Don't Cry for the Argentinians

Dont Cry for the Argentinians. Weep for the Insularity of English Managers
By Martin Samuel

There is a lot riding on Javier Mascherano’s proposed loan transfer to Liverpool; far more than the Premiership career of one player. There is the judgment of Alan Pardew, the reputation of Alan Curbishley, indeed the general ability of what we would style the bread-and-butter English managers to be at home at the high end of the modern game. For if Mascherano thrives at Anfield, if he holds the midfield, uses the ball with brio, goes the 90-minute distance, as he did for Argentina during the World Cup, and regains his standing as one of the most promising young players from South America, what will that say about us? What will it say when two of our most highly regarded coaches refused to give him as much as a second look?

Mascherano’s failure to make any impression on the first team at West Ham United is a riddle. Had there been rumours of misbehaviour or poor attitude, it would have been explicable; had there been suggestions that he enjoyed the London nightlife or was excessively morose and homesick, no questions would have been asked. Yet whenever inquiries were made into his commitment or mental state, the response was the same. Nice, quiet lad, does his work, goes home, never complains; no trouble at all.

Then the team sheet would go up and in Mascherano’s place in the heart of midfield would be the usual journeymen suspects: Hayden Mullins and, latterly, Nigel Quashie, a player whose arrival at a football club tends to have roughly the same impact as the promotion of John Reid to a government department.

Under Pardew, Mascherano would watch from the bench, undisturbed, and Curbishley’s arrival served to move him even farther down the pecking order. The former Charlton Athletic manager revived the career of Shaun Newton after suspension for using recreational drugs, reintroduced the calamitous Roy Carroll in goal and took Mark Noble back from loan at Ipswich Town. But the 22-year-old who played every minute of every game for what many insist was the best team at the 2006 World Cup? He remained a spectator.

At which point, Rafael Benítez stepped in. And while opinion may be divided about his consistency in the transfer market, as a Champions League winner and Spanish league champion, the Liverpool manager deserves the benefit of the doubt. Benítez clearly thinks that Mascherano is a player, so much so that his club have fought to overturn Fifa rules to make him available this season. As few like to make enemies of those who run the game, this would suggest that Benítez considers Mascherano worth it.

It would also imply something more: that Benítez, who has monitored the player since his early career with River Plate in Argentina, believes that Mascherano’s previous managers in England did him a disservice. If he is proven right and a world-class performer lay wasted in the reserves of a club who were sinking deeper into relegation quicksand because his managers lacked the invention to make use of him, the shortcomings of certain English traditionalists will have been exposed. This is much more than the average transfer deal.

In recent years, without doubt, English managers have had a raw deal from FA Premier League chairmen. In any other country, a coach with the record of Sam Allardyce at Bolton Wanderers would have been headhunted by a leading club by now. As it is, Allardyce’s name is not even mentioned in the shake-up. Through all the speculation about José Mourinho’s future at Chelsea, there has been no hint that his successor would come from these shores.

Yet Allardyce is no different to Benítez or the Seville coach, Juande Ramos, in that before getting a tilt at the big time, their reputations were for overachieving with smaller clubs. But while Spain will give its coaches a break, to earn respect from the biggest clubs in England a manager must be imported.

It does not appear to matter that Allardyce has frequently chosen to work with foreign players of pedigree and has extracted surprising levels of performance from them, plus a fervent commitment to unfashionable Bolton. His career will remain on hold and the glass ceiling for English managers sits above the fifth Premiership place.

Might Allardyce be the exception, though? Looking at the players he buys — Nicolas Anelka, El-Hadji Diouf, Youri Djorkaeff, Iván Campo, Jay-Jay Okocha, Tal Ben Haim, Stelios Giannakopoulos — Allardyce would appear to have an imagination and appetite for the unconventional that sets him apart from many contemporaries. Certainly, the way Pardew and Curbishley handled Mascherano and his compatriot, Carlos Tévez, does not indicate great empathy with a world outside the lower reaches of the Premiership.

Mascherano, in particular, seems to have been harshly neglected. With Pardew in charge, he made his debut on September 14, 2006, in a 1-0 home defeat by Palermo in the Uefa Cup, in which he was the best passer in the West Ham team. He then took his Premiership bow at home to Newcastle United. West Ham lost 2-0 and he was taken off after 67 minutes. The next weekend he played in the 2-0 defeat away to Manchester City, the last time he was on for a whole game.

