Saturday, 31 March 2007

Shattering The Myth

The Times has become the latest newspaper to spin a story from the exclusive KUMB interview with Eggert Magnusson from a couple of days ago. Gary Jacob has picked up on the quotes regarding the club's intention to not reduce ticket prices even if the team are relegated at the end of the season. “I don’t like the discussions [about ticket prices] in the papers,” Magnússon had said. “Some politicians are trying to make themselves popular. The average salary of a West Ham supporter who comes to the games is second highest in the league — it’s just below Chelsea, and around £60,000 per year."

While Magnusson is busy being seduced by West Ham Fan's average disposable income, Alan Curbishley only has eyes for Carlos Tevez. According to The Mirror, The Irons manager believes the little Argentinian has shattered the myth that 'bigname' foreigners go missing when the going gets tough for them in English football. The Hammers boss said: "Tevez has taken the battle on. His work ethic is what has captured the fans' imagination. That's the first requirement you need. He's taken that on since he's got in the side and I think the fans have responded. It's certainly something we need to keep going. He does a lot of his work in short bursts and the difference in the last few weeks in what we've got from Tevez is that he's doing a lot of his work in the final third, instead of dropping off and doing it in the middle third. He's been prominent in a lot of our attacking, trying to get in behind people and forcing the issue. In previous games he was drifting around and linking up play. We've asked him to be more direct. In the last two games, the team work ethic in terms of the stats has been much better."

One person feeling no such love is former West Ham player Mark Ward. The diminutive midfielder appeared yesterday at Liverpool Crown Court for a proceeds of crime hearing where he was ordered to pay back nearly £10,000 in ill-gotten gains. The 44-year-old was jailed in 2005 for drug trafficking offences after four kilograms (9lbs) of cocaine with a street value of up to £645,000 was discovered during a raid at a house rented in his name in Prescot, Merseyside.

Lastly, The Guardian has two vaguely related West Ham articles. The first examines the 'Pards Factor' and the effect he has had since taking over at Charlton. The second story involves Newcastle United and the £3.3m they have recouped in compensation and insurance since Michael Owen got injured playing for England. Given the continued absence of Dean Ashton, I'm sure it is a situation the West Ham management will be monitoring with interest.

Friday, 30 March 2007

The Knot Tightens

The Mirror report that Eggert Magnusson will revamp West Ham's academy by scouring the globe for foreign youngsters. The article states the move is a new step for a club which prides itself on producing top-class English talent and quotes the Hammers chairman as saying: "We need a greater overview of what's happening all over Europe and have contacts that can direct us to the most promising players. We are looking at investing more." Interestingly, the comment has been lifted directly from the exclusive KUMB interview from a couple of days ago. Responding to a question about boosting the West Ham Academy, Magnusson replied: "When the season is over we will sit down and get a grip on the Academy, chat with the staff at the training ground and so on. We are more likely to invest more in the Academy but first I would like to see how it operates at the moment. I've not had the time to sit down with the people there and discuss it seriously. But I think we need more contacts in the rest of Europe. We need a greater overview of what's happening all over Europe and have contacts that can direct us to the most promising players. We have something in place but I think we have to strengthen this - so we are looking at investing more, if possible."

The talk of improving West Ham's Academy comes at a time when the current Under-18's side sit proudly atop the table with Arsenal. The side extended its impressive unbeaten run with a 2-2 away draw at Crystal Palace today. Tony Carr is certainly encouraged by what he has been seeing. Earlier this week he said: "With Mark Noble establishing himself in the team in the last couple of years and the names before him, which don't need to be repeated. We've got James Tomkins coming up on the rails and he'll be there or there abouts. We've got some very good players in our young teams so I think the state of our conveyor belt of players is quite healthy."

In other news, the people at BBC Sport predict West Ham will avoid a hefty points deduction from the Premier League over the signings of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano. BBC Five Live's Mike Sewell said: "Any possible punishment will be proportionate. It will be a maximum of three points and a six figure fine. You can dismiss any notion that West Ham will be hit with a large deduction of points. Any points deduction may not even be necessary by the time the hearing takes place because by then the club could already be relegated." Of course, that is the ideal scenario for those involved in bringing this case. The legal ramifications for the Premier League should an enforced points deduction relegate West Ham from a position of safety would be extremely problematic. By the same token, a decision not to deduct points from the club, should they survive, would bring howls of protest (and legal recourse) from the team that finished third from bottom. It would be the Gordian Knot that nobody wants.

Thursday, 29 March 2007

Timing And The Essence Of Good Politics

Pierre Trudeau once declared that the essential ingredient of good politics is timing; it is a skill the West Ham management have yet to master. On the eve of our must win game against Middlesbrough, Eggert Magnusson has taken the opportunity to publicly lay the blame for the club's problems this season on the shoulders of the players. The article in The Times says the Icelandic businessman has witnessed a culture of complacency in the team after their exploits in finishing ninth in the Barclays Premiership and being seconds away from winning the FA Cup Final last season. He is quoted as saying: "I never mentioned anything about cancer in the dressing-room, which was reported in the press, but I did say that there were reasons why the team was not performing on the pitch. Part of the problem is that in your first season in the Premiership you have some drive and desire to see what you can achieve, but once you have done that, perhaps you think that things will happen by themselves."

In a similar vein, Alan Curbishley has decided to re-open the debate over Middlesbrough's weakened team selection in their recent match against Manchester City. In today's Independent he is reported as saying: "Everyone down the bottom is disappointed at what happened against Manchester City. It is not just the result, but when you do rest players and don't get the result it is a double whammy. At Charlton [Curbishley's former club] around this time of the season we were usually in a healthy league position and had never taken it for granted. When we played teams that were involved in relegation battles we put our strongest side out so that no one could look at us and criticise. It may not have had anything to do with the result but Neil Warnock has had his say and obviously it is a situation where we are all looking at other people's results now."

In other news West Ham will have to convince the leading criminal lawyer Simon Bourne-Arton QC of their good faith if they are to escape sanctions over the signing of the Argentinian pair Javier Mascherano and Carlos Tevez. The Guardian reports that Bourne-Arton, a silk with the Leeds-based Park Court Chambers, is a criminal-law specialist who has particular experience in white-collar fraud cases. He will chair the Premier League disciplinary panel examining the signings just as he headed the appeals panel that in 2005 marginally reduced the fines imposed on Ashley Cole and Jose Mourinho over Chelsea's illegal approach for the England left-back.

Finally, The Mirror claim Derby manager Billy Davies will try to take Matty Etherington if the clubs swap divisions in May. This follows a story from a few days ago that Davies is looking to sign Tyrone Mears on a permanent deal.

Wednesday, 28 March 2007

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity... it is a tale of two interviews. The first is from the official site and features Mark Noble in ebullient mood ahead of Saturday's crunch game against Middlesbrough. The youngster still believes "all hope is not lost" and that there are "loads of games left" in the club's desperate battle against the drop. Although I can't agree with either statement it is hard to deny such blind optimism in the face of overwhelming and hopeless odds.

The second can be found on the EPL Talk website and features Ian Bishop as the guest on the latest EPL podcast. The interview is a lengthy and informative listen as the former Irons and Manchester City midfielder discusses heavy metal friends, a Smiths obsession, 80's fashion, his England B controversy, modern players who are reminiscent of his playing style, children's literature and the recent travails of West Ham. You will also learn about what he is up to now as well as how he discovered his Major League Soccer career was over.

Tuesday, 27 March 2007

Portrait Of Teddy

The Laburnum will be as yellow next June as it is now . . . But we never get back our youth. Our limbs fail, our senses rot . . . Youth, youth, there is absolutely nothing in the world but youth!" cries Lord Henry in Oscar Wilde's Portrait of Dorian Gray. Gray, of course, was able to halt the passing of time by offering up his soul to stay young - with hideous consequences. But Teddy Sheringham has somehow managed to reverse the ageing process with a simple diet of Page 3 stunnahs, Cristal champagne and tacky Romford nightclubs- until now.

For today comes the news that Teddy has been defiantly running from for the last ten years. A football club have dropped their interest in signing the veteran striker because he is simply too old. "But what about my leadership qualities?" he will plead. "You can't teach my experience and 'eyes in the back of head' vision," he will protest. "You can't coach my footballing 'first five yards in my head' super-brain and you can't lose what you never had in the first place can you?" he will ask. "That's all very well," will say Sydney FC's club's chief executive George Perry,"but we just have concerns about your ability to play on a regular basis in the Australian climate." It is a legitimate anxiety. West Ham fans have wondered about Teddy and the English winter for the last three seasons.

KUMB's Gone To Iceland

According to a report in Morgunbladid West Ham have offered a trial to 16 year old Icelandic striker Kolbeinn Sigthorsson. The highly rated youngster played a key role in guiding Iceland to the U17 European Championship Finals, scoring four goals against Russia and a further two against Northern Ireland. There has been a great deal of reported interest in Sigthorsson from all across Europe and Arsene Wenger has long tracked the player, inviting him to train with Arsenal every year since he was 13 years of age. Predictably, some commentators have already labelled the rising star the 'next Eidur Gudjohnsen'.

In an otherwise slow news day, KUMB
have published both parts of their exclusive interview with Eggert Magnusson in which the West Ham chairman discusses the proposed new stadium, season ticket pricing and his reasons for buying the club last November.



Eggert Magnusson Q&A Part One
It's a beautiful warm, spring day in East London. Green Street - fittingly perhaps - reverberates to the sound of reggae emanating from the busy market as I follow that oft-trodden path from Upton Park tube station to the Boleyn Ground... Graeme Howlett

Eggert Magnusson Q&A Part Two
I'd like to ask you about the threat of relegation. Four years ago Terry Brown infamously said 'there will be no fire-sale at this club', and that players wouldn't be leaving. Are we likely to have a wholesale clearout this time should we be relegated?... Graeme Howlett

Saturday, 24 March 2007

Bring Back Billie

Bring back Billie, that's all Wembley needs now
By Russell Brand

I like new Wembley just fine. It seems super. Yes, it was a financial fiasco and took much too long to be completed, but this seems to be de rigueur for construction projects. I've bought a new house and am getting it done up at the moment, and I must confess that I had less of a sense of needless cash haemorrhaging when I was a devoted user of crack and heroin.

At least those illicit transactions were immediate and generally authentic. I ne'er had a drug dealer suddenly quadruple his price then suck air lethargically over his teeth before informing me that my drugs would be six months late. Why, no self-respecting junkie would tolerate it. It's a shame Wembley weren't finished last season for the cup final between the Hammers and Liverpool. Not that Cardiff weren't a blast, it just would have been pleasant for West Ham to have played (and lost) in the inaugural finals in both Wemblies. I'm sure that's how you pluralise it.

Funny to think that the reason there's so many White Horse pubs around East London is because of the famous 1923 "White Horse Final", when Bolton triumphed over the Irons and a hundred thousand excess people turned up causing peaceful bother in the presence of the King, and one of the horses the mounted police were upon - I believe it were called Billie - was white. That tells us something of the power of image; there were loads of horses there that day. And policemen. And footballers. And the King of England, for Christ's sake but none of those things were deemed fit to entitle the first final because of the tyranny of iconography - that white horse looked good, plus "the man on the white horse" is a phrase synonymous with heroism; Pegasus was one, Gandalf had one and Beckham was photographed on one a couple of weeks ago to advertise pop.

I bet that white horse Billie was a right smug bastard. I bet he shat on the supporters willy-nilly, just for a jolly, and resented turning up at a football match, thinking he were was better suited to rescuing princesses and being a stud. That shouldn't be allowed either, male horses having it off for a job. It's a disgrace. My mate Matt says he rode a horse once and it was a big, muscly coward skittering about on its ridiculous tapered legs and spindle feet, too thin for its body. I'm also against them having shoes. And I'm against horseshoes being considered lucky. If they are, where's Shergar? He had four of 'em.

Photographs from that day in 1923 seem to be from another world as much as another time. All those hats and rattles and moustaches - I can't imagine those people crying or farting. One day folk will look at photographs of us, probably on digital monitors on their fingernails, and think we looked a proper sight with our tight trousers and silly hair. Actually that's just me, and I already look a bit ridiculous without the necessity for time travel.

Perhaps in the future England will have a team that can qualify for major championships without turning us into a nation of quivering, accusatory paranoids. Can we get a result in Israel today?

Confidence in the national side is low after Eriksson's reign and McClaren's appointment and subsequent losses. From where do we draw optimism for today's tie? As per bloody usual players that are great for their clubs look chastened and curtailed by the emblazoning of the three lions 'pon their boobs - Lampard, Gerrard, Ferdinand etc - so it is to the novel that we turn for hope, young Aaron Lennon, AJ and Preston NE's Nugent.

After the season I've endured at club level I'm kind of immune to disappointment. Unless Rooney takes to the pitch in lingerie singing Oklahoma! I don't think my expectations can be further wounded. If they don't win or at least draw today the hullabaloo will be renewed and we shall holler for McClaren's bonce, but with whom do we replace him? Though the years have onward rolled and much has changed since 1923 one thing remains the same: the significance of image. I, for one, am prepared to revise my antipathy towards things equine and demand Billie the white horse be made manager of England. He'll look great in photos, he'll be handy if there's crowd trouble, and if it don't work we can put him out to stud - and I don't think we'd get away with that with McClaren.

Guardian column

Friday, 23 March 2007

English For Footballers

As a follow up to yesterday's post, here is an account by Nick Raistrick about his time spent working as a translator for Chilean defender Javier Margas.

English For Footballers
By Nick Raistrick

To some people I had the dream job. The hours were flexible, the money was great and I got into games for free. Teaching English to a footballer couldn't be easier. "It's not like they use big words, is it?" many of my colleagues pointed out.

My student was Javier Margas, a World Cup international who had marked Alan Shearer out of the game at Wembley, and played against Ronaldo. I was employed by West Ham because I speak Spanish, having taught in Barcelona and Madrid, though I never had a formal contract. Most clubs recruit teachers through recommendation, as in my case. Occasionally, Javier would receive badly spelt mailshots from "teachers" offering their services at £200 a day. As one of my tasks was to read and translate his mail, these naturally went straight in the bin.

West Ham now make a real effort to keep their players happy. They employ an education officer to assist in this and, through me, made sure that the player and his young family were happy. Other clubs are catching up and realising that a player represents a multi-million pound investment, with maintenance costs that go beyond a flash new car every six months.

It is still difficult for fans to imagine that a player at their club can be anything other than permanently ecstatic, particularly on the astronomical wages they receive. However the change of climate, food, language and lifestyle can be difficult for players to deal with. From Viña Del Mar to Chigwell is a big step. And being constantly in the public eye doesn't help.

When I first met Javier his English was, literally, limited to "Hello," and even this was heavily accented. We chatted briefly in Spanish, and got on well. Javier was keen to learn English. He was eager that his family, too, should learn English and benefit from the cultural experience of being in a new country.

We started immediately, so my first lesson involved the player, his wife, the nanny and three children (aged two to eight) all doing "Heads and Shoulders" in a hastily improvised lesson that was interrupted only by the hysterical laughter of my bizarre "class", and the curious stares of hotel staff.

Devising a curriculum for a soccer player turned out to be a strange task. There are no coursebooks. One to one lessons involve a lot of extra preparation, and, of course, the pressure was on. I had two weeks before the start of the season, and endured sleepless nights imagining the sports headlines if it all went wrong: "Confusion in Hammers defence - Teacher to blame!"

I recorded some cassettes for him to listen to in the car, and created a neo-Subbuteo style cardboard teaching aid for positions. Hours were spent with a football in the kitchen with Javier shouting "Man on!" (Or sometimes "Man Up", "Man Off" or even "Man Down"). Needless to say the nanny soon got tired of being a prop in these classes.

I also spent many mornings at the training ground trying to decipher John Hartson, and making a careful note of the colourful ways that "Please pass the ball," or "Do be careful there," can be expressed in English (all the time gaining material for future classes) - players need to react instinctively to instructions on the pitch.

A Breakfast Television crew came to the ground to interview me ("Do you teach him swear words?"), much to the bemusement of the players who were as surprised as me to see a teacher getting press attention. They kicked balls and hurled water in my direction, and one even exposed himself, and I knew I had been accepted.

My role had expanded at this stage to cover welfare and translation. As well as frequent press calls, contact with club staff, estate agents, car dealers and tattooists all had to be covered. It was a strange to watch BMW dealers literally running, making coffee and generally offering the sort of service most of us never see.

It was important that the family did not feel isolated, so getting them online was a priority.

When the nanny offered me a plate of uncooked garlic bread I realised that a shopping trip was in order, to prevent a high-profile food poisoning case. This was a typically madcap and noisy affair, with children crying, shop assistants scattering, the sound of laughter and my protests as I explained that despite the generous offer, it wasn't a good idea for him to buy me a car. Occasionally West Ham fans would stop and ask questions "So, 'ow come you speak Chilean?" or "Tell him he's good."

Sadly my involvement with the club ended when Javier was injured. It was a traumatic experience for all concerned, and not just because I had to translate complicated passages of the surgeon's medicalese.

He is now recovered and back at the club. In fact he got sent off the other week. I hope it wasn't anything to do with poor usage of modal verbs. I suspect it wasn't...

Thursday, 22 March 2007

Not Insular, Just Amateur

I was listening to a Madrid radio station this morning when I heard an interview with Argentine journalist Marcela Mora y Araujo. She was talking about the Javier Mascherano Affair and how the player was always destined to fail at West Ham because of the intrinsic ‘Englishness’ of the club. She said the player is a completely different personality to Carlos Tevez and that he needed an environment that would nurture and refine his talent, as well as a manager who understood the tactical nuances required to best integrate him into the team. She accused West Ham of being the quintessence of parochial insularity, while insisting “Liverpool will provide a much better home for Mascherano. They speak Spanish and play a style of football that suits him.”



In many ways West Ham has always been a club defined by its Englishness. In the 111 years of its existence there have only been eleven managers, ten of who have been English. The one aberration, Lou Macari, lasted just one year. When West Ham won the FA Cup in 1964 they were the last all-English side to do so. A year later, the players who lifted the Cup-winners’ Cup became the first and last all-English team to win a European trophy. In 1966 when England lifted the World Cup and reached the pinnacle of it’s achievement on the world stage, West Ham made the single greatest contribution of any club to that defining moment. It was a vindication of ‘The Academy of Football’ ethos that has served to nurture a rich stream of home-grown talent through the ranks and onto the international scene. No club delights more in the emergence of ‘one of their own’. The famed youth academy has long been the envy of nearly every other club in the country. The top ten West Ham record holders for appearances and goals are also all English, and when Danny Gabbidon picked up last season’s Player of the Year award he became only the sixth non-English player in fifty years to receive that honour.

Few will forget the furious ‘racism’ row that erupted between Alan Pardew and Arsene Wenger over the former West Ham’s manager assertion that an English team should at least contain a back bone of English talent. As West Ham rounded off a thrilling first season back at the top level with a desperately narrow defeat in the FA Cup final, much was made of their Britishness. And not without reason, for Alan Pardew had gathered an unusually indigenous group. Of the 14 who did duty against Liverpool in the Millennium Stadium, only Yossi Benayoun and Lionel Scaloni were foreigners. Of the 12 Britons in the squad (to narrow it further), only Danny Gabbidon and Christian Dailly came from outside England. And (to narrow it even further than that) no fewer than eight of Pardew's team were London-born. Few teams have ever mirrored so closely on the pitch the demographic of their support of it.

It is not hard, therefore, to see why Marcela Mora y Araujo could reach the conclusion that she did even if the assertion is not entirely accurate. Indeed, far from the epitome of provinciality, Brian Belton argues that West Ham have a rich tradition of inventiveness and cultural assimilation.

West Ham United football club started life as an entertainment or distraction for the working men of East London’s riverside community in the wake of the 1889 dock strike. Their first manager was the consummate showman Syd King. Syd was behind ‘the electric tram’ that toured East London lit up by a constellation of light bulbs celebrating the Hammers’ achievement of reaching the 1923 FA Cup Final. If you look at the original architecture of the Hammers’ first home, the Memorial Ground and later Upton Park, you will see certain echoes in the structures, reminiscent of a showground, a hybrid of the racecourse, the fairground and the circus. The enclosures and stands which housed the supporters wee close to the pitch, painted in loud claret and blue. The football produced by King and his progeny and his successor, Charlie Paynter, was dynamic and muscular. Paynter also introduced the Cockney patrons of the Boleyn Ground to teams from mainland Europe and even more exotic climbs. He also organized European tours like the one of Norway in 1927.

Ted Fenton continued the tradition of inventiveness. With the encouragement and motivation of Malcolm Allison, Fenton continued to bring the best of European sides to Upton Park and a few good South American teams. He created a modern youth policy and opened the team’s horizons in terms of foreign innovation, which influenced the team’s shirts, boots and tactics. Gradually the effort to entertain incorporated the search for success through the adaptation of science, logic and mathematics to the requirements of football excellence.

With the arrival of Ron Greenwood at the club, a moral and ethical philosophy, which at times became close to being a religion, was added to the social make-up of West Ham. Greenwood, although not too far from Fenton in terms of his intellectual response to the game, was part of a modern European ‘church’ of football, which included the likes of England managers Walter Winterbottom and Alf Ramsey. Greenwood himself had been the England Under-23 coach before joining the Hammers.

As such, Greenwood’s effort to take the traditional physical strengths of English football and merge these with the best of continental and South American ideas were soon taken up at national level. West Ham thus became a kind of laboratory of football in the early to mid-1960’s, an ‘academy’ of soccer development.

In reality, there is a dichotomy between West Ham’s historical receptiveness to foreign ideas on the pitch and the club’s struggle to integrate foreign players off it. The problem is not one of insularity though. It is rather a question of education (of both the club and the overseas players) and the provision of adequate networks of support. At Arsenal and Chelsea, for example, there are on-site facilities with structured language programmes and personal tutors for all of their imported players. When Mascherano left West Ham he admitted he gave up on privately arranged English lessons after just a few weeks of trying. Why was that allowed to happen? At Bolton, surely the modern template for the successful assimilation of foreign players, there is a concerted effort to locate all the players in the same small community where integrated support is always on hand.

When Clyde Best arrived for a trial at West Ham back in the late 1960’s he recalls that nobody was there to meet him at Heathrow and how he wished at that moment he'd never come. He describes how he got off the Tube at West Ham, not realising he really needed Upton Park, and how it took a random Hammers fan on the street to direct a lonely, confused kid to the home of Clive Charles, another black player with whom he was supposed to lodge. From that appalling start, the club’s welfare care of its foreign imports never really recovered. When Samassi Abou was at the club in the late 90’s he could regularly be spotted around east London sat on his own in restaurants and clubs- a lonely figure unable to communicate with any one. When we had the Portuguese starlet Dani the club did little else but move him from the Swallow Hotel to the Tower Hotel so he could have bigger and more debaucherous parties. Then there was the case of Javier Margas who was living off uncooked garlic bread in the early days of his arrival because he didn’t speak a word of English and was wary of doing any shopping.

Generally speaking, the overseas players who have succeeded at West Ham have tended to be those who joined the club having already settled in the country or else those who arrived already capable of speaking the language. Nick Raistrick, who acted as a language tutor to Javier Margas, states that it is still difficult for fans to imagine that a player at their club can be anything other than permanently ecstatic, particularly on the astronomical wages they receive. However the change of climate, food, language and lifestyle can be difficult for players to deal with. From Viña Del Mar to Chigwell is a big step. And being constantly in the public eye doesn't help. To a certain extent, the club has been just as culpable when it comes to assuming that responsibility towards a player extends only to what is produced on the pitch.

It is only recently that the club began employing an education officer to help new arrivals settle in as painlessly as possible. In many cases, especially with the younger players, that is still not enough. All this is to say, that if Javier Mascherano was always destined to fail at West Ham then it has little to do with the Englishness of the club and everything to do with the amateurishness of our approach.

Wednesday, 21 March 2007

Ashton Grounded Until Next Season

Today brought the news that every West Ham fan feared but secrectly expected- official confirmation that Dean Ashton will not play again this season. The Hammers striker had a further operation on Monday night to remove an area of scar tissue emanating from the original broken ankle he suffered while training with the full England squad back in August last year. Speaking on the club website, physio Steve Allen said: "We have left no stone unturned in our attempt to get Dean back out on the football field as soon as possible, but it was clear that he had gone as far as he could with the methods that had been used. We sought the opinions of the leading ankle specialists in the country and, following their advice, the decision was made to operate. It will be six weeks before he is back running, and we felt that the timing was right, in order for Dean to make a fresh start with the rest of his team-mates when the squad returns for pre-season training in the summer." Ashton has made just one appearance at the Boleyn Ground this season in a pre-season friendly against Olympiakos.

When Ashton does eventually return to football he will do so in a West Ham shirt. That is the opinion of chairman Eggert Magnusson who is quoted in the Newham Recorder as saying: "Dean is here to stay as I see it. He hasn't played all season, so I have no doubts that he will be a West Ham player for years to come. He has to start playing games before he can interest other clubs, then you can start to speculate, but he has to reach the level he was at before." There was no such positive news over Carlos Tevez. Magnusson admitted: "I'm sorry, but I have no control over whether Tevez goes or stays, I thought everyone knew that, it is no secret, so how can I control that? When I first held a press conference here I said that I would never enter into a contract where the club doesn't own the player - it is out of the question for me. So I am sorry, it is out of my control, it is for his owners to decide where he goes."

Also in the Newham Recorder are further quotes from Magnusson concerning the club's move to a new stadium. "My vision is to build a new stadium and to build a successful team slowly but surely," confirmed the Icelandic businessman. "I hope to have a new stadium for West Ham before the Olympics. It will be close to here, that is all I can say, and it will have a capacity of 60,000 plus because we have the fan base for that sort of figure." The article also confirms plans to develop the Academy as well as upgrading the training ground either at Chadwell Heath or somewhere bigger.

In other news, The Telegraph has picked up the Danny Gabbidon quotes from yesterday to claim West Ham's demise and potential relegation is down to complacency from the players and an inability to recognise the warning signs. The Guardian follow the same story, with Jeremy Wilson claiming fingers have been pointed in most directions when attempting to explain West Ham's startling decline but the problem lies largely within the dressing-room.

Finally, Guardian columnist David Conn predicts the Hammers face a pounding over third-party player agreements. The author of The Football Business and The Beautiful Game claims sympathy for West Ham's struggles will not soften the Premier League's probe into the deals for Tevez and Mascherano and the consensus around football is that the club, to compound an awful season, could have the book thrown at them. It is an informative and quite sobering read that suggests our increasingly desperate season could be just about to get a whole lot blacker.

Tuesday, 20 March 2007

Disappointment And Anguish

Lucas Neill was disappointed by the reception he was given by Blackburn Rovers fans on his return to Ewood Park according to a piece in The Times. He is quoted as saying: "It was strange going back to Blackburn. I spent five and a half years at the club and I thought the reception I got was quite disgusting, to be honest. For a player who committed himself for all of that time, never complained, never missed training, never missed games and gave everything I had, I was really shocked and quite disappointed. I still have a fantastic relationship with all the players, staff and management at Blackburn and they will be friends of mine for a long time, it's just unfortunate that the fans don't see it that way." It is a fair enough comment but perhaps Lucas should look on the bright side. At least he is not a Pakistani cricketer or Frank Lampard.

Elsewhere, Danny Gabbidon has revealed his anguish at seeing West Ham plunge towards relegation. Speaking in the Daily Mail, the Welshman reflects: "For us it has been a terrible season. This time last year we were in the FA Cup semi-finals, and now we are down at the bottom of the league. We finished ninth, qualified for Europe and almost won the FA Cup. Now we are bottom and sometimes you don't know where the next win is coming from. It has been a massive change, and hard to put your finger on why. There have been a number of things that have contributed to where we are. There's not one thing to blame. We didn't start the season well and everything has gone down from there."

Searching for answers, Gabbidon continues: "We have all got to look at ourselves and say 'have we performed like last season?' And the answer is no. Maybe there was complacency, maybe believing in the hype. We had such a great season last term and then when you come back after the summer you expect everything to be the same. If anything you must work twice as hard because the second season is a lot harder when you have been promoted. Maybe our achievements were too high, we thought we could do it again. We should have been looking at making sure we survived rather than thinking we could win all the time. The hunger of last season has not been as evident."

In a clear indication of the defender's future plans should we get relegated, Gabbidon concludes: "The thought of the Championship is not a good one. In the top flight you play against great teams and players every week and that is where you want to stay to play your football. I'm at the stage of my career when I want to keep progressing. I'm 27, I'm not at an age where I want to drop down a level. I want to be in the Premiership, that's where the best players are. And being in the top division will help me at international level. Anyone in the team would say we want to stay in the Premiership after what we achieved last season, but there still time to get ourselves out of it. If not, the players I'm sure will be assessing the situation."

There is further news concerning one of our injured internationals with the Mirror claiming Yossi Benayoun has declared himself fit to face England on Saturday. The Israeli had been expected to miss the game with a groin injury but he played a full part in training last night and is reported to have said: "The injury is behind me now and there is no reason why I should not be 100 per cent fit. We know England are favourites but we are desperate to win."

Monday, 19 March 2007

The Boy From Fuerte Apache

It is a slow news day so it gives me an excuse to feature a nice article I found about Carlos Tevez. It was written around 2004 but beyond that I have no further details...

The Boy from Fuerte Apache

He grew up in poverty loving Boca Juniors above all else. He has wild talent, unpredictable moves and amazing accleration. His football is magical, his goals exceptional. But he can't score with his head and his tongue flops out when he dribbles or shoots.

In a country where the 'new Maradona' label attaches itself to any half-decent youngster, 19-year-old Carlos Tevez is undoubtedly the closest thing yet. He even made his professional debut against the same team, Talleres de Cordoba. The only noticeable difference is that Tevez is right-footed.

Even Maradona sees himself in Boca Juniors' current maestro. "The things he does with the ball!" gasps the legendary Argentinian. "The first time I watched him, so tiny, at La Bombonera (Boca's stadium), he reminded me of myself."

Five foot eight and stockily-built, dressed head to toe in Nike training gear including his customary woolly hat (he has one for each day of the week; today's is black), Carlos Tevez has little of the air of a star about him when we meet at Boca's Casa Amarilla (yellow house) training ground. Sitting by the edge of a training pitch, the recently-crowned 2003 South American Player of the Year smiles when Maradona's name is mentioned. "The comparison with Diego is something to be proud of, but I don't think I deserve it," he says. "There was only one Maradona and there'll never be another. Perhaps I've picked up some movements because I learned to play football watching him on telly - and on the pitch when I was lucky enough to go to a football match, which wasn't often - but it's craziness to compare me to him. He delivered so much joy to the people. He was a World Champion, he was in Europe for so many years. Me? I'm a pibe (a boy), I'm just starting."

As he prepares to leave his teenage years behind on February 5, the reminders of Tevez's youth are everywhere. When Boca travelled to Tokyo for the Intercontinental Cup against Milan. Tevez felt more uncomfortable than he ever had when marked by rugged Argentinian defenders in important matches. The reason? The specially tailored suits the club had ordered. "I've never worn a suit or a tie in my life," he complained. "It's strange, I really can't see myself getting into that."

But it's on the training ground that the pibe spirit burns brightest. Out there he's a magnet. Laces undone, twisting, turning, trying Higuita's Scorpion Kick; whatever he does, Tevez is the centre of attention. People adore him because they see a little boy having fun, a kid who encapsulates both the amateur spirit and the age-old tale of the fan who becomes part of the team. In his spare time, Tevez even calls his four brothers out for a game, kicking around plastic bottles or whatever else he can find.

Already sportswear giants, Nike, are preparing to turn Tevez into the new Ronaldinho, believing that his charisma, style and poverty-stricken background are perfect for the South American market, and newspaper La Nacion recently commented: "Tevez is capable of becoming Boca's greatest ever idol, for he sums up characteristics of the four greatest idols of the club in his position. The explosiveness of Maradona, the feint of Angel Clemente Rojas, the physical strength of Alberto Marcico, and the sense of being the creative axis of the team so typical of Juan Roman Riquelme."

For Marcico, who coached him in 2002 as Boca's assistant manager, Tevez is already above his contemporaries: "(Pablo) Aimar, Riquelme, (Ariel) Ortega, (Andres) D'Alessandro, they're all great players. But Tevez is the most explosive player since Maradona. He's more complete than the rest. He's got personality and stamina, and he's equally aggressive when he has the ball or when he has to go and get it. Whatever stadium he plays in, he performs the same way. He's magnificent."

A broken tooth, a neck covered in scars from an accident with boiling water and his 'Apache' nickname are the tell-tale signs of Tevez's tough childhood. Fuerte Apache is perhaps the poorest, most dangerous of Buenos Aires's suburbs, a place where even the police fear to tread.

Tevez grew up with money scarce and simply feeding the family a constant battle. "So many people had to live with the things I had to," he says. "But the hunger vanished with an 'I love you' from our dads. That's the way it was for us."

In that environment, Tevez learnt one basic law: only the strongest survive. It was a lesson he would take to the potrero, the neighbourhood football pitch, full of stones, cans, craters and violence. There he learned to play football the hard way. "They say there's pressure at La Bombonera," says Tevez. "What pressure? The real pressure is at a potrero where everything is allowed, where nobody protects you, where you're playing against older and tougher lads! At the potrero, you work out how to do a bit of everything: go up and down, mark and play. You learn to cover the ball and to put up with heavy knocks.

"We played matches where the winners got sandwiches and Cokes (paid for by the losers) and they were terrific. The lowest tackle was around the neck, but you had to accept it. The prize was the prize and the honour was honour." If he had it his way, Tevez would still be playing there, "but I'm a professional now and have to take care of myself," he explains.

No sooner had Boca discovered Tevez's potential than they took him out of the potreros and out of Apache. One of his closest friends, Dario, had recently been shot to death. At Boca, Tevez quickly became friends with another dazzling young footballer, five years his senior. The star of the first team, Juan Roman Riquelme had himself been labelled the new Maradona and, like Tevez, came from a villa (shanty town).

"Roman is like my brother," says Tevez. "We both came from poor families and he helped me a lot. He always gave me things - shoes, jerseys - and he talked to me when I still hadn't played a match."

A few months after his debut for the reserves, Sunderland made an offer for Tevez. Boca turned it down flat. In October 2001, he made his first-team bow. Then, two weeks later, Riquelme was sold to Barcelona. "Roman came to see me and told me something I won't forget," recalls Tevez of his friend's departure. "He said: 'I'm leaving, but you're going be the leader of Boca now. If the team plays badly, it's your fault. And if it plays well, it's because of you. Face the fact that you're the conductor, the director.'"

Still only 18, Tevez faced it. "Playing for the reserves, he would win matches on his own," recalls Heber Mastrangelo, boss of Boca's youth teams, where Tevez scored 72 goals in three years. "He'd just grab the ball and dribble past everybody, opponents, team-mates, the referee. Amazing."

In the first-team, he appeared to play as if nothing had changed, but Tevez concedes that it was hard without Riquelme. "I had only just made my debut when Roman was sold, and the tag of being the successor to Riquelme was crazy too! Riquelme is almost at the level of Maradona: there will never be another player like him."

He also had to deal with his new-found fame. "How did I not get confused? Simple: by understanding that I'm Tevez and not Maradona. And besides that, luxuries are not important to me. You'll never see me in limousines or drinking champagne. I'm from the neighbourhood, a simple lad. I'm the same as I've always been. Maybe I'm a bit more famous to other people now, but that doesn't stop me doing the things I always did. I hang out with my best friends, drink mate (Argentinian tea) with them, play cards, I visit Apache, we spend hours playing PlayStation. I'm Carlitos, as always. The difference is that I'm on TV and in magazines now, but I don't believe the hype. I try to keep looking forward, otherwise I'll be a failure."

In 2002, Tevez came to England to play Manchester United at Old Trafford. The match would demonstrate another similarity to Maradona, a short temper. Reacting to a scything challenge from Paul Scholes, Tevez was sent off, but his memories of the visit are positive.

"I have David Beckham's shirt hanging in my room, alongside Riquelme's boots," he says. "Old Trafford is a superb ground. It's funny to have the supporters two metres away from you, though. In Argentina that would be impossible; they'd jump on to the pitch and steal the ball (laughs). Besides, the people were all sitting, neat and tidy, and no one threw anything - it was like playing at the theatre!"

For Tevez, there's no place like home. "I've played at Old Trafford, the Nou Camp and the Morumbi (in Sao Paolo) packed with 100,000 Brazilians, but nothing compares to La Bombonera. Do you know how it feels to be there? Mamma mia! It's awesome. You hear everything, the crowd sings the entire match, and sometimes you can feel the vibrations. You don't believe that the stadium actually trembles until you experience a match there. It's unique."

Back at La Bombonera, Tevez moved to the next level, but only after Boca manager, Carlos Bianchi had decided to play his star man further forward. Tevez says he admires four players - Maradona, Riquelme, Ronaldo and Gabriel Batistuta. The names are relevant because in Argentina the debate still rages over where he should play. He shines in midfield or up front. But is he a playmaker? Or a striker?

Bianchi, himself a prolific goalscorer, had no doubts when asked in early 2003. "For me, he is a forward, but he needs to add some of the secrets of the striker's position to his game. The champagne goals are important, but the banal goals really make the difference. I want him to score more banal goals."

Three months later, Tevez became the leading goalscorer in the Torneo Apertura with eight goals in 11 matches, plus his usual share of assists, as Boca streaked to the championship. Shortly after, he inspired his team-mates to Copa Libertadores glory.

Unsurprisingly, European clubs took notice. Bayern Munich have already made two offers, both rejected. Bayern vice president, Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, believes Boca will settle for E20m, but according to Boca chairman Mauricio Macri, Tevez will remain there for at least two more years.

"Look, I don't drive myself mad thinking of Europe," is Tevez's view. "The guita (dosh) doesn't drive me mad and at Boca I'm very happy. I'm just a boy, I still want to go out with my friends and my family, things that I couldn't do in Europe because they wouldn't be there. Perhaps later I'd like to try European football, to be among all the 'monsters' who play there?"

If - or when - he does go to Europe, Tevez may yet spring a surprise. "If you'd asked me a year ago, I would have said I would most want to go to Barcelona, but nowadays, it's Villarreal," he says. "Why? Simple, to play with my friend Roman. The things we would do there! And Spain would be easier for me because of the language."

Villareal? Spain? Alberto Marcico believes Tevez can conquer the entire football world. "He's already the best Argentinian player in the world and soon he will play in Europe and show his qualities to them, as he did in South America winning the Copa Libertadores on his own. He's not only a Boca idol, he's the one player who supporters from all the teams want in the national team. That's because it's clear he loves and breathes football."

He certainly does. Recently, Boca made a generous offer that most 19-year-olds would accept in the blink of an eye: an appointment with a highly-regarded plastic surgeon who would remove the scars from his neck. When Tevez found out that he would need four months of rehabilitation, his answer was immediate. "What!?! Four months! First, if someone doesn't like how I look, it's his problem, not mine. And second, are you out of your mind? I could never go so long without playing football!"

And with that, he called to his brothers, found a ball and began to play.

Sunday, 18 March 2007

Secret Payments

As is typical for West Ham, the gloss of yesterday's victory has been removed by further tawdry accusations in the sunday press. Rob Beasley has continued his attack on the financial inproprieties of the fomer regime, this time claiming a secret payment of £339,000 was paid into a Swiss bank account to facilitate the signing of Argentine midfielder Javier Mascherano. As last week, the details are reproduced in full because the article will not be online for long.

£339K into a Swiss bank account but West Ham bosses declare sweet FA
By Rob Beasley

A Premier League club bunged a secret payment of £339,000 into a Swiss bank account over the shady transfer of a foreign star, the News of the World can reveal.

Crisis team West Ham made the hush-hush deposit to a company linked with a controversial soccer agent just days after signing Argentine ace Javier Mascherano last September. But a major News of the World investigation into the greed and dodgy dealings threatening our national game has discovered West Ham FAILED to disclose the money to the FA. That is a clear breach of FA rules which state that All payments in relation to transfers have to be made through the proper channels.

Last night chiefs at the Football Associaton promised a full probe after we handed over our evidence. If found guilty the struggling London club, favourites to be relegated, could face a huge fine, a fixed-term ban on all transfers AND even a possible points deduction at the beginning of next season.

The money West Ham paid—500,000 euros—was given to the firm Global Soccer Agencies which has links to Mr Fixit soccer agent Pini Zahavi. The News of the World has seen the official Swiss bank payment report for September 4 last year—just after West Ham's shock signing of Argentinian internationals Mascherano and Carlos Tevez on Aug 31.

The transfers of midfielder Mascherano and striker Tevez, 23, were shrouded in mystery. But Zahavi boasted how he helped broker the deal. In a surprise move, the promising young pair were signed from Brazilian club Corinthians, where Anglo-Iranian businessman Kia Joorabchian had a 51 per cent stake. At the time Joorabchian was trying to buy control of West Ham and was in negotiations with then chairman Terry Brown and managing director Paul Aldridge.

The two players' contracts were owned by companies and consortiums associated with Joorabchian and Pini Zahavi. Mascherano, 22, who has now moved on to Liverpool, was half-owned by Global Soccer Agencies, a Gibraltar-registered firm with direct links to Zahavi.

West Ham—who won at Blackburn yesterday—paid the £339,000 into GSA's Swiss bank account following the transfer. But FA bosses had no knowledge of this forming part of the transfer deal—in contravention of strict guidelines brought in to stamp out dodgy dealings and corruption. At the time of the signings, Zahavi told how he stood to make a fortune from the Mascherano and Tevez move. He bragged: "I am an honest man. I don't sell cars. I have nothing to hide. But it is quite simple. If the players are a big success, I make money. Not just if they leave West Ham in the future but if they do well at West Ham. West Ham's then chairman Brown called the transfers the "biggest in our history".

Last week we exclusively revealed that he and managing director Aldridge stood to trouser £9.3 million between them if the deal had gone through to sell the club to Joorabchian. Instead it was bought by the current chairman, Icelandic businessman Eggert Magnusson.

When confronted by the News of the World over the Mascherano payment, Terry Brown said: "Who paid it? Into where?"

He added: "You would have to ask the club, I am not going to comment on that. If it's wrong it's the club that has done wrong but I very much doubt we have done anything that's wrong."

And Paul Aldridge said: "Legal advice was taken at the time and a payment was made strictly in accordance with all the relevant rules and regulations."

Agent Pini Zahavi angrily denied he was the owner of Global Soccer Agencies and had pocketed the huge fee. "I am the advisor that's all, I don't own it. I have nothing to hide, I've done nothing wrong. I don't give a shit what rule West Ham broke. I am telling you I am not GSA," he said.

Our investigation will send shockwaves through football. West Ham are already being probed by the soccer authories over possible irregularities in the signing of the two Argentinians. Those investigations also carry the threat of major fines and points deductions.

A West Ham spokesman said last night: "All documents relating to the Mascherano and Tevez transfers have now been submitted to the Premier League to assist with their on-going inquiry. "That includes the so-called third party agreements and all payments relating to them which were passed on by the club's new owners in January."

Ex-Met police commissioner Lord Stevens, left, is close to wrapping up a detailed investigation into the activities of eight agents in relation to 17 suspicious transfers made by English clubs. Some of those cases could result in criminal prosecutions. Zahavi was asked to help with the inquiry but is understood to have declined.


The Mail on Sunday also makes mention of the story. It states that the Football Association have confirmed they will investigate allegations of financial impropriety surrounding West Ham's controversial signing of Javier Mascherano last September.

Blackburn Rovers 1 West Ham United 2

Tevez Shows Stomach For A Battle by Ian Whittell
Carlos Tevez may yet cost West Ham points as a result of an imminent Premier League disciplinary hearing following the controversial manner of his transfer to the club last August, but last night he was instrumental in his team earning three priceless, and highly dubious, points as Alan Curbishley's side recorded their first away victory of the season, to double the three points previously earned in draws... The Observer
Zamora Sparks Storm And Gives Hammers Hope by Brian Doogan
Bobby Zamora's controversial winning goal may be enough to instil some renewed belief in West Ham that they can still stave off relegation, but the goal should not have stood and Blackburn manager Mark Hughes was left fuming at the finish... Sunday Times
Tevez Plays The Villain To Give West Ham Hope by Les Ward
Carlos Tevez flashed a guilty grin to Blackburn midfielder David Dunn as he stepped up to score a contentious penalty to level the scores on 72 minutes. Heaven knows how he felt four minutes later following the part he played in an even more controversial 'goal' that sealed West Ham's priceless first Premiership away victory of the season... Sunday Telegraph
Hughes In A Huff As Zamora Rides Luck by Jon Culley
West Ham might still need a miracle to survive in the Premiership, even after winning only their second match under Alan Curbishley. But if they do go down, it promises to be via a route filled with drama... Independent On Sunday
Zamora's Controversial Winner Puts End To Samba Dancing by Mark Ryan
A lifeline on the goal line? "Devine" intervention? Call it what you will. But Alan Curbishley’s struggling team were handed hope in the most controversial fashion yesterday and West Ham’s manager seems to sense that mission impossible is no longer beyond him... Mail On Sunday
Curbishley Hails Rough Justice by John Ashdown
A penalty that was probably not and a goal that was definitely not could not mask West Ham's pleasure on Saturday at three points that should not have been. Alan Curbishley claimed his side's good fortune in victory went some way to restoring football's karmic alignment... The Guardian
Wayward Webb Fuels Debate by Ian Whittell
Exhibit A - not to mention exhibits B through to D — in the argument for video replays were in plain view for all at Ewood Park, although, given the almost incomprehensibly inept displays of Howard Webb, the referee, and Jim Devine, his assistant, on Saturday, it is doubtful whether the officials would have got it right even with the aid of technology... The Times
Hughes Blows A Fuse On Divine Intervention by Jon Culley
The temptation to rail against match officials is never easy to resist, as Mark Hughes discovered when every microphone and tape recorder at Ewood Park on Saturday evening invited him to vent his fury over the blunder that handed victory to West Ham and potentially blighted Blackburn's hopes of playing in Europe next season... The Independent
Tangled Webb Keeps West Ham Hopes Alive by Mark Ogden
Howard Webb has justifiably earned a reputation as the man most likely to replace Graham Poll as England's top referee, but the south Yorkshire official's career path will hit a brick wall if his assistants leave him exposed to the blind fury he was subjected to from players, managers and supporters after West Ham's inexplicable victory at Ewood Park... The Telegraph

Saturday, 17 March 2007

Crying Game

As a counter point to the Carlos Tevez article from yesterday, The Mirror carries an interview with West Ham's other ascendent star, Mark Noble.

Crying Game
By Darren Lewis

Mark Noble: 'I Wept at the end of the Spurs game because I know how the fans feel... I was in the crowd the last time we went down.'

His tears at the end of West Ham's last-gasp defeat to Spurs epitomised the anguish of every true Upton Park fan in what has been a nightmare season. But Mark Noble's heartbreak that day also brought renewed hope that there are still players at the club that care at a time when their commitment to the cause is being questioned.

So far this season the 19-year-old local hero has been denied a place in the first team because boss Alan Curbishley has stuck with experience during the club's relegation battle. But Noble's only two senior appearances this season - against Brighton in the FA Cup and Spurs in the Premiership last week - have both yielded goals and convinced his boss that his hunger is more valuable than the underachievement of better known players. As a result the Canning Town teenager is set to play again today at Blackburn and Hammers fans - who have called for him to be put into the team all season - will be delighted. Noble said:

"I cried in that Tottenham game because I don't want to see this club go down again. I know what it's like because I was in the crowd when we went down four years ago. My emotions were just everywhere and the only way they were coming out was through my eyes. It was a gutting feeling for me. I have had a lot of stick for crying as you can imagine from friends and stuff. But I couldn't help it at the time. There was nothing I could do about it and I just have to take it on the chin!"

"This is my job. This is all I know. I can't do anything else because I am no good at anything else. So when you can't get what you want it's hard. Some people take it in different ways. For me it's a massive thing when I lose. I don't like losing no matter what I do. Even when I am on the computer at home with mates if I lose I still get the hump. That's healthy, I think, because I never want to be in that position."

Born on May 8 1987, Mark Noble began his footballing career as a trainee at West Ham before loan spells took him to Hull and Ipswich. He could easily have stayed away from the car crash that has been the Hammers' season. Instead, he is desperate to help dig them out of trouble. He added: "In a way you have to be brought up round here to know what it is like for the fans. For some geezers it's their life. A lot of them just wait for the next Saturday for the game to come around. I feel so much of that through the people I know so it's hard when we get a result like we did against Spurs."

"I've lived near Upton Park for about 17 years. Places like Canning Town, East Ham and all around there. I have been going to the games since I was a small boy so it's great to play for the club but when we lose it is so hard. The up side, though, is that if you work hard and you lose, the fans back you. Just like they did in the Spurs game when they applauded us off the pitch. That's what we have got to do for the last 10 games - work hard, dig deep and try and create a miracle."

"When I was younger my hero was Bobby Moore because my dad always told me about him. He told me that Bobby was just magnificent, that he was so calm and that he had an aura about him that some players get and some players never do. He told me that he had that respect as a World Cup winner and its a pleasure to be associated with a club that has had a player like that. It's even better to play in the same stadium that he did. Other heroes are players who have gone the same path as me, like Joey Cole and Michael Carrick and Frank Lampard. They have gone through the youth cup and the first team and I am still looking up to them. Glenn Roeder gave me the chance to come in when I was a kid and train with players like them and John Moncur who was a West Ham top boy. So now it means so much to me now to follow them."

Noble is determined to make the most of the chance he has been given. He went on: "When I first broke through in the Championship two years ago it was the same then as it is now. The fans just love homegrown players coming through. With the amount of foreigners coming in it is hard for the youngsters because they just get sent out on loan to lower league clubs and some of them really don't get a chance. But I was determined this year to make my mark. So although I enjoyed my loan spell at Ipswich I came back and told Alan Pardew - who was our manager at the time - that I wanted to get into this team. When Curbs came in I finally got my chance. Now I just want to grab hold of it. I was gutted after the Brighton game to lose my place. I wanted to stay in the side but the manager told me that he wanted to go with experience to get us out of this mess."

"Now he has clearly thought: 'I am just going to put him in'. So hopefully my hard training has paid off and I want to stay even if we go down. There will obviously be some changes and the majority of players will want to stay in the Premiership. But I am sure there will be a few staying with me and if we can make a core around them then hopefully we can come straight back up. Having said all that I don't want to talk too much about relegation. Until it is mathematically impossible I want to focus on staying up."


Elsewhere, The Independent report that West Ham United have submitted their appeal to the Premier League after being charged for a breach of rules over the signing of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano. The Argentine pair were signed in August and under scrutiny is whether the involvement of Media Sports Investment was against regulations.

The Night I Slept Next To David Beckham

With West Ham all but relegated there is some solace in sleeping next to David Beckham, and some positives of playing in the Championship
By Russell Brand

David Beckham was in the next room to me at a Manchester hotel on Tuesday night. There were adjoining doors. I felt like I should do something, knowing he was in there either with Posh or alone sleeping, like in that Sam Taylor-Wood installation, all peaceful.

The twits I was with wanted to put a gushing note under his door, a scheme I vetoed on the grounds that it would compromise me if I ever met him. He'd always have that over me. If we met at a high-class banquet for Essex dignitaries my status would be undermined by the knowledge that I'd desperately thrust my grubby scribblings into his private quarters. It seemed uncouth - like trying to sneak my fingers up the leg of his shorts and stretching his golden balls taut.

Also, what would I put? "Good evening David, hope you enjoyed your appearance at Old Trafford on the occasion of Manchester United versus European XI. Shame you couldn't play. Nice speech! PS: Do you miss Lakeside?" or "I can envisage you Dave, in there, yards from me mincing in your pristine pants - would you like me to pay you a saucy visit? Hang your panties on the door handle if yes."

I don't think that there's anything you can write in a note to a stranger that you poke under a door that wouldn't unsettle them. I shouldn't be bothering myself with inconsequential exhibition matches in Manchester when West Ham's season lies strewn in daft tatters. Currently they await news of whether points will be deducted as a result of fielding ineligible players, Argentinians Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano. Alan Curbishley is sanguine about it, claiming we have no points to deduct, which is an interesting argument. In West Ham's current position they may as well deduct unicorn tears or Fabergé eggs. I myself have adapted a similarly Zen and detached stance and have prepared myself for another season of Championship football.

My methods of consolation include:

1 There are some good clubs that may be in the Championship next season if they don't get promoted or relegated. It'll be nice to go to Loftus Road for QPR and Elland Road for Leeds if they don't go down, and to receive visits from Birmingham and Sunderland if they don't go up.

2 It is more competitive, with league positions not confirmed often until the final game of the season.

3 I might actually get to see West Ham win a few games.

There was talk to the effect that if a verdict can't be reached on West Ham's points deduction before the season ends that the penalty will be carried over until the next time they're promoted - an irksome prospect but currently irrelevant. First they must be promoted and is Alan Curbishley the right man for that challenge? Hunter Davies wrote in these pages on Thursday of the characteristics required to be a great manager and in his view they need to be a bit barmy. He cited Roy Keane as an example of a good manager in waiting because of Sunderland's change in fortune this season and because of Roy's apparent air of psychopathic menace. I find it impossible to predict which players will be good coaches.

Who would have thought that dear Sir Trevor Brooking would be possessed of such venom when he took the reigns at the Boleyn for the close of the 2003 season? Seeing him pumping his fist and bellowing on the touchline unnerved me. We've always known him to be such a gent, to witness him all charged and furious was disconcerting; like when my geography teacher, the usually gentle Mr Eckley, would topple into red-faced rage and pepper his rants with spittle. I'd just stand silent in the angry saliva shower and monitor the little bit of escaping wee-wee as best I could.

Perhaps that's what I should have inappropriately issued to the slumbering Becks, a request that he eschew his LA Galaxy payday, and get back to his roots and claim his birthright as West Ham's chief. Who could know or dare to dream what uncharted depths of management skill lurk beneath his immaculately tanned facade? What cleft, disrupted dressing room could fail to be inspired by the spectacle of an incandescent Beckham yapping shrill damnations and commands whilst nimbly flicking boots into the craniums of dissenters? The solution to all West Ham's curses lay sleeping next to me in Manchester, whilst I did naught but glut myself like a chimp on cashew nuts and hotel porn.

Guardian column

Friday, 16 March 2007

Tevez: I'm Not Fat But...

Sportsmail's Lee Clayton has an exclusive interview with Carlos Tevez, 'the world superstar who has found himself stuck in the Premiership's relegation dogfight.' It's a bittersweet read and it's reproduced here as possibly one of the last interviews with Tevez as a West Ham player.

Tevez: I'm not fat but I love your fish and chips
By Lee Clayton

'So, who plays the most beautiful football. Is it Argentina - or is it Brazil?’

Introduced by Eric Cantona, starring Carlos Tevez, first in the colours of his beloved Boca Juniors and then Corinthians. Goals in Argentina, goals in Brazil. Goals, goals, goals. The South American Nike advertisement is part of a lucrative eight-year contract with the little striker, who has travelled a long way from the slums of Buenos Aires.

Go to YouTube and you too can see the evidence of Tevez and his glorious goals. Left foot, right foot, free kicks, volleys, penalties, a hat-trick against Santos, a mazy dribble through a forest of Serbian defenders in the World Cup Finals. One movie, lasting nine minutes and thirty seconds, is enthusiastically titled 'The best footballer in the world’.

Eight goals in six matches on his way to Olympic gold for his country in 2004, goals that won championships on both sides of the great South American divide, goals that won the Copa Libertadores, the Intercontinental Cup, the Copa Sudamerica and Brazil‘s prestigious Golden Ball. And still just 23.

Tevez and his talents are big business. So what the hell is he doing, sitting here in East London, talking to me about enjoying fish and chips, golf and the mild English weather?

"This is a beautiful league," he promises. "Sure, it was difficult when I first came, but I am very happy to be here, in England."

He is believable too.

"It’s true, I struggled at first. You must be in supreme physical condition. If your body isn’t right, you cannot play in the Premier League. I could not find my rhythm, playing right midfield, left midfield. I was told to mark opponents! This is not my game. I am a striker, a goalscorer. That is my art."

Though the evidence from across the world shows this to be true, one goal in 17 games (ten starts) in England would suggest otherwise, but he is playing for a struggling team in desperate times. West Ham are bottom of the Premiership and, even the powers of Tevez cannot save them from this self-inflicted crash.

"No, no, no," he disagrees. "I can see the league table, I can see we are in trouble, but I will not accept relegation. In the last twenty days, my condition is great. I want to score the goals to keep West Ham in the Premier League. I will do all that I can. It will be hard, but I need to repay the supporters for their love."

His dazzling performance against Tottenham in the 4-3 defeat two weeks ago suggests something is belatedly beginning to stir. Though he may be in better shape, he’s still, as they say in these parts, carrying some timber. A little overweight? "No, I need my weight for strength, like Wayne Rooney or Paul Gascoigne," he assures me.

His presence appears to have inspired the supporters more than his team-mates, who have consistently failed to step up to the mark. One man alone cannot save a team and there are times when he has been guilty of trying too hard, keeping hold of the ball for too long. Maybe he doesn't trust that a pass will be returned.

He seems committed - for now - despite the turmoil. Though a fixture list likely to include trips to Scunthorpe and Barnsley next season, he must surely be looking towards an escape route in the summer. He is ready for the question.

"I cannot allow the thought to enter my head. What I want is that we can pull together and save the season. So I can’t answer your questions about playing in the Second Division (Championship). I am not interested in thinking about another club in June. That would be disrespectful to West Ham. I’ve been very touched by the support of the fans. The whole situation has been very difficult, for me. Maybe it has been confusing for them too."

Confusing it certainly has been.

Take one World class footballer, once courted by Manchester United and Barcelona, and place him in an unlikely new home, along with another familiar face from the World Cup, Javier Mascherano. Both are owned by Kia Joorabchian, one of the businessmen seeking to buy the club. Results, however, are poor and the team drops into the bottom three. Tevez is not given time to adapt, he is played out of position and then dropped as West Ham go seven games without scoring; the manager is sacked, a new manager fails to arrest the collapse and West Ham hit rock bottom.

And then Premier League investigate the complicated nature of the original transfer and threaten West Ham with a points deduction!

Fresh from another round of golf, Tevez is untouched by the drama, it seems.

"I have no regrets. This has not been a bad transfer for me. I came here, to a progressive club, to join forces with the young, home players. I thought we could go to the next level. But we have not. Yes, I was frustrated when I wasn’t being selected, when I was being asked to play in different positions.

"Alan Curbishley, the coach, has spoken often with me. He is very good. It has been difficult for him, with all the injuries, but I have a respect for him, because he has given me confidence. Pardew was here before me and he too helped me, he tried to get me to adapt, he wasn’t bad to me.

"My team-mates have been supportive, they are with me. We are not a dressing room at war, we are a group of players who haven’t had very much luck. I haven’t seen anything bad inside the club, but we have not functioned well.

"I am very grateful to the fans. This is another experience for me and one that I will learn from. I have not been used to such adversity.

"I say here to you that I want to repay the fans. I will do whatever I can to keep the club in the Premier League. For them, for the people. When I scored against Tottenham, I went to the people and celebrated with them. They have supported me, the goal was for them, the emotion was for them.

"But I have also been used to playing for clubs where the supporters come from the ground, like me (local support). This is why I like to be at West Ham. I understand the needs and demands of the people and they understand me. I hope I can give them special moments.

"I can say this. If I can play at West Ham in such a difficult position, then it’s easier to play for a bigger club, with players such as Rooney, Ronaldo or Drogba. I would be capable of playing at any English team, because the English game is no longer a problem for me."

He misses his friend Mascherano, now at Anfield. "Yes, he is my great friend and he was so unhappy. Now, when I speak to him, I can see that he is happy again."

It's not inconceivable that Tevez will stay in England, even if West Ham are relegated.

He is enjoying London. "I like the food, it has been excellent. I especially enjoy fish and chips. And the weather has been mild, not as cold as I expected."

What about the traffic? "Have you ever driven in Sao Paulo?" he asks.

It's worth remembering too that there were teething problems at Corinthians, after crossing the great South American divide. He was fined for turning up in an official press conference in a Manchester United shirt, he was fined for turning up to an away game in Bermuda shorts, he was fined for fighting with two team-mates.

Then the goals started.

The fans copied his braided hair cut, followed his celebration dance craze and bought the shirts by the thousand. Local newspapers called it the birth of Tevezmania. It’s fair to say that such a phenomenon has yet to reach the pages of the Newham Recorder.

West Ham supporters cannot, however, be faulted for their support.

Osvaldo Ardiles told me, soon before Tevez made his debut: "He will be fantastic, he will be West Ham’s Rooney, he is that type of player. He can score goals, he can create goals and he is going to right club at this stage of his development, a good club with good supporters, who will support him and encourage the right type of football."

Thierry Henry has certainly been impressed. Henry asked earlier this season: "When will you come to join me at Arsenal?"

"He was joking," Tevez reports. "He is a top guy." Joking? Maybe.

One can only wonder how things might have worked out if Dean Ashton had been fit to hold up the ball and allow with Tevez to work around him.

West Ham fans will probably never know.

Thursday, 15 March 2007

Anton In The Frame

You can tell it is a slow news day when the first port of call is the Guardian Gallery section. Anton Ferdinand is this week's subject as "Rio's younger, dodgier bro goes all Brothers Grimm and George Lucas, just for fun." Other West Ham related galleries include: Eggert Magnusson; Lucas Neill; Teddy Sheringham; Tevez & Mascherano; Trevor Brooking; Glenn Roeder; Alan Curbishley; Michael Carrick; Paul Ince; Alan Pardew; Luke Chadwick; Joe Cole; Frank Lampard; Jermain Defoe; John Hartson; Lee Bowyer; Rio Ferdinand; Paolo Di Canio; David James and Harry Redknapp;

At the lower end of the market, The Mirror are reporting how Lucas Neill intends to derail Blackburn's European bid to help West Ham's fight for survival, while The Sun believe Millwall are on 'Ted Alert' with a bold new move to sign Teddy Sheringham. The Lions want their former hero back on loan by exploiting the League’s emergency loan system. Boss Willie Donachie wants the 40-year-old’s experience and quick wits to boost the club’s late surge towards the League One playoffs.

Wednesday, 14 March 2007

The Best Coach

Perhaps it's been the start of the cricket World Cup with its endless shots of the serene Caribbean sky, palm trees, coconuts, reggae music, calypso dancing and dark sweet rum. Maybe it's been the recent race rows that have engulfed the club these last few weeks. Whatever the reason my thoughts have been turning to Clyde Best, West Ham's very own Bermudian. I first read the following article several years ago and managed to salvage it from the original but now defunct pre-Soccernet ESPN site.


The Best coach sacked for winning

By Ian Chadband

This was the World Cup. But not as we know it. Jumpers for goalposts? Well, not quite, but we did have Portaloos for dressing rooms and a magnificently inept bunch of British Virgin Islanders masquerading as the Dog and Duck Sunday XI while being blown around and away in the gale sweeping off the Atlantic.

'What a good day to be Bermudian,' babbled the man on the public address as 2,000 of his shivering islanders, huddled for non-existent shelter in their apology for a national stadium, looked as if they might beg to differ on the sort of afternoon they don't tell you about in the tourist brochures.

'Now, here's a synopsis of the game so far...' continued our man, doubtless delighting the BVI lads who really needed to know the gory minutiae of their embarrassment. Now, 8-0 loomed as Bermuda's teenage striker Stephen Astwood rounded their keeper and prepared to walk the ball into the net.

Suddenly, though, Astwood stopped. Just before the goalline, he glanced behind him to check the coast was clear, got down on his knees and headed the ball along the ground into the net. The crowd went into hysterics about the naughtiest goal in World Cup history but, on the bench, Bermuda's general was shaking his head.

'Wait 'til I get hold of him,' growled Clyde Best. 'If I was one of their defenders, I'd want to kick him into the Atlantic after a stunt like that. Ridiculous.'

Of course, a gentleman like Best, still the same laid-back giant - if a wee bit more, er, roly-poly - who at West Ham blazed a trail for Britain's black footballers with such dash and dignity, would never have dreamed of adding insult to humiliation like this cocky kid. Yet Bermuda's most famous son has learned to acquire a keen sense of the ridiculous in his job as the island's technical director of football.

And what could be more ridiculous, he pondered, than the thought that he had just orchestrated his country's biggest-ever World Cup win - it finished 9-0 and 14-1 on aggregate - just a fortnight before he was going to get kicked out of his job without knowing what he'd done wrong. 'So I suppose I'll go down in history as the first international coach in history who got the sack for winning matches,' he mused.

He tried to laugh it off because that's his amiable way, but as he clambered out of the rain behind the wheel of the BFA minibus - nobody had told him the job description included being official team bus driver - he could not hide the weary disillusionment.

Three years ago, he and wife Alfreida had given up their cleaning business in California so he could return home as Bermuda's football saviour 'to put something back into the country which shaped me'. Now, though, he could only reflect poignantly: 'You know that Bible saying about being a prophet without honour in your own land. Now I understand.'

How did Bermuda's national sporting legend find himself caught in a tale of jealousy, intrigue and back-stabbing which, even on this elegant isle where it takes a lot to get the laid-back locals roused, has caused enough of a stir to even prompt government intervention?

Two days before Christmas, he was called in by the Bermuda FA president Neville Tyrrell and told his contract would not be renewed at the end of this month. Neither he nor the public were told why and they were astonished.

The island's daily, the Royal Gazette, demanded answers, asking why 'a man whose silky skills during his West Ham heyday did more to put this country on the map than any number of politicians' ambassadorial trips overseas' should have been treated so shabbily when he had so successfully restored the island's footballing credibility.

A source within the Bermuda FA was so disgusted with what he felt was a 'witchhunt' against Best that he leaked documents revealing how the FA's coaching committee had been making plans to replace him with a 'big-name consultant' because Best was supposedly not 'enlivening' the public.

'Yet Clyde Best's record has been great... this decision makes no sense to me or any rational thinking person,' complained the source. A national radio debate had 99 per cent of the callers agreeing with him.

Because they remembered how Best had answered Bermuda's call in 1997 when the sport was on its knees, still reeling from the scandal two years earlier when seven national team members were caught trying to smuggle drugs back into the country in the bottom of their shoes after a Pan-American Games qualifier. Sponsors had turned away in droves and the national team was effectively disbanded.

They needed a hero and there was only one - the prison warden's boy from rural Somerset on the western tip of the island, who had made them so proud when, at 17, he left for England with nothing but trepidation and a one-way ticket to Heathrow. Now the first adventurer would be coming home, having succeeded as a professional footballer from Holland to Canada to the US, but having achieved his greatest triumph as a man.

Best remembered it all as if it were yesterday. Watching grainy images of Spurs on the island's TV which fired a dream; waiting as a 12 year old for the British ships to dock so he could play against the men in the sailors' matches; getting his first cap at 15; being told Ron Greenwood wanted to see him on trial.

He remembered that Sunday in 1968. How nobody was there to meet him at Heathrow and he wished at that moment he'd never come. How he got off the Tube at West Ham, not realising he really needed Upton Park, and how some Hammers'-supporting samaritan took a lonely, confused kid and directed him to the home of Clive Charles, another black player with whom he was to lodge.

He remembered how they would scream 'nigger' at him on the terraces, but he would tell himself: 'You've got to be mentally strong. Ignore them. Carry yourself in the right manner. Show them the soccer ball doesn't care what colour you are. Give your answer by sticking one in the back of their net.'

AND he did. Forty seven times in 188 games. He was a lovely, graceful player and even if some felt he underachieved, of course he hadn't. His impact as the first black footballer to imprint himself on the national consciousness in British football's TV era could never be measured by goals alone.

'At the time, it was just a job to me,' he shrugged. 'But a couple of years ago I went to a dinner celebrating black players in England where I was introduced as 'the legend' and lads like Cyrille Regis and Luther Blissett shook my hand and told me how I'd been their inspiration. When I see black kids playing in England and think maybe I played a part in their emergence, that's my satisfaction.'

Back home, he thought he was going to be a pioneer again. Within months of his arrival, he'd organised Bermuda's first international on home soil in five years. The Premiership and US major league contacts of a man who could count on everyone from Pele to Harry Redknapp as friends opened doors.

The sponsors returned along with a talented coaching team but precious little financial back-up - the Bermuda FA used to ask him to travel to training sessions using the island's quaint public transport service - he moulded a motley crew of bankers, teachers and construction workers into a team good enough to beat Denmark's under-23s.

Yet he found his idyllic home much changed. More money-dominated, kids 'not so prepared to listen and learn', an affluent, well-travelled generation which dreamed more of basketball in the US than football in England, a generation to whom his name meant nothing.

Of course, everybody here knows Clyde now - you could glean that from the waves and smiles he received while driving the bus down every pastel-tinted avenue - and even his opponents find it hard to dislike a down-to-earth, humble figure who's never blown his own trumpet. Bermudians never get starstruck - they reckon David Bowie, who has a home here, can walk down Hamilton's Front St and nobody turns a hair - and that was fine by Clyde. 'Yet sometimes it can be a suffocating place,' he reflected.

He wondered if small-island jealousies had conspired against him. He had been voted out by a coaching committee of unpaid officials, including one woman, 'who have no concept of what's needed to produce an international football team' and Tyrrell barely ever spoke to him.

He was trying to bring professionalism but this was a day to appreciate that it's not easy in amateur hour. Before the game had even started, he seemed to be running around sorting out crises not so much as technical director but more as bus driver, nanny, housemaid, administrator and man-motivator.

One minute, a player had left behind his passport which the FIFA official wanted to see as proof he wasn't a ringer so Best had to organise someone to collect it from the hotel, the next, he was desperately scrabbling around to find a new jersey for his goalkeeper because the official was not happy about its colour.

'This stuff drives you batty,' Best muttered in the dressing room. By the time he had gone into the ritual huddle with his team for a collective recitation of the Lord's Prayer, he already felt all in. The game hadn't even started and now he was dreading the next ritual - a notoriously demanding crowd, including more than a few jealous coaches on the island who reckon they could do a better job, getting on his back.

'I tell you, I know how Kevin Keegan feels,' he sighed. 'If it were Brazil and not the Virgin Islands, this lot'd still expect us to win.' Sure enough, when the ninth goal went in, you could hear moans that it wasn't 15.

At least Bermuda's sports minister was happy. Afterwards, Dennis Lister, explaining how he grew up watching and admiring Best as a kid, conceded that 'there's a sentiment felt strongly in the community that the FA's decision needs to be reassessed'.

He was talking to both Best and the FA about working out some form of reprieve for Best, but you sensed any compromise might be too late to heal all the wounds. 'Funny, really,' pondered Best. 'In England, I'd never have been treated the way I have been by some of the football people here. We've a new government here which wants to 'Bermudianise' society, yet other Bermudians just want to kick one of their own in the pants.

'You know, this is my home and it will always be home. I've no regrets about coming back; it enabled me to spend some quality time with my dad before he died, but if I could, I'd probably go back to England tomorrow.'

For as he buttoned himself up under his baseball cap against the biting wind, perhaps there was something about this day which reminded him how, for all the racist poison he endured and ignored so manfully all those years ago, he was more appreciated in Upton Park's wintery mudbaths than he now is among the pink beaches of his paradise home. A hero deserved better.

Tuesday, 13 March 2007

Holy Malawach!

Yossi would have choked on his malawach this morning when he opened his paper to be confronted with the headline- 'Benayoun in pledge to stay at West Ham'. Of course, it only takes a few minutes of actual reading to realize the article doesn't quite do what it says on the tin. Marc Isaacs' claim that the Israeli has become the first West Ham United player to pledge his future to the club since Alan Curbishley became manager is based solely on quotes taken almost verbatim from the match programme last weekend. Benayoun was actually speaking hypothetically about supposed interest from Tottenham, and what else could he say given that they were our visitors on Sunday? There is nothing categorical in the following quote to suggest Yossi would be willing to play in the Championship next season.

"I think this is a great club with the history and the passion of the fans. It was definitely the right move for me. I live in an area where there are a lot of West Ham fans. I do get stopped quite a lot but I don't mind. The supporters are always very polite and nice to me and at the moment they are saying they believe we can survive. This season may not be going the way we would have hoped but I am still happy at West Ham and hope to have a long future here. In January the manager brought in a lot of good signings who have a lot of quality. The luck does not seem to be on our side in terms of injuries with Matthew Upson and Lucas Neill both suffering so quickly. Hopefully players will come back, stay fit and we can start to have a more consistent team. And that will help get results."

Elsewhere, the fascination with the financial details of West Ham's takeover continues unabated. The Sun state Terry Brown pocketed a £1million golden handshake when he sold the club to Eggert Magnusson. It is claimed the Icelandic biscuit baron had no option but to honour his predecessor’s lucrative contract as chairman. The mega-deal included a two-year notice period, which means Brown is still on full pay of £492,000, plus extras including his pension — despite him resigning as a director two weeks ago. It is in addition to the massive £30m windfall the former holiday camp owner banked by selling his shares to Magnusson in a £108m takeover deal last November.

The same article also mentions Irons
defender Danny Gabbidon is set to return to full training this week. He has been out for two months after picking up a groin injury during the 3-3 draw with Fulham on January 13.

Monday, 12 March 2007

Public Denials

The Telegraph carries the first public denial of the allegations that appeared in yesterday's News of the World. The article by David Bond states West Ham's former chairman Terry Brown and chief executive Paul Aldridge deny accusations that they were greedy after leaked documents revealed they were offered £9.3 million in salaries and bonuses as part of Kia Joorabchian's unsuccessful takeover bid for the club.

According to contracts drawn up the club's lawyers Herbert Smith and seen by The Daily Telegraph, Brown was offered a £1.5 million bonus plus a £1.5 million annual salary for three years by the Anglo-Iranian businessmen to stay on as chairman if the £100 million takeover was successful. Aldridge, meanwhile, was offered a £1.1 million bonus and a £1.1 million annual salary to carry on running the club for two years after Joorabchian took control. In relation to Joorabchian's offer, Brown said: "I don't think it's greed. Remember this was not a secret deal. The whole board and all the shareholders knew about it. The offer was made to me but the board and shareholders felt it just didn't look right. Aldridge, who was not a major shareholder and did not have to reject Joorabchian's offer, added: "At a very early stage the board and the shareholders were very well aware of the negotiations between the Joorabchian consortium, Terry and me. Yes, it is a lot of money but whether it is greedy is for other people to judge. But there was absolutely no wrongdoing in this."

In other news, Alan Curbishley was in attendance at the game between Sheffield Wednesday and Queens Park Rangers on Saturday. It is believed he was looking at Owls midfielder Chris Brunt who has been attracting interest from several Premiership clubs. He has scored eleven goals this season and has picked up six Player of the Month awards since Wednesday returned to the Championship in 2005. The Irishman's pace and trickery have sparked the Owls' renaissance this season and his consistency has forced the arm of Northern Ireland boss lawrie Sanchez, who made him a regular squad member. A recent poll placed Brunt at number 25 of players currently playing outside the Premiership.

Sunday, 11 March 2007

Problems Mushroom

West Ham fans have always been treated like mushrooms- that is to say we are kept mostly in the dark and fed a steady diet of shit. Every week brings a new stream of startling revelations, accusations and counter claims, disinformation, legerdemain and cozenage; and each half truth is coloured by its own agenda.

The latest flimflammery comes courtesy of the News of the World who claim to have "exposed how two former West Ham bosses tried to line their own pockets from the sale of the club." I'll reproduce the article here because the online version of the story won't be up for long. It should be noted from the outset that any story that involves Terence Brown is likely to induce feelings of nausea and some of the details will be hard to stomach for many West Ham supporters. Having said that, I am still struggling to find a real story here amid the bluster.

Revealed: naked greed behind takeover
By Rob Beasley

In a shocking and explosive exclusive, we reveal how former chairman Terence Brown and his managing director Paul Aldridge would have trousered £9.3million if the club had been sold to bidder Kia Joorabchian. Documents were produced during an internal inquiry at West Ham and have now been forwarded to the Premier League for investigation.

A League spokesman said: "I can confirm we have received two draft contracts detailing what Terence Brown and Paul Aldridge would receive from a Kia Joorabchian takeover." The contracts show how Brown would have received a £1.5m lump sum on completion of the sale to Joorabchian. His wages would then have been tripled to £1.5m a year for the NEXT THREE YEARS. Aldridge would have received a similar package — a £1m signing-on fee and his salary doubled in a deal totalling £3.3m. The plot was abandoned when Brown was advised it would break Stock Market rules and regulations.

But as an alternative way of cashing in, Brown then sent an e-mail to Joorabchian recommending he upped his bid for the club by £5m as a means of getting the extra cash. When confronted by the News of the World, the pair insisted they had done nothing wrong.

Brown said: "It was something that came up but I rejected it very early on. It was never an issue because I didn't want the money. If I wanted that deal to happen, I would have had to put it to the shareholders and they would have voted. There is nothing irregular about it."

But he admitted he had then sent an e-mail suggesting an alternative way of getting the money by raising the offer for the club.

"I had two choices: I could just say no and walk away, or - because remember, I've got 40 per cent of the club - so one way or another I was going to benefit from adding onto the price and they accepted it. You've got to bear in mind that the Kia lot needed management. They needed Paul to stay on badly. When a company is taken over and you want to keep the management, you have to make them an offer. He'd have been a good investment and you know what people are earning in football."

Brown also insists he was not favouring Joorabchian's bid ahead of the man who eventually gained control, Eggert Magnusson. He said: "No I didn't. Kia came first. He had been around for a long time. The others came in late in the day."

Damning documents sensationally reveal the naked greed of the men who sold West Ham United.

The News of the World can reveal how former chairman Terence Brown and ex-managing director Paul Aldridge demanded £9.3million conditional on the sale of the club to Iranian bidder Kia Joorabchian. The pair got West Ham solicitors Herbert Smith to draw up a draft agreement that would have guaranteed Brown:
  • £1.5m lump sum "signing on" fee.
  • £1.5m a year salary for three years.
  • Life presidency of the club — and eight directors' box tickets for every home game. Bonuses for youth team success.
  • Carpark passes, hospitality in the chairman's suite and pension rights.And all that was on top of the £30m he was set to pick up from the sale of his shares.

Aldridge was also on a nice little earner too. He would have trousered a £1.1m lump sum on completion of the deal and a £1.1m-a-year pay deal for the next two years. Unfortunately for the pair, their money-making deals would have broken strict City rules governing takeovers of public limited companies. Warned about this, Brown — faced with losing almost £4.4m — emailed Joorabchian's advisers with another proposal in a desperate bid to rescue the cash.

At the time, Joorbachian was offering £70m for the club so Brown told him to ramp up the purchase price to more than £75m so he could still cash in. Brown's damning email read: "The new package was to be worth £6m — £1.5m signing on and £1.5m p.a. for 3 years. We have looked at alternative arrangements but none seem to meet the regulatory requirements. I would suggest therefore that I remain on my present terms and that we add the saving of £4.3m to the purchase price increasing that from £70,708,372 to £75,082,372."

Brown last night insisted the original plan to pay him and Aldridge £9.3m was "never going to happen". He added: "I'm an accountant and I wouldn't do anything like that. I don't need that, so it was never going to happen."

He did, however, concede he personally sent the email because he knew the original draft document would breach takeover regulations. He explained: "I was never going to accept the deal. I had two choices: I could just say no and walk away, — because remember, I've got 40 per cent of the club — so one way or another I was going to benefit from adding onto the price and they accepted it. There is nothing untowards about that."

But Brown denied that getting Joorabchian to bolt on another £5m was a way round the fact that he couldn't accept the original cash deal. He said: "If they are saving a cost, why not add it elsewhere? I did it for the benefit of the shareholders and the club and don't forget I was one of the major shareholders, so it wasn't necessarily to my disadvantage. Why give money away? It wasn't a way around anything."

Brown and Aldridge's dream disappeared when Joorabchian pulled out of his proposed takeover. But the duo also tried to persuade Icelander Eggert Magnusson to agree similar deals — but he refused and retained the pair only on their existing salaries.

But Magnusson was mortified when an internal West Ham inquiry discovered the draft contracts and email which exposed the pair's scheming. Those explosive documents have now been handed to the Premier League, with the Hammers hoping it is vital new evidence in their fight to clear the club over the controversial signings of Argentinian stars Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano.

Both players were uniquely owned by third parties — including Joorbachian — and West Ham are now accused of playing them illegally because they did not submit the proper paperwork. If found guilty, they face a heavy fine and even the docking of crucial league points. But West Ham insist all negotiations regarding the players were conducted solely by Brown and Aldridge. And the discovery of these documents prove the pair had a financial incentive to help Joorabchian.

When confronted by the News of the World last night, the club were stunned to discover we knew about the Brown documents. A spokesman would only say: "Until the current Premier League inquiry is completed, the club cannot comment on matters relating to the case."

A Premier League spokesman last night said: "We can confirm that two draft documents have been received detailing what Terence Brown and Paul Aldridge would receive from a Kia Joorabchian takeover of West Ham United." Brown maintained the offer of the cash payments was inspired by Joorabchian and that he had rejected it an early stage.

Mike Hanna, former chairman of the Northern Hammers, was a shareholder for more than 10 years. Hanna said: "At no time did Brown or Aldridge ever own up to being offered payments from Joorabchian. It shows again Brown was just somebody who wanted maximise his bank account. He can never show his face at Upton Park again. He's a disgrace."


The negative press continues in the Sunday Mirror, who claim two West Ham players were caught up in a "race hate hell." According to one eye witness Nigel Reo-Coker and Shaun Newton had to flee after being targeted by a racist section of their own supporters. The report states that a 30-strong mob turned on the black players during last weekend's home game against Tottenham. Reo-Coker and Newton, who were spectators at the match, were racially abused, physically threatened and forced to leave their seats in the stand. The incident comes on the back of the race row from the same game where a large groups of West Ham supporters were filmed chanting racist and anti-semitic slogans at half-time of the club's 4-3 defeat last Sunday.

Interestingly, it is the second time this season that Reo-Coker has allegedly been on the receiving end of racist abuse after it was claimed he had been the recipient of hate mail a few months ago. On that occasion the offending letters were never seen by any one other than the player and his agent. On Sunday, not one person out of the thousands who visit the various West Ham internet forums on a daily basis could recall seeing the race attack on our club captain, which is strange considering his high profile, prominant seat and the large number of people involved. When Nigel 'regrettably' slaps in a transfer request in the summer we can fully expect to hear how he was 'forced out of the club' by certain elements of our support. It will be one of the most mendacious and cynical attempts at engineering a move away from the club that any player has ever perpetrated.

Saturday, 10 March 2007

Tevez Departs?

The Mirror claim Carlos Tevez is set to end his West Ham 'nightmare' with a summer move to Marseille. It reports that the Argentina World Cup star has endured a grim time at Upton Park since his arrival on loan from Brazilian club Corinthians last summer and that Marseille have been taken over by Canadian tycoon Jack Kachkar, who is ready to bankroll major spending. The Daily Mail also has the story, adding that Kachkar has close links to Media Sports Investments, the company which owns the rights to Tevez. It is suggested Marseille see the 23- year-old Argentinian as an an ideal replacement for Djibril Cisse, who has been disappointing since going on loan from Liverpool this season.

Also in the Mail, in their section where supporters can send in their worst ever XI to represent a club, John Wilkins has made a selection containing some frankly bizarre choices. Not withstanding the fact that neither Kevin Keen nor Geoff Pike should ever be mentioned on or around such a list, one name that always seems to appear in these things is that of Mauricio Taricco. How anybody can judge the merits of a player who wore the shirt for just 27 minutes is a complete mystery. The Argentinian defender signed for the Irons on a free transfer from Tottenham Hotspur in November 2004 but agreed to terminate his contract after tearing his hamstring in his first match against Millwall. It was reported at the time that the injury would keep Mauricio out of action for up to eight weeks and the player didn't feel comfortable about not being able to instantly contribute to our stuttering promotion push. Taricco's selfless act enabled the cash-strapped club to bring in instant replacements and prompted the Guardian to afford him 'the hero of the season' award. For that reason alone, Mauricio Taricco should only ever be remembered fondly by the relative few who ever saw him play live.

Finally, the official site have confirmed that midfielder Shaun Newton is set to join Leicester City on loan until the end of the season. The 31-year-old is still waiting for Football League approval and is unlikely to feature in Leicester's trip to Crystal Palace tomorrow, but the deal is expected to go through within the next 24 hours.

Tony Cottee's Call

Why Tony Cottee's call has left me in a dither
By Russell Brand

West Ham 3 Tottenham 4. Ultimately it becomes about numbers. 4-3. Away goals four, home goals three . But of course in reality there's so much more than numbers. Emotions for a start.

I've not been moved so close to tears by a football match since Italia 90 when England lost to Germany on penalties and I was a 15-year-old schoolboy, a hormonal mess and a little bit overweight. Football was a motif for everything that I wasn't: masculine, proud, strong, inclusive.

After Spurs' fourth goal I ran the mental program that one occasionally must to defend oneself against the horrors of being a West Ham, or indeed an England, fan. Right, that's it, I'm just not going to pay attention to football any more. I shan't get seduced by it. It is not a healthy pursuit for a man as emotionally volatile as me.

Regular readers of this column will remember that I said in plain black and white that Spurs would best West Ham.

I had already accepted that we were going to lose that game and yet how it hurt when it actually happened. Cruel, cruel football seduced me once more into hoping that victory was possible . After Mark Noble's brilliant first goal, assisted by the unbelievable Carlos T evez, a flicker of optimism arose within me.

But like the battered wife chained by love to her abusive partner but unable to walk away, Noble's first goal hooked me . When Tevez scored from a free kick I was in love all over again and West Ham were forgiven for the previous five defeats.

Tevez's goal was the realisation of hours of tireless, dogged running. He deserved it more than anyone.

When he scored and West Ham went 2-0 up, all 30,000 West Ham fans were as thrilled as Carlos himself as he pulled off his top to reveal his disgustingly fit little torso. Then, in one of the best post-goal celebrations of all time, he hurled himself into the Dr Martens Stand where I was stood, causing the kind of giddy euphoria that only the condemned can truly feel.

In that brief moment of reprieve CT was lost in a sea of team-mates who accumulated around him like a beard of bees concealing the chin of a loon.

After the interval West Ham conceded a needless penalty and who should score but arch foe Jermain Defoe. I always worry that I'll meet someone like JD, Frank Lampard, Paul Ince or some other old boy that didn't leave under the best of circumstances and my natural adulation of sportsmen will overcome my filial loyalties to the club. I worry I'll end up grinning and hugging them, forgetting that it will forever sour me in the minds of the people who sit next to me in Upton Park.

Then Spurs equalised and I swear I thought, bring on Bobby Zamora. I heard the bloke behind me say there is no one on the bench to bring on, but I thought Bobby would score against Spurs . Bring him on against his old club. Minutes later Z did come on - and before you know it the score was 3-2.

At this moment the release of tension was incredible. I haven't been to a football match for a very long time that has ascended (or descended, depending on your perspective) to such levels.

But Spurs equalised and then Spurs scored again. I sat with a belly full of lead porridge in my guts and a head full of splintered dreams that almost emerged as tears.

The only thing that has dragged me from this defeated slumber is an answerphone message from Tony Cottee.

I have met a number of famous people but it was still extraordinary and absurd to hear the words "Hello Russell, this is Tony Cottee. Can you give me a call regarding a charity football match?".

He went on to tell me that West Ham's team of 1986 - my favourite side, incidentally - would be involved. I gulped and gasped. Tony Cottee is inviting me to take part in a football match at Upton Park against Frank McAvennie, Alan Dickens and perhaps even Alan Devonshire (although he didn't mention that name in the message). It could possibly be the greatest moment of my life.

"I don't know if you play football, Russell, but I was wondering if you'd like to join this match," said Tony. Well, in short, Tony, I don't play football. I am the worst footballer on this planet. The sight of my gangly, ridiculous body simpering across the hallowed turf like something from a Tim Burton cartoon is a spectacle too ghastly to contemplate. I'm afraid to hit the ball, because of a) headaches and b) possible damage to hairstyle.

What am I going to say to Tony Cottee? I can't say no to an opportunity like this. What shall I do? However, given some of the games I've been treated to at that ground lately, perhaps I could do a lot worse than pulling on the claret and blue and standing up to face the heelers of the past.

Gurardian column

Friday, 9 March 2007

Skippy The Skipper?

The chaos unfolding at Upton Park has been so unrelenting, and the slide towards the Championship so inexorable, that when a player suggests "the only way is up for West Ham" you tend to wonder whether he is deluded or in denial. Yet, according to The Telegraph, that is what defender Lucas Neill is claiming after months in which depressing results on the pitch have been accompanied by equally depressing reports off it. Despite rumours to the contrary, Neill insists "A line has been drawn under everything in the past. The club are very professional and there is no rift in the dressing room. We are very much together and you saw that on Sunday [in the 4-3 loss to Tottenham]."

Although it was widely assumed that the Aussie, along with fellow January arrival Matthew Upson, would leave the club in the event of relegation, Neill has become the first player to indicate he may be willing to stay and fight should we be playing Championship football next season. "I came here to further my career - I’m committed to the club and until they tell me otherwise I’m happy to stay here long-term," he commented. "I don’t want to be a failure, I want to be a success." For a player derided as a money-grabber when he made the decision to join the Irons from Blackburn ahead of Liverpool, the club he supported as a boy, these are powerful words. Is it possible he actually believes some of the rhetoric he was spouting when he put pen to paper just two months ago? Indeed, if Neill's actions back up his words and he really does want to "stick around and help the youngsters coming through" then we may just have found the future captain of this club. Whatever the truth, the sight of him standing in the tunnel on Sunday, palm pressed hard against the image of Bobby Moore as if channelling the spirit of our erstwhile leader, may have caused even the most misanthropic of claret and blue hearts to question their cynicism, if only for the briefiest second.

Thursday, 8 March 2007

We Won't Give Up

There is not much meat on the bone but for posterity I offer the latest entry in Dean Ashton's online diary. It is mainly a reflection on Sunday's defeat but he does add that a move away from the club is the last thing on his mind- at the moment at least!

We won't give up
By Dean Ashton


I was at our game against Spurs on Sunday and the manner in which we lost obviously wasn’t nice. But the players gave it their all and you can't ask for much more than that. There are definitely positives to take out of the defeat - the effort levels were maximum, and you can't knock the players because they gave it everything. At the end you could see how much it meant to them, but it just wasn’t meant to be.

Carlos Tevez scored his first goal for the club, which could open the floodgates for him. He has been coming so close over the past few months - he's always going for goal but he's just been unlucky. So it’s nice that he scored at the weekend but I'm sure he would have liked it to be with a win. You could see how much the goal meant to him when he went to celebrate with the fans - like any striker you want to score goals and I'm sure he's delighted with it. Hopefully there will be a few more between now and the end of the season.

The team must have gone through every emotion in the book but I think the most important things to remember are all the positives. There is no point dwelling on defeat - it was always going to be one of those difficult, tough games and it just wasn’t our day. You have to look forward to the next game, where hopefully a good result will come. Until mathematically it is impossible, there is always a chance that West Ham can get themselves out of trouble. The team just needs to make sure they go into the next game believing that it's the one to kick-start their survival.

To keep your confidence up I guess you have to believe in yourself, you can't believe that you've become a bad player overnight. It takes a lot of working hard to stay positive, you can't do much more than that. When a team isn’t doing too well players often get linked with moves to other clubs, although I haven’t even read anything about myself in the papers to be perfectly honest. That’s so far away from my thoughts right now anyway.

Keep checking back and I'll keep you up to date on how things are going. Bye for now!

E-mail answers:

Danielle – who was your football hero when you were growing up?

Hi Danielle. For years after the Italia 90 World Cup Gary Lineker was my hero, he was a pure out-and-out goalscorer who poached goals and just one of those characters who everyone loved; he was such a clean player too. Then it was Alan Shearer because he epitomised hard work, aggression, power and goalscoring ability.

I broke my ankle when I was playing football too, what's the best way to stay positive when you are on crutches? Andrew

Well Andrew, it can be hard but the best way is to find some good TV programmes! Friends was always a winner for me. And just think that it could be worse. There is always someone worse off than yourself, so you just have to be glad that you're healthy and you know you'll get through it.

Can you play any other sports and, if so, are you any good? Ben.

I can play pretty much any sport but whether I'm any good remains to be seen! You'd have to ask the people I was playing with/against. I really like golf; I'm OK at that.

Taken from the Icons.com website

Wednesday, 7 March 2007

The First Rule Of Relegation

The gushing torrent of West Ham stories in the media over the last week has slowed to a trickle this morning. The Times are the only national newspaper to lead with a major feature, with Russell Kempson picking up on the police investigation into the race row that has been simmering since Sunday. It reports that after allegations of anti-Semitic chanting during West Ham’s 4-3 defeat by Tottenham Hotspur, Piara Powar, director of the antiracism movement, “Kick It Out”, has appealed to the FA to continue its “zero-tolerance” approach towards racism. Footage of the incident, apparently taken in a concourse bar at Upton Park, had been placed on the internet. Although the film was removed yesterday, with police now investigating a complaint, Powar believes that it is as serious a matter as racist chanting from seats or terraces inside stadiums. “I think it is as bad,” Powar said. “I think the response from the FA will underline the zero-tolerance policy that we have here and that can wake people from their complacency."

Interestingly, Matt Scott in the Guardian reveals that Tottenham Hotspur are expected to conduct a full consultation exercise over their fans' habit of referring to themselves as the "Yid Army", amid fears the term could give rise to casual anti-semitism. A meeting, arranged for March 19, will be attended by representatives of the Kick It Out campaign, the club, its supporters' trust, the Community Security Trust, a Jewish community organisation, the Football Association and the Premier League. It is the first public acknowledgment that the problem may not be entirely one sided.

The only other piece of business is also in The Times with Martin Samuel devoting his column to an exposition of what might direction West Ham will move in during the summer. It's a grimly amusing article based around the observation that the first rule of relegation is that everyone the club need to keep will leave and vice versa. In the summer after relegation in 2003, West Ham lost Joe Cole to Chelsea. Jermain Defoe went to Tottenham midway through the next season and Michael Carrick followed him in August. In the meantime, there were no takers for Don Hutchison, Tomas Repka or Christian Dailly. That is the way the market works. Managers do not descend hungrily on the squads of relegated clubs looking for players who were particularly feeble or fainthearted when the heat was on.

Tuesday, 6 March 2007

The Pernicious Cocktail

Unsurprisingly, the Guardian are the first to lead with a piece about the racism row that has engulfed the Hammers since the game on Sunday. It claims that West Ham United's season took a turn from the shambolic to the shameful on Sunday when large groups of supporters were filmed chanting racist and anti-semitic slogans at half-time of the club's 4-3 defeat to Tottenham Hotspur. The Metropolitan Police confirmed that its football unit is investigating a complaint made by the Community Security Trust, an organisation that protects Britain's Jewish community from anti-semitism. Among the chants heard was one stating: "I'd rather be a Paki than a Jew". The Daily Mail also follow the same angle, positing that West Ham face a police and FA investigation after a video of their supporters singing racist songs at Upton Park appeared on the internet. Footage appears to show around 30 West Ham supporters singing inflammatory songs in the bar area on the stadium's concourse. A video was initially placed on YouTube by the mysterious 'Cockneymatt88' but was later removed. The FA revealed they have passed the footage to police and have asked West Ham to provide them with details of stewarding and CCTV coverage in that section of the ground. Acording to the article, the club will only be punished if their security operation is found to be unsatisfactory, something that is thought to be unlikely. Predictably, the Daily Mirror are never far from the scene of a racism story and revel in adding a few extra salacious details, such as the "sickening cries of 'Sieg Heil' and 'Heil Hitler'.

Elsewhere, West Ham feature prominently in the Richard Williams column in the Guardian. He suggests Eggert Magnusson should stick with Alan Curbishley and allow him to stop the rot at Upton Park, even if the coming summer will be occupied with a cleansing operation so extensive as to make the Augean stables look like a suite at Claridge's. According to the Independent, the signs for the manager in this respect are good. Jason Burt suggests West Ham will have a major clear-out this summer - but Alan Curbishley will not be removed as manager, with the club's board putting the blame for the current plight firmly on the players. The Telegraph also adopts this stance, claiming that bewildered and beleaguered he may be, but Alan Curbishley is set to remain as West Ham manager even if the club are relegated. It quotes Eggert Magnusson as describing Curbishley as the man to build future success at Upton Park and suggests that as votes of confidence go, it was refreshingly free of caveats or coded warnings.

The clean-up operation starts now for West Ham with Alan Curbishley being told to kick out the flops and slackers, according to the Mirror. Chairman Eggert Magnusson has given the Hammers manager licence in the summer to purge the squad of players who care more about their Baby Bentleys and reckless gambling than they do about the club. The Sun lead with a similar story, claiming Alan Curbishley has finally got tough with his West Ham rebels- and even banned them from playing cards. Curbs has also told his assistant Mervyn Day to stand at the gates of the training ground and clock which players turn up late. The manager’s watchdog will be noting names then reporting to Curbs, who plans to hit them hard with his new code of conduct. He has banned card schools on the team bus or club property which symbolised the gambling culture among the squad, while Anton Ferdinand has also been fined £80,000, two weeks’ wages, for flying to America during a two-week club break to celebrate his birthday.

A newspaper round-up wouldn't be complete without the obligatory ramblings of Gary Jacob in The Times. He opines that although Eggert Magnússon claimed yesterday that his long-term plans for West Ham United are unaffected by the prospect of relegation from the Barclays Premiership, it is impossible to imagine that the chairman will be offering more than £30 million to spend on new players in the summer as had been planned. He names Craig Bellamy, Yakubu Ayegbeni and Scott Parker as intended summer targets had relegation been avoided. It's not all doom and gloom though. According to the Telegraph, for all the drama of West Ham's spectacular collapse on the field and in the dressing room, the financial repercussions for the Icelandic businessmen are not as grim as one might expect. We will at least benefit from the new parachute payment of £12 million which will soften the blow of dropping to just £600,000 a year in TV money from the Football League, and with the backing of a wealthy and committed owner, the club are in better shape than they were in 2003 to withstand the financial pressures. It states that Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson's banking connections will enable a restructuring of our borrowings, which cost them £2.2 million a year in interest, over a longer period. Another sign of their long-term commitment is that the Icelandic owners intend to pursue the move away from Upton Park to a new site in the London Borough of Newham.

Finally, article of the day is awarded to Sue Mott for her column in the Telegraph. She writes that West Ham are suffering from factionalism, absenteeism, gambling addictions, depression and - no coincidence - losing. The cocktail is pernicious, and not just those that Anton Ferdinand enjoyed at the Knock Knock Club in South Carolina. Rather like Britney Spears, they are the living exemplar of how fame, hype and money wreak havoc in juvenile hands.

Monday, 5 March 2007

Grannygate

West Ham United manager Alan Curbishley will take strong disciplinary action against defender Anton Ferdinand who defied club rules to celebrate his 22nd birthday in the United States, according to The Telegraph. Curbishley revealed he only found out on Saturday that Ferdinand had lied to the club and flown to America with friends for his 22nd birthday during a recent two-week break. The England Under-21 defender told coaching staff he was going to be with his sick grandmother on the Isle of Wight. The 'Grannygate' scandal gets an amusing airing on the Guardian's weekly podcast as they discuss the entire West Ham soap opera.

In the Independent, Alan Curbishley has identified the players' mindset as the principal problem facing his struggling West Ham side, who remained on the bottom of the Premiership after yesterday afternoon's extraordinary 4-3 defeat against Tottenham. "The problem we've got is that sometimes when we've been in a winning position we don't know how to win any more," he said. The word I'd use is 'naïve' - at 3-2 we bring someone down and Berbatov scores. It's happened to us three times now." In the Telegraph, the rant continues. "We are making the wrong decisions and nothing is surprising me any more. The players worked as hard as they could but perhaps they should have been doing that before this game. We need a three-pointer badly and have not had any kind of a lift-off."

West Ham chairman Eggert Magnusson has backed manager Alan Curbishley "100%" after the Hammers' season hit a new low yesterday. The Daily Mail quotes the Icelander as saying: "I want everyone to know that Alan Curbishley remains the man who we will build our future success on. Nothing has changed regarding our long-term plans and he still has my full support - 100%. We showed excellent spirit yesterday and we will continue our fight to survive." In the same article, Julian Dicks lays the blame for West Ham's malaise on "three or four players who are letting the side down." Gary Jacob, who is rapidly building a career based solely on West Ham comment, says the club's owners have backed Alan Curbishley but privately even they must be questioning their judgment.

There is also an interesting piece by Tony Cascarino in The Times in which he refutes the recent claims of gambling problems at the club. He argues that a report of West Ham United’s players gambling emerged yesterday but the fact is that the card school has been almost nonexistent this season, while last year it was well known that the West Ham pots were the biggest in the Barclays Premiership.

West Ham United 3 Tottenham Hotspur 4

Cruel Finish Kicks Hammers When Down by Dominic Fifield
If this proves to have been the last rites for West Ham in the Premiership, then never can they have been read so thrillingly. A breathless contest careered to the cruellest of finales, the tap-in which secured Tottenham unlikely victory surely slicing the home side too far adrift from safety... The Guardian
West Ham Hurt By Final Punch by Matt Dickinson
For one afternoon, and one afternoon only, it was possible to feel sympathy for West Ham United’s players. So many of their problems this season have been self-inflicted but, if this was the game that as good as confirmed their relegation from the Barclays Premiership, it was a cruel way to go... The Times
West Ham Fall At Last To Spoil Tevez's Big Day by Sam Wallace
The gambling, the divisions in the dressing room and Anton Ferdinand flying to America for a night out when he said he was visiting his grandmother - a club in pieces. And that was before West Ham lost this remarkable game in injury-time yesterday in the most extraordinary circumstances... The Independent
West Ham Stunned By Stalteri Strike by Henry Winter
As the final whistle rang out like the Last Post, West Ham fans were too numb to show disapproval at an extraordinary defeat that shoves them towards the Championship. Usually so passionate, they meekly filed out into the night like mourners from a church, all hope buried. "We'll never play you again,'' crowed those with cockerels on their chests... The Telegraph
Heartbreaker For Hammers by Matt Lawton
Not even their most prominent gambling addicts would back West Ham to stay up now. Not even at any one of the bookmakers that responded to recent reports by promoting themselves on Upton Park's electronic advertising hoardings yesterday... Daily Mail

Sunday, 4 March 2007

The Widening Gyre

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

There's nothing like a positive news story on the morning of one of the biggest games of your season, and sure enough, Jamie Jackson's expose in The Observer is nothing like a positive news story. A cockney Deep Throat from inside the dressing room has revealed a culture of reckless high-stakes gambling is causing division within West Ham and rupturing morale to such an extent that the first-team squad, already riven by cliques, is 'spiralling out of control' - and the players, manager and directors already know that they can do nothing to stop the club being relegated.

Meanwhile, Jason Burt in the Independent focuses on Curbishley's mountain- strapline: Ten weeks in, 10 games to go and the West Ham manager sees the enormity of the crisis. It reports the visit of some bailiffs to West Ham last week as a corollary of the moral bankruptcy of the club. In truth, the debt collectors in question were actually at the training ground on Monday to claim the £800 Carlton Cole owes for non-payment of the London Congestion Charge. If it's indicative of anything, then it's that Carlton is not the sharpest tool (or striker) in the box.

There's a rare piece of pro-West Ham sentiment in the Telegraph with Patrick Barclay claiming that if West Ham are guilty (of infringing league rules over the transfers of Tevez and Mascherano) , so are the Premier League. He asks what will the Premier League suspect next? That rain is wet? The gradual dawn of a notion that there might have been something questionable about the deals is hard to credit. If Premier League officials really did not know that the registration of at least one of the players was partly owned by a third party, they were all but alone. The BBC and everyone else had broadcast it throughout the land and newspapers aired the shameless boasts of Kia Joorabchian, the entrepreneur who had dealt with West Ham's erstwhile chairman, Terry Brown. Yet the Premier League - and the FA - waved the deal through. If West Ham are guilty of endangering the game's integrity, so are the Premier League and FA. Yet who administers the administrators?

Intriguingly, Stewart Robson offers a Derridaesque deconstruction of the languor inflicting our current squad. He suggests that under severe pressure all footballers' flaws will become prominent. Even when a player has matured and developed his game, his frailties will reappear at crucial moments if not fully focused. The best players overcome them. Lesser players allow them to escalate. He argues that having watched West Ham this season it is obvious that several players cannot cope mentally with the pressure, concluding that the misplaced arrogance and self-belief of last year has been replaced by fear, insecurity and a realisation that many of them are not of Premiership standard.

Saturday, 3 March 2007

The Fall Out

West Ham United's season was plunged into further turmoil last night when they were, as widely expected, charged by the Premier League for breaching rules over the signings of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano. A Premier League statement said: "It is the board's complaint that there were agreements in relation to both these transfers that enabled third parties to acquire the ability materially to influence the club's policies and/or the performance of its teams in League matches and/or the competitions set out in Rule E10. The board's view is this constitutes a breach of rule U18. Furthermore at the time of the transfer agreements for both Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano, and until January 24 2007, West Ham United failed to disclose the third party agreements to the Premier League and/or deliberately withheld these agreements from the Premier League. The board's view is this constitutes a breach of rule B13, which states, 'In all matters and transactions relating to the League each club shall behave towards each other club and the League with the utmost good faith'." West Ham have released an official response that reads: "West Ham United has been notified of a disciplinary charge by the Premier League relating to the transfers of Javier Mascherano and Carlos Tevez and asked to respond within 14 days. In light of the legal advice received, the Club will vigorously defend itself against the charge and provide a detailed response as requested by the Premier League within the time allowed."

According to the Guardian, the club, in their defence, will claim that Alan Pardew, then the manager, had full control over team selection, meaning U18 was not breached. The club will cite a precedent set in 1994, when Alan Sugar, then chairman of Tottenham Hotspur, had a 12-point deduction rescinded after arguing that the club's offences - making illegal payments to players - were committed by a former regime. The current West Ham ownership, an Icelandic consortium headed by Eggert Magnusson, did not sign Tevez and Mascherano. The Times carries a similar story but also mentions that any points deduction could be carried over to next season's campaign. A seperate Times article, by Russell Kempson, offers a brief Q&A breakdown of the situation. The Telegraph, in an unusually emotive piece, says West Ham have been accused of intentionally misrepresenting the situation and of lying over the ownership of the players.

The Independent has an editorial, West Ham Staring Into The Abyss, which painfully places this latest furore as the culmination of a 'week from hell' that included dressing room unrest, gambling adictions, petitions, unpaid congestion charge payments and a court trial.

It Is Time To Face Facts- We Are All Doomed

The death knell may have sounded but Hammers will find something to cheer- even on the darkest days
By Russell Brand

From my Los Angeles hotel bedroom window I can see that Hollywood sign thing and the land of illusions of which it is a key signifier provides a necessary tonic from the excruciating fiasco of West Ham's season. Though I didn't go to the Valley of Death for the crucial match against Charlton, my mate Jack was at the scene and reported back that as West Ham deteriorated the away support grew more vociferous. For the first 10 minutes there was tension; when Charlton scored, minutes later added to their tally and after 25 minutes got a third the cry of "you're not fit to wear the shirt" rang out. At half-time there was an exodus - many fans unwilling to bear witness to the evisceration of their dreams.

During the interval, however, consensus was achieved and part two of the bleak saga was undertaken with defiant merriment and touching bluster. By the time Charlton scored their fourth, the Claret and Blue army were lost in ribald incantation - specifically the song, to the tune of "I love you baby": "Oh Christian Dailly, you are the love of my life, oh Christian Dailly, I'd let you shag my wife, oh Christian Dailly I want your curly hair too".

Momentarily the Charlton fans cheered the triumph of their fourth but as the roar died down they discerned with horror that the Dailly ballad had continued unaffected by the goal. Jack says the home crowd looked on with one face of awe, unable to comprehend the unbending faith of the Irons.

It conjures in my mind the kind of relentless foe one encounters in action films who absolutely will not stop; don't turn your back on the apparent corpse of the Terminator. Even riddled with bullets and all but dismembered he'll steel himself for one last push - it's in his programming. What is it encoded so deep in the hearts of West Ham fans that they can shrug off defeat and blithely ignore humiliation?

Some of my best experiences at Upton Park took place when the Hammers have been woeful on the pitch but heroic on the terrace - it's easy to sing when you're winning as the chant suggests but it's characteristically British to celebrate failure in the way fans did at Charlton. For me it brings to mind great emblems of our nation - Falstaff, Dunkirk, Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards. Perhaps that bellicose Norwegian commentator that banged on about Churchill and Thatcher when England lost away to Norway ought to have listed famous losers, although, of course, both Thatcher and Churchill ended their political careers in the way that all such careers must end, in failure. I think that's why I took offence when that berk from the Observer suggested I support Wigan suggesting my success were inflicting some bizarre inverse photosynthesis on the team. It simply isn't done - the lyrics are quite clear: "West Ham till I die, I'm West Ham till I die, I know I am I'm sure I am, I'm West Ham till I die".

The evocation of the idea of death is not frivolous. We are going to die. I will die, Alan Curbishley will die, Alan Pardew will die, Anton Ferdinand will die but through West Ham we get a shot at eternal life. The Claret and Blue army will march on, infantry will come and go generals will depart but the colour and the aim will remain. They are more constant than life, bigger than death. So Shankley's famous maxim ain't so glib - football is more important than life and death - it transcends both.

West Ham are going to be relegated. There, I've said it. But it doesn't matter, nothing matters. Jermain Defoe can score a hat-trick for Spurs tomorrow and I'll just sing - not only because I'll be jet-lagged and every one else'll be singing, though partly. In the main it's because nothing matters. Defoe will die one day - all 22 players will expire.

At West Ham there is a campaign to abolish the Hammer of the Year award due to the team's poor form. Some say it should be awarded to Dean Ashton who's been out injured all season - it doesn't matter, give it Deano or Leroy Rosenior or Alan Devonshire or Tony Cottee -or the fans themselves.

All that matters is that the shared dream lives on. Last time Spurs came to the Boleyn they lost their Champions League place and blamed it all on food poisoning acquired from a dodgy lasagne. I've an inkling that after Sunday it'll be West Ham fans who'll be feeling sick but after what we've swallowed this season who cares? Or maybe we'll thrash 'em and go out with some valour, but I doubt it, it just seems impossible no one would believe it, not even here and I'm writing this in Tinsel Town, in the silvery shadow of that ridiculous sign.

Guardian column

Friday, 2 March 2007

The Knives Are Out

Jermain Defoe was vilified for requesting a transfer within 24 hours of West Ham United’s relegation in 2003, but considering what has become of the club this season, who could blame several senior players for following suit this time? That is the saturnine question posed by The Times as Gary Jacob continues his daily salt rubbing of the club's patuous wounds. Predictably, Dean Ashton is now the first player mentioned of those who feel that their chance of being included in the England squad for the European Championship in 2008 would be stifled by playing outside the Barclays Premiership. Robert Green, Nigel Reo-Coker and Matthew Upson are not far behind.

Obviously, a raft of summer departures is the least of Curbishley's problems at the moment. According to The Independent, our beleaguered manager's fondest wish in trying to solve his crisis at West Ham United is just to field a settled team and get the result which might spark an east London revival. He said: "People are coming in and going out because of poor performances and poor results. My office door is like a revolving door. But I would give anything to name a settled team and anything to get another result - just one that could make all the difference."

If you are not already depressed enough then you could try Martin Smith's knives are out for West Ham article in The Telegraph. In a piece so doom-laden it may as well have been accompanied by the four riders of the apocalypse repeatedly playing B-minor on a church organ, Smith concludes our season has all the makings of a Greek tradgedy: a slow-motion car crash where you know the ending but you still watch open-mouthed. New twists to the plot are added each day to the extent that Sophocles, Euripides and Aeschylus would have struggled to keep up. If that wasn't enough, there is also a liberal sprinkling of Tony Cottee's dyspeptic droppings throughout. Exhibit A:
The biggest problem they have is that they are on 20 points, and to stay up they need to get around 38. If you work on that basis, that's six more wins. There are 10 games left, and three of them are against Chelsea at home, and Arsenal and Manchester United away. Then we're saying they have to win six of the other seven. And who are they against? Bolton, Blackburn, Sheffield United, Tottenham, Everton, Middlesbrough, Wigan. They aren't easy games either. The goal difference is awful: they've got the worst defence and the worst goalscoring record. I would like to be optimistic, but it is going to take a superhuman effort
On the plus side, Boots are currenty offering some very reasonable deals on razor blades.

Decision Day

According to the Guardian, West Ham United will learn today if they are to face charges over the transfers of Javier Mascherano and Carlos Tevez. The Premier League's legal department has been investigating the contracts and registration documents surrounding the pair's move from Corinthians on transfer-deadline day last August. The main consideration is an indictment of the relegation-threatened Hammers under rules U6 and U18, governing club contracts and conflicts of interest, because of the opacity of the ownership of the players, who are linked with the Media Sports Investment organisation formerly run by Kia Joorabchian.

The Independent believes that in all likelihood charges will be laid against the Premiership club - who will contest the case vigorously - because of the confusion over just who owns the two Argentines. If West Ham are charged, they will have to face an independent commission of inquiry. The commission, if it decides the club is guilty, will also sit in judgement on the punishment with a range of sanctions - from a reprimand through to a range of fines, points deduction and even expulsion from the League. Once the punishment is decided West Ham will have the opportunity to appeal. The process may take up to three weeks to be completed.

West Ham are confident that they have a strong defence and have sought legal advice. The Upton Park club will argue that if any mistakes were made they were made by the previous regime and not by the new owners headed by the chairman Eggert Magnusson, who has acted in good faith. They will also point out that the original contracts were ratified by the Premier League. Magnusson had been quick to launch a preemptive defence of his position, stating in his first media appearance as West Ham's chairman that the club would never enter into a similar transfer arrangement on his watch. With that in mind, and in a move that would gladden the hearts of most Hammers fans, the club will also look at taking legal action against former chairman Terry Brown, who this week stepped down as a director, and the former chief executive Paul Aldridge, on the possible grounds that they were legally liable for the deals in the first place.
 

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