party lifestyle. Adriano is alleged to be spending £28,000 a week living in the suite of a five-star Milan hotel, despite having a home on the outskirts of the city, and partying. His drinking has already cost him club fines and suspensions for missing training. Adriano has admitted having a booze problem. He is quoted in the paper as saying: "I like going to nightclubs and discos and try to get rid of my problems through alcohol." Sounds like he could fit right in.

Another player with time on his hands is Kieron Dyer. He is back at home in Ipswich recovering from surgery and is trying to remain positive and focused. Speaking on the official site, Dyer said: "I've been trying to stay as positive as I can. The physios and the specialist were really pleased with how the operation went and said there is no reason why I shouldn't make a full recovery. I am just focusing on that for now and getting some rest before I hopefully beginning my rehab and treatment some time next week. They don't really give exact time scales with this type of injury because some people heal a lot quicker than others and there can be complications when you have screws put in so you just have to play it by ear really, but as I said I am staying positive and just focusing on being back and playing for West Ham sooner rather than later."

Dyer was touched by the support he received from his team-mates and fans during his stay in hospital. "Nearly every single member of the squad came to see me and a lot of the staff as well, which was brilliant and really gave me a lift considering I have only been at the Club a short space of time," he said. "I was passed a lot of the messages that the fans have been sending in as well saying how gutted they all are for me and wishing me well which really meant a lot to me too. I knew straight away that I had broken both bones which is why my hand went straight up into the air and as I hit the floor my leg was just wobbling from side to side so I knew it was a break as opposed to anything else. It actually wasn't as painful as it probably looked to other people as my body went into shock so that was a blessing in disguise in a way, but I knew I would be out for several months which was just devastating really."

A lot has been written already, questioning whether Dyer will indeed return from this injury and be the same sort of player again but he is quick to assure people he still has a long career ahead of him. "That is definitely not the case and I am determined to prove those people wrong. As I said before, the doctors were delighted with how the operation went and if there are any consolations to this, they did explain to me that the best place to break your leg is in the middle of the shin because there are usually more complications when it is closer to the ankle, like what happened to Dean Ashton, but my break has happened in a much safer place. If you look at a player like Djibril Cisse, who used to play for Liverpool, he had exactly the same injury as me and he has obviously come back and made a full recovery, which holds me in good stead as I plan to do exactly the same and be back playing for West Ham and England."

Finally, Darren Bent has quashed suggestions he rejected a summer move to West Ham in order to avoid working under Alan Curbishley again. The Hammers agreed a deal with Charlton for the striker's services, although the 23-year-old opted for a move to White Hart Lane. It had been claimed Bent rejected West Ham as he did not fancy renewing his acquaintance with Curbishley, although that theory has been steadfastly denied. "That's a load of rubbish," Bent told Sky Sports News. "I don't know where that's come from because I didn't speak to anyone about my situation until a couple of weeks ago. It was nothing to do with Curbs. He's a fantastic manager. He did wonders for me and made me the player I am today by giving me my opportunity. It's nothing to do with him. It was just a career decision and I chose to join Tottenham."

Reflections On Reading

Following a few frantic days of injury trauma and transfer deadlines, Alan Curbishley can now allow himself to smile as he heads into international week, buoyed by the sight of his Hammers sitting in 11th spot in the Premiership. Speaking on the official site, Curbishley declared: "The win at Reading was a great result for us after a bad week in which we saw Kieron Dyer get a very nasty injury. Compared to last season, a totally different side turned up, but the events of January weren't the spur because we came here knowing that we already had some good away form behind us. The defence gave us a base and we got a good start thanks to a fantastic goal from Craig Bellamy, which settled it all down but after that I was getting a bit frustrated because we needed to finish the game off."

Matty Etherington scored a brace to help the Hammers to a convincing 3-0 victory and although he did not play the last time the two teams met he still understood how important it was to put that result to bed. "A lot was said before the game about how we needed to get the right result to put January's defeat behind us and I think we have done that quite convincingly now and to be fair could have scored a few more," admitted Etherington. "This is a really tough place to come so this is a great result for the team. There is a lot of competition for places here at the moment and the manager brought in a lot of good quality over the Summer so we all have to work that much harder to win our place in the team. I got my head down over pre-season and worked hard, came off the bench against Man City and got my place in the team and now I just need to make sure I keep it. I am obviously really delighted to get the two goals but I probably should have had a hat-trick to be fair. I was pleased with the way I took my goals and I just want to go on and keep scoring."

"In the end, I was pleased that Matthew Etherington found the net with a couple of goals because he needed them," stated Curbishley. "Since Luis Boa Morte came in there's been a bit of a tussle between the two of them but he worked hard in pre-season and, just like Lee Bowyer recently, Matty's grabbed his opportunity. Hayden Mullins has also seen me go out and sign players yet he's managed to stay in the side too and I'm delighted for the all boys who have come into the team because they've really stepped up to the plate. I've got a decent squad full of players, who have proved that they can come in and do the job for me," acknowledged the Hammers' boss, who pre-match had still been grafting well into the early hours, having just lengthened the Upton Park roll-call by signing Nolberto Solano and Henri Camara with just minutes to spare before the transfer window slammed shut.