He featured on four other occasions, twice taken off with 22 minutes to go and twice brought on as a substitute, in the 84th and 86th minutes. He did not feature under Curbishley. In all, Mascherano played 393 minutes of football for West Ham in five months, compared with 510 minutes for Argentina in five matches during the World Cup. Had José Pekerman, the coach, not contrived to knock out his own team with negative substitutions against Germany, he might even have come to England with a winner’s medal.

If there is mitigation for his treatment at Upton Park, it is that he was finding it hard to adapt to the pace and physical demands of English football. Pardew feared this from the start, which is why he gave him his first game against Italian opponents, thinking that the pace would be more familiar to him.

Unfortunately, Palermo were a huge, brutish team, very English in approach, who stole an away goal and shut up shop. Mascherano was still the pick of it for West Ham, but against Manchester City and, most particularly, Newcastle, when he let Scott Parker run off him for much of the match, he did not seem attuned to the domestic game. As he was allowed just one more start from there, he was hardly given much opportunity to learn.

By the time Curbishley succeeded Pardew, West Ham were in crisis and it could be argued that a lightweight holding midfield player, learning on the job, would not be much use in a fight to the death. Then again, Mascherano could not have been less effective than the West Ham midfield that went down 6-0 away to Reading or lost at home to Watford in the FA Cup last weekend.

Nor would he be alone in making a slow start in English football. Michael Essien, by popular consent one of the players of the season, took a year to settle in at Chelsea, as did Didier Drogba. Even when it was obvious that Andriy Shevchenko was struggling, Mourinho insisted on using him in the hope that he could turn his season around.

By contrast, West Ham gave Mascherano a handful of matches and then bit-parts in games that were already lost. Pardew and, in particular, Curbishley showed scant open-mindedness or understanding of his problems. They will argue that English football showed up Mascherano’s limitations as a player; Benítez may yet counter by showing up uncomfortable limitations closer to home.

Benítez said that Liverpool will provide a better home for Mascherano. “We speak Spanish and play a style of football that suits him,” he claimed. Yet this saga runs deeper than that. There are many managers who overcome the language barrier and if everybody needed to be singing from the same phrasebook, Liverpool’s most recent European Cup win would not have been achieved with a coach still learning the English language.

As for Liverpool’s style, it bypasses midfield more frequently than West Ham’s and has a directness that would be anathema in Argentina. The reason Mascherano has more chance at Anfield is simply because this manager is prepared to believe in him.

Which leaves West Ham where? The new owners are investing transfer funds at a level intended to make an impact, at least, on Uefa Cup places next season, but relegation is still very much a possibility and, either way, such advancement cannot be made using English or English-speaking players alone. Luís Boa Morte, Quashie, Lucas Neill, even the expensive present targets, Matthew Upson, of Birmingham City, and Darren Bent, of Charlton, are all strictly second class when compared with a player who is a regular with Argentina.

If Mascherano succeeds at Anfield, it is the stock of English managers that will have fallen. And chairmen will continue to ask whether a truly ambitious club can afford to place its future in the hands of just any old Alan.

The Times column

West Ham United 1 Liverpool 2

Kuyt's Edge and Class of Crouch Help Liverpool Put Heat On Chelsea by Sam Wallace

The race for the Premiership title has long been the preserve of an exclusive club of two managers but with five successive Liverpool wins it is becoming very difficult to deny Rafael Benitez membership. The gap to the Premiership champions in second place is a mere two points. Over to you, Jose Mourinho... The Independent

Curbishley's Hammers Cut To Quick By Crouch Cracker by Jon Bodkin

It was eight months ago that West Ham were a minute from beating Liverpool in the FA Cup final but that memorable match must have felt far more distant to them last night. Defeated by the same opponents, the team remain in the relegation zone and show little sign of finding a way out. They have gone seven Premiership games without a win and must end that run next month - when they face Aston Villa, Watford and Charlton... The Guardian

Crouch And Kuyt Ensure No End To West Ham Worries by Matt Dickinson

There are plenty of ways of blowing a fortune in the East End of London even without a supercasino. Just ask the new Icelandic owners of West Ham United, who were given even more reason last night to fear that they have spent £85 million, and another huge outlay on players this month, on a club that will be ejected from the Barclays Premiership in May... The Times

Liverpool Cling To Title Hope by Henry Winter

Liverpool made only two slip-ups at Upton Park last night, Rafa Benitez falling over – much to the hosts' amusement – and then his team conceding a late consolation to Kepa Blanco, but otherwise there was a strong air of upward mobility about the Merseysiders... The Telegraph

Every Second Counts

My name is Eggert Magnusson, and this is the longest day of my life...

Matthew Upson, Darren Bent, Craig Gordon, Giuseppe Favalli, Rolando, Tim Cahill, Michael Gravgaard, Gabriel Paletta, Ruud Knol, The Mystery Man From Liverpool, Wayne Routledge, Frederic Piquionne, Jose Antonio Reyes, Eidur Gudjohnsen, Herman Hreidarsson, Jason Koumas, John Arne Riise, Andrew Cole, James Beattie, Mauro Camoranesi. The clock is ticking.

The Law of the Pound

Another day and another bout of media hysteria concerning our alleged interest in Darren Bent. Certain sections of the media remain convinced that we are casting covetous eyes in the direction of the Charlton striker, a player whose price miraculously rises exponentially to the length of time he remains injured. Sky Sports News announced that we had tabled a massive bid of £18 million for the player and for the second time in twenty-four hours both camps were forced into a quick public denial. It was hard to decide who was more embarrassed by being associated with this rumour, West Ham for being linked to such a ludicrous offer in the first place or the Latics for being thought foolish enough to turn it down.

Whatever the truth, it is becoming increasingly obvious that our new found wealth makes us a convenient target for media speculation. In a certain sense we are in danger of becoming the Al Czervik (or Eggy Cervix) of the Premiership country club; a perceived newly minted member of the nouveau riche, gracelessly throwing our wealth about in the vainglorious pursuit of Premiership survival. As Baudrillard might have said, a football club which allows an abominable event to burgeon from its dung heap and grow on its surface is like a man who lets a fly crawl unheeded across his face or saliva dribble from his mouth - either epileptic or dead. Even in the hyperrealism of the transfer window, if West Ham blithely allows itself to be abused by paying vastly inflated prices for average talent then it sets a dangerous precedent. The moment we define ourselves by our conspicuous wealth then we eviscerate the heart and soul of the club, detaching it from the core values that have always underpinned its existence. The short term problem of such an approach is the one that we currently face. The whiff of money (and the stink of desperation) encourages every dog in the pound to think he can shaft us in the market place; even the three-legged runts like Charlton and the worm infested arse skidders like Birmingham.

In other news, Liverpool moved a step closer to securing the services of Javier Mascherano after FIFA relaxed their own newly implemented ‘three club rule’. It proves once again that Scousers really will nick anything if you leave it hanging around long enough. When Alan Curbishley rolls into training tomorrow morning he is likely to see just a stack of bricks in the spot where our world class Argentinian has been parked for the last few months. I think it is sight that will hurt him just as much as it will every other West Ham fan; at least I hope so.

Pass the Bong, Brucie.

Samuel Butler wrote that happiness and misery do not depend upon how high or low you are but on the direction you are tending. Given that things could not get much worse following our FA Cup exit on Saturday, I think there could be some mileage in trying to look on the bright side today.

Firstly there is the news that the Aussie swagman, Lucre Neill, will be back within three weeks rather than the six originally predicted. Mercurial Israeli Yossi Van Helsing will return to the squad for tomorrow night’s clash with Liverpool and even Carlitos is back in training a lot sooner than I thought given that he was last seen on a beach somewhere south of Buenos Aires. I half expected him to do a Reggie Perrin with worried lifeguards finding nothing but an abandoned Hammers kit on the shore of Bahia Blanca. Even the news that Dean Ashton has suffered a slight setback on his road to recovery can not dampen the spirits. I convinced myself several months ago that he probably wouldn’t play at all this season so to hear he is back kicking a ball is a limp in the right direction.

On the transfer front, Steve Bruce has revealed he is looking for at least £20 million before he will release Upson from his Brummie purgatory. Fuck me Brucie, step away from the bong. I mean, Upson is a decent central defender but he is not a great one. He has only limited Premiership experience and has had a litany of injuries that would make Kenny McCormick wince. Even if you were spazzing on Carlos Castaneda’s out-of-date peyote buttons you would still never mistake him for the second coming of Bobby Moore, which is exactly who I would want for that kind of money. On the bright side, there are reports tonight that negotiations are still ongoing between the two clubs, which I would like to believe means Birmingham have seriously re-evaluated their position.

Nearer home and the stubborn floater of a rumour concerning our interest in Darren Bent resurfaced again this morning. The tabloid story that we had made an official £12million offer was quickly flushed by both sides, an over the top they ‘doth protest too much’ response that I choose to take as a sign that something might yet happen. One offer regrettably confirmed was for Charlton’s fast defrosting Bejamic defender Hermann Hreidarsson. Charlton have turned down the £2.5million bid and in keeping with the positive thoughts of this post I want to believe that will be the end of our interest.

The continued absence of Robert Green is another source of irritation but news today that we have joined the chase for Hearts keeper Craig Gordon, the man described by Gianluigi Buffon as one of the brightest goalkeeping talents in Europe, has gone some considerable way to leavening the gloom. Finally, Scandinavian newspaper reports have us showing an interest in F.C. Copenhagen centre back Michael Gravgaard. The imposing defender has bagged 4 goals in 11 games for the Danish national team and has been tagged 'The Copenhagen Airforce' because of his aerial prowess. That’s obviously some claim; I don’t think Danish armed forces even had aircraft until at least the 1950’s.

West Ham United 0 Watford 1- FA Cup 4th Round

McNamee Finds Target As West Ham Hit Panic Button- Amy Lawrence

Aidy Boothroyd has coined a catchphrase called 'possible impossibles'. He sometimes sounds like a lone voice in the dark when he preaches how Watford can achieve what is logically unachievable. But a team who looked doomed long before Christmas have just enjoyed their best week since promotion... The Observer

McNamee Thrives on Carroll Clanger- Jason Burt

Hardly a respite, hardly a distraction as West Ham, last season's finalists, crashed out of the FA Cup with the kind of guileless performance that does not bode well fortheir chances of Premiership survival either. That they lost to Watford, one of only two sides below them in the League, will stick in the craw while, as for the visitors, how manager Adrian Boothroyd would have swapped this victory for three points when the two meet again in a fortnight's time... The Independent on Sunday

Watford Deepen Crisis For Curbishley- Roy Collins

West Ham will try to kid themselves that this defeat does not matter, that it was almost a blessing in disguise, allowing them to concentrate all their efforts on Premiership survival and preventing any possibility of a harmful fixture pile-up between now and the end of April... Sunday Telegraph

Carroll Hands It To Watford - Paul Rowan

A week in which the firm smack of desperation was heard around West Ham United with the signing of Lucas Neill on a salary substantially larger than that of Cristiano Ronaldo ended with the sound of booing around Upton Park, last year’s beaten finalists knocked out by a goal that arose from a calamitous piece of goalkeeping from the error-prone Roy Carroll... The Sunday Times

One-on-One With Paolo Di Canio

On this date in 1999 West Ham completed the signing of Paolo Di Canio. The temperamental Italian had been banned for 11 matches for pushing referee Paul Alcock and was working in a clothes shop in Ternana when the Hammers paid the £2 million needed to bring him back to England. Harry Redknapp said at the time: “He’s the only one I ever wanted. A million people were thrown at me but I wanted Paolo Di Canio. That’s how strongly I feel. The bloke is a genius, just wait until you see what he can do. Players of his class don’t turn it on all the time, but when he does just sit back and enjoy the show.” West Ham fans did just that, for four and a half eventful seasons. What follows is an extract from an interview carried out by Martin Mazur in which Di Canio reflects on some of the memorable moments of his Upton Park career...

It’s a glorious morning in Rome and as Cisco Roma’s training session draws to a close Paolo Di Canio, having lead the way in every exercise and every drill, rushes into the small dressing room to get changed. Minutes later, he emerges wearing a commemorative T-shirt of Lazio’s 1973-74 champions. We jump into his blue Mini Cooper and he attempts to run over a couple of team-mates. They curse him and he returns the gesture with interest.

Where do you get your passionate personality from?

It’s generic. Certain circumstances- like growing up in a tough neighbourhood- can bring out that passion, but I’ve been like it since I was a boy. When I see something bad, I say so. I prefer an uncomfortable truth to a beautiful lie and I get incredibly annoyed when people try to sell a false image of themselves. I may be more reflective as my daughters grow up, but if calming down means not saying what I think, I’ll never, ever change.

Who’s the best player you’ve played with?

Vialli, a natural-born champion. Van Basten, Gullit and Baresi, who was the epitome of charisma, were great, but Vialli was above them all. We’re talking about someone who came from a rich family. He had a 40-room mansion in Cremona but he made sacrifices and never complained. Seeing that helped me develop. He’d stay behind for 40 minutes after training practising shooting. I’d look at him and say; “Fuck! He could be living in Monaco and he’s shooting at an empty goal in the rain!”

Now that eight years have passed, how do you view the Paul Alcock incident?

I met him again a year later and I still wonder how the hell he managed to fall like that from such a soft push. But I’ve got no excuses. Pushing the referee is not something I recommend, even if all the decisions go against you. Kids are watching and that’s an awful example to set, even if he deserved more than a push. It would have been better to say, “piece of shit” or something just between us.

After you pushed Alcock, you made Nigel Winterburn shit himself. Why didn’t you hit him? You’d already been sent off…

You wanted me to get a 100-match ban, didn’t you! The truth is, I was very annoyed and he approached and started bullying me. I pretended to hit him and he ran away like a sissy. What could I do? Chase him all over the pitch and end it like a bar fight? And I’m sure he was quicker. But today we’re close friends!

Why on earth did you sit down on the pitch and ask to be subbed when West Ham beat Bradford 5-4 in 2000?

Because the ref was completely against me. He should have given me two penalties and I didn’t have the will to carry on playing. Harry told me: “No, Paolo, please, we need you!” A minute later, I said to myself, “Why the fuck should I give up? This referee will not beat me!” Harry wanted me to play, the fans had never deserted me, so I couldn’t give up in return. It was an awesome victory.

Was the catch you made to sacrifice a goal against Everton in December 2000 really intentional? You’re not known for your sporting behaviour.

Of course! And I would have done it with any other player in the same situation. It would have been his ball, so there was evidently a problem and I couldn’t go on. It’s not that he dropped the ball and faked an injury. In that case, I wouldn’t have stopped.

You had altercations with Frank Lampard and Simone Inzaghi over taking penalties. Who was supposed to take the penalty: you or them?

I’ve always accepted orders because I’m a comrade, but if you think that by doing something different a better result can be achieved, I’ll do it. But there weren’t even managers’ orders. With Lampard, I’d missed a penalty a week earlier and perhaps he thought he should take it. Wrong. I’ve never shirked my responsibilities.

At West Ham, you seemed frustrated at Joe Cole not fulfilling his potential. What do you make of his progress now?

I’m incredibly happy for him. Now he’s disciplined, plays for a big club and understands what sacrifice means. And I take 0.001 percent responsibility for that. It seems he listened to me a bit, even if my words dawned on him later. At West Ham I was seen as the ball-breaker in the dressing room. Then when Lampard and Rio Ferdinand left, they said: “Now I understand the things Paolo used to say.” I’m proud of that. They understood that it was a positive for their careers, not mine.

Is it true Harry Redknapp used to fix the five-a-sides in training at West Ham if you turned up in a bad mood?

The only lie about that is that they weren’t five-a-sides, but seven-or eight-a-side. It was true that if I lost I’d leave the pitch smashing everything, so I guess he wanted to keep me calm. But I didn’t know about that trick until he told me. And I quickly understood something he used to say before those games: “I bet Di Canio’s team will win today.”

Why did you wear your shorts backwards for one Charlton game?

Charlton? No, it was West Ham v Arsenal. The reason? Simple. If you notice that you’ve accidentally put something on backwards, you should leave it that way because it’s a symbol of good luck. That day, when I was warming up, someone told me my shorts were backwards. Before the game, the boss said: “Come on Paolo, put them right.” ”No way!” I told him. I knew it was a sign. We won 2-1, I scored both and we beat Arsenal for the first time in 14 years. So if you see you’re wearing something backwards, leave it!

Who’s the craziest person you’ve come across in football?

Razor Ruddock’s antics during training were absurd, but John Moncur wins easily. Once, in winter, in temperatures below freezing, he appeared on the field completely naked, his dick dancing here and there, and splash-landed in the water. He came into the dressing room trembling.

Did you fancy joining Portsmouth when Harry became manager?

Playing for Harry again? I’d run there to sign. He always says, “Come with me Paolo” and when I hang up my boots, I’ll definitely consider working with him. I’m very grateful to him, because he had patience with me and in return I gave my best. We argued so much, but always for the good of the team. He understood me.

What will you do when you finally retire?

I’ll probably be a manager or help the kids in some way. I’ll be a good manager. If I find a player like Di Canio, who arrives early, tries to integrate rather than disrupt, likes to train hard, thinks of the team rather than himself, and accepts that I give the orders, we wouldn’t collide, because I like players with character. Give me 11 Di Canios and I’ll be a happy manager!

Taken from FOURFOURTWO magazine

A Sex Dance for Luis Boa Morte

I am happy to do a sex dance for Luis Boa Morte
By Russell Brand

Faith is a powerful tool in navigating us through life on our silly journey to inevitable death. Sometimes I believe in things simply because not to believe in them would make my life unbearable. I like to think that my cat, Morrissey, loves me and that his affection is not simply a tool to avoid starvation.

Apparently new-born infants affect the facial formation of a smile long before they understand what they're conveying just so they look sweet and their parents don't dash their brains out on the wall of the cave (this technique was pioneered by caveman babies when infanticide was more common).

If the sweet gurgling grin of a tot is up for question and even the loyalty of my cat how can I so blindly believe that Lucas Neill has joined West Ham for the honour of wearing the claret and blue shirt and not for the reported sixty grand a week he's being paid (I think that's what Paul Scholes gets, that puts things in too much perspective)? When it's suggested, as it often has been over the past few weeks that Neill snubbed Rafa Bénitez and the Kop because he fancied the cockney dollar I bristle.

Surely it's better to play your football in East London under intense pressure to avoid relegation than to faff around on Merseyside perpetually under-achieving (penalty shoot-outs aside) trying to recreate the boot room glory days. It is. It's much better and that's why dear sweet, noble Lucas has come to Upton Park. He likes a challenge and, as he said himself, Curbishley has a shopping list that made his goolies fizz.

I hope it's a sensible investment - admittedly West Ham's chief problems, atrocious refereeing aside, appear to be defensive and one queries how much impact even the most versatile and influential full-back can have. The Hammers legend Julian Dicks played on the opposite flank to Neill and were capable of dragging the team along with pure aggression and I suppose Gary Neville is a potent force at United but is he as important as Scholes?

The simple fact is West Ham need players and are in no position to quibble over trifling matters such as wages. If Nigel Quashie demands his income be supplemented by spending half-time with The Hammerettes (the team's cheerleaders) I think it ought be granted. In fact, if it can guarantee us Premiership survival, I myself am happy to troop out in the interval with the mascots - the hammer, the bear and the inexplicable dog in a blue nurse's uniform - and perform a humiliating sex dance for Luis Boa Morte, such is my desire to see those boys happy.

A friend described West Ham as a rubbish Chelsea, with our tin-pot, bickie rich, Kojak oligarch and unglamorous signings. But it appears the dominion of the blue flag may be on the wane. Jose Mourinho is, it seems, a rather quixotic character, a tactical troubadour only content to remain at a club for a couple of seasons before moving on. In fact he's like the littlest hobo - he does terrific work then clears off leaving John Terry with a frog in his throat cos' "there's a voice that keeps on calling him".

Poor JT all injured and heartbroken, can the dream really be over already? The blue flag yanked down from its pole to dry Drogba's tears? T'were always likely that it would end in ignominy; you can't purchase tradition and pedigree. One assumes the glory days will return to Anfield, it's in their blood, but Chelsea were always gonna crumble, slung together, a papier mache empire made from pound notes and the tears of Stanley Matthews weeping for football's egalitarian dream. The Irons will stay up, powered by Neill's unequivocal loyalty but the Blue Tower shall fall.

Guardian column

Magnusson a Happy Hammer

Magnusson a Happy Hammer
By Greg Demetriou & Jim Agnew

Eggert Magnússon turns 60 next month, but is far from contemplating a quiet life. The West Ham United FC chairman has been extremely active in the transfer window, as he tries to recruit the men he thinks will ensure Premiership survival. Upon taking charge as part of a new Icelandic consortium in November, he found West Ham in a perilous position that was a far cry from last season's success.

Neill arrival
Having gained acclaim in May by reaching the FA Cup final against Liverpool FC, West Ham looked certain to progress with a UEFA Cup chance and new faces like Argentina stars Javier Mascherano and Carlos Tévez. Instead, they were quickly knocked out of Europe and have spent the season in relegation trouble. After the "difficult decision" of replacing manager Alan Pardew with former West Ham midfielder Alan Curbishley, five players have arrived to raise hopes, not least Australia defender Lucas Neill who rejected Liverpool. Some sneered that he went for bigger wages, but there is clearly something happening.

'Hard work'
"I don't think it is all about money," Magnússon told uefa.com. "I think it is more about an ambition and when I met these players I told them what I am trying to achieve at West Ham. Not today, not tomorrow but in a few years' time, I think they believe what I say. It has not been easy and the January window is always very difficult because usually teams don't want to sell somebody before they have somebody in. It has been very hard work but the hard work has already paid off."

UEFA role
Neill claimed Magnússon's enthusiasm was a major factor in his decision, and it is not hard to see why. For 15 years from 1992 the outgoing Football Association of Iceland president sat on the UEFA Executive Committee and been an important voice for smaller nations among the major players. It will be no different in the Premiership as he plans to take West Ham to the élite level. It is clear he feels they deserve to be on such a stage, given his praise for the fans and their "unbelievable passion".

Fans first
He added: "I think the fans have been very good to me, maybe because they know I am a football man. I have been in football most of my life at every level of the game. I think when I am speaking to them they realise that it's all about football. I think that is what is necessary to them. To be fair, the other party that was competing with me to take over the club came from a different part of the football world and I think our supporters were happy to have me."

Overseas owners
The subject of foreign ownership has been well-documented in the Premiership with the likes of West Ham and Aston Villa FC following on from Fulham FC, Portsmouth FC, Chelsea FC and Manchester United FC in being run by overseas investors. Magnússon believes it does not matter who runs a club provided the owners have the "best interests" at heart. "The main thing is that they are thinking about the people who love the club, the people who come every week."

New stadium
Those best interests include "doing more" for the club's famed youth system and, in all likelihood, a new east London home away from the atmospheric Boleyn Ground. "About the stadium, we are looking very seriously at moving to a 60,000-plus stadium. We are in discussions with the Olympic authorities regarding the [2012] Olympic stadium. It will be difficult. I think there will be a decision in February. If that is not going to happen, we will go somewhere else."

'Emotional man'
Essential to all of this is the team. On Saturday, West Ham welcome Watford FC in the FA Cup while Liverpool come calling in the league three days later. Victories would leave West Ham in the fifth round and possibly outside of the bottom three. Magnússon will relish the chance to enjoy both fixtures, especially as "at the moment, it is very hard work and there are many things that we are chasing". His legendary passion is sure to surface. "I have always been an emotional man. I think I am a little bit famous now as a chairman in England because I cannot change myself. My feelings come out in the stadium."

Dream date
Ask him about the prospect of West Ham one day competing for club football's ultimate prize and Magnússon's emotion is evident. "I was one of the people sitting in the [UEFA] club committee when the [UEFA] Champions League started. I have been there all along. For me it will be a dream come true when West Ham are playing in the Champions League." The use of the word 'when' is everything. While there may well yet be more uncertainty, there will eventually be no stopping a man who has got where he is by fully understanding the “privilege” of a life in football.

Taken from UEFA.Com Magazine

Not Your Average Footballer?

Several months ago the Times carried an interview with Nigel Reo-Coker. It was prior to the cup final when reputations were being forged and our collective star was in the ascendant. If you read it back now it is hard to equate the person in the article to the actions of the same player on and off the pitch over the last six months. I’m not saying he has been badly advised over a whole host of issues, or that he has been unduly influenced by the people and things around him, but clearly something has changed.

The Big Interview: Nigel Reo-Coker
By Paul Kimmage



When the interview ends, Nigel Reo-Coker steps outside on to the pavement with the photographer to have his portrait taken. It is a glorious Thursday evening near his home in Tadworth, Surrey, and he is wearing jeans, a designer (Bathing Ape) T-shirt, unlaced trainers and a baseball cap twisted sideways on his closely shaven head. Tony Finnigan, his friend and manager, watches from across the street. “Is that your Snoop Dogg pose?” Finnigan asks. “ Yeah,” Reo-Coker says, smiling. He’s a footballer. Why should anybody take him seriously? This is how his day begins. The alarm sounds at 7.55am, he steps from his bed, switches on the radio, showers and brushes his teeth. The West Ham training ground at Chadwell Heath takes an hour to reach in his black sports Mercedes via the M25, Dartford Tunnel and A13. A bowl of porridge prepared by Tim, the club’s resident chef, awaits him for breakfast. A physiotherapist with soothing hands will unravel the niggle in his back. The team suits have arrived for next weekend’s FA Cup final in Cardiff and some tailors are standing by to make alterations. He must choose a new pair of sunglasses, and there are shirts and balls to be signed and some Cup final preview interviews to be completed for Sky. Tim cooks a nice piece of cod and some bangers and mash for lunch. His work done for the day, Reo-Coker leaves the training ground and heads for the city, wishing it could be like this all of the time. He is back in his car now, driving towards his aunt’s in Elephant and Castle, south London, with the sunroof open and the window down and his fingers drumming to the rhythm of his favourite song, Dear Mama by Tupac Shakur. “. . . Running from tha police, that’s right Mama catch me — put a whoopin to my backside And even as a crack-fiend, mama, ya always was a black queen, mama I finally understand for a woman it ain’t easy — trying to raise a man.” Was that you in the grey Ford Focus with the sweaty brow stopped alongside him at the traffic light? Maybe you noticed the baseball cap and the young black arm hanging out the window of the fancy black car and shook your head dismissively. And who could blame you? He’s a footballer. Why should anybody take him seriously? But what if you were wrong? What if this guy was an exception? What if Nigel Reo-Coker was the most interesting 21-year-old footballer you had ever met? What if he told you that he believed in true love, went regularly to church, and was a patron of a worthy charity, Hope and Homes for Children? What if his favourite reading wasn’t Loaded or Knees Up Mother Brown but The Art of War by Sun Tzu? What if he told you that he loved deep-sea fishing and that the first thing he does every morning when he steps from his bed is listen to the news? You’d be sceptical, wouldn’t you? You’d be tempted to set him a test. “Okay,” I inquire, dubiously. “So what grabbed your attention from the headlines this morning?” “The votes the BNP will be receiving in the (local) elections,” he says. “I’m very worried about that. I don’t understand how people can say, ‘I’m not a racist’ and vote for the BNP, because they are a far-right-wing party. And the things they are saying to get voters, this fear about ‘the growth of Islam’ is a disgrace. “Some of the candidates that are running for the BNP are convicted criminals and convicted football hooligans. I understand how people are feeling about these asylum seekers who committed crimes and weren’t deported, but it’s just adding fuel to the flames and it’s very worrying.” “That’s not what most 21-year-old footballers worry about,” I observe. “No, that’s true,” he agrees, “but it is worrying. People should really think about how they are going to vote, because if you give people like that power . . . what kind of laws are they going to bring in? How will it reflect on England as a multicultural society?” “You’re a deep thinker,” I say. “I’ve been told that, yeah. Sometimes I think too much, but that’s just the type of person I am. Every action has a reaction, and you have to be careful with your actions and think about what you are doing and how it will affect other people.” “You sound like a natural politician. Is it something you’d consider beyond the game?” “Not for me, no chance, I really can’t see it,” he replies. “There are too many politicians making promises they don’t deliver. They present themselves all high and mighty with no skeletons in their cupboards until the stories about their affairs, or they start lying about their allowances and cheating with their expenses, and I just think . . . No.” “Why not? You could change it. You could be different.” And he fixes me with a smile. “I’m a footballer,” he says. “Who is going to take me seriously?” ONE OF the most popular works of fiction on recent bestseller lists is The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. It is the story of woman whose husband suffers from a rare condition. His genetic clock periodically resets itself and he finds himself pulled suddenly into his past or future. Nigel Reo-Coker shares a similar affliction. “He was born in this country, so they couldn’t have doctored his birth certificate, but the kid has never been his age,” says Finnigan. “He was 14 but he was never 14; he was 18 but he was never 18; he is 21 but there aren’t many 21-year-olds with the ability to grasp what he grasps. He understands the value of life, he understands the value of money, and when he goes to work he goes to work and to compete to be the best. I just love the kid. I wish all footballers were like him.” Reo-Coker has always broken the mould. He made his first-team debut for Wimbledon at 17 and within two years had become the youngest captain in the history of the Championship. He has captained England Under-21s, is the youngest ever captain to play for West Ham, the youngest captain ever to play in the Premiership, and, if his team beats Liverpool on Saturday, will become the youngest captain ever to lift the FA Cup. “Is that important to you?” I ask. “No,” he replies. “Does it add to it?” “Yes, it adds to it. It can also be a burden, but I’m used to it now. People have always seen me as a natural-born leader, even my close friends. They call me Skip. I have to sort out holidays and anywhere we’re going. It’s always, ‘Come on, Skip, what are we doing?’” “Does anything stand out on the path to the final?” “Before the semi-final against Middlesbrough, (manager) Alan Pardew read us a letter from a fan that was really touching. The fan was saying, ‘Think of us when you’re out there playing. We’re the parents that buy boots for our kids and support them on cold Sunday mornings, but we live our dreams through you’. “It really hit the spot and took me back when I was listening. West Ham have always been seen as the underdogs, the people from the wrong side of the river, and that’s exactly how it was for me. My mum and sisters used to buy boots for me; they couldn’t afford it, but managed to find a way and put me where I am.” For Reo-Coker the wrong side of the tracks was a tiny apartment in Elephant and Castle where he lived with his mother, Agnes-Lucinda, and older sisters Natalie and Vanessa. Born in London, he spent the first six years of his childhood in Sierra Leone, where his father, Ransford, worked as a doctor. In 1990, his parents separated and Agnes-Lucinda returned to England with the children. “My mum really wanted us to get a British education and to spend our teenage and adult years here,” he explains, “but the start was a real struggle. We moved into a dingy one-bedroom apