Racing Certainties?

According to a story on the Sky Sports website West Ham have joined the race to sign Racing Santander's highly-rated defensive duo Ruben Gonzalez and Ezequiel Garay. Our Spanish feeder club, who have already provided us with the services of Yossi Benayoun, currently sit eighth in La Liga and both players have played a major role in that success. The Hammers dispatched a scout to El Sardinero at the weekend to watch Racing's clash with Deportivo La Coruna and Spanish sources say Garay and Ruben were the reason behind the visit. The article states we are not the only club to have shown an interest, with Manchester United, Tottenham, Everton and Bolton having all watched the pair in recent months. A Racing spokesman admitted: "It is certain that many scouts from the Premier League have been watching our games this year, but as of today we have not received any offer for the players."

In other news, Paul Jewell has accused the Premier League of "bottling it" when it came to punishing West Ham United over the Carlos Tevez case. In the story in The Guardian, the Wigan boss said a "precedent" had been set whereby clubs can now expect financial censure rather than a points deduction for the fielding of ineligible players, and claims a Premier League "insider" pleaded with officials at Wigan to beat West Ham on Saturday because of the unsuitable nature of the punishment. He broadened the subject by mentioning "other London clubs quite high up the league," who may use third- party agreements to sign players. Jewell said football's authorities are "frightened of what they might find" if they delve too deeply into certain clubs' practices.

The Daily Express suggest he could be thinking of Brazilian defender Alex, alleged to be a Chelsea player, who is playing for PSV Eindhoven and appeared against the Londoners in the Champions League. The Blues deny they hold Alex’s registration but do say they have first option to buy. In the same article, Jewell says he felt something was strange when League Two club Accrington Stanley played two ineligible players but were fined only £12,000 by the Football League less than a month ago. "I did smell a rat when Accrington Stanley got fined to be perfectly honest,” said Jewell. "Bury got kicked out of the FA Cup for fielding an ineligible player and when it came to fruition that West Ham might have done a similar thing, they might have got their heads together and said, ‘Listen, don’t take points off Accrington Stanley, you’d better fine them."

Still with Wigan and chairman Dave Whelan has 'jokingly' threatened the Premier League with a legal headache if Wigan go down instead of West Ham. In a piece in the Manchester Evening News it is suggested Whelen could end up in a legal battle with the Premier League fighting for reinstatement of his club, plus financial compensation should his club go down and West Ham stay up. Fulham are also believed to have sought legal advice on the matter in what is becoming an increasingly fractious situation. Across the Pennines, and Sheffield United manager Ted Warnock has broken his silence on the Premier League's decision not to dock points from relegation rivals West Ham United. The Yorkshire Post carries an outspoken attack in which Warnock accuses those running the English game of both favouritism and double standards. "If it had been Sheffield United, Watford or Wigan – I think there would have been points deducted," he said. "Everybody knows that. And I think they (the Premier League) have set a rod for their own back. You can basically do what you want now and not get any points deducted."

Finally, there is a heart-warming story in the Daily Mail that claims the club are set to withhold more than £1million in payments to former chairman Terry Brown and withdraw his eight complimentary seats at Upton Park as they seek some redress after being fined £5.5m by the Premier League. Chairman Eggert Magnusson will consult major investor and club life honorary president Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson this week before deciding whether to go after Brown, who was club chairman when the deals were made, for some of the fine imposed. As part of the takeover, it was agreed Brown should be paid a salary of £600,000 per year for the next two years and given prime seats at Upton Park. It seemed likely today, though, that Magnusson, who is increasingly keen to distance him from the previous regime and holds the former chairman largely responsible for the problems with the deals, would withhold those payments.

Claret And Blue, Through And Through

Amid the hysteria of the inquest and the victory at Wigan, the following excellent article about Mark Noble was originally missed. I'm reproducing it here as I can't find the original link.

Mark Noble: claret and blue, through and through
By Jason Burt

The boy from Beckton was wanted by Arsène Wenger as a schoolboy but decided to play for West Ham, the club he supports. The classic local boy made good tells Jason Burt why he believes the Hammers will stay up.

I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles...

Saturday 3 May 2003. Upton Park. The tension is exhausting. Exhilarating. But somehow Paolo Di Canio scores. He tears off his shirt, skids towards the corner flag, fists shaking like a maniac. The 35-year-old Italian has not played for almost three months, but he has beaten Chelsea. He has also given West Ham an improbable chance of avoiding relegation.

Mark Noble was there. In the stands, singing "Bubbles" as if his life depended on it. Next to him was his father, also Mark. Noble, then just 15, was a West Ham apprentice, and dreaming of emulating his hero Joe Cole, who played that day. "Hasselbaink hit the post late on," Noble recalls. "Chelsea were firing on all cylinders but it just wouldn't go in for them. It's the game that sticks in my mind."

Memories come thick and fast for a young man steeped in West Ham. Memories from when he was nine years old, just turning 10. Memories of his father leaving work at Rainham Steel, where he did the lagging, and driving his son, every evening after school, up to north London and up to Highbury. Arsenal, and Arsène Wenger, wanted young Mark. But he wasn't so sure. And not just because he was born in Canning Town, not just because he was West Ham.

"Heath Park, Barking Colts, Lake View," Noble laughs. They mattered more to him at that age. The teams he played for at the weekend, a young midfielder - "greedier than I am now," he says - winning trophies and helping his friends, his neighbourhood, the place where he was born and bred. But Arsenal, Millwall, the clubs that came calling, wanted him to stop playing for them, stop the Sunday league stuff and concentrate on the very real opportunity he had of a pro career.

"But my dad knew I loved it," Noble says. "He was a decent player himself, although maybe he didn't like to tackle! But it was with my friends. There was no pressure. It was enjoyable. Dad just said, 'You have the chance but I'm not going to make you. You play the football you want to play'."

So he did. Noble won trophies. He played at Wembley, he played at Stamford Bridge. The teams he played for were good. Even his school - Royal Docks - did well. So his dad told the clubs the same thing. "He ain't going to play unless he also plays for his school." Except by then it was West Ham who were asking him to stop. Even so the schoolboy remained determined. "Your school is part of how you grow up," Noble says. "How could I say: 'Oh, I'm not allowed to play any more?' It's not right. My school days were fantastic. I loved having the teacher come in during the lesson, on an afternoon, and say: 'Can he be excused, we've got a match to play?' I couldn't let my mates down. But from 15 onwards it was just West Ham."

Pretty Bubbles In The Air...

It's another Sunday morning. This time Noble is in West Ham colours: claret and blue. His father is watching. "And you could hear the other dads hollering," Noble recalls. "But he just stood in the corner. By himself. Afterwards, in the car, sometimes he'd say something. But it was always encouraging. I really respected that."

Noble's career was moving on apace. West Ham were serious about him. For a young boy who went to school each September with a new West Ham kit, a new West Ham lunchbox, a new West Ham flask it was unbelievable. And then Glenn Roeder, the manager, invited Noble to train with the first team. "I remember the day," he says. "I stepped out. Stepped out on to the gym here, where we are talking now, and John Moncur was there. Joey Cole was there. Trevor Sinclair. Di Canio. It was just unbelievable.

"What a credit to Glenn. I think he saw potential in me and wanted to involve me. I really, really enjoyed it. It was amazing because when you are in that kind of situation you resort to instinct. I was there for just a week and I was doing things in training that I didn't know I could do."

There is another, vivid memory from that time. "It snowed every day I was there," Noble remembers. "And one day we had this big snowball fight just outside. All the first team were involved. I was about two-foot nothing at the time but they included me. It was amazing."

It was, also, amazingly good. West Ham played the game correctly. "Ball on the floor," Noble repeats like a mantra. "Practise your skills, your touch, your passing. That's how every kid here is taught to play. It's still the same. Touch, pass, touch, pass. It's the way it will always be at West Ham. It's the foundation of the club and it's not for nothing that it's called the academy of football. It's a credit to the club and to the area. So many have gone on to play for England and this is a club where if you are good enough you get your chance."

They Fly So High, Nearly Reach The Sky...

Noble's chance came on 24 August 2004. The year after West Ham had gone down. Di Canio's goal had not been enough. Cole went, Defoe went, Kanouté and Di Canio. They all went. The guts, the flair, the names. All gone. West Ham, struggling in the Championship, drew Southend in the League Cup. Noble, then 17, was thrown on as a substitute. West Ham won 2-0. "My girlfriend came and watched me but my mum and dad were on holiday in Cyprus. They had no idea I was going to play but I think I did OK." Afterwards Noble stepped outside the ground in his smart suit to meet his girlfriend. Nothing happened. So they walked back to his parents' house in Beckton, without anyone noticing.

Noble had to wait almost five months for his next appearance. Still West Ham struggled but, in the FA Cup, they beat Premiership Norwich City 1-0. Noble started. And starred. He walked home again but suddenly it wasn't so easy to be anonymous. "I was starting to get noticed," he laughs. "So I had to stop doing it after that. It was a shame because I just lived five minutes round the corner, so why shouldn't I walk home?" By now he was starting to get close to the first team in the games that really mattered, and then suddenly Alan Pardew, who had succeeded Roeder, threw him in. "I played a big part in promotion," he says of the season 2004-05. "I had a great run." Noble played 13 games and West Ham crashed the play-offs. They reached the final and he was on for the last 30 minutes at the Millennium Stadium. "Unbelievable," mutters Noble again of that afternoon, that 1-0 win over Preston North End, at Cardiff. "Unbelievable."

Then Like My Dreams, They Fade And Die...

But the Premiership, once West Ham returned there, wasn't what Noble thought. "I never really got my chance," Noble says of that first year back last season. "And it knocked me a little bit." Eventually he did what he didn't want to do. He went on loan. First to Hull City and then to Ipswich Town. "For my own personal development it was the best thing for me," Noble recalls. "As much as I loved being here I needed first-team games. At Ipswich we went on a run of eight matches unbeaten and it was a great club to be at."

West Ham, too, were going well. "I played just four games for West Ham that season," he says. "And then I suffered an injury to my lower back. I was just finding my feet and my season was over." Just as it appeared that West Ham had found their feet, the rug was pulled from under them. Second-season syndrome struck. "It's baffling," Noble says. "Last season we came off the back of a promotion. You saw it with us and with Wigan and, maybe, this year with Reading. The adrenalin and the confidence pulls you through, but it has to peter out at some stage. A lot of teams go through this. Ipswich did it. Fifth one year and relegated the next. But we want to avoid that fate, and I really believe we can get out of it. I really, really do."

It was while at Ipswich that Noble heard about the arrival of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano. "I came in from training and the boys said something and I just replied, 'You're having a laugh.' But he [Tevez] has been a real credit. He wasn't getting in too much at first and wasn't scoring but now we are seeing his full potential. His football means everything to him. As it does for me. He wants to train all the time, he wants to be better and he's showing that now. He has a soft spot for the fans because they love him as well. He wants to stay up and hopefully if we can do it we can keep him as well."

Fortune's Always Hiding, I've Looked Everywhere...

It's Sunday 4 March 2007. Noble has returned to West Ham but, apart from the FA Cup tie against Brighton, hasn't played. He's been told by Alan Curbishley, who took over when Pardew was sacked in December, that the team needs "more experience". He's talented but too young for the dogfight. "I understood what he said. But of course I just wanted to play," Noble recalls. But then West Ham, having spent £19m in the January transfer window, were humiliated 4-0 by Pardew's new team, Charlton Athletic. "Everyone was thinking, 'That's it now. It's all over'," Noble says.

The next game was Tottenham at home. Noble vowed, when he returned from Ipswich, that he wouldn't go out on loan again. He would fight for his place. "And maybe, after Charlton, the gaffer just thought 'I'll put him in'." After 16 minutes Noble scored. "It was a dream come true," he says. Then Tevez scored but in the end Spurs prevailed 4-3 and there were tears, very public tears, from Noble as he left the pitch that day. It was all too much. "Obviously that's been highlighted," he says. "But I didn't know what else to do. I just wanted to win so badly that nothing else mattered. No, I wasn't embarrassed. I couldn't help what happened."

But then West Ham beat Blackburn. And Middlesbrough. And then, unbelievably, Arsenal. For the first time at the Emirates Stadium. Tevez was the catalyst but so, too, was Noble. The boy from Beckton. "The lads come from all different backgrounds," he says of his team-mates. "It's just that I play for the team I supported. It's a little strange. I lived five minutes from the ground and there are people I used to go to school with, used to hang around the streets and get into mischief with. All my good friends are from that way."

Then Sheffield United beat West Ham and the Great Escape, Part Two, appeared over. But Everton were beaten and now, today, it's Wigan Athletic away followed by Bolton Wanderers and, on the final day of the League season, Manchester United. Noble, for one, still believes. "I thrive on it - I love it," he says, and his gaze is unflinching. "I've told the manager one thing: I want to play every minute of every game." At Upton Park, in recent games, the atmosphere has been unforgettable. The memories, once more, are coming thick and fast. "It's scary," Noble says. "There's a great noise, a great occasion, with every game. We feel that confidence. It's crunch time, we know, and we know that the only thing that will keep us in this League are points. The performances don't matter. But the bigger the crowd, the better it is. It gives you the edge, the energy, that extra bit of speed.

"It makes you do things you didn't realise you could do. And when that West Ham crowd sings 'Bubbles', when they switch that music off as we kick off, and you hear 35,000 people and one voice all singing the same song. It just makes me shiver."

...I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles, Pretty Bubbles In The Air. United, United, United.

Wigan Athletic 0 West Ham United 3

Tevez Has Hammers Feeling just Fine by Ian Whittell

Twenty-four hours that could prove to be the most important in the recent history of West Ham concluded at the JJB Stadium, where Alan Curbishley's team strolled to a victory that did not flatter them... The Observer

Hammers Turn Heat On Wigan by Andrew Longmore

Two results for West Ham in two days. First came the news that the club would not be docked points for the irregularities in the transfers of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano last summer; then a welcome victory... Sunday Times

Tevez Lifts Maelstrom For hopeful Hammers by Guy Hodgson

Reprieves are coming for West Ham on a daily basis. On Friday they escaped a points deduction and yesterday they loosened the tentacles pulling them out of the Premiership. They have a realistic chance now of avoiding relegation... Independent on Sunday

Tevez Makes His Point In Tormenting Wigan by Simon Hart

No points deducted for breaching player ownership rules and now three precious points accumulated in the battle to beat the drop. West Ham yesterday grabbed the lifeline extended to them by the Premier League disciplinary commission... Sunday Telegraph

Tevez Leads The Uprising by Joe Bernstein

West Ham's relegation rivals may consider it daylight robbery that the club have escaped a points deduction but you cannot fault their players’ efforts for trying to stay in the Premiership on merit... Mail on Sunday

Inquiry Let-Off Galvanises Hammers by Michael Walker

West Ham United had 5,000 followers here on Saturday but there was no need for them to be fed loaves and fish: they had their miracle already. Or a carvery, some might say... The Guardian

Jewell: They 'Bottled It Over Tevez' by Kaveh Solhekol

West Ham United fans have a dream. In two weeks they will follow their team to Old Trafford and watch Carlos Tévez and his teammates beat Manchester United. West Ham will stay up, Wigan Athletic, Charlton Athletic and Watford will go down and the East End of London will rejoice... The Times

Jewell Leads Wigan's Chorus Of Discontent Over Hammer 'Let-Off' By James Corrigan

"They bottled it," was Paul Jewell's blunt assessment, although he was referring not to Wigan's tame submission to their relegation rivals, but to the Premier League's altogether more meeker lie-down over the Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano affair... The Independent

Jewell Resorts To Theories As Tactics Fail by Martin Smith

If Paul Jewell is to be believed, Wigan collapsed against West Ham under sheer weight of expectation: not only from their own supporters, but from the mandarins within the Premier League... The Telegraph

Inquest Aftermath

The over-worked media factory has been running red-hot overnight, belching out great noxious plumes of West Ham related stories. The Times leads with the banner headline: 'West Ham Deceived Premier League To Sign Argentinians'. The article states West Ham United were so desperate to sign Carlos Tévez and Javier Mascherano that they lied to the FA Premier League to cover up contracts agreed with the Argentina players. The panel said that Paul Aldridge, the former West Ham managing director, had lied to Richard Scudamore when the Premier League chief executive had queried how they had managed to secure the players so cheaply and whether there were any documents that he had not seen. Aldridge said “no”. This was not true because there was an agreement between West Ham and Kia Joorabchian, the businessman who owned the rights of the Argentina players. Messrs Brown, Aldridge and Scott Duxbury [then legal director] were anxious to complete the registration of these players by the deadline,” the panel said. “They knew that the only means by which they could acquire them would be by entering into third-party contracts. They were aware that the Premier League, in all probability, would not approve of such contracts. They determined to keep their existence from the Premier League. The chief executive [Aldridge], told Scudamore a direct lie, that there was no documentation in respect of the players that had not been seen,” the panel said.

Duxbury, now the deputy chief executive, was found to have misled the Premier League. He had telephoned the organisation a few days before the transfers took place to ask if there could be a break clause in the contracts of the players, who were owned by offshore companies. He was told no and advised as to the rules. Duxbury believed that he did not have to disclose the agreement with Joorabchian and advised Aldridge to say that all information needed to register the players had been provided. When it became apparent that the players were to sign, the Premier League asked Duxbury if there was a third-party agreement in place. They claim that he said “no”. He denies giving an answer. “Jim Sturman [West Ham QC] submits that all Duxbury is guilty of is an error in judgment. We do not for one moment accept those propositions,” the panel said.

Eggert Magnússon’s eyes will water as he ponders the size of the cheque that will soon be added to the FA Premier League’s charity fund. But, for once, things could have been worse. In the opinion of Kevin Eason, the verdict given yesterday should be viewed as a godsend by the Irons chairman. By not suffering a points deduction, West Ham retain a chance, however slender, of remaining in a league that will be drowning in money next season. You can read about the financial implications of the decision here and also in a related article about the '£40 million Premiership lifeline'.

According to Matt Scott in The Guardian, West Ham are looking to sue the old regime over the fine. At an internal meeting last night the club were exploring their legal options with a view to going after the club's former chairman Terry Brown, who picked up more than £30m for the sale of his 36.6% equity in the club. Elsewhere there have been rumblings about the incongruous nature of the punishment in relation to the severity of the crime. There is an emotive two-page article by David Bond in the Telegraph that claims 'No Justice If Tevez Keeps West Ham Up'. The piece ponders that if it is Tevez who scores the goals, starting at Wigan this afternoon, which keep the club up, then it would be rough justice for West Ham's rivals who, after reading yesterday's 26-page report by Premier League disciplinary commission chairman Simon Bourne-Arton, QC, must wonder what you have to do to get docked points.

One man who will have no such concerns is Carlos Tevez himself. In an exclusive in The Sun, the Argentine striker insists his conscience is clear over the legal furore. "I don’t feel guilty because I have always acted in good faith," claims Tevez. "The fans know that and that is why they love me. Ever since I have been at West Ham I have only ever worried about playing as well as I can and giving my best to the team. It is a complicated situation but I am sure these problems and the team’s bad position in the table were not caused my myself and Javier Mascherano. Right now I just want to put my mind to the match against Wigan." Also in the paper is a rant by Harry Redknapp, who claims to be 'staggered by the Argie blunder'. It's a grimly amusing read when you remember the Manny Omoyinmi fiasco and Harry claims to be hugely relieved that the fans have not been punished for an administrative cock-up.

In the Mirror there is a piece that poses the question: Can you think of a topflight side that has had a worse season? It would be difficult. What follows is a sobering account of the nightmare journey from '90 seconds from FA Cup glory to 90 minutes to save season'. In a similar vein, the Paul Hayward column in the Daily Mail begins: "Boy, have I got a book for you. It’s a thriller, a weepy, a comedy, a confessional, a whodunnit and a morality tale with a beginning, a muddle and a spectacular end." The beauty of this project, our author explains, is that the action is compressed into a perfect 12-month frame, starting with a road-trip to Cardiff and finishing maybe with a journey down the plughole.

It's Not Natural, But By Jingoism I Love Chelsea

It's entering the realm of the forbidden, I know, but I really do want Chelsea to win in Europe
By Russell Brand

I don't know if I ought to admit this, it seems to be a taboo on a par with snogging pets; which I would never admit to - no, that love will never dare speak its name - probably because "that love's" got a gob full of Winalot to ensnare a randy Scottie dog. Just to clarify, I don't snog my pet or anyone else's and that's why I'd never admit to it, I just wanted to raise the notion of the forbidden, and in so doing have probably placed my relationship with my cat, Morrissey, in jeopardy.

I dare say some people on reading what I'm about to render would prefer I, nightly, dressed Morrissey in little cat suspenders and stilettos and emptied myself of the burden of my masculinity into his perfect fizzog - such is the profundity of my forthcoming admission. So, here it is: When English teams play in Europe, even Chelsea, I don't want them to lose. Actually, I want them to win, in spite of the fact as a West Ham fan (I know I mention this every week but one must cater for the uninitiated, though we can perhaps safely assume that an unsuspecting reader, happening upon this column for the first time would unlikely have got past the earlier, revolting depiction of feline fellatio) at every home game, in all but one of which Chelsea are absent, I am obliged to invite them through song to "stick their blue flag up their arse".

Now, Chelsea play Liverpool in their semi-final (I know that's obvious but again, assume ignorance) and you might imagine that my personal allegiances would lead me to favour a victory for the Reds, and typically they would but I rather like the idea of an epic Manchester United v Chelsea triptych as the finale to the season. Plus, whilst I'm making ill-judged confessions, I like Jose Mourinho. I like his arrogance, his intellect, his determination and, yes, I think he's handsome. This is not to the detriment of my love of West Ham - two crossed Irons is the only tattoo I'd consider having - but when it comes to European competition I like to see English sides do well, Scottish an' all; I was sorry to see Celtic go out to Milan, who I hope lose to United on Wednesday giving us an all-English final.

My patriotism has been enhanced by my current period of prolonged absence; I'm in Hawaii making a film and shall be here for two months. I think army recruitment officials oughtn't focus on depressed British towns but instead our preferred holiday destinations because I'm usually quite an anti-establishment type of fella but out here I weep at any mention of the Albion and would happily kill a man for a slur on Princess Anne, let alone Her Majesty. God forbid anyone should utter a negative word about dear Di - I'd carve the lyrics of Rule Britannia into their chops with a sharpened pineapple.

I suppose the logic of my position (on football not the aforementioned hypothetical Royalist revenge beatings) is that if English football is proven to be the best in Europe West Ham's current position is somehow more tenable - "why, if they were in Serie A they'd be cleaning up." The charges they're facing wouldn't look out of place in the corrupt Italian league of last season. Poor ol' West Ham, who'd've thought the first pair of corporately owned, brokered-in-a-deal by a prospective new-chairman-superstar, South Americans they purchased would have led to such trouble? By the time you read this a decision will have been reached on the Hammers' punishment, I hope it was financial rather than a points deduction, let's get relegated on our own "merit".

I personally think the way the season has panned out is punishment enough - Pardew's gone, we're going down and Mascherano has cleared off to Anfield to immediately and predictably become brilliant, what a fiasco. So surely I'm entitled to a modicum of guilty, patriotic pride when English teams triumph abroad? Please, your Honour? Why, there's not a Uefa-appointed, three-man panel on earth that would convict me.

Guardian column

Carry On Regardless

If West Ham lose at the JJB Stadium tomorrow afternoon there will be no excuses. Manager Alan Curbishley has refused to allow his plans for tomorrow's vital fixture at Wigan to be affected by the Premier League's investigation into the transfers of Javier Mascherano and Carlos Tevez. With the Hammers having been in the dock for the last two days Curbishley's plans could have been blown apart had the League decided to dock points- a scenario that would have resulted in almost certain relegation. "At the moment, whatever comes out of the inquiry is irrelevant," he said. "It's secondary to what we've got to do this weekend. The timing of the inquiry is not ideal but perhaps it’s been done for the benefit of all the clubs around us, not just for West Ham. Who knows what thinking has gone into it. But they’ve been determined to have this inquiry and there is obviously something there they want to investigate. I’m not going to be distracted by that. The most important thing is to get the points we need." The message is clear; despite the plethora of off-field distractions the fight for survival must 'carry on regardless'.


It is not something lost on Nigel Reo-Coker. "The Wigan match will be another test of character and I am looking forward to it," he said. "Whatever happens tomorrow and for the rest of the season, this has been a really testing season but you know what? I would not have changed a minute of it. I've found out a lot about myself, the people around me and the game itself which will hold me in good stead for the future. I'm still only 22 but I've learned so much from this season and I'm still learning."

The players can do their cause a massive favour if they can get the win tomorrow, and the West Ham captain feels the supporters can play a huge part. At least the players know they will not be short of backing as they have paid the coach travel to the JJB for 5,100 fans. "The game will be similar to the one at Sheffield United but we need to do a lot better," said Reo-Coker. "I believe we will. I know we have more than 5,000 going up on the coaches but I am told we could have as many as 8,000 fans up there which will be great for us. People are calling this the £50million game because that is what it means to stay in the Premiership. All I know is this is the biggest game of our careers."

The Inquest Verdict

West Ham have been fined a record £5.5m after pleading guilty to breaching Premier League transfer rules when signing Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano. But, perhaps crucially for the Hammers' Premiership survival prospects, they have escaped a points deduction. The decision, made by an independent Premier League commission in London today, concerned a breach of Premier League rules U18 and B13. The former forbids clubs from signing players who are contracted to third parties that could "materially influence its policies or the performances of its teams"; while the latter stipulates that all clubs must act with "the utmost good faith" towards the Premier League.


When West Ham signed the Argentinian internationals from Brazilian club Corinthians last summer, the players were contracted to four offshore companies - a fact that, according to the commission, Hammers bosses deliberately concealed from league authorities. "[West Ham] knew that the only means by which they could acquire [the players] would be by entering into the third party contracts," said the commission. "Equally, they were aware that the FAPL, at the very least, may not - and in all probability would not - have approved of such contracts. They determined to keep their existence from the FAPL."

It is believed the contracts only came to light when Mascherano subsequently left West Ham to join Liverpool on loan last January. West Ham has itself changed hands in that time, of course, and it is probable that the punishment would have been more severe if the people responsible for the signings were still at the helm - the new owners cooperated fully with the inquiry and pleaded guilty to the charges.

The hearing report also warned West Ham that "the registration of Tevez can be terminated." Accordingly, Tevez would not be allowed to play again for the club until it was proven that a new, legitimate arrangement has been made that prohibits any influence by third parties. That issue has at least been resolved. An official response on the West Ham website confirms that the Argentine striker is available for selection for the rest of the season, including tomorrow's game against Wigan Athletic. It reads: "The actual registration of Carlos Tevez has not been called into question and he remains a West Ham United player approved by the Premier League.

A statement from West Ham said the club had received a fair hearing. "The club regrets the fact that they fell foul of the FA Premier League regulations, but the new owners now want to focus on matters on the pitch and remaining in the Premiership," it read. "The threat of a points deduction has now been removed and the club's fate remains in its own hands. The club believes that promotion and relegation issues should be decided on the pitch and we are pleased that the commission agree with that view. The club will reflect on the financial penalty that has been imposed and will take advice before commenting on the possibility of an appeal or any further steps that might be taken."

Today's fine was the heaviest ever imposed by the Premeir League, far exceeding the £300,000 Chelsea were charged for tapping up Ashley Cole while he was still an Arsenal player. In fact, the monetary penalty is the biggest handed out in English football history, dwarfing the £1.5m fine Tottenham Hotspur received for financial irregularities in 1994.

Gordon Taylor, the PFA chief executive, said that West Ham escaped a points deduction because of their precarius position at the bottom of the Premiership: "If West Ham were in a comfortable mid-table position I think there would have been points deducted as a deterrent for the future. But I think with a relegation battle blowing up it's fair justice and something West Ham will be relieved about - particularly if they stay up. Fans of other clubs may not be happy with the verdict but if you need to stay in a division because another club has been deducted points it's not the sporting ethos you would want."

A personal statement from Eggert Magnusson reads: "I would first like to express my relief that this matter is now over. This has been a difficult time for West Ham United but we can now look forward and focus entirely on the remainder of our season. I am delighted that our destiny will be decided on the football pitch, which I believe is only right. We can now look forward to the final three matches of the season without this cloud hanging over us, and I am sure that will be a positive factor as Alan Curbishley and the players prepare for a vital match against Wigan Athletic tomorrow. I would once again like to thank our supporters for their loyal support during this difficult time, and I can assure them that everyone here is fully committed to the aim of retaining our Premiership status in the coming weeks."

Further reading: The Premier League Hearing (in full); Timeline: How the Tevez/Mascherano signing ended in tears

The Inquest Concludes

West Ham United are likely to be found guilty and fined when an FA Premier League inquiry announces its verdict today on charges that they acted improperly and withheld vital documentation in the transfers of Carlos Tévez and Javier Mascherano. Gary Jacobs in The Times says the club vigorously defended charges during a hearing in London that lasted just a few hours yesterday and are now likely to escape a points deduction. The Daily Mail are in agreement and predict West Ham will be 'let off the hook' with a substantial fine when the independent Premier League commission reconvenes. The article suggests that the commission members are likely to consider a points deduction too harsh, but also the expected punishment is sure to cause outrage at other clubs, who would regard it as too lenient. Paul Jewell, boss of the relegation-threatened Wigan side who meet the Hammers on Saturday, said: "Whoever is doing the inquiry will be desperate for us to beat West Ham. It should have been dealt with a long time ago to give everyone a fair crack of the whip. That would have given West Ham an opportunity to deal with it, if they had lost points. Now it’s come to the stage of the season where it seems crazy to have to make a decision."

While Paul Jewell bemoans the timing of the case, Alan Curbishley insists he harbours no grudge against Wigan for urging the Premier League to dock West Ham points if the club were found to have broken rules in their signing of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano. When the inquiry into the Premier League charges began in February, Wigan chairman Dave Whelan said: "If anyone has broken the rules they should have points deducted." In today's Telegraph, the West Ham boss states: "I think that is normal. Anybody involved in the relegation battle will be looking at anything and Wigan have voiced their opinion on it. If the boot was on the other foot, we would probably be doing the same. For us the most important thing is to get the points we need and worry about what decision is made later." Whether that is a circumspect piece of diplomacy ahead of tomorrow's crucial game is unclear. What is apparent is that Alan Pardew would not want to see his former club relegated by today's verdict of the three-man panel. "I think, all things considered, it is best if the football decides," Pardew said. "On the pitch is where it matters, so it will be absolutely fine with me if it is the status quo after the hearing."

In a further twist to the trial, The Guardian reveals that Paul Aldridge, West Ham United's former managing director who oversaw the transfers of the Argentinians to Upton Park, has not been called to give evidence to the Premier League disciplinary panel. Aldridge left West Ham after the takeover by the Icelanders Eggert Magnusson and Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson this season but he made himself available to the disciplinary committee and admits he is puzzled why his personal testimony is not wanted. "I've had written correspondence with the Premier League but I don't know if it's been heard," he said yesterday. "I have made myself available but no one's asked me [to attend]. I would like to be there to argue any case against me. I suppose they might think that [the deputy chief executive] Scott Duxbury was and is the legal view at the club and they can rely on that. But there is a charge that the club was acting in bad faith and I would have thought that my testimony might seem useful. We took a lot of legal advice at the time and we were very comfortable with the position."

The Inquest Adjourns

West Ham's hearing regarding charges relating to the signings of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano has been adjourned until Friday. Representatives from the club, including chairman Eggert Magnusson, and from the Premier League attended the hearing in London on Thursday.The hearing broke up around lunchtime but proceedings are expected to be concluded on Friday.

Meanwhile, the squad's one club assault on the country's judicial system is continuing unabated. According to local media sources, West Ham footballer Matthew Etherington has been fined £2,000 and banned from driving for a year for drink driving. Etherington, 25, pleaded guilty to the charge at Harlow Magistrates' Court yesterday. He was caught at the wheel of his Land Rover in Harlow and found to be just 2mg over the legal alcohol limit, the court heard. The midfielder was due to go to trial at the magistrates' court but admitted the offence at the last minute.

Prosecutor Charlotte Davison said: "At 1am on August 25 last year, Mr Etherington was seen driving in Harlow towards Church Langley. He was stopped by police who carried out a breath test. It was positive and he was taken to Harlow Police Station. Blood analysis revealed 82mg of alcohol in 100ml of blood. The legal limit is 80."

Stuart Cooper, defending, said the Premiership star had not known he would be over the limit when he got behind the wheel. He said: "He had been at a friend's house, for a lads' night in, and he had had a few beers and was returning home. He felt fine, he didn't think he was over the limit. As far as he was concerned he was safe to drive and he was not breaking the law. There was no suggestion that the quality of his driving was impaired, he was not showing signs of intoxication. The officer simply said he could smell intoxicating liquor on him."

Mr Cooper said Etherington, who has battled a gambling addiction, had initially taken advice not to admit the crime, which was why his guilty plea was at such a late stage. Etherington, who was smartly dressed in a grey suit and yellow shirt, spoke only to confirm his name, address and date of birth at the hearing. He was banned from driving for 12 months, but told he could reduce the penalty by three months if he attended a drink-drive course. He was also fined £2,000 and told to pay £400 court costs.

The Inquest Begins

The club will begin their defence of charges that they acted improperly and withheld vital documentation in the transfers of Carlos Tévez and Javier Mascherano when an FA Premier League inquiry begins today. If West Ham are found guilty, they could be handed a fine and points deduction when the hearing ends tomorrow. As Martin Smith in the Telegraph observes, if the independent disciplinary commission do their worst then the coach transporting the team might as well sail past Wigan's JJB Stadium on Saturday and keep going until it reaches Scunthorpe, Burnley or some other Championship destination. The strides the club have made on the pitch in the last five weeks could turn out to be like ascending a downward escalator: they could effectively be relegated by kick-off this weekend.

The Premier League has two main grievances. The first is they are unhappy that the agreement with Kia Joorabchian allowed for the possibility that he could affect club policy and team performance, something which is strongly contested by West Ham. The Premier League rule U18 states "no club shall enter into a contract which enables any other party to that contract to acquire the ability materially to influence its policies and/or the performance of its team". The club will argue that Joorabchian did not influence whether the players were selected to play. More serious, perhaps, is that the club told the Premier League that they had provided all the relevant documentation when the signings took place on the final day of the transfer window in August. This claim turned out not to be true. The Premier League has appointed a three-man panel to investigate. It will be chaired by Simon Bourne-Arton, QC, and consists of Lord Herman Ouseley, the chairman of Let’s Kick Racism Out of Football and a former executive chairman of the Commission for Racial Equality, and David Dent, a former secretary of the Football League. West Ham have appointed Jim Sturman, QC, who specialises in criminal and sports law, to argue their case.

West Ham have already indicated that they will appeal if found guilty and are deducted points, claiming that the rules had been broken by the previous owners. In any appeal, Eggert Magnússon would highlight a previous case in 1994, when Tottenham Hotspur were deducted points for making illegal payments to their players. Sir Alan Sugar, the chairman at White Hart Lane at the time, successfully challenged the FA ruling by stating that the board could not be held responsible for the actions of a previous administration. According to the Mail, a fine in the region of £300,000 is still the likeliest outcome. If this is upheld the club will try to recover the money from former chairman Terry Brown, who negotiated the transfer details.

The same newspaper also has a story about Carlos Tevez's outburst on Argentinian television last night. The article picks up on the quotes aimed at critics who have attributed the arrival of the two South Americans as a major factor in United's demise this season. Tevez said: "The people who have blamed me and Mascherano for everything do not understand football. These problems have never been caused by us either because of the transfer or the problems on the pitch. Javier and I are not to blame. Anyone who says that is wrong. I care for this club and have only ever done everything I can as a player and as a person to help West Ham this season." Naturally, the article neglects the additional quotes that are of more direct interest to the club's fans. In response to a question about his immediate future, Tevez replied: "It is impossible to speak about it now as it all depends on the club and the table. But if West Ham stay in the Premier League, I want to stay."

In other news, the Mirror claim Watford have targeted reserve keeper Jimmy Walker as their first-choice replacement for Manchester United-bound Ben Foster. England international Foster will return to Old Trafford once his season-long loan expires and Aidy Boothroyd wants the experienced shot-stopper as his replacement. Of course, any deal will clearly depend on where Robert Green sees his future in the event of relegation and whether Roy Carroll can see anything clearly at all.

West Ham United 1 Everton 0

Zamora Goal Gives Curbishley Reason To Smile by Jamie Jackson

Nervy, edgy, frantic and desperate. West Ham fans can hardly expect survival to come any other way. But the other ingredient evident here was a vital bravery... The Guardian

Zamora Keeps Implausible Dream Bubbling by Ronald Atkin

If not exactly bubbling, West Ham are at least still breathing, hoping to dodge the drop. A bellowed chorus of their anthem released the sell-out crowd's pent-up anxiety after six agonising minutes... Independent on Sunday

Zamora's Goal offers Reason To Believe by Clive White

West Ham are still breathing, still believing, which in the case of the former is quite remarkable since they had to survive six minutes of added-on time... Sunday Telegraph

Zamora Gives Hammers Hope by Patrick Collins

After spending months in the condemned cell, Alan Curbishley has suddenly acquired the confidence of a man who may have found a key. His natural caution remains, since everything could still go hopelessly wrong, but West Ham have somehow given themselves a chance of survival... Mail on Sunday

Curbishley Frets At Prospect Of Points Deduction by Jeremy Wilson

Nothing will be straightforward this season for West Ham United. Within minutes of recording a fourth win in six matches to retain hope of Premiership survival, Alan Curbishley found himself fielding questions about Thursday's Premier League disciplinary commission... The Guardian

West Ham Eye Escape Plan by Gary Jacob

A little more than a week ago, as they tiptoed from Bramall Lane bewildered and seemingly broken after a 3-0 defeat by Sheffield United, West Ham United were staring at another mission impossible... The Times

Curbishley gets Intense About Wigan by Evan Fanning

The Premier League inquiry into alleged irregularities surrounding the transfers of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano from the Brazilian side Corinthians begins this week, and may yet be the deciding factor in West Ham United's future... The Independent

Doomsday Looms But Curbishley Stays Focused by Martin Smith

If the Premier League's independent disciplinary commission do their worst this week, the coach transporting the West Ham team might as well sail past Wigan's JJB Stadium on Saturday and keep going until it reaches Scunthorpe, Burnley or some other Championship destination... The Telegraph

Forget The Rest, Let's Beat The Best by Simon Cass

Delighted with another victory against a top-six side, West Ham boss Alan Curbishley admitted he urgently must find a solution to the quandary of why his side cannot produce a similarly professional performance against their fellow strugglers... The Mail

Beware Of The Wrath Of The Man Bereft

A chin with a thin Kirk Douglas cleft
squad by the bleeding left
don't shout he's deaf
head over heels in love with death
beware of the wrath of the man bereft
no marriage plans for action man
Action Man from the Ou est La Maison de Fromage anthology (1978), John Cooper Clarke

Last week's excellent episode of The Sopranos dissolved out to the music of John Cooper Clarke. I have no reason to mention this save to say that it was a perfect symbiotic amalgam of the world's greatest television show and the world's finest punk poet. Sometimes in life things just fit together, like a hoary old footballer and a desperate need for media exposure. In today's Mirror there is an amusing 'exclusive' by Neil McLeman, with a headline that screams: 'No Way To Treat A Legend'. The 'legend' is Teddy Sheringham and the subject is a 1980s popstar-style career that is fading irrevocably to grey. "Sheringham is fast becoming more famous for being the very ex-beau of Big Brother bully Danielle Lloyd rather than one of the original stars of the Premiership Years," observes McLeman. "Love him or loathe as the archetypal modern footballer, it is not a way to end a career." Sheringham agrees. "I have been very frustrated," he complains. "I get paid to play football and that is all that I want to do. This manager doesn't like or respect the way I play football, I presume. I don't know that there is anything else that has happened that could have affected the situation - he hasn't told me."

In other news, Alan Curbishley has decided to clamp down on premature and over-exuberant goal celebrations. As the second lowest scorers in the Premiership this season you might imagine our collective inability to actually hit the back of the net might be the bigger concern, but not so. "When we score, everyone seems to get involved," Curbishley said. "Even the defenders seem to find themselves in the corner of the pitch. Chelsea were waiting to kick off and saying: ‘Let’s get on with it.’ If we score against Everton, I hope it might be a bit different. They say it is a vulnerable time when teams have scored. I’d like to think they have their minds on the next couple of minutes. Let’s eradicate it."

In the same article Curbishley has reiterated there is no 'agenda' behind team selection. Several players, including Yossi Benayoun, have expressed their dissatisfaction about not being included by the manager. The midfield player returned against Chelsea, but Marlon Harewood has not been in the squad for the past four matches and Paul Konchesky for five. "You can’t keep everyone happy," Curbishley said. "If the players who are left out expect to be on the bench, they need to give a thought about the manager’s problems. If people can’t get in the squad of 16, it’s up to them to get themselves back and one way is to be in people’s faces in training. That is the attitude that’s got to happen for those out of the side, and those in the side have got to stay there." Finally, the Irons manager predicts that Dean Ashton will not be leaving in the summer if we are relegated. "I don’t think we’re under undue pressure that others would be," he said.

Feeling Upbeat

The not-so-secret diary of Dean Ashton, aged 23 and three-quarters, has been updated today. There is quite a bit about his recovery and very little about anything else, which is probably indicative of where his priorities are at the moment.

Feeling upbeat about my second op
By Dean Ashton

I had a second operation on my ankle last month. It had to be done because I felt like I'd hit a brick wall in my recovery. For the last seven months I hoped that I might have been able to make it back in time for the end of the season, but I was having quite a bit of discomfort when I was running and I wasn’t able to push on and get myself back.

We had tried all the methods possible but something wasn’t right, so I went to see an ankle specialist and he said the best thing to do is go in with a camera and remove any scar tissue that was in there. They removed quite a lot, and I think that was the reason that my recovery had plateaued. The operation wasn’t as bad as when I first did it and I didn’t have a cast or anything, I just had to rest and put my feet up for two or three weeks while it healed. I was back on crutches during that time. It wasn’t ideal I've got to say, it was really hard work. But because I had got to a stage where I wasn’t making any progress I just saw it as something I had to do.

It was a lot easier to stay positive and keep myself busy this time around. It is not easy, I had done seven months out already and no-one likes to have an operation, but I feel as upbeat as I ever have. I am just going to work as hard as possible and get myself stronger and fitter than I was before. There are plenty of other players who have missed out this season as well; I'm not the only one. There's Michael Owen, Joe Cole, Jimmy Bullard, there are quite a few. It happens so I'm not going to let it get to me.

I am just about to start a new training program and it does feel a lot, lot better already. I did the two weeks of doing nothing, and now I am doing some swimming and generally getting movement going. I have also been up at Total Fitness in Manchester again; I found it beneficial last time so I've been there for some more intense treatment. I'm not too sure what I'm going to do next; perhaps some running in the hydrotherapy pool in the next couple of weeks. Then I can progress it on the exercise bike and cross trainer to see how it reacts.

My aim is to get running by the end of the season. The pressure is off in one sense because I know I am not coming back this season, so I don’t feel like I'm against the clock, but even so I want to get fit as soon as possible - the sooner the better. I am not going to just take my time for the sake of it. The idea is to get back ASAP, and then I can work as hard as I can to be ready for pre-season and the season itself.

I don’t really want to go into how the team are doing at the moment, but only for the reason that I haven’t been watching all the games in full, I've just been getting on with my work. I also don’t really have a firm opinion because I haven’t been around the place to know what's going on. I would love to get involved with the lads but unfortunately it just doesn't work like that when you're injured.

Brutal Laptop Reality Destroys My Island Fantasy

West Ham's impending relegation is only slightly more bearable from the other side of the world
By Russell Brand

Oh I get it, wait until I'm safely tucked up in my "Prison Paradise" Hawaii, and then have English football transform into the most thrilling, rewarding game on earth. Man United v Roma? 7-1? Oh come on, it's absurd. I'm on an island where I can't even get my thirsty, deprived little fists on English newspapers and enjoy the analysis, let alone actually watch matches, oh what I wouldn't give to have grimy, inky fingers from holding the prestigious pages you now grip - or the dear old Sun, I'd be happy with the Telegraph and Star for God's sake.

Instead of which, I am trapped amidst this tedious beauty reading about West Ham beating Arsenal at the Emirates on a laptop screen - the horror, the indignity, it's so un-English. Of course whilst abroad, I become so aware of my national identity as almost to become a poisonous racist or at least social shipwreck. I'm considering wearing a knotted hanky on my head and eating bangers and mash on the beach whilst rolling my eyes at the turtles and surfers.

If surfing had not been invented and I found myself in the ocean with a surfboard, which would exist without function in the parallel universe of my devising, I would after perhaps an hour's endeavour deem surfing to be utterly impossible and implausible. The bonkers fact that everyone here can do it seems to me a denial of the laws of physics - I might just as well design a sport that involves the practitioners wearing pig's-trotter goggles and playing billiards with their shins.

Perhaps this loopy event might cause me less arse-ache than following the team I'm chained to by heredity and geography. West Ham's brief, triumphant run collapsed after they'd done enough to inspire some dumb optimism in me, making a mockery of the practice that I'm sure a lot of belligerent football supporters undertake - particularly if they suddenly have time on their hands, stranded yards from the location where Lost is filmed - I've been studying the fixtures of my own team, Wigan, Charlton and Sheff United and calculating a points prognosis based on my results predictions.

Unfortunately this system is impeded by the idiotic bias of the practitioner. Using this device I swiftly deduced that Sheffield United and Wigan would be joining Watford for a Championship jaunt next season because I am incapable of excluding aspiration from the process. According to my system the Hammers will triumph at Bramall Lane and then hold Chelsea to a draw at Upton Park, securing four points from a possible six. Fine, except the relentless march of time and truth has brutally presented me with an unpalatable brace of thrashings from those encounters.

When poring over the fixtures I convince myself that I'm being objective and even now, after the fallibility of the system has been made painfully evident, I still find myself looking at forthcoming games and thinking "ooh, I think Everton at home should be three points" and "oh, I see Charlton and Sheffield United are playing each other - they'll hopefully field teams ridden with convicted sex offenders and face an automatic 20-point deduction leaving West Ham in the clear, wahoo!"

I suppose the inevitable relegation of West Ham will seem more bearable from the other side of Earth, just sad text messages from friends and internet-derived news. Not for me the doleful trudge down Green Street and agonising colour photos adorning glib red tops. I'll be witnessing the fall from a hammock drenched in delicious cliches.

I heard today that coconuts kill more people than crocodiles (than are killed by crocodiles, not 20 people a year and 17 crocodiles in the coconut league of death. I don't know the stats for crocodile deaths - I don't have that much free time). I shall have to keep my wits about me, I don't need the word "coconut" cropping up in my obituary . . . "Ballbag comedian killed by falling coconut whilst lamenting West Ham's relegation". Tragically I wouldn't be able to read my own obituary because you can't get the papers here. And I'd be dead.

Guardian column

What's The Frequency, Eggert?

"What's the frequency, Kenneth?" is your Benzedrine, uh-huh
I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed
I thought I'd pegged you an idiot's dream
Tunnel vision from the outsider's screen
I never understood the frequency, uh-huh
You wore our expectations like an armored suit, uh-huh...
What's the Frequency Kenneth (1994), REM's Monster album

I have a theory, albeit not founded on much, that you can tell which players will still be here next season based solely on their level of interaction with the media. Whilst the majority of the squad, including the club captain, have kept their counsel as the doom clouds have gathered, a select few have refused to hide. In recent weeks there has been messages from the stoic Lucas Neill, the contemplative Robert Green and the passionate Mark Noble; all three I hope and expect to see in the claret & blue when August ushers in. We can now add to that list James Collins. In an article entitled 'Hammers Must Make Impact Quickly' the Daily Mail quotes the combative defender at considerable length. "The manager has said to us that we need to win three out of our last four games if we have any chance of staying up and it will be a tall order," concedes Collins. "We have got to believe we can do it, otherwise there is no point in playing. We have got to put the Chelsea defeat behind us because we have a massive game against Everton on Saturday. I know the result didn't show it against Chelsea, but if we go out and show the same kind of effort and commitment, I am sure we can get another win under our belts." I know he was culpable for one of the goals on Wednesday night but I do like James Collins. He's ginger, he's Welsh and he's liable to break into a rousing rendition of 'Men of Harlech' when the spears begin to fly... while Anton will look impassively on.

While James Collins continues to find favour, one man clearly out of form and seemingly on his way of the club is Marlon Harewood. In a separate article in the Daily Mail, Alan Curbishley has been at considerable pains to insist he has no agenda concerning his squad selections. "I’ve always said I don’t have an agenda here,” he said. “We’re in a position where whoever is in the team must get on with it. Whoever is substitute, whoever is brought off, whoever is left out is not important. We’re all in this together and we have to get our heads down and give it everything. Marlon didn’t play well at Blackburn so I changed it. Also in my thinking is that we are conceding too many goals from set-pieces and Kepa Blanco can be useful in our box in that respect." Of course, it doesn't really matter how often your manager says he has no 'agenda', not when Carlton Cole gets a place on the substitutes bench ahead of you. The message could not really be any clearer or louder or simpler.

Elsewhere, The Guardian reports that there will a police investigation into the Chelsea bus missile incident- not that it matters. We have been pissed on so much this season that it really ceases to have an effect any longer. As Seinfeld observed, once you're wet you're wet. The article states that the Metropolitan police are investigating the hurling of a missile at Chelsea's team coach as it approached Upton Park before Wednesday night's Premiership fixture against West Ham United. The object - not believed to be a brick (no, it was a bottle) - shattered the outer layer of glass on one of the coach windows. The Football Association will not be looking into the incident because it occurred outside Upton Park but police confirmed last night that they were pursuing the case. The Chelsea coach was travelling along Barking Road more than 90 minutes before the 8pm kick-off when the object was thrown despite the presence of a police escort. The Stamford Bridge club later confirmed that none of the players or staff on board had been hurt during the incident (how the hell did the flying glass miss Frank's arse?), the like of which is rarely seen in Britain. West Ham say they will cooperate fully with any police inquiries but, with no CCTV footage available (ouch, pity the poor bastard who picks up this case), an arrest for criminal damage seems unlikely.

Finally, not even a hastily painted Stipe stripe could throw the paps off the scent yesterday, as an elusive Eggert Magnusson was cornered by Sky Sports News for an interview he clearly didn't want to give. Staring implacably through the cathode rays he told the watching audience: "I still believe we can do it. I'm an optimist but it's getting serious now." Fair enough, I myself only started worrying about relegation around last October time. In response to a question about Alan Curbishley, Eggert insisted: "I've been impressed with him for many years and my impression since he's been at West Ham hasn't changed." Well, okay I'll buy that. I'm still with you Mr Magnusson sir. Finally, to a loaded question about some of the off-field antics of certain squad members, our Icelandic chairman unblinkingly replied: "They are all good players, I believe in them." It was at that point I knew one of us had lost it. What's the frequency, Eggert?

Alan al-Sahaf

Alan Curbishley delivered a defiantly upbeat message this morning; one that flew so intractably in the face of overwhelming contradictory evidence it would have caused even Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf to wince. On the official site, our Cockney Minister of Information insisted: "We've got four games left and we've got to win three of them to get to 38 points and give ourselves a chance...Everton play here at Upton Park on Saturday and now we've got to the point where we've just get on with it out there on the pitch and try to give our supporters something to hold onto, once again. We fight on!" Give it up Al, the players have.

Also on the official site is Robert Green's astounding observation that Chelsea's strikers are actually quite good. "The first goal Wright-Philips struck early right into the bottom corner and the second one is an unbelievable finish from where he was," admitted the beleaguered keeper. "You're looking at the players you're playing against and the qualities they have. They've had probably ten chances to score in the game. You look at the forward line that they've got and the players they've got playing for them. We couldn't afford to give them too many chances."

As if the Chelsea forward line is not already impressive enough, it could be about to get even better. One unforeseen consequence of the game last night is that it may have hastened the departure of Carlos Tevez. The Premiership Rumour Mill believe the Argentinian could be set to make the move to west London, having scored the goal that united both Roman Abramovich and manager Jose Mourinho in their admiration. The article in the Daily Mail suggests both were also full of praise for Tevez's admirable work ethic as he refused to give up his side's cause in the 4-1 defeat. Chelsea have had a long-standing interest in the player but his five-star display last night has only heightened the desire to land him.

West Ham United 1 Chelsea 4

Wright-Phillips Stuns West Ham by Henry Winter

Like London buses, Chelsea fans had to wait two years for a Shaun Wright-Phillips goal in the Premiership, and then two came along at once at Upton Park last night. Wright-Phillips' classy brace lifted the champions to within three points of Manchester United, and condemned West Ham closer to relegation... The Telegraph

Lampard Takes Inspiration From Coach Attack by John Ley

Chelsea steamrollered West Ham into submission last night - but only after the team bus carrying the players was struck by a brick as it approached Upton Park. One window was cracked, but nobody was hurt. Later Frank Lampard, Chelsea's former West Ham midfielder, confirmed that the coach had been damaged... The Telegraph

Cruising Chelsea Hammer Out Four Title Warnings by Kevin McCarra

It was supposed to be a week that took Chelsea to the brink of collapse, but in the end this game was no more than a warm-down after the gruelling extra-time victory over Blackburn Rovers in the FA Cup... The Guardian

Time Running Out For Curbishley by Matt Dickinson

Chelsea have up to nine matches left this season and, with so much at stake, it is unlikely that any will be played out as peacefully as the last 25 minutes at Upton Park last night... The Times

Wright-Phillips In From The Cold To Keep Chelsea In Hot Pursuit by Sam Wallace

Life at Chelsea now dictates that there must be a new hero every match to keep their remarkable march on track and for Shaun Wright-Phillips that day could not come soon enough... The Independent

Rock Solid Chelsea

Chelsea shrugged off a hooligan attack on their team bus last night to keep the heat on Premiership leaders Manchester United. A brick was hurled through the window of their coach outside Upton Park but they went on to thrash West Ham 4-1 with the help of two goals by Shaun Wright-Phillips, cutting the gap at the top to three points... Daily Mail

Remembering John

It might well have gone unnoticed amid the build-up to the game this evening, but today marks the one year anniversary of John Lyall's sad passing.

John Lyall was not only one of West Ham’s most loyal servants, enjoying a 34-year-long association with the club, but he was also one of the East London side’s most successful managers.

He helped the Hammers to win the FA Cup twice, took them to the brink of European glory and guided them to their highest ever league position. He would later go on to manage Ipswich Town, leading them from the second division to the Premier League. Of all his achievements, perhaps the most memorable was West Ham’s win over the mighty Arsenal in the Cup Final of 1980, when the second division side outsmarted their London rivals in a 1-0 victory. This remains the last time a team from outside the top tier has lifted the FA Cup.

A native of East London, John Lyall joined West Ham as a groundstaff boy in 1955. He showed promise as a reliable left-back and appeared in the 1957 FA Youth Cup final and in February 1960 he made his senior debut against Chelsea. His playing career was cut short after three years by persistent knee injuries, and after a spell working at the Upton Park offices, he joined the West Ham coaching staff. He was taken under the wing of the side’s manager Ron Greenwood, who not only gave him great guidance and assistance, but at an early stage assigned him managerial responsibilities, such as sorting out transfers and contracts.

Lyall was appointed assistant manager in 1971 and three years later, with Greenwood taking up the England job, he was appointed head coach, with Mick McGiven as his assistant. His first full season in charge brought immediate silverware. After beating Ipswich in a contentious encounter in the semi-final, West Ham overcame Fulham in the "Cockney final" of 1975 by two goals to nil. A year later, despite a tenacious performance against Anderlecht in the European Cup Winners’ Cup final, the Hammers lost 4-2 to the Belgians.

The team’s fortunes thereafter took a downward turn, and in 1978 they were relegated to the second tier. They bounced back in thunderous fashion in 1981, with a tally of 66 points, a joint record for the division (this was the last season in which two points were awarded for a win). Before doing so they staged one of the great FA Cup upsets when they overcame Arsenal, the holders, in the 1980 final.

Arsenal had come to the final exhausted after requiring three replays to dispatch Liverpool in the semi-final. Those four games had also given Lyall plenty of time to study his opponents, and his decision to play David Cross as a lone striker, pulling Stuart Pearson back to bolster the midfield, effected the desired result. After a rare header by Trevor Brooking in the 13th minute, the Hammers employed the tactic of contain-and-counter-attack which completely shut out the Gunners.

Under Lyall’s tutelage, West Ham went from strength to strength throughout the 1980s, and in 1985-86 they finished third, the side’s highest ever position. They did it in style, too, with the impish partnership of Tony Cottee and Frank McAvennie particularly delighting. Had English teams not been banned from European competitions after the Heysel disaster in 1985, West Ham would have qualified for the Uefa Cup.

In May 1989, after a series of stuttering campaigns, West Ham were relegated after a 5-1 thrashing by Liverpool at Anfield. Lyall, the longest serving manager in the first division, was sacked in June. Many fans and commentators thought the decision ill-judged, hasty and even cruel, given the years he had dedicated to the Hammers, the silverware he had brought to a club that only two years beforehand would have been playing European football.

A year later he took the helm at Ipswich Town. Resuming his partnership with McGiven, he once more displayed his managerial acumen. In particular, his decision to retain the services of the ageing Ipswich legend John Wark was a bold one, but it proved to be shrewd. He lifted the struggling and unfancied outfit to the second division title, earning them a place in the inaugural Premier League in 1992.

Although they did not play the most attractive brand of football, Ipswich did punch well above their weight. By January 1993 Ipswich were in fourth place, pushing for Europe, and to their more optimistic fans, for the title itself. Yet they lacked stamina, and after poor results they drifted down the table, finally ending in 16th.

The 1993-94 campaign witnessed an even more dramatic plummet, with Ipswich narrowly avoiding relegation. By December 1994, with Ipswich rooted at the bottom of the table and doomed to relegation (a fate that was duly realised), Lyall and the club departed company.

Lyall commanded respect and was widely held in affection by the players he worked with. The old-fashioned virtues of politeness, honesty and loyalty came naturally to him.

"Respect and good manners, Ron Greenwood used to tell me, was all that you can ask of anyone," he said. "You don’t need education for that or wealth."

Other reading:

David Lacey's tribute; The Guardian Obituary; The Independent Tribute; David Miller Remembers;

The Sinking Ship

With the good ship West Ham on the verge of sinking, it's no surprise the rats are forming an orderly queue. According to an article in The Guardian, Yossi Benayoun and Marlon Harewood will lead the anticipated exodus from Upton Park if, as looks likely, the club are relegated from the Premiership. Benayoun has not played since the 4-0 defeat at Charlton in February, and while reports of a rift between the player and manager have been denied by both parties, sources close to the player has confirmed that there has already been firm interest from several Premiership clubs. Those interested in acquiring the services of the Israeli include Tottenham Hotspur, Newcastle United, Portsmouth - where Benayoun's Israeli mentor Avram Grant is the club's technical director, as well as several Spanish clubs.

Harewood will also definitely leave in the event of relegation having fallen out with the West Ham management. Martin O'Neill is known to be an admirer, although he will face competition from both Spurs and Newcastle. The story also suggests Alan Curbishley will face other potential evacuees; the January transfer-window signings Calum Davenport, Nigel Quashie, Matthew Upson, Luis Boa Morte and Lucas Neill are understood to have clauses in their contracts allowing them to leave in the event of relegation. In addition, Carlos Tevez, Bobby Zamora, Anton Ferdinand and Nigel Reo-Coker are also unlikely to remain with the club in the Championship and Robert Green could be loaned to a Premiership club. Also in the article, and of more immediate concern, is the news that injury will almost certainly rule Matthew Upson out for the rest of the season. It means that the £6m January signing from Birmingham may well have played his last game for the club. "He has had another series of treatments and has not responded," said Curbishley. "We are running out of time; it's difficult [for him] to return before end of season. It has just been a disaster. We seem to be in the same position - when players come back they have not played for a long while. We have taken gambles before and they have not quite worked."

In other news, Alan Curbishley is hoping that Carlos Tévez will respond positively to the criticism metered out to the Argentine forward following the 3-0 defeat to Sheffield United. "I must admit I was disappointed with his performance," the West Ham manager said. "He has galvanised everybody in the way that he has attacked things and performed recently. I’ve had to substitute him in some matches because of the [tireless] effort he has put in, but we did not get that from him and some others against Sheffield and I need that against Chelsea. This is a stage for some to respond. He [Tévez] has to be one of them, so let’s see if he can bounce back."

Still, We Believe

Lucas Neill believes that West Ham United will have a significant part to play in the Barclays Premiership title race and the quest for Uefa Cup places, despite their battle against relegation. Personally, I would settle for the team just playing some kind of part in the Premiership full stop, either this season or next, but that is looking an increasingly forlorn hope. In an article in The Times, the Irons captain-in-waiting admits to being frustrated by the result at Bramall Lane. "Obviously we are very disappointed by the result" said the defender, who signed for £1.5 million from Blackburn Rovers in January. "We had an opportunity to go above Sheffield United and make things a little more comfortable on the run-in. But as it stands, I believe we still need three wins and we’ve got five games in which to do it. Three of the matches are at home and are all winnable. Then we have a very important away match at Wigan before a trip to Old Trafford on the final day of the season. There is still so much to play for and it is important that we don’t lose heart."

The Daily Mail also carries the story and quotes Neill as saying: "We have to bounce back immediately and react quickly. And it is great to have a home game against Chelsea because it is a chance to lift ourselves again. We have to realise there are still 15 points to play for and we have to fight for every single one of them. We can still end up smiling at the end of the season." Just as the Australian puts the convict into conviction, so manager Alan Curbishley seems to be unwavering in his belief. He told the official site: "Things can still change dramatically by Saturday. We've been handed three tough games inside a week and after playing Chelsea on Wednesday, we've then got to recover in time for the Everton match. Who knows, we could still get six points from our next two games and we've got to go into both of those home matches giving it our best shot, trying to win and expecting to win. "

Mark Noble is also on message. The youngster has pleaded with West Ham’s fans to turn up the heat on Chelsea at Upton Park tomorrow. "We need all the fans to get behind us and make it a cauldron in there," he said. "I want them to make as much noise as they can to spur the boys on. We always start brightly at home and must give it everything." The atmosphere at the Boleyn is something clearly on the minds of at least two Chelsea players. Joe Cole is expecting a barrage of abuse when he makes his first return to the club since he moved across London. He is quoted in The Sun as saying: "I would imagine I’ll probably get some stick but that’s football. Supporters don’t like to see their players leave the club." Elsewhere, Frank Lampard predicts a red-hot reception and 'a bit of a war' tomorrow. He states: "West Ham are desperate for points and got a bit of a lifeline at the weekend because the teams above them didn't win. It will be a hot atmosphere and we cannot afford to lose points in the title race. It is important we make Manchester United realise that we won't give up."

In transfer news, Martin Jol has been linked in a couple of places with a £15million double swoop for Nigel Reo-Coker and Curtis Davies, while Sky Sports insist Carlos Tevez is wanted by new Corinthians coach Paulo Cesar Carpegiani. It is not until you read the quotes contained within that you realise the entire story is little more than a popcorn fart.

The Paul Ince Confession

It is a bit lazy but as nothing much has happened today I thought I would pass the time of blog by featuring a small piece by Paul Ince. It is 'The Guv'nor's' version of the truth behind that infamous posed picture in the Manchester United shirt. Now, I have a small confession to make regarding Ince. I remember too well my anger at the time of his transfer and the frustration of seeing him put in a string of listless performances in the last few games before his departure. There was one match where I swear he stood on the halfway line and refused to move more than a few feet in any direction for the duration of the match. I was incandescent with rage at the time but then I was just a kid, as was Ince in truth. He was petulant, impressionable and very badly advised.

There is a passage in John Lyall's autobiography where he talks about nurturing Ince as an ebullient 13-year-old at Chadwell Heath. It is intimated that the youngster was saved from a troubled life by the education he received at the football club, even if the detrimental pressures and temptations of his teenage associations were never far behind. Lyall recounts the story that he received a telephone call one day to tell him that Ince had been present at a fracas involving old schoolfriends. A detective came to visit and although no charges were brought Paul was made aware of his responsibilities. It was a lesson he never forgot. When the time came for the player to leave the club he did so with the full backing of Lyall, and that is good enough for me.

My own animosity towards the player has somewhat dissipated with the subsequent passing of years. There has simply been little or nothing to sustain the anger; no ill-timed comment or action to nourish the enmity and stoke the fires of discontent. Frank Lampard take note. I would momentarily join in with the tirades that cascaded down from the stands upon his every return to the club, and then I'd look at the faces around me contorted in rage, watch the spittle and invectives fly, and realise my heart was not really in it any more. So my confession is that I do not and have not for some considerable time disliked Paul Ince. Paul Ince's confession, about the events surrounding his departure, is as follows:

Let me put the record straight. My wife Claire and I were living in a house in Dagenham. I had just bought an XR3i cabriolet and parked it outside the house. The roof and wheels kept getting slashed, and the windows were smashed. At the end of the 1988-89 season I went to the West Ham manager John Lyall and said, "Look, no disrespect gaffer, but I'm getting my car trashed, so I need to get out of this house, and on the wages I'm on I haven't got enough money to move."

He could see what I was saying and sorted out a new contract. I'll tell you exactly how much it was for - £1,100-a-week. It was all ready for me to sign when I came back for pre-season training. But while I'm on holiday, John got the sack and Lou Macari took over. I told Lou about the contract, but his exact words were: "At your age, you shouldn't be on that much money." I couldn't stay after that.

Man United then became interested, so I spoke to Alex Ferguson and the deal was close to being done. I then went on holiday, and my agent at the time, Ambrose Mendy, said it wasn't worth me coming back to do a picture in a United shirt when the deal was completed, so I should do one before I left.

This would be released when the deal was announced. Lawrence Luster of the Star took the picture and put it in his library. Soon after, their sister paper the Express were looking for a picture of me playing for West Ham, and found the one of me in the United shirt at the bottom of the pile. They published it and all hell broke loose.

I came back from holiday to discover West Ham fans were going mad. It wasn't really my fault. I was only a kid, I did what my agent told me to do, then took all the crap for it. The most annoying thing was Luster never had the balls to come out and say what had actually happened. He has killed me. If I ever see him again I'll give him a good hiding.

I went up to United, but then failed the medical, so I had to return to West Ham. I sat on the bench for a couple of games, but my wife was getting stick in the stands, so I thought, nah, I'm not having this! Alex Ferguson got in touch to tell me that he was resurrecting the deal and that he'd look after me. I have to thank him for that. That is the story, but God, all the crap I get from West Ham fans!

If you think about all those fans at Upton Park, they must have made a mistake and been forgiven. What do they get at games? About 25,000? I bet about 10,000 of the men have been unfaithful and asked for forgiveness from their wife. You have to forgive and forget. When I played for England against Italy in Rome, when we qualified for the 1998 World Cup, West Ham fans were probably standing by the bar saying, "There's our boy from the East End", but as soon as I came back I was still a Judas. I've held my hands up and told you the story as it happened.

When all is said and done, I still consider myself a West Ham boy. That is where I come from. That will never change. I probably still have more affection for the club than any other.

Fish Not Flapping

The depressing narrative of this season has unfolded with the grim inevitability of hubris inviting humiliation- if Euripides had ever tried writing football stories he could not have done it better. There was something about the shuddering defeat at Bramall Lane yesterday that was as predictable as it was devastating; to follow up momentous away victories at Blackburn and the Emirates with such an abject performance in Sheffield speaks right to the heart of the club.

Of course, it was not just the result but the manner of the performance that extinguished the few remaining embers of hope for survival. As Arindam Rej observed, there comes a point in a relegation run-in when it is no longer enough to have a gifted set of players who strive to play constructive football. Days such as this are about players who put their boots in when it matters, deal with bouncing balls, win important shoulder barges and make the sliding tackles. To even the casual observer it would have been obvious from the body language alone in which direction these two respective teams were heading. There was one relegation threatened team which raged against the dying of the light and another who willingly acquiesced to the ineluctable destiny of defeat.

I've been sat here trying to think what I could write but my mind keeps wandering back to a scene from Kill Bill 2; the one where David Carradine is cutting a sandwich with his big kitchen knife...

Our little girl learned about
life and death the other day.

Wanna tell Mommy about
what happened to Emilio?

I killed him.

- Emilio was her goldfish.
- Emilio was my goldfiss.

She came running into my room,
holding the fish in her hand and crying,

"Daddy. Daddy.
Emilio's dead."

And I said, "Really? That's so sad.

How did he die?"

- And what did you say?
- I stepped on him.

Actually, young lady, the words
you so strategically used were,

"I accidentally stepped on him."

To which I queried,

"And just how did your foot accidentally
find its way into Emilio's fishbowl?"

And she said, "No, no, no. Emilio was
on the carpet when I stepped on him."

Mmm. The plot thickens.

"And just how did Emilio
get on the carpet?"

And Mommy, you would've been
so proud of her.

She didn't lie.

She said she took Emilio
out of his bowl...

...and put him on the carpet.

And what was Emilio
doing on the carpet?

Flapping.

- And then you stomped on him.
- Uh-huh.

And when you lifted up your foot...

...what was Emilio doing then?
- Nothing.

He stopped flapping, didn't he?

She told me later...

...that the second she lifted up her foot

and saw Emilio not flapping,
she knew what she had done.

Is that not the perfect
visual image of life and death ?

A fish flapping on the carpet,
and a fish not flapping on the carpet.

So powerful, even a four-year-old
with no concept of life or death (or football)...

...knew what it meant.

Sheffield United 3 West Ham United 0

Battling Blades Put Hammers On Brink by Arindam Rej

There comes a point in a relegation run-in when it is no longer enough to have a gifted set of players who strive to play constructive football. Days such as this are about players who put their boots in when it matters, deal with bouncing balls, win important shoulder barges and make the sliding tackles... The Observer

Warnock Wins Battle Of Nerve by Richard Rae

As part of their preparations for this game, Sheffield United’s players were told by a sports psychologist to close their eyes and picture where they intended to be at the end of the season... Sunday Times

Sheffield Prevail In Fight On The Precipice by James Mossop

You can almost hear the trap-door crashing shut behind West Ham as they fall inexorably into the dark pit of relegation. They will go down as Dregs United, a team without passion, humiliated by a side alongside them in the trouble zone but revelling in the battle for survival... Sunday Telegraph

Tonge Pushes Hammers To Brink by Guy Hodgson

The West Ham United bubble is about to burst. Needing a win to give themselves a realistic chance of remaining in the Premiership, they collapsed against fellowstrugglers Sheffield United at Bramall Lane yesterday and now require an improbable set of results to stay up... Independent On Sunday

Tonge Piledriver Buries Hammers by Ian Stafford

On a day of huge significance at the bottom of the Premiership, Sheffield United took a massive stride towards survival and left West Ham staring relegation full in the face... Mail On Sunday

West Ham Let Initiative Slip by Bill Edgar

First, the good news for West Ham United. They play Chelsea at home on Wednesday and visit Manchester United on the last day of the season. Then, the bad news... The Times

Warnock Cuts His Cloth To Suit by David Miller

It was not fair. Sheffield United had at least three more players on the field than West Ham. That's certainly how it appeared... The Telegraph

Hammer And Tonge by Peter Ferguson

Some moments can define your season. The trick is to spot them. But Michael Tonge and Sheffield United arrived with such a supernova intensity, leaving West Ham half-blinded for the rest of the match... Daily Mail

Irons Maiden

One of the few bright spots on an almost unrelentingly shitty day was the appearance of the lovely West Ham soccerette on Soccer AM. The woman is Claire Booty and she is a 25 yr old Peterborough lass. I'm going to make this happiest of distractions the official face of Just Like My Dreams... until such a time that her lawyers get in contact.

Storm Trooper

Goalkeeping legend Robert Green is the subject of the Saturday Interview in the Daily Mail. It's a good read about a good player with a good photo in a not very good newspaper. I'm reproducing here so you don't have to venture onto the site and also because the guy richly deserves all the coverage he gets.

Green bids to weather storm at Upton Park

By Matt Lawton

Robert Green reflects on his first season at West Ham. "It’s been extraordinary," he says. "Like being stuck in the eye of a storm. Inside the training ground, on the pitch, in the stadium — it’s been a media circus. A frenzy. Like something I’ve never encountered. "All the stuff that’s been going on off the pitch. The takeover. The arrival of a new manager after what seemed like a few days. The threat of having points deducted. The arrival of the boys from Argentina. It doesn’t necessarily affect you as a player but it’s something that goes on around you, going on over there."

But that’s just it, says West Ham’s 27-year-old goalkeeper. It has been going on "over there" and is not, therefore, a reason why West Ham’s players can blame anyone other than themselves for their predicament, which leaves them in desperate need of a victory at Sheffield United today if they want to remain in the Premiership. It could, of course, amount to nothing if an independent Premier League commission decide later this month that West Ham should be deducted points for an alleged breach of transfer regulations — if they decide that Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano were ineligible to play for the club earlier this season. But you won’t hear Green complaining.

Does the situation not demotivate them? "I don’t think it’s ever really entered our heads," says Green, as he relaxes in the bar at Upton Park. "Not at all. We are doing everything we can to stay up. Whether that is then taken away from us is out of our hands. "We can’t control what the Premier League decide to do — if they decide to deduct us points or fine us. Look at AFC Wimbledon earlier this season: 18 points deducted, reduced to three. Three points doesn’t sound a lot but it could make all the difference to us. All we can do, though, is focus on playing. It’s never been mentioned in the dressing-room. I’m not sure the lads even know all the ins and outs of it. Of course, it could be massively disappointing if we get enough points to survive and then go down. But should we be in the position we are in right now? No. And we can’t use the things that have happened around the club as an excuse. We’ve had enough games this season to put things right, but performances, on the whole, haven’t been good enough. We’ve shown what we can do in glimpses. We’ve done that in the last three games — against Middlesbrough, against Arsenal last weekend, and against Blackburn —but we’ve gone to other games and not performed. That, for me, is a bigger crime."

Green continues to talk with refreshing honesty. Did the arrival of Tevez and Mascherano not destabilise the dressing-room? "That was all massively blown out of proportion," says Green. "I signed the day before they arrived. Why didn’t I make that kind of impact? Why didn’t I destabilise the dressing-room? The whole idea was crazy. When they arrived they didn’t even speak any English, so how were they going to do that? They were two quality players. You only had to watch the World Cup to see that. Whether they were used to their full potential, I don’t know. But look at Javier now. He’s doing pretty well at Liverpool. And Carlos is flying now he’s been given a chance to come up for air."

A change of manager nevertheless followed. Farewell Alan Pardew, hello Alan Curbishley. "It was a decision that was taken by the new chairman, Eggert Magnusson," says Green. "But if we stay up then everyone will say it was the right decision. Only time will tell. There wasn’t anybody in the dressing-room who disliked Alan Pardew. Like any squad, you had 11 happy players and a load of other not so happy players. But when the manager was sacked I think a lot of the boys looked at themselves and took some responsibility for that. We did a disservice to him and to the club by not performing as well as we could have done."

After a 6-0 defeat against Reading, Curbishley reminded them of that. He called them the ‘Baby Bentley’ brigade, as well as a few other things. "I don’t drive a Bentley," says Green with a smile. "I don’t care for cars. I drive a Range Rover but I’d be just as happy to drive an Astra or an Escort. The manager told us that what he said had been misrepresented. I think what he did say that day was said with the right intentions. He was talking about the hunger shown by the Reading players to stay in the Premiership. The hunger they were showing wasn’t being shown by our players."

Curbishley banned the card schools and while that had an impact on some players, it did not trouble Green. "I’m not a gambler," says an England player who has used his spare time to gain A-levels in law and psychology and is now keen to do a degree. "But I never really saw the card school as a problem. If people want to play cards, let them. It’s up to the individual how much money they play for. That was how most of the boys saw it. People play cards for a lot of money but in this industry people earn a lot of money. It’s not my scene; I prefer a quiet life with friends who are away from football. You’re better off asking the other 25 boys what I’m like but 'different' is probably a word I’d use. I’m probably different in that I don’t watch a lot of football. I won’t watch it on TV. I will study who we are playing before a game, but beyond that I won’t sit and watch hours of live games. Football is already my life and I think if I spent my entire time immersed in it, it would send me crazy — or crazier. I’m from Woking and they’re my team, and I’m probably more interested in non-League football than the Premiership."

And more interested in winning than making excuses.

The Pips Are Squeaking

There are just hours to go before Sheffield United entertain West Ham at Brammal Lane and the pressure is squeezing so hard the pips have started to squeak. According to an article in The Times, Ted Warnock is banking on a mental help act to help his side cope with the occasion. The Blades boss has enlisted a team of motivational experts to encourage his players to envisage how it will feel to retain their status. Striker Jon Stead explains: "We picture doing what we want to do. For me, I’ve been through a few torrid times and so it’s good to picture the good times: when everyone’s on the plane, going on holiday, with a big smile on [his] face, thinking, ‘Yes, we’re playing in the Premier League next season’. Me? I’m on the plane first, then on the beach, then in the bar. Everyone’s on that visualisation trip now, picturing what they want to do and where they want to be in a month’s time.” This pseudoscience shtick doesn't even work; I've been cosmic ordering a ruinous night with Keira Knightley for weeks and still not a sausage.

Further Warnock ramblings can be found in The Sun where northern clubs get a rough deal when it comes to dodgy decisions; in The Telegraph, where the dressing-room unity at Sheffield United will see them to safety, and in his column in The Independent where he promises a fantastic crowd. Warnock writes: "I'm sure both groups of fans will be nervous. Personally, I think it is better playing teams with just as much to lose as us, like Newcastle last week. After winning at Arsenal, West Ham must be thinking they can't lose another game. Alan Curbishley said this week, "They go into every game thinking they will win", and you can understand. All this started with the Devine intervention at Blackburn, followed by a couple of ricochets against Middlesbrough, then an offside goal last week. No wonder Alan's not too bothered. They were also fortunate when we went there and had an equaliser chalked off in injury time. People keep telling me things even out so hopefully they will in these last six games. I don't mind being battered today and coming out with the points because it is that time when points matter more than the performance."

In the same paper, rugged defender James Collins has articulated his determination to prove he has the style to keep West Ham in the Premiership. The article states Collins has found his chances limited at West Ham since signing from Cardiff in the summer of 2005. But after putting a run of injuries behind him he is developing into a key figure in the Hammers' late charge for survival. "I still have a bit to prove to West Ham fans," admits Ginge. "Coming up to the FA Cup final last season I played somewhere near where I can but I haven't been anywhere near the level I know I can play at. Hopefully two clean sheets in the last two games will have shown them something. Everyone's buzzing with the three points from the Arsenal game and there is no reason why we can't take the confidence into tomorrow. Tomorrow's game is absolutely massive. It's a six-pointer. If we win we are right back in the fight." Alan Curbishley is effusive in his praise of the young defender. He said: "I am glad he has come back into the team. He has brought some aggression, enthusiasm and freshness to the team."

Hawk In The Rain

I drown in the drumming ploughland, I drag up
Heel after heel from the swallowing of the earth's mouth,
From clay that clutches my each step to the ankle
With the habit of the dogged grave, but the hawk
Effortlessly at height hangs his still eye.
The Hawk in the Rain (1957)

Perhaps it is the mounting pressure of the relegation fight but our normally laconic leader has suddenly developed a touch of the verbals. Ahead of this weekend's crunch encounter with Sheffield United, Alan Curbishley admitted for the first time that the job he took on at Upton Park was harder than he expected. In an article in The Times he is reported as saying: "The job is bigger than I thought. I have realised that since I have been here. But it is not something that is scary. I let the opportunity to manage West Ham slip once and when the chance came up I wasn't going to let it slip again."

The Daily Mail has also picked up on the story and claims Curbishley now has more than enough material to warrant a new addition to his recently published autobiography. It states that after a season of turmoil, in which the club have belatedly discovered their form and fortune to win three straight matches and close within touching distance of safety with five matches left, that book could yet have fairytale ending. "We were written off three or four weeks ago, quite rightly so because we were ten points away from safety," observes Curbishley. "But we have narrowed that down. We've given ourselves a shout. There is a long way to go but if we can turn it around it will be a great result for us and we have got to do that."

Elsewhere, Curbishley has spoken about his envy of Neil Warnock for being able to swap the muck and bullets of a relegation dogfight for the calm of his family farm in Devon. Warnock is the Ted Hughes of the Premiership, frequently retreating into the Devon wilderness for periods of contemplative solitude. In a piece in The Sun, Abridge based Curbishley admitted: "I spoke to Neil about five or six weeks ago. Sheffield is his club and he jumped at the chance to manage them. He knows it is similar for me, West Ham is my club. The big difference is he can skip off to Devon — I can’t." The Blades manager has clearly being using his time in isolation to brood over recent events. He is complaining in The Mirror that West Ham should give life presidency to the linesman who awarded their winning goal against Blackburn. He is quoted as saying: "If West Ham do stay up now, they ought to give Mr Devine life presidency of the club. It was one of the worst decisions of the season and it might be someone with a flag who decides who goes down this season. When you look at West Ham's goal with Mr Devine, it could all be down to an official - there's such a fine line."

Finally, Bobby Zamora has been playing in such pain from a knee injury in recent weeks that, rather than push his forward too hard, Alan Curbishley is granting him as much rest as necessary between matches. In an article in the Guardian, the West Ham manager freely admits to taking a page from the Brian Clough book of football management. "We've been patching him [Zamora] up a bit," said Curbishley. "He's led the line in recent weeks as well as I've seen anyone. The answer in his case is rest. We have to just get him through training and then he plays on the Saturday. Bobby has shown in the last couple of weeks that he's prepared to go out there and get on with it. In some respects, resting in between games isn't such a bad thing. Brian Clough used to rest his players in the week all the time - they never trained at all in between games in the run-ins."

Banishing The Demons

It is Friday night and a quick perusal of the London Evening Standard reveals an exclusive Ken Dyer interview with Matthew Etherington. The troubled winger has opened up for the first time about the not-so-secret and long-standing gambling addiction that has rendered the player so ineffectual this campaign.

Rejuvenated Etherington vows to give his all after banishing the demons

By Ken Dyer

There was a time not so long ago when Matthew Etherington could hardly drag himself onto the Upton Park pitch. From the grandstand, it just looked as though, like most of the West Ham team at that time, he was bang out of form and resigned to relegation. Little did most of the fans realise Etherington’s head was full of the demons that any addiction can provoke.

The West Ham winger is not the first player to have a gambling addiction — and he won’t be the last. Thanks to the Sporting Chance clinic, though, the understanding of his club manager, the support of friends and family plus his own determination, Etherington is well on the way to recovery. You can see it in his play out there on the pitch where there is no hiding place. Where once his shoulders sagged and his head drooped, he is now returning to the sort of form he showed last year, when he was an outside bet for England’s World Cup squad. West Ham manager Alan Curbishley will need Etherington and the rest of his team to be at their best tomorrow, against fellow relegation candidates Sheffield United. Bramall Lane will be no place for faint hearts or distracted minds — but Etherington is ready.

Etherington, who once admitted that he couldn’t recall a day when he didn’t have a bet, has been treated at the Sporting Chance clinic founded by Tony Adams. The West Ham player said: "I was in a bad place at the start of the year and I went to Sporting Chance to sort out my head. Things are a lot clearer now and it’s no coincidence my displays have been much better in recent weeks. I had a lot of things going on in my personal life I had to sort out. I’ve done that now and it’s a chapter in my life I can now close. I want to get on with the rest of my life now. I can look forward. I feel I’m a different person now. The mental state I was in during the first half of the season made it impossible to go onto the pitch and play. That was my own fault but I’ve come through that."

Curbishley believes it is no accident that West Ham’s recent improvement — they go into tomorrow’s game on the back of three consecutive wins — has coincided with Etherington’s rejuvenation. "The work ethic which has come into this team in recent weeks has been epitomised by Matty Etherington," he said. "I spoke to Matty about his problems when I first came to the club. Peter Kay, the chief executive of Sporting Chance, then wanted a longer consultation than perhaps was normal for a Premiership player. "I agreed to that, though, and Matty took the opportunity during one of the breaks we had where we had no game, to go away for a block of time because it was needed. He is now working very hard for himself and the team. Now players like he and Lee Bowyer need to add a goal to everything else they are doing.
"We need them to chip in with a goal because, at the moment, the scoring is confined to a couple of people."

Etherington played a full part in the 1-0 victory at Arsenal as the Hammers became the first team to win at Emirates but he expects a challenge of a different kind tomorrow. "They will look to get us early, try to rough us up a bit. That’s the way Neil Warnock’s teams usually play," he said. "It will be a very different game from last week’s at Arsenal but just as tough. Yes, we’ve ridden our luck a bit in recent matches but it’s the first time we’ve had those breaks all season. The manager has said to us that you make your own luck and everyone is working hard now. We’re now all pulling in the same direction, which perhaps wasn’t the case earlier on. We’re working so hard for each other and that is where it has to start. We’re all putting in our shift and letting the football do the talking later in the game. I wouldn’t say tomorrow is a ‘must win’ game. I know we’re still second from bottom in the table but if we can pick up some points away and then win our home games then I think we’ll be OK. Our fans can make Upton Park an intimidating place and make it very difficult for the opposition. We’ve put ourselves in a better position now and we just have to make the most of it. It will be a hell of an achievement if we make it because three weeks ago everyone had written us off and rightly so."

Curbishley admits that taking the West Ham job before Christmas has turned out to be an even greater challenge than he expected. Since I’ve been here I’ve realised just how big this club is, what it means to people and where it can go," he said. "It’s bigger than I thought. It’s not something which is scary but you think ‘blimey, we’ve had that bad run but what would happen if we had a decent one?’"

The Great Escape

Alan Curbishley believes that keeping West Ham in the Premiership would represent a greater turnaround than Harry Redknapp's efforts at Portsmouth last season. In an article in The Independent, the Hammers boss is quoted as saying: "When I came in I never envisaged we'd be where we are. I thought we would have picked up more points. I was also hoping the run-in would be a situation where we'd be thinking about getting nearer the middle of the table. It didn't happen but if we get out of it, it would be a fantastic achievement."

In the same piece, Lucas Neill claims the squad is full of confidence and relishing the challenge ahead. "We're the form team, which is a nice feeling when there are only six games to go," states the Aussie. "It's good to have the momentum, the belief that you are going to win every time you play - but it's important not to get carried away. It's important that we don't take our foot off the pedal, show the same spirit and attitude, and make sure we stay organised. Sheffield United away - as long as we don't let them get away from us - a draw may not be the worst result there, because we will still give ourselves a chance. At home, I fancy us against anyone. Chelsea, Everton, Bolton, they are all beatable and, with the crowd behind us, we have every chance. Everyone's smiling now, and we can't wait for the next game." Whether a solitary point at Bramall Lane really would constitute a good result is debatable. Any one who has engineered an heroic Irons escape via the BBC's predictor will surely have counted Saturday's game as a must-win.

On the transfer front there is speculation linking Alan Curbishley with a move for Scunthorpe United striker Billy Sharp. The Daily Star say a £700k offer could be in the pipeline. There are also reports from Iceland that Arsene Wenger is now leading a 20 club European wide race to land Icelandic wonderkid Kolbeinn Sigthorsson. The Icelandic under-17 international who plays for the HK Kopavogur is the hottest young property in European football at the moment and the Gunners boss has tried to lure him to North London every year for the last three years without any success. Icelandic bosses want to keep Sigthorsson at home for another two or three years to further his development before letting him move abroad. However with the clubs lining up to take him they face a tough task to keep him. Eggert Magnusson is also keen on the 16-year-old, as reported here last week, while Reading and Blackburn have had him watched along with Real Madrid, Barcelona and Ajax among others.

Blowing Bubbles The Cockney Way

Another slow news day so I thought I'd post a piece I found a few weeks ago. It is an interview with Ray Tuck, manager of the official pub of the West Ham supporters club.

Blowing Bubbles The Cockney Way
By Simon Mastnak

West Ham supporters club is one of the best organized supporters clubs in England. The club is located just around the corner from West Ham's football ground and from the windows of their pub you can even see the Icelandic West Ham boss eating cookies in his office. Ray Tuck is the manager of their pub and a life-long West Ham supporter.

How did the supporters club get started?
Well it's all down to Tom Jenkinson really (his picture still hangs on the club's walls to this day). They (West Ham supporters) met in school during the war, and then carried on meeting after the war in a pub that was near the ground. West Ham United borrowed them some money to build the club, and then after they bought Phil Parkes and Tony Cottee they asked for the money back (laugh).

What is the relationship between the football club and supporters club nowadays?
It's broken now. We always had two trustees on the board of the football club and because of the new regime over there, the two trustees resigned in the last year. And anyway, virtually no member of the supporters club really lives in Cockney area anymore. The population changed in East London and the new inhabitants are not football fans really and our older members are dying or moving on to Essex.

How do you feel about your new owners?
Well, in this game the rich are always getting richer. Man United have always done it and have no right to moan about the Chelsea, cause they always had the money and they bought better players. But we were never part of that and it looks like that now we’re gonna be in future. And this is the part I hate. It’s not fair to smaller local clubs but it’s going to ensure the clubs future. Even if we go down to the Championship in the next season, they have the money to bring us back up. But you know these men are hard business men. If this geezer who owns Chelsea got fed up with footie, he could just sell the team, and buy a basketball club or whatever, and then what’s gonna happen to Chelsea? How are they gonna pay all those high players’ wages?

If we move to your story, how did you start supporting West Ham?
When I was young we lived in an area close to the ground, and in those days you would support your local team. You wouldn’t even think about supporting any other team. And one other thing - Ted Fenton went to school with me dad, and he ended up a West Ham manager (and by the way his brother was a Millwall manager). So, this made us even more West Ham. My father even remembers going to the games on the same bus as all the players. He used to take me to the games in the late 50’s. In those days the supporters used to pass us youngsters down the terraces on their hands so that you could see better.

What are your first memories of watching a footie match?
Well, I was about sixteen. We moved a bit further away from the ground and I went to Wembley to see the Cup Winner’s Cup. I mean we grew up watching Bobby Moore play. It was a pure pleasure. And you hear so many great things about the man but he just didn’t have a bad game. So it was good memories in 60s.

What did footie mean to you and what does it mean now?
It’s in you blood. Being a proper Cockney, West Ham’s in your blood. No matter how bad they were doing, you would go to the game. We didn’t even expect them to win; and they didn’t (laugh). Going to games was quite a journey. We lived 10-12 miles away from the ground. And of course we had little dough, and many times we had to walk back to home, and you would come home only at nine o’clock at night. So that’s what made you a West Ham fan in those days. And today, being a supporters club manager, it’s basically a dream come true, though I came here because I needed a job, not just because it was West Ham.

What was the best game you remember?
The game I didn’t go to, because I was at a wedding. It was the semi-final against Manchester United in 1964, and we were in the church with a transistor, and everyone was just listening to the good news from the pitch. And of course in the middle of all this the wedding was going on! But it was a good game, because we beat the likes of George Best and Denis Law. All good players. Also the final in the last year, though once we were in the extra rime you just knew. You just knew, we were never gonna win it. But we went to the bars afterwards with all them Scousers, because they are similar to us West Ham supporters and had just a great day together.

So the cup games stay in the memory longer?
Yes, you do tend to remember the cup games more because everyone has got to win. You can’t put five men in the middle just playing for a draw; and not just the final, but also the games leading up to the final.

How did the Bubbles start?
Well, it’s an American song. It was just after the First World War. The reserves used to play over at the Recreation ground, and there was this picture on the wall of this young fella blowing bubbles. And basically one of the reserve players looked just like him. The Bubbles song was out then and the fans just started singing the Bubbles to him, and that’s how it got started. So, we have the oldest football song in the world; and a well known one around the world as well. Once I was in Barcelona and we was singing the Bubbles and these fellas, not one who spoke English, but they all knew the words to the Bubbles. Of course if you’re a West Ham supporter, you’re gonna have Bubbles played at your funeral…

Your fans are also known for hooliganism, especially after the release of the film Green Street Hooligans. What is your experience in that area?
Well, even recently, I went to Palermo in the season and we were treated like shit. We were mob-marched for about three miles. There was a lot of trouble in the square and a lot of unprovoked police brutality. And at the end of this match, they took us past this camp and then the police just disappeared, they just didn’t wanna know about it; and the fighting just kicked-off then. Then, when we got to the ground, we were put in this cage. It was a lot like coming back to those days of the 60s, and how you were treated on away travels on cattle trains.

I had nothing to do with hooliganism. But in those days, even just going to away games…it was like...I remember one time at the Stoke game, and someone spat in my mate's face and we moved from the West Ham supporters so it was a real danger. My mate stopped me from going at him because he knew we would get hurt; and we would've been. But even in those days, if you weren’t involved in violence, you didn’t really know much about it.

How do you see the future of West Ham?
The only problem is they want to move it to the Olympic stadium at Stratford in East London. And they’re not gonna even build a pub there. I mean, how can you have a football ground and no pubs around? But they’ll survive. These people, though hard-hearted business people, I believe they are gonna make us a top six club. But it doesn’t excite me. Not doing it that way, I mean.

Camera Feeds Off Scrambled Eggert

Below are two related articles about Eggert Magnusson and the significance of body language in strong leadership. It comes at a time when Magnusson and Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson are in danger of becoming the Statler and Waldorf of the English Premiership.

The first is taken from this month's FourFourTwo magazine and the latter appeared in last month's Observer Sport Monthly

West Ham on the psychologist's couch

It's late in West Ham United's vital encounter with Tottenham Hotspur at Upton Park and the Hammers have managed to gain a 3-2 lead with minutes to go. Moments later, the visitors have plundered two goals to snatch the points. In the stands, Icelandic chairman Eggert Magnusson has his head in his hands. Manager Alan Curbishley is aiming frustrated kicks at his water bottle. The supporters are sitting dumb-struck in their seats. Like Newcastle United's spectacular Premiership capitulation in 1996, it has all the hallmarks of a classic act of self-sabotage.

With the Hammers staring relegation in the face, and reports of dressing-room unrest and egomania rife, what would a sports psychologist do if invited to help?

For a sports psychologist to be invited into a club requires recognition by the management that they may not have all the mental and emotional resources needed to transform a situation. This is not an admission of weakness, but a frank assessment of their strengths. It respects the need for a neutral, unbiased presence, at emotional distance from the in-house shenanigans, that can make frank assessments of both the players and the management.

The first and most important conversation would be with the chairman. Magnusson's body language is that of a man who doesn't hide his feelings. His angst is visible to all. Some may see this as admirable, but the role of the chairman requires coolness and a sense of perspective, sending out a message to the fans that, despite current adversity, all will be well.

This clarity arises from a long-term vision and strategy that has taken all eventualities into account. The chairman mindset is calm and steady: 'On my watch nothing will faze me. I know how to turn this situation around.' It's a sense of certainty that is born out of good, experienced leadership. The chairman has to rise above the ebb and flow of feelings and emotions. Running a football club should not be a way of fulfilling his emotional needs, whether it be the need to be loved, respected, acknowledged or appreciated. A wise leader will never seek to have these needs met in the public arena.

Failure to radiate a cool, certain presence sends out the message that instant success is critical to the future of the club, that any defeat has the potential to send the club spiralling into an uncertain future. This naturally increases the pressure to succeed. Players and fans become aware of the pressure and fear replaces calmness. Under pressure, that fear leads to poor concentration and mistakes. When the going gets tough, cameras and supporters' eyes turn to the stands to observe the chairman's reaction. Thus, Magnusson inadvertently sets the emotional tone for the club. He becomes part of the story, embroiled in the emotional rollercoaster.

For the Hammers to break out of this cycle of self-destruction will require patience and a long-term strategy. It begins with the chairman.

Curbishley losing on all fronts as TV camera crews feed off scrambled Eggert
By Paul Wilson

Perhaps Alan Curbishley never really expected to beat Liverpool on Tuesday - if West Ham are to save themselves it probably won't be at the expense of teams in the Champions League bracket - yet it is a fair bet that the manager did not appreciate the full extent of his problems until he returned home and watched the video.

What might not have been apparent from the technical area was glaringly obvious to the television cameras and the country at large. Curbishley is being upstaged by his boss.

Only last week we were remarking that technical areas have become the new six-yard boxes as far as television is concerned, with the cutaway to the incensed/ecstatic/indignant manager now the money shot cameramen must not miss. Except at West Ham, where Curbishley's somewhat limited range of disappointed gestures is merely a prelude to the smouldering volcano that is Eggert Magnusson in the stand.

Of course it helps, from a televisual point of view, that the Icelandic biscuit millionaire is a dead ringer for Elmer Fudd. But what makes him irresistible is that he attends every game, sits in a prominent seat and howls with anguish every time something goes wrong. This season, that has been quite a lot and one can sense that camera crews are fighting for pitches with a view of the directors' box in anticipation of the day the Hammers either redeem themselves or go down.

Neither Curbishley nor his players need this extra pressure. New owners might be the story of the past couple of seasons, but Roman Abramovich generally simpers in the background while Randy Lerner has hardly been high profile at Aston Villa.

It will be a major surprise if Liverpool's eventual buyers turn up for every game to gurn for the camera, and in this respect at least Manchester United's American owners are absolute models of discretion and respectfully kept distance. The fact that United are not currently giving the Glazers much to complain about may not be entirely unrelated.

Magnusson resembles a gambler who ostentatiously places a large bet then phones the jockey before the race to make sure he knows how much he has riding on him. Appearances can be deceptive, but body language should not be underestimated either. Maybe Magnusson should watch a few tapes.

The Vultures Circle

It's time to don the protective clothing and take a less than salutary wade through the Sunday tabloid gossip sections.

The News of the World claims Chelsea and Manchester United have joined Europe's top clubs in the battle to snap up Carlos Tevez. The Argentine striker is already being chased by Juventus, Inter Milan and Real Madrid, plus sundry other members of G14. Although we are rumoured to have first refusal to buy Tevez at the end of the season, it is suggested that Eggert Magnusson will baulk at the £25million price tag even if Premiership survival is secured. The article states that there has been no attempt to open talks with Kia Joorabchian, the man who was behind the loan deal that took Tevez and fellow Argy Javier Mascherano to Upton Park in August. With that in mind, third party discussions have already taken place to move the player to Stamford Bridge.

The Sunday Express take a slightly different tack and believe Eggert Magnusson will do everything in his power to keep Tevez beyond this season, despite the difficulties presented by Media Sports Investments. In the same article, Alan Curbishley confuses the picture even more by suggesting the Argentine's future is not necessarily dependent on Premiership survival. He is quoted as saying: "Carlos is effectively here to the end of the season and there is a facility to sign him, but I think that facility is for other clubs as well. We’ll have to see what happens in the summer. But I don’t know about us only being able to sign him if we’re in the Premiership. West Ham are a big club, as I’ve learnt even more since I’ve been here." The Sunday People believe Tevez is in no rush to move but caution that a move to Liverpool in June is very much a possibility.

Also in the Sunday People is a story about Neil Warnock's interest in Nigel Reo-Coker. They suggest the Sheffield United manager will make a £4 million summer swoop for the Irons skipper if he keeps the Blades in the Premiership. Finally, the Sunday Mirror repeat their claim from a few weeks ago that Reo-Coker, Matthew Etherington, Paul Konchesky and Anton Ferdinand will all leave the club in the summer regardless of what division we find ourselves in next season.

Arsenal 0 West Ham United 1

Hammers Capitalise On Rub Of The Green by Matt Barlow

West Ham's players, fans and coaching staff could not contain their jubilation after completing an amazing double over Arsenal, but there can be no resting on their laurels... Daily Mail

Toothless Arsenal Thwarted By Green by John Ley

Just below the top tier at the Emirates Stadium is a red band upon which are depicted Arsenal successes. It begins with the FA Cup win of 1930 and ends with the Cup success of 2005... The Telegraph

Jubilant Hammers Fans go One Louder At The Emirates by Roy Wilkinson

Alan Curbishley, West Ham United manager and hard-rock fan, knows all about Spinal Tap and amplifiers that go up to 11. On Saturday, West Ham had a goalkeeper who went up even higher... The Independent

West Ham Cling On To Hope by Russell Kempson

Rarely in the history of the Premiership, let alone English or, perhaps, world football, can a match of such a one-sided nature have ended in favour of the oppressed... The Times

Green Fingers Revive Hammers' Prospects by David Lacey

Suddenly and against considerable odds West Ham are part of the Easter rising. By becoming the first team to beat Arsenal at the Emirates, having been the last to beat them at Highbury... The Guardian

West Ham Revival Fired By Zamora by Anna Kessel

A scintillating match ended with a historic Premiership defeat for Arsene Wenger's side, their first at their new stadium, and the first time they had lost three Premiership games in a row in two years...The Observer

Zamora Gives Hammers Hope by Brian Glanville

Gentlemen, the stuff of science fiction. With a 1-0 win at the Emirates stadium, West Ham United completed a 1-0 double over Arsenal, who were beaten for the first time at their new home... Sunday Times

Zamora Breaches Fortress Emirates by Jason Burt

For much of this season West Ham have appeared cursed. Yesterday they were blessed. Quite how Arsenal did not score, never mind win this contest was simply unbelievable... Independent on Sunday

Brilliant Green Gives West Ham Hope by Simon Hart

West Ham may still require a miracle to escape relegation but there is no other word to describe their victory yesterday. "We only had one shot," crowed the ecstatic travelling fans as a stunned Arsenal side slumped to their first defeat at the Emirates Stadium and their third Premiership reverse in succession... Sunday Telegraph

Zamora Takes His One Shot At Redemption by Rob Draper

Words cannot do justice to Arsenal’s overwhelming superiority in this game. A mere list of the litany of Arsenal chances, from 29 shots on goal, would not begin to convey the margin between these two sides... Mail on Sunday

Reaction across the blogosphere-

West Ham: Hammered; West Ham Till I Die

Arsenal: A Cultured Left Foot; Gunnerblog; Arsenal 4 Life; Arseblog; The Cannon;

Relegation 2002-03

Nigel Winterburn's sobering recollections of the fateful relegation season of 2002-03.

West Ham United 2002-2003
Manager Glenn Roeder
Team included David James, Joe Cole, Frédéric Kanouté, Jermain Defoe, Michael Carrick, Paolo Di Canio

The atmosphere and the belief among the players in 2002-03 was first class. But the main problem was that we didn't win a home game until the end of January and when you get in such a poor run of results you find it very difficult to get out of. We had an absolutely fantastic team at the time - Paolo Di Canio, Fredi Kanouté, Joe Cole, Michael Carrick - and I still can't believe a team with players like those was relegated. Early in the season we were thinking, "well, there are still 20 or 30 games to go." You get past Christmas and say, "We're still only halfway through the season." But then reality set in.

We were battling away but couldn't get out of trouble and by the time we got everything together it was too late. When you start a season poorly and can't win at home - a lot of teams rely on their home form to stay up - you can feel the tension. The crowd are behind you for 20 minutes but if you don't get that first goal you feel the nervousness roll down from the terraces and it translates on to the pitch. Any mistakes by individual players and you can hear the moans and groans. When you're in poor form it affects the players even more and inevitably the away team scores and then you get that feeling of "here we go again, another home defeat."

We had a group of players who were not performing to their potential and the pressure began to mount. You feel the need to win three or four games on the bounce but it's very difficult to do that when you've only won two or three games all season. This West Ham team has given itself a slight chance but the way Charlton are going they would have to pull two other teams down into that battle. They're probably going to have to win another four or five games and I find it hard to think they can do that with some of the games they've got left. I think they will go down. I feel sorry for the supporters. They've got to come back and support their team, whereas a lot of players move on. That's what happened with the team I was in and it will happen again this time.

Re-runs, Regrets And Renewal

West Ham United were the last team to beat Arsenal at Highbury, in February last year, so they will look for a neat symmetry on their first visit to the Emirates Stadium today, a venue where Arsenal are yet to lose. The Times has an article about West Ham's rollercoaster ride in the 14 months since that meeting; Gary Jacob suggesting there is renewed vigour and spirit at Upton Park since the introduction of the feisty Mark Noble and the growing menace of Carlos Tévez. Of course, neither player was involved in last season's historic victory in north London, but that hasn't stopped Alan Curbishley showing the squad a re-run of the game in an attempt to inspire a similar performance.

Predictably, Carlos Tevez is the man garnering most attention ahead of today's game. Matt Barlow in The Daily Mail believes a renewed work ethic, combined with improved fitness and a tendency to play further up the pitch, is the secret behind the recent surge in goalscoring form. Curbishley feels it is a more a question of belief. "I think it's another confidence thing with Carlos," he said. "It's only three games ago that he scored his first goal. Now he's got a couple of goals you can see the lift he's had." Of more interest in the Mirror story is our manager's insistence that Tevez has a long-term future at the club should we survive. He also claims to have no regrets over the handling of Javier Mascherano, a player he feels just never fitted in.

When you have had the kind of season that we have had then talk of regrets is something of an inevitability- not so for Lucas Neill. The Telegraph carries an interesting interview with the Aussie defender in which he admits "it's hard to justify my move at the moment because of our league position. But I've bought into Mr Magnusson's dream and I really, really want to see it through." That dream includes a new stadium, a new training ground and a whopping transfer kitty that would, in theory, catapult the club into the big time: quite simply, the chairman's ambitious plans blew Neill away. "I know about his ideas now, but the majority of people out there don't," Neill says, by way of explaining his move. "They can't buy into it because they've never heard the fairytale. But until we secure Premiership status, no one's going to see it. I just hope the whole of England gets to see it because his plans are unbelievable. And it would be great for football. It wouldn't be the same four teams at the top all the time."

Bonzo And Beat

There is a rare chance to hear from Billy Bonds as The Independent features an interview with two greats from the seventies who recall the days when contract negotiations took 15 minutes, backpassing took 10 minutes and one of them was on the dole a couple of years after retiring.

Kevin Beattie and Billy Bonds: '30 grand a week and they can't kick the ball properly'
Interview by Brian Viner

Billy Bonds and Kevin Beattie, Bonzo and the Beat. It sounds like a double act entertaining football fans old enough to remember the Seventies, but that's not for Bonds, an engaging but unclubbable man who prefers to keep his reminiscences for his mates. Beattie, I dare say, could be persuaded. A more extrovert man than Bonds, he could also do with the readies. One of the greatest footballers of his generation - "you were like John Terry but more powerful," Bonds tells him, solemnly - Beattie, at 53, lives in an Ipswich council house caring for his wife, who has multiple sclerosis.

Bonzo and the Beat, the former one of the finest footballers never to play for England, the latter one of the finest who did. Bill Shankly once admitted that one of his biggest mistakes was not signing Beattie, aged 15, for Liverpool. He'd been invited back for a second trial but Shankly's scout Geoff Twentyman forgot to meet him off the train at Lime Street. An unworldly kid with not a penny in his pocket, Beattie went straight home to Carlisle, followed by a rejection letter from Liverpool, saying he'd let them down. A week later he was snapped up by Bobby Robson for Ipswich Town, and Robson has since said that he rates the Beat better than all the other Englishmen he ever managed or played with, a list that includes Duncan Edwards, Bobby Charlton, Bryan Robson and Paul Gascoigne.

Yet Bonds, now a startlingly fit-looking 60, was touched with fortune that eluded Beattie. He played his last game for West Ham United aged 41 years and 225 days. At Ipswich, the Beat was finished at 27. By 1983 he was queuing at the dole office heartbreakingly close to Portman Road, signing autographs and then signing on.

In other ways, their careers ran in parallel lines. They both made their names as commanding centre-halves, and they both enjoy unique distinctions, Bonds as West Ham's longest-serving player with 663 League appearances under his belt - which is still fastened on the same notch as it ever was, I might add - and Beattie as the man Ipswich fans recently voted the club's greatest-ever player. The word "legend" is devalued in football, but it's the one you'll hear, and legitimately so, if you mention Bonds at Upton Park, or Beattie at Portman Road.

The legends, whose battles included the 1975 FA Cup semi-final, won by Bonzo, do not know each other well, but they have agreed to let me buy them lunch in an Italian restaurant near Liverpool Street station for the prosaic reason that two good friends of mine are good friends of theirs. One of the waiters, as Italian as Gorgonzola, turns out to be a Hammers fan.

"You were de best," he says to Bonds, who seems chuffed. Even if you didn't recognise him, he still looks like someone who was the best at something. Beattie cuts a less imposing figure, but Bonds remembers scarcely anyone more imposing on the pitch.

"I have this image of you in Czechoslovakia one night, about minus 20 it must have been, a Uefa Cup game, and you were wearing short sleeves..."

"Oh yeah, Bohemians of Prague it was. Even Allan Hunter had tights on that night. They beat us 2-0, but we beat them 3-0 at home so we got through..."

Ipswich in those days were a force in Europe as well as the old First Division. In the 1973-74 Uefa Cup they beat mighty Lazio 4-0 at Portman Road, and Trevor Whymark scored the lot. Bonds asks after him. "'Skid' Whymark?" says Beattie. "He's still driving a wagon delivering poultry. And Clive Woods is head warehouseman for Dixons in Norwich. He got one England cap, Woodsy, but he should have had 100. Great player. We had 10 internationals in the Ipswich team at one stage. The only one who wasn't was our goalkeeper, Paul Cooper. Best keeper Ipswich ever had, though, and we've had some good 'uns. He lives in Lanzarote now, Coops. Weighs about 39 stone."

"Go on," says Bonds, disbelievingly.

Provocatively, I butt in with the theory that Steven Gerrard or Frank Lampard will probably not end up driving poultry wagons when their football careers are over.

"Yeah, but I don't look at their wages," Bonds says. "I look at their ability. If 100 grand a week is the going rate, good luck to them. What I begrudge are the people on 30 grand a week who can't kick the ball properly, and that includes some England internationals. My highest basic wage was £600. What was your highest basic, Kev?"

"Mine? £275," Beattie says. Bonds looks shocked. "Yeah, well, I suppose I played a lot longer than you."

The waiter brings our starters. He serves Bonds first, setting down his plate with a kind of genuflectory motion. "I remember at the start of every season having to queue outside the gaffer's office," Beattie says. His accent is pure Cumbria, untainted by all those decades in Suffolk.

"That's it," says Bonds, with a grin. "I'd have a 9.15 appointment, you might have 9.30. You had 15 minutes to discuss your new contract. Ron Greenwood would say, 'Sit down, Bill, I'm going to give you another £25 a week and a two-year contract'. I'd just won West Ham's Player of the Year award! But I'd say, 'Thank you, Ron' and go home and tell the missus, 'We've got another two years'."

Beattie laughs. "Yeah, the gaffer [Robson] would say to me, 'You've had a great season, son. What do you think you're worth?' 'I don't know, boss.' 'Well, I'm going to give you another 25 quid a week'. 'Thanks, boss.'"

In 1981, with Bohemians dispatched, Ipswich reached the Uefa Cup final. Beattie, alas, had broken his arm in the FA Cup semi-final against Manchester City. "It's the one thing that disappointed me. I said to Robson, 'Look boss, in the final against AZ Alkmaar, we're allowed six subs. Put me on the bench so I'll get a medal'. He said, 'I'll think about it, son' but he never did. I've nothing against the likes of Tommy Steggles, who you've never heard of, but he got a medal and I never."

"That's like Patsy Holland in the 1980 FA Cup final," Bonds says. "Almost in tears, he was."

A few weeks later, Beattie was sent to see a specialist in Cambridge. His knees were crocked. "I had to go up there on my own. Wouldn't happen now, would it? Mr Dandy, the specialist, told me I had to pack in. I was heartbroken, almost suicidal, driving back down the A14. I told the missus and she burst out crying. The next morning the gaffer said, 'What did he say, son?' I said, 'He told me to pack in, boss.' He said, 'I thought he was going to say that. But we'll look after you. We've got you insured.'" A rueful chuckle. "I got a testimonial, but I never got an insurance payout."

Bonds listens gravely to this tale of woe. "When I was manager at West Ham [1990-94] I wasn't as sympathetic as I could have been with players," he says. "That was the way I was brought up."

"Aye," says Beattie, "and at least the PFA looked after me. Still do. When I had pancreatitis 10 years ago, they sent me a cheque for £2,500. It puts you back on your feet. I nearly died, though. I was given the last rites. What saved me was still being so fit because of football. That's another thing that annoys me. They say they're fitter now than we used to be."

"It's bollocks," Bonds agrees. "Mind you, we had the get-out option of passing back to the goalkeeper, which would give you a breather. You could kill 10 minutes that way. It's a good rule, the back-pass rule. But there's no way they're fitter than we were. Playing in the mud at Derby County..."

"Bloody Burnley..."

"And they talk about Wenger pioneering things... 'Pop' Robson's father-in-law Lennie had been a ballroom-dancing world champion, so Ron Greenwood brought him in to teach us balance. They talk about all that now like it's a new bleeding science, but we had ballerinas in, karate experts. Ron Greenwood and John Lyall were doing all that years ago."

"Lovely man, John Lyall," says Beattie. "I remember when he was at Ipswich [1990-94], walking up them steps to his office, and John was on the floor painting the skirting board. I couldn't believe that."

"It's funny you say that," says Bonds. "When I joined the coaching staff at West Ham, my first job that summer was painting the dressing room. Imagine Mourinho doing that." A collective snort. "I went to QPR as youth team coach and Nigel Quashie was there. Good player, he was. At 16 years old he had everything, the kid. But he was spoilt rotten. I said, 'I want this boy cleaning boots, painting toilets'. They said, 'No, we can't have Nigel doing that.' And I'll tell you what, it's the one thing that's held the kid back, not learning discipline, character, at 16."

"Robson was great at that," Beattie says. "I was virtually straight into the reserves at 15 and still had to clean boots."

"Well, I was at West Ham for 30 years, nearly, and I saw England schoolboy internationals come into the youth team. Talented but cocky, a lot of them were, and they didn't make it. But kids off the street, little diggers who wanted to learn, like Matty Holland ... lovely boy, Matty. Great attitude. If your daughter brought him home you'd be delighted. And that's what we had at West Ham in the old days. Good attitude. No one was flash. Trevor Brooking wasn't flash. I only ever fell out with one player at West Ham. Ted MacDougall. I had a punch-up with him in the bath at Leeds. He was disrespectful to people. I didn't like him."

"He could put the ball in the net," says Beattie.

"At a certain level," says Bonds.

"Yeah," says Beattie. "We had players like that. Colin Viljoen was a bit full of himself..."

"I might have taken it if it was Mooro [Bobby Moore]," says Bonds. "But Mooro wasn't flash. Mind you, I could never get close to Mooro. I'd met him when I was 14 and he was 19. He presented the medals at our youth club, and he sat there on the stage, with me looking up at him. Seven years later I was playing with him, but I had this mental block. He was like a god to me. I wish the FA had found a role for him. If only I'd known when I was West Ham manager that he could have done with a job. I thought he had a million friends. l never thought about giving him a job, but I had that power, I could have done that..."

"Great man," says Beattie. "When I first got into the England squad he put his arm round me and said, 'You'll be in this team for a long time, son'."

But Moore's prediction was wrong. Beattie only played nine times for England before limping up to Mr Dandy's rooms in Cambridge. Does he wish his career had been longer? Yes. Would he like to be pocketing today's millions? Yes. Is he embittered? Not remotely. And he wouldn't swap his memories, his era, for anyone's.

"Who's the forward who gave you most trouble?" Bonds asks.

"I never liked playing Andy Gray," Beattie replies. "He was brave as a lion but he didn't have the best timing. Ten minutes after you headed the ball he'd head you."

Laughter rings round the room. "Nothing's changed," says Bonds. "There are good, bad and average players, like there always were."

"Yeah, but I don't like the diving now," Beattie says. "To be honest, I'd rather watch rugby union or rugby league than football. At least when those boys get knocked down they get back up."

"Me too," says Bonds. "West Ham will always be my team, them and Charlton [where his career began], but I've only been once to Upton Park this season."

"That's something," Beattie says. "When two old pros like us would rather watch rugby on a Saturday afternoon."

They look wistfully at each other, football legends and unlikely rugger buggers, Bonzo and the Beat.

Keeping The Faith

Given that Arsenal have never lost a game at the Emirates Stadium and West Ham have won just once on their travels all season, most would view the latter's trip to North London tomorrow as a no-brainer. Not as far as Alan Curbishley is concerned though. The Guardian quotes the Irons manager as saying: "I know Arsenal are a top side but it's another game that we've got an opportunity to win and that's what we're going over there to try and do. A lot of the newly promoted sides look at the top four and class them as bonus games but I don't think West Ham are in that position. We know we've got to win as many games as we can, so why can't we go and get a win at Arsenal? They've gone into a transitional period, they got to the Carling Cup final but it is a period of reorganisation."

As strange as it seems, Curbishley is not without friends in the betting market. Dan Roebuck believes tomorrow's game at the Emirates is intriguing. He argues that Arsenal look to have downed tools following their exit from three competitions in 10 days last month, and suggests that while backing West Ham at VC Bet's 7-1 is tempting - they won at Highbury last year and defeated Arsène Wenger's side at Upton Park this season - a more profitable play could be to back the Hammers with a goal start at Sporting Odds' 15-8.

While Curbishley struggles manfully to build confidence for the struggle ahead, one of his players seems hell-bent on undermining the good work done over the last two weeks. Teddy Sheringham claims the West Ham management have frozen him out at Upton Park and he is said to be furious that his request for a January transfer move to Charlton was rejected. Needless to say the timing of this latest outburst has been calculated to garner maximum media exposure even if it is to the detriment of the team. It is such narcissistic antics that demonstrate Sheringham is not quite the model professional that he is purported to be.

All Quiet On the West Ham Front

It is unnervingly quiet on the West Ham front today as the troops make final preparations for their advance across north London this weekend. The Times is the only national newspaper to carry a Hammers related story with Gary Jacob claiming the club's survival will be the key to the future of Carlos Tevez. The article suggests that West Ham have an option to secure the player on a permanent contract for £20m at the end of the season as a condition of the original deal that brought the Argentine to London.

Speaking of Tevez, the BBC are the latest to pick up on the online 'Don't Let Tevez Leave!' petition that has been doing the rounds on the West Ham forums. The petition was mentioned in the Express yesterday and has so far garnered signatures from over 3000 Citizen Smiths. Militancy seems to be on the rise in east London. This latest appeal comes only a few weeks after the Sun-backed imprecation to abandon the traditional Hammer Of The Year award. Unfortunately, we do not live in a Swiss canton but 'Power to the People' anyway.


If you still wish to show your support for Carlos Tevez then you can add your name here.

If you still wish to prevent Carlos Tevez from picking up his merited HOTY award then you can add your name here.

Eggert's Message

I awoke today to find an innocuous looking letter on my doormat from West Ham United Football Club PLC. The envelope was dog-eared on one corner and a had a huge muddy boot print stamped across the back. I always suspected my postman was a Tottenham supporter and now I have enough proof to seriously cut back on his Christmas tip.

The letter itself was a personal message from Eggert Magnusson and it was as welcome as it was unexpected. In fact, I don't think I've had such direct contact with those who run West Ham since I was about ten and a quirk in the telephone system caused the West Ham club call to phone me up one Thursday evening with Billy Bond's exclusive thoughts about that weekend's match. The club call was something I seriously obsessed over for a few months until the itemized phone bill came through and my parents discovered my dirty little secret. It was only my mum's relief that the mysterious number on the bill was not a sex line that saved me from a more serious reprimand. Anyway, back to Eggert's letter. For those who are not season ticket holders I've scanned the contents and included it above. For those with slightly dodgy eyesight, the main points are- how much the unfailing support is appreciated by everyone at the club; the pride Eggert has at taking over the club; the amazing potential of the club and how we should be pushing for Europe in a couple of years; and how we can achieve our aims by using the summer to improve our squad by investment, keeping hold of key players and nurturing young talent coming through. All well and good of course, but what are your exclusive thoughts about this weekend's match Eggert?

One thing not in the letter is the chairman's belief that twelve more points this season will see the club retain its Premiership status. In an article in The Times, Magnusson is quoted as saying: “If we get to around 38 points we will be OK. There has obviously been a lack of confidence, but now that is returning and the players feel that we can beat any team, we have a good chance. Our side is far too good to go down.” If it actually turns out that we are far too bad to stay up then one player who will not be leaving is Mark Noble. According to The Mail, the local lad from Canning Town wants to help his club next season even if they fail to make up the five points on Sheffield United in 17th place. "There will obviously be some changes and the majority of players will want to stay in the Premiership," admits Noble. "I am sure there will be a few staying with me and if we can make a core of them then hopefully we can come straight back up. Having said that, I don't want to talk too much about relegation."

One final piece of news is the appointment of Paul 'Jack' Hilton as youth coach. The former Irons defender returns to the club after spending six years in a coaching capacity here in the late 80's and early 90's. He also enjoyed a similar role at Ipswich Town. Hilton leaves his job as the youth team manager at Gillingham.

West Ham's In My Blood

The following post is an interview with Perry Fenwick. It is the first in an occasional series about West Ham supporting celebrities.

My Team by Perry Fenwick
Interview by Denis Campbell

West Ham's in my blood. My dad John's been going for over 50 years and he took me to my first game: a 1-0 defeat at Highbury in 1969, when I was seven. I was so little I had to stand on a claret and blue box. West Ham had a goal disallowed for offside but I was too young to know about offside, so I thought we'd drawn.

As a kid I'd either use my dad's season ticket or queue up outside the South Bank from about 10am and, when they opened up at lunchtime, leg it round to the same spot behind the goal. I recently watched a West Ham v Newcastle game from about 30 years ago and, every time the ball came near the South Bank goal, I could see me with my group of little mates - surreal! There's a natural connection between EastEnders and West Ham but a lot of them support other teams. Steve McFadden's Man U, Michael Greco is Chelsea and both Martin Kemp and Tamzin Outhwaite follow Arsenal. Last season Todd Carty and I were at Upton Park when the home fans began chanting 'one Billy Mitchell, there's only one Billy Mitchell', which was blinding, and 'Tucker, Tucker, how's your luck' at Todd. Fans know we're real supporters, so it's a case of 'you're one of us and you're doing alright' rather than 'it's him off the telly larging it.

I've got to know some ex-West Ham players like Frank Lampard senior, Paul Brush and Geoff Pike by playing alongside them in a celebrity West Ham XI with people like Todd, Nick Berry and Ray Winstone. Ray's a really good striker, tough and strong, in the John Hartson mould! I've had some good experiences with acting but nothing's ever got near the feeling of being in the West Ham dressing-room with players you used to collect on football cards, talking tactics with them, 'Bubbles' starting to play, walking down the tunnel with your studs clanking, hearing them say 'it's West Ham United' and then running out on to the pitch. It's the best feeling in the world. If ever a song was right for a club, it's 'Bubbles'. All the words - 'fortune's always hiding... just like my dreams they fade and die' - are so appropriate for West Ham. It always ends in disappointment, like blowing our chance to win the league in 1985-86 or losing all those Cup semi-finals in the early 1990s. But there are occasionally brilliant results, like when Paolo di Canio put Manchester United out of the Cup at Old Trafford two years ago - that's why you go to the other 40-odd games.

Two years ago I was at a game with my dad and Martin Peters asked me for my autograph to give his niece. I said OK, as long as my dad could have his picture taken with them. He's still got it up at home. Geoff Hurst is holding up four fingers, and Martin Peters is holding up two, and my dad's in the middle, being Bobby Moore, with the biggest grin you've ever seen.

I love the fact that West Ham are the only club side ever to win the World Cup. Ray Winstone and I used to chant 'I remember Wembley, West Ham beat West Germany, Martin one and Geoffrey three, and Bobby got the OBE.' And they were the last English team of all English players to win a European trophy, the European Cup Winners' Cup in 1965. We've still got some quality players, like Di Canio and Joe Cole. But the team can be a soft touch. We need a Billy Bonds or Julian Dicks to give us a bit of steel.

My favourite player- It has to be Bobby Moore. Every Sunday morning as a kid I'd go round to Upton Park to get autographs, because the players would come there for treatment, and Bobby would pull up in his red Daimler and pat me on the head. Him dying was like a death in the family, because I loved the man.'

My most memorable match- Being at Wembley in 1980 when we beat Arsenal in the Cup Final. It was great because Arsenal fans were convinced they were going to win - we were in the Second Division then. It was a beautiful summer's day and I remember cursing Willie Young for hacking down Paul Allen in the last minutes and the journey home through the East End, when every road had claret and blue up.

West Ham United 2 Middlesbrough 0

Tevez Brilliance Gives West Ham Hope by Arindam Rej

A mixture of Latin exuberance and local industriousness - courtesy of Carlos Tevez and Mark Noble respectively - catalysed this comfortable victory. With a gruesome-looking run-in ahead, only the most blinkered of West Ham fans would expect Premiership survival this season, but the east London side will not finish far away if they play with the lack of inhibition shown in the first half of this dominant display... The Observer

Tevez Gives Fresh Hope by John Aizlewood

A good day at the office and for West Ham United there have been precious few of them this season. Inspired by the lambent Carlos Tevez, they brushed aside a supine Middlesbrough for whom the season’s end cannot come quickly enough... Sunday Times

Carlos The Unshackled Gives Hammers A Glimmer Of Hope by Ronald Atkin

Perhaps West Ham's problem has been the siesta factor. With Carlos Tevez belatedly rousing himself from South American somnolence and scoring for the third straight game, his team are suddenly up and running... Independent On Sunday

Boro's Helping Hand by Trevor Haylett

What's that line in the West Ham anthem about fortune always hiding? It has broken cover spectacularly in the last two games to help their cause and as a result the fight to avoid relegation has acquired some genuine momentum... Sunday Telegraph

Tevez Lifts Gloom As Fans Dream Of Escape by Peter Higgs

As the strains of I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles soared across a windswept Upton Park, West Ham’s loyal fans trudged into the East End evening dreaming of a great escape to place alongside other treasured memories in the history of their fine old club... Mail On Sunday