Speaking about the new arrivals, Curbishley said: "With all our injuries, we had to do something on deadline day and both our chairman Eggert Magnusson and his number two Scott Duxbury worked ever so hard to bring two players in. I was welcoming the players to the Club at around 1:00 a.m. yet earlier, as midnight approached, we hadn't even been sure whether anything was going to happen. Then suddenly everything went through - we only signed Henri Camara with four minutes to spare - and we're delighted. Henri's always been a bit of a threat whenever he's played against us, while Nolberto Solano can play at right midfield or right-back. Although some of my signings are out injured, I've brought in players of the right age with proven quality and a bit of hunger. We're pleased with the business we've done and, hopefully, we can go on and have a decent season."

The lack of fit bodies is clearly something that has played on the manger's mind. "Once again, our injuries tested us against Reading but we still put on a great display," continued Curbishley, who was able to give Dean Ashton his first Premiership start for over a year. "Deano was a bit disappointed about coming off midway through the second half because he felt he could have done a bit more but I just felt that we needed to get a bit more pace onto the pitch to try and get a third goal. We've been managing him and although, as expected, he found it a little bit difficult at the start, we're delighted that he's got another hour under his belt and now he's got two weeks to work a little bit harder so that he can push on even further."

Two more stars on the comeback trail are Scott Parker and Freddie Ljungberg. An article in today's Mail says both players could be fit for their next match against Middlesbrough. Parker, a £7million summer signing from Newcastle, has been out for almost two months with knee ligament problems while Ljungberg has been suffering from a groin injury. Both are making good progress and could be back in just under two weeks' time, which will only add to the buoyant mood going into the international break.

Anton Ferdinand put Saturday's victory over Reading down to an excellent team display and was particularly happy to prove the last visit to the Madjeski was just a one off. "It was definitely good for me personally as well as the team, to put that result behind me as that was not a good day for anyone involved. This time, it was just an all-round good performance with another clean-sheet away from home and three good goals. To be fair we could have probably beaten them by about 6 but were not quite clinical enough with some of our finishing, but three goals was enough on the day to give us a good solid victory to take into this international break. We were definitely pleased with how we performed defensively, we were very organised and were making some good blocks. Leroy Lita is a good friend of mine from the under 21s so I especially wanted to play well against him and be top of my game so I had the bragging rights! The whole back-line did very well but then so did everyone else, it was a great team performance which is very positive as it means we are playing well as team and not just as individuals which is pleasing for the Manager as well."

Matthew Upson and Ferdinand have formed a consistent pairing in the League already this season and Anton is pleased with the way things are working out with his new defensive partner. "Matty is a very good player and it was very frustrating for him to be out last season, he was just getting back into playing competitive games for ninety minutes for the first couple of games but he is really settling into the team now and we seem to be creating a good partnership together but we both know there are some very good other centre-backs at this Club also desperate to play so we have to keep playing well week in week out to stay in the team."

Another England hopeful also continued his excellent recent form with his fifth clean sheet in the last eight Premiership games. "Robert Green's made a good start for us," observed Curbishley, who was relieved to see his goalkeeper save a late Kevin Doyle penalty to extinguish any hopes of a Royals' recovery. "I don't think that Greeny's done anything wrong for me, he's been solid. With the England boys always watching him, he must be getting some good reports from them right now."

Finally, the Mail think West Ham United could be ordered to pay huge compensation to Sheffield United if the latest inquiry into the Carlos Tevez affair rules in favour of the relegated Yorkshire club. In the latest piece of anti-West Ham rhetoric, the paper reveals that the FA arbitration process has unlimited powers - unlike the Premier League hearing that sympathised with Sheffield but could not reinstate them. The case centres on the eligibility of Tevez and Javier Mascherano and Sheffield United chairman Kevin McCabe is claiming damages of up to £50m. An unnamed FA source said: "The panel will have whatever powers they need. They can order recompense."

Reading 0 West Ham United 3

Alarm Bells Ringing For Coppell After Hammers Expose Reading by David Lacey

Just for a change West Ham went about bursting bubbles rather than blowing them on Saturday. Shaking off their torporific home form, Alan Curbishley's team suggested that what was a miracle at Reading last season may become a mirage before the present one is much older... The Guardian

Bellamy And Etherington Leave Ragged Royals Looking Flushed by Arindam Rej

This was a masterclass in how not to play against West Ham. For all West Ham's faults, they are a team who know how to break quickly from deep positions and have the players to capitalise on counter-attacks... The Observer

Bellamy Bullies Reading by Brian Glanville

Making light of harsh memories, and the loss in midweek of Kieron Dyer, West Ham, inspired by Craig Bellamy, simply took Reading to pieces... The Times

Bellamy Runs Riot In Aid Of Curbishley's Solid Crew by James Corrigan

Assembling a cast that now includes the likes of Craig Bellamy and Lee Bowyer and demanding a low-key production might well be akin to hosting a chimps' party and putting up a sign reading "no spillage", but that is exactly what Alan Curbishley is after... The Independent

West Ham Give Reading Harsh Lesson by Steve Thomson

Nicky Shorey could have been forgiven if he had shown all the symptoms of a split personality yesterday. The subject of a rejected £4 million bid from West Ham only days earlier, Reading's England full-back turned out against his prospective employers and the Romford-born defender may well have had mixed feelings as his current club suffered a comprehensive defeat... Sunday Telegraph

West Ham Fired Up By Bellamy's Passion by Oliver Brown

Since West Ham are distinguished this season by the art of turning defence into attack, it pays to discover a little more about the motivation of Craig Bellamy, the man whose relentless running has engineered the change... The Telegraph

Curbishley Convinced He Can Tame The Wild Side Of 'Cockney' Craig by Steve Curry

There were plenty of cynical chuckles last week when nomadic Craig Bellamy declared he had found his spiritual home at West Ham's Boleyn Ground. Yet, if the Welshman's matchwinning performance at Reading is any yardstick, there is something in the East End air that suits the man from a Cardiff council estates... The Mail

According to the Fink Tank in today's Times, West Ham United's commanding performance against Reading was enough to earn them their first 'Team of the Week' award of the new season. Daniel Finkelstein explains: "Bad news for Liverpool and good news for Derby County. Liverpool may be top of the table for the first time in five years after their impressive 6-0 victory over Derby on Saturday, but Rafael BenÍtez’s side were not the Lucozade Fink Tank team of the week and Derby did not pick up the wooden spoon. According to our data, BenÍtez’s men were expected to beat Derby by between two and three goals and although their performance was good, it was not enough to stop West Ham United from grabbing top spot in our table. West Ham’s expected goal difference against Reading at the Madejski Stadium – where Alan Curbishley’s team lost 6-0 on New Year’s Day – was -0.75 and by winning 3-0 they surged to the top of the table with a rating of 3.75. Derby fans have little to cheer about at the moment. Billy Davies’s side have lost four out of their opening five Premier League matches of the season, but at least they did not finish bottom, thanks to Reading."

The Coca-Cola Sign

Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, the owner of West Ham, has told Observer Sport that a major reason why the club will be successful is because he and chairman Eggert Magnusson 'feel almost semi-English'. Gudmundsson, who owns 95 per cent of the club, was speaking to a British newspaper for the first time since the takeover last November. He believes that he and his fellow Icelander have an advantage over some foreign owners in the Premier League because Europeans have more football experience than club owners from Asia and the United States. Gudmundsson was a youth player at KR, Iceland's most successful club, and chairman during the 1990s; Magnusson was head of the Icelandic Football Association and a Uefa board member. 'I don't think we think much differently from English owners, so I mean we are very pro-English,' Gudmundsson said. 'We are close to England, only two-and-a-half hours away from you, so we sometimes consider ourselves as semi-English. We know the culture. We are not coming from Asia or far away.

'I'm wondering whether with foreign owners it's about where you come from. It might be more of an issue if they don't, for example, play so much soccer in America.' The Americans George Gillett and Tom Hicks, Randy Lerner and Malcolm Glazer own, respectively, Liverpool, Aston Villa, and Manchester United. Manchester City are controlled by former Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra. The Icelanders are aware that some in the game are wary of all the overseas takeovers. 'I think many of the clubs who are not foreign owned use it as an excuse when they don't succeed,' Magnusson said. 'They blame it on the foreign owners. I have a lot of respect for Niall Quinn and for Sunderland, but I think he was getting a lot of stick from his supporters because they'd been signing players for a high price and he used the excuse to come after foreign owners.'


He's the real thing- Eggert Magnusson is West Ham's public face, but he is just 'the Coca Cola sign' according to the true owner, a fellow Icelander whose life was colourful long before recent controversies
by Jamie Jackson

Downtown Reykjavik on a blustery August morning. Rock, scrubland and the Atlantic Ocean surround the capital of Iceland. This is, by some measures, the fifth wealthiest country in the world, a land of geysers, glaciers, volcanos, fish, and rain. And money. Icelanders are gaining an ever bigger stake in British business, especially on the high street where they already control House of Fraser, H Samuel, Hamleys, Whittard of Chelsea, Oasis, Mappin & Webb, and of course the frozen-food chain Iceland. At the central offices of Landsbanki, Iceland's oldest bank, Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson sips mineral water in a plush suite. He is chairman of the board and a billionaire. His son, Thor, is the major shareholder. Gudmundsson, the world's 799th richest man according to Forbes magazine, has lived a rich life in more ways than one.

The 66-year-old is a former footballer, furniture packer and law student, a recovering alcoholic of 30 years, and an old-fashioned philanthropist. In the 1990s he was sentenced to 12 months in prison, suspended for two years, for bookkeeping offences. He went to Russia, defied the St Petersburg mafia, remade his fortune and returned triumphant to Iceland, where he has interests in shipping, publishing, food, communications and property. These reach throughout Europe and into Asia and the Americas. If you buy seafood from Tesco or Marks & Spencer, the chances are Gudmundsson enjoys a cut of the profit. And, despite the frequent sightings last season of Eggert Magnusson, with his bald head in despairing hands, it is Gudmundsson who has owned West Ham since last November, not the Elmer Fudd lookalike. 'The club's win against Manchester United at Old Trafford must be my single most joyous moment in football. It was a fantastic finish to an exceptional season,' says Gudmundsson, describing West Ham's escape from relegation on the final day.

Following the takeover, Alan Pardew was sacked and replaced as manager by Alan Curbishley. Tales of gambling on the team coach, unhappy players and dressing-room cliques featured almost daily in newspaper headlines. And West Ham kept losing. There was also the on-going Carlos Tevez affair. But in April the club escaped a points deduction for their failings in his controversial signing and, once the Argentine started scoring, the seemingly impossible began to happen.

Following months of negotiation, Observer Sport has been invited to Iceland for Gudmundsson's first interview with a British newspaper. There are nine Premier League clubs with foreign owners. They give few interviews and consequently little is known about the characters who, effectively, control nearly half of the world's richest football league. They can appear a little distant. At Old Trafford on West Ham's great day, Joel, Avram, and Bryan Glazer, the sons of Manchester United owner Malcolm, failed to acknowledge Gudmundsson and his entourage when they sat together in the directors' box. It was only later, as both parties waited at the airport to board private jets, that the wife of one of the brothers offered a greeting. As well as Glazer, Gudmundsson is joined by Roman Abramovich, who bought Chelsea in 2003; Mohamed Fayed, who has owned Fulham for a decade; and a group of others who have also acquired clubs in the past couple of years: Randy Lerner at Aston Villa, George Gillett and Tom Hicks at Liverpool, Alexandre Gaydamak at Portsmouth, Thaksin Shinawatra at Manchester City and Niall Quinn's Irish consortium at Sunderland.

Why did Gudmundsson buy West Ham? Was it to join this exclusive band and gain the status that comes with owning a club in a league watched and envied around the world? 'Well, the Premier League is considered the mecca of football and it should be treated in that way,' he says. 'So to be able to participate there is something that I never expected, and it is a privilege. Also, I am at the stage of life where I'm fortunate to be able to do whatever I like - I can get more out of this really than earning more money.' Gudmundsson's impeccable manners, gentle demeanour and boyish humour ensure he holds the attention. 'I have interests in companies all over the world. Our operations in Iceland are minimal. Most of our money comes from abroad. 'And I think I've been involved in most areas of Icelandic culture - a symphony orchestra, young rock stars, I have supported most of them. We have a fund that is assisting young students. West Ham is a very little part of my interests.'

Football, though, is a passion. Last season he attended nearly all of the club's matches at Upton Park and watches about one in three of West Ham's away games, though was not at Reading yesterday. He and his associates also have boxes at Chelsea and Arsenal. Gudmundsson was a youth-team player at KR, Iceland's most successful club. He was chairman during the 1990s and later on the day we meet watches his grandson, a striker for KR, play. One favourite football memory, he says, is when the club won the championship in 1999 'for the first time in 30 years'. Magnusson, the chief executive and chairman, has shielded Gudmundsson throughout West Ham's problems. This is why the former biscuit manufacturer is perceived as the owner. 'Yes, Eggert is in the forefront, managing the whole thing, but we can't let him have all the attention. Though anyway, I'm more silent behind him.' Why? 'I'm occupied with all my businesses so we discuss things on the phone. Think of Eggert as the Coca-Cola sign!'

When Observer Sport arrives at the bank, Gudmundsson has asked Magnusson to sit in for a while because: 'I think it's more interesting to listen to both of us. We're in this together. And we're going to make it together. We have very similar views, similar ideas. This is how West Ham came about. We met last year and were discussing life. Eggert told me perhaps he would be leaving Uefa and he was wondering what to take up next. And when West Ham came on the table I thought perhaps it could fit into Eggert's way of thinking. That's how it started. 'It all came through the Landsbanki in London and I was considering this investment opportunity - obviously I had to think how to run it, who would be responsible for the operation. Then I remembered my conversation with Eggert and I called him.' This friendship is also reflected in what appears a productive business relationship. Surviving last season must have helped. 'We just didn't expect the hurdles waiting for us, beginning with Pardew leaving,' Gudmundsson admits.

Following the club's survival, Curbishley allowed Nigel Reo-Coker, Marlon Harewood, Paul Konchesky and Yossi Benayoun to leave. Craig Bellamy, Kieron Dyer, Freddie Ljungberg, Scott Parker and Julien Faubert came in at the cost of £22.1million, though at least £11m has been recouped from sales. 'Now the atmosphere in the dressing room is optimistic because the characters we have are different,' Gudmundsson says. What of the colourful Bellamy? 'Boris Johnson is colourful and he might be soon be running your country's capital,' is his reply. Does Curbishley choose whom to buy? 'He has to convince, because there's money involved, but of course he is the one that sells us the [idea of signing] a player.'

Some have wondered whether the growing influence of foreign owners is good for the English game. As well as stressing how he and Magnusson 'consider ourselves as semi-English', Gudmundsson disputes the premise of such questions. He uses the case of Dyer, injured during the week at Bristol Rovers and whose transfer was held up after Newcastle United suddenly upped their price. 'There is this worry about foreigners coming into the Premier League and [English people] dealing with them. Well, these were not foreigners at Newcastle. We were dealing with British gentlemen!' It is said with a twinkle. Gudmundsson can see the humour in most situations. In 1961 he began two years at law school but 'I became interested in business, so decided that perhaps I would be the person to give the jobs to lawyers'.

Gudmundsson is adamant that his commitment to West Ham is long term. Would he go through something like the Tevez saga all again? 'We are very much not speculating at what could have happened. We know what happened. And we are here today and we are preparing for the future. Yesterday is only part of the past. But to do this again? I mean, we are experts on this. Problems, problems - it's just solving them and starting fresh. I would not hesitate to go through it again. No hesitation at all.' Gudmundsson knows how to fight. Two years ago he pulped thousands of copies of a book due to be published by his own publishing house, Edda, because of a section about his wife. Gudmundsson is married to Thora Hallgrimsson, 11 years his senior, and a member of a widely respected Icelandic family. Her father was head of Shell Iceland; one uncle was an ambassador to the United States in the 1940s, while another the prime minister on five occasions up to 1963. Her former husband, George Lincoln Rockwell, with whom she had four children, founded the American Nazi Party in 1959 before he was assassinated eight years later.

Edda's book on the history of Thora's family, The Thors, contained some pages that offended Gudmundsson, leading to the pulping of the original. The author agreed to a rewritten version with just a single mention of that first marriage. 'This was unfairly done,' Gudmundsson says. 'What they were trying to do was involve my wife and her first husband 50 years ago. I mean, you don't do this to innocent people. This was a book about the family and all of a sudden they were trying to picture, feature her history, as the main thing of the family. It was irrelevant to the whole story.' As a side effect of this saga, Gudmundsson and Thor, his and Thora's only child, attempted to buy DV, a daily Icelandic tabloid, simply to close it down because of its coverage. One front-page headline read 'The Missing Chapter'. But the public were not impressed by the paper's coverage, underlining Gudmundsson's popularity. 'I'm not interested in controlling things,' he says. 'But we have press in Iceland that is exactly the same as in England. There are people that want to scoop something - I'm used to this as I'm a very public figure.'

Gudmundsson believes he also suffered unjustly over his conviction for five minor book-keeping offences. Many in Iceland believe he and his fellow executives, faced with around 450 charges the overwhelming majority of which failed, were the victims of a political battle between rival shipping companies: Gudmundsson's Hafskip, which he took over in 1979, and Eimskip (which he has now bought). The country's then finance minister was a shareholder and former chairman of Hafskip, which became insolvent in 1985, prompting politicians to call for an investigation. The case dragged on for six years. After his conviction, Gudmundsson focused on restoring his fortune and the standing of his name. 'The fight was to recover. To regain my strength in business. And money-wise. I was left almost broke, so I think I took the right decision to put emphasis on my family, and to re-establish my status. But this case doesn't ever go away, it doesn't go away.'

Was it politically motivated? 'People say so, but I'm not going to comment on that. I'll say two things. Number one, I'm sure that a case like this could never happen again in Iceland today.' Why? 'Because this society now is so different. Then it was much more closed. Since we became involved in Europe, everything changed. 'Secondly, my feeling is much healthier than the authorities who were dealing with the case. I know I wouldn't change places. I'm not mentioning conscience or anything like that, but inside myself I have nothing to hide and I feel so confident. So if you ask anyone in Iceland, I have regained everything I had before, including respect. But I would say that regarding those involved from the authority side... well, I would never change places with them today. In business you prepare for the best and the worst, especially when you have been through all of that. We have seen it all and the main thing is we are stronger than ever.'

In 1991, Gudmundsson and Thor, who became Iceland's first billionaire in 2005 and is ranked more than 500 places higher than his father on Forbes' list, made that move in St Petersburg with partner Magnus Thorsteinsson. There they began Bravo, a soft-drinks company that became a brewery and was eventually bought by Heineken. This was perhaps an unusual career move for a recovering alcoholic. Gudmundsson's battle with drink moved him to found Iceland's first drug-and-alcohol rehabilitation programme at a time when there was little sympathy for substance-abuse problems. 'I've been doing that for 30 years. We run treatment and family centres - it's a very strong movement here and I'm very happy to do so.' Of the business venture in Russia, he says: 'We came at the right time and went to the right place. St Petersburg was the city closest to the West, and to Finland, which we knew very well - it was the window during the communist years.'

Asked if he understands Russian, Gudmundsson says: 'Very little. But my son and Magnus can. They were there for 10 years. It was very tough and we never knew if we would go down or up. We did everything right, we did everything right in the end. And we were supported by and had investors from institutions and banks in the West. Heineken is Dutch. This was their entry into the country. So we got paid in Holland or England. But somehow people like to talk about those who have been working in Russia as it being mafia or Russian money. It's no such thing. We delivered one of the best companies. And Heineken have really taken off, are flying higher and higher. They are so grateful they managed to acquire the business.' Thor has commented about that time: 'People will think twice about messing with you if you are actually a government representative.' This was a reference to his status as honorary consul for Iceland. Gudmundsson has the same role in Bulgaria where, as in the Czech Republic, the family have interests in telecoms. So, were there any threats from the mafia? 'Of course. In every country, if you stay to your principles you can survive there. It's only when you give in that you're in trouble. And I can tell you one thing, that if we had any contact with dubious people Heineken would never have bought the company. They are still so grateful that they managed to acquire the business.'

West Ham seem to mean more to Gudmundsson than the brewery did. 'I am aware of the greatest moments in the club's history over the last 40 years. I know how it's said that West Ham won the World Cup for England in 1966 because of the goals from Martin Peters and Geoff Hurst, and the immense contribution from Bobby Moore. And I have also met Billy Bonds, who was captain when the club won the FA Cup. 'There is also a good response from the local council,' he says of the proposed move to a new stadium at a site half a mile from Upton Park. 'I believe we can become one of the top English clubs, and in Europe, again. We want Champions League football and believe we can win the Premier League in time. Why not? Of course we do not think it will happen tomorrow, it will take some years. But definitely we are heading there. And I think we now have all that's needed for that.'

It might, after all, not be the worst time to support West Ham.

Taken from Observer Sport

Pilgrims Visit

A quick glance at today's gossip pages sees that West Ham United were prepared to smash the £100,000 a week barrier to land Adriano. According to the News of the World, the 25 year old was offered a stunning £125,000 - £6.5million a year- to quit Inter Milan but 'turned his nose up' at the Upton Park club's one year loan proposal. The article states Adriano was hawked around several Premier League clubs and was reportedly seeking a four-year deal on £140,000 a week. Chelsea, Arsenal, and Manchester City were all approached but only the Hammers sent a delegation to meet him. It was after the deal collapsed that Wigan Athletic striker Henri Camara and Newcastle United's Nobby Solano were signed instead. The Sunday Mirror has a similar story but in an 'exclusive' by Paul Smith claims Eggert Magnusson was prepared to match the wage demands in full and a fee of £18million for a permanent transfer had been agreed with Inter Milan.

Also in the News of the World is a story that Leyton Orient were left out of pocket after West Ham United's £6million bid to sign Reading defender Nicky Shorey failed. The O's would have picked up a sell-on fee worth in the region of £900,000 had the Hammers landed their former full back. Chairman Barry Hearn groaned that the money would have wiped out our losses for the entire season.

According to the Sunday Star the Curse of Curbs means Alan Curbishley must have kicked a black cat. Since he has taken over at West Ham there has been a curse on the players that he has signed for the Hammers. Matthew Upson and Lucas Neill both suffered injuries after joining the club in last January's transfer window. Scott Parker has not kicked a ball since moving from Newcastle United in the summer and Julien Faubert, the £6.1million capture form Bordeaux, barely played more than a few minutes before rupturing his achilles and will be out until next year. While Faubert's poor replacement Kieron Dyer sustained a double fracture of his leg against Bristol Rovers last Tuesday. Freddie Ljungberg has also hardly featured either since moving from the Emirates. The paper thinks the club should replace the hammers on West Ham's badge with crossed walking sticks.

Although not reported in any of the papers, it is believed James Collins is close to agreeing a short term loan deal to Cardiff City. According to well placed sources, the defender could be set to join his former club in a bid to get some match sharpness. The Welshman remains firmly in Alan Curbishley's plans, having recently signed a new contract, but has been kept out of the side so far this season by the form of Anton Ferdinand and Upson.

Finally, West Ham United were drawn at home to Plymouth Argyle in the third round of the Carling Cup. The draw pitched the Hammers against the Championship side, with the sides set to meet at The Boleyn Ground in the week beginning September 24th. The two teams last met in this competition back in 1962 when West Ham enjoyed a 6-0 second round win over the Pilgrims. The last meeting in the league came two years ago when United enjoyed a similarly comprehensive victory; goals by Marlon Harewood, Malky Mackay, a Teddy Sheringham brace and an own goal saw the Hammers run out 5-0 winners. All in all the two clubs have met on 40 occasions with the Hammers winning 17 to Argyle's 10.

Nobby's Secret Vice

He's the puff-filled Peruvian with three trumpets in his locker and salsa in his step. But as Sir Bobby Robson and David O'Leary can both testify, Nobby Solano is far from polished performer...

Footballers get plenty of free time so it's really good to find something else to do other than play PlayStation. Like most footballers, I've tried to play golf but the technique's too tricky and the weather in England is too cold, so instead I prefer to play the trumpet. It helps me relax, takes my mind off the game and reminds me of my life in South America.

I started playing when I was at school in Peru. After studies each day, I'd play in the school band. Initially, I wanted to play the saxophone, that was my favourite instrument, but they only had a trumpet so I played that instead and now I seem to be stuck with it!

As I got older my football took over and I was able to practise music less and less, but when I was 22 I moved to Argentina to play for Boca Juniors and I suddenly found myself with time on my hands. At the same time, a friend of mine was going to Miami and offered to buy me a new trumpet while he was over there. He came back with a Professional Holton, which cost £500.

It was a great trumpet but unfortunately, I couldn't practise as much as I'd have liked because I lived in a small flat and my neighbours didn't particularly enjoy my music, probably because I'd forgotten how to read music and wasn't very good.

That Holton was the first trumpet I'd owned, because my dad could never afford to buy me my own when I was at school. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if he'd bought me a trumpet when I was five instead of my first pair of football boots. I don't think I'd be here now speaking to you - I'd be a musician.

The trumpet's not an easy instrument to play. You have to blow really hard, but the strain is not on the lungs, it's your lips. As with everything in life, to become any good at it you have to train every day. If I was in a band I'd dedicate eight hours a day to practising, but at the moment it's just a hobby so I play only three or four times a week.

When I joined Newcastle United in 1998, I brought my Holton trumpet over to England and carried on learning, carried on trying to improve. Sometimes I'd take it into training and play it for the lads in the dressing room - though it wasn't always too successful. One time I played a duet with Gary Speed on guitar, but he likes rock music and I like salsa. I now realise the two styles should probably never be mixed.

I don't think Bobby Robson was so keen on me playing my trumpet. He didn't know about it when he first took over as manager, but he soon found out when I rang him up one night and played down the phone to him. I'm not sure he was too amused.

It was the same with David O'Leary at Aston Villa, he's not a fan of my playing either. Whenever I called him and he had his mobile phone turned off, I liked to leave him a nice loud message with my trumpet!

At least my Villa team-mates liked my music, although whenever I played badly on the pitch they always took the piss out of me by saying 'Nobby, you've got to stop playing your trumpet so much and start concentrating on your football.' I used to play Latin jazz duets with Dion Dublin at Villa. It was nice to mix the sounds of my trumpet with Dion's sax, but sadly he moved to Leicester City so we don't get to play together any more.

At present I've got three trumpets, two which I keep here in England and one in Peru. I don't like to travel with my trumpets, so I keep them in separate countries. The one I use the most is a Yamaha, which cost me about £350 from a music shop in Newcastle. It's not the most expensive trumpet but I figure I don't need the best model in the world because I'm a footballer not a musician.

I don't think it really matters what instrument you use, it's how well you play that counts. Of all the styles, salsa is definitely my favourite. It's very happy and it makes you feel like you're on holiday.

In South America everybody loves it, you can even hear it when you go into the bank. Over here in England it's far harder to hear, I have to go to special club nights at places like the Copa in London or the Copacabana Latino Bar in Manchester.

Sometimes when my friends or brothers come over to my house, we'll have a few drinks and jam together for a bit of fun. Whenever I pick up my trumpet though, my wife picks up our son Matias and leaves the room. She says it's not that she doesn't like my music, just that she prefers rock'n'roll.

I sometimes wonder what style of music best describes my team's football. They say the Brazilians play to the samba beat so I reckon Villa's football was probably a mix between Latin jazz and heavy metal. Newcastle was more like opera - they were pretty boring!

I don't think I'm good enough yet to 'blow my own trumpet', as the English might say. I have a teacher who plays for the Birmingham Symphony Orchestra and he gives me lessons once a week. I say to him, 'I know I pay you, but am I any good?' He tells me that I'm getting better.

Nobby's Top Five Tunes
1 Marejada Feliz by Roberto Roena
2 You Make Me Feel Brand New
by Simply Red
3 Careless Whisper by George Michael
4 Killing Me Softly by Roberta Flack
5 La Virgen De La Macarena by Arturo Sandoval

Taken from FourFourTwo magazine

Nightmare Revisited

All our best men are laughed at in this nightmare land
Jack Kerouac

Alan Curbishley returns to the scene of his worst managerial nightmare today, insisting the humiliation West Ham United suffered at Reading was like a bad dream. The Hammers’ chief saw his team hit rock-bottom when they were thrashed 6-0 at the Madejski Stadium last season- just 21 days into his new job. Having endured one of the lowest points of his career, Curbishley came up with a phrase so memorable that it sits alongside ‘Essex Man’, ‘Essex Girls’ and ‘White Van Man’ as metaphors for our times. And so was born the ‘Baby Bentley’ generation. Many took it to be the manager's critique on the celebrity-conscious, bling-obsessed breed of modern-day footballers, and in particular the culture inherent in his own West Ham players, who had just succumbed to that massacre on New Year’s Day. As Martin Smith, writing in The Telegraph, observes: Most professional wordsmiths would kill to coin (itals) bon mots like that, but Curbishley has been trying to distance himself from them during the build-up to West Ham’s return to the Madejski Stadium this afternoon.

"That was misinterpreted a bit," Curbishley says now. "I was actually praising Reading, saying that in their first season in the Premier League they had all the ingredients of a newly-promoted side: hunger, desire and commitment to stay in the Premier League. They wanted to stay in the Premier League and wanted all the trappings that come with it. “Most people understood that, and my players understood that. I was saying Reading wanted to go on to bigger and better things; they showed a hunger for that and we didn’t. On the day they had everything you needed, and we didn’t. That’s what I was trying to explain." Those trappings, notes Smith, included driving around in Baby Bentleys, and it seemed to stick to an under-performing West Ham team, several of whose members did, in fact, own the status-symbol car. The 6-0 thrashing came in Curbishley’s fifth game in charge, just as the euphoria of his first, the defeat of Manchester United, was ebbing away. "I won’t forget it," Curbishley admitted. "You’re a manager a long time and you take the good, the bad and the ugly. That was one of them, for sure. It’s something you look at and try to use as a spur: how our fans felt and how we all felt. It doesn’t happen a lot, and when it happens you remember it."

Matthew Upson wasn’t at the club at the time, but he said: "I can’t see that result happening again. It’s a slightly different line-up, different bodies, different faces. Just because you got beat, or beat a team, last season doesn’t mean the result’s going to happen this year. How it works out will be down to our application, as always, and how we play ourselves in the game." West Ham were suffering from divisive cliques in the dressing room back in January, but Upson doesn’t see the same problems this time round. "There’s a lot of characters here," he said. "That isn’t a bad thing: you’d rather be in a changing room full of people who want to say their piece or have a row, than one that’s quiet. Players talk a lot. I think it’s really healthy as long as it’s constructive or afterwards you sit down."

Speaking on the official site Robert Green says he is hoping to put an end to his recent Madejski hoodoo. "I've conceded 11 goals in two games and three minutes and ruptured my groin once in the past three occasions I've played there," said the 27-year-old, who suffered the groin injury while playing in goal for England. "But it's a good chance to put something to bed and it's just one of those things," he added. "It just so happens that the past three occasions I've played there haven't been too great for me. In the bigger scheme of things it's another away game and a tough game at that. I'm sure once the game starts that'll all be gone and forgotten." Green is anticipating a testing encounter but is confident the Hammers will prevail. "It's going to be a very difficult game," he admitted. "Reading have proved over the past season and a bit that they have a very good work ethic. They know the way they are going to play and they employ their strengths to good effect. It's a tough place to go and play. We've got our work cut out but if we play well and do everything we need to do and everything we know we are capable of then we can get a result."

Hayden Mullins insists the Hammers will use the memory of last season's 6-0 defeat to secure victory against Reading there on Saturday. "It was one of the worst games I've been involved in," he admitted. "We were going through a bad run at that time and it was one of the manager's earliest games. It was a horrible one to be involved in but it's one which we're going to use to fuel us this Saturday. We know it's going to be a very tough game. We're not underestimating this game at all. We know it's going to be a very difficult game for us but it's one where we feel we can get three points." If that is to happen then the club will have to rewrite the history books. The Hammers have never won at the Madejski Stadium and have yet to score a Premier League goal against the Royals; although the club are on a run of three consecutive away victories.

Last five league meetings:

01/01/2007 Reading 6 (Gunnarsson, Hunt, Ferdinand og, Doyle 2, Lita) West Ham 0
01/10/2006 West Ham 0 Reading 1 (Ki-Hyeon)
12/03/2005 Reading 3 (Kitson 3) West Ham 1 (Sheringham)
10/08/2004 West Ham 1 (Sheringham) Reading 0
03/04/2004 Reading 2 (Kitson 2) West Ham 0

Dean Ashton is back in the squad for the Hammers after missing out on the Carling Cup match in midweek as his wife went into labour. Freddie Ljungberg and Scott Parker will face late fitness tests and may not return to action until after the international break. Reading defenders Graeme Murty and Nicky Shorey are set to return from respective hamstring and knee injuries while Shane Long is unlikely to take part as he has a broken thumb. Seol Ki-Hyeon, John Oster and Glen Little are all likely to miss out through injury.

The Hammers' Hex

Dark lore of Dyer and the Hammers' hex- Does Kieron Dyer's gruesome leg break point to a curse hanging over West Ham?
By Russell Brand

I suppose, were I able to trade in some cosmic stock exchange I would relinquish West Ham's passage into the third round of the League Cup in order to preserve Kieron Dyer's lower right leg. As Alan Curbishley said after the win against Bristol Rovers: "Now the result seems immaterial."

It's difficult to celebrate victory having seen Dyer suffer one of those wince-inducing injuries where the leg visibly contorts within the sock and it seems impossible to imagine it ever healing. It will, of course, in time, six months or so, but that's the bulk of the season without him and he looked sharp and fast against Wigan last Saturday.

I feel dead sorry for him, in a hospital somewhere hurting. Obviously I don't know what it's like to be a professional athlete but it must engender a particular insecurity to be dependent on your body in such a palpably direct manner. Whenever I suffer great physical pain or even mild discomfort it immediately resets my psychology to neutral. Say if I feel all sad and self-indulgent then get stung by a wasp, my misery feels quite abstract and I long just to be in spiritual pain once more - "Damn you tiny assassin, all clad in yellow and black, how I crave my former innocence where melancholy was my only trial."

It's terrible news for West Ham, and Curbishley implied there might be a jinx as so many of the players he's bought in have suffered injury. It is bloody unfortunate but a curse? After last season's controversy plenty have grudges, not least in the city of steel. Could former Blades boss Neil Warnock be poised in a circle of stone, stinking of chicken's blood, spewing white-eyed incantations clutching a buckled dolly of Julien Faubert?

There appears to be a troubling tendency among under-pressure Premiership mangers to jab accusatory digits in the direction of the dark arts - Martin Jol cited "black magic" as the reason Spurs didn't get a penalty at Old Trafford at the weekend. Perhaps Tottenham did deserve something from a tie in which United were less than brilliant and they doubtless had chances but the resulting home win surely owes more to Nani's right foot and Wes Brown's chest/upper arm than Aleister Crowley's necromancy.

Perhaps this is a further indication that top-flight managers are under too much pressure, when in our secular age they crumble into medieval beliefs whenever luck goes against them - "What?! Arsenal away in the fourth round? Damn you Lucifer. Why have you forsaken me lord?" However, the injury crisis at Upton Park, if not the work of Beelzebub, is critical: Dean Ashton, Scott Parker, Dyer, Faubert, Freddie Ljungberg and both Lucas Neil and Matthew Upson joined the afflicted minutes after they signed. The only solution available to the club is to keep signing more players, an approach I believe was pioneered by Stalin in his gruelling fixture against Hitler on the eastern front.

His mentality was, as I understand, "Right, loads of Germans are dying, loads of Russians are dying and we're both going to continue to pour young men into this battle until it's resolved, but as Russia has a larger stack of human chips we can carry on playing beyond the point of German exhaustion. I feel the hand of history, not on my shoulder but cheekily goosing me out respect."

Let's hurl more millionaire footballers on to this bonfire of the lame; why wait till they arrive at West Ham? Just give Eidur Gudjohnsen a sack of money then smash him in the balls with a pool cue. Let's buy a wing at Whitechapel hospital and send an army of thugs with chequebooks and chainsaws on a tour round Europe to assemble a hobbling chorus of convalescents. I wish Dyer a speedy recovery. It's a shame, and as an offer of appeasement to the angry football gods I shall sacrifice the next virgin I meet on Green Street. It could take a while.

Guardian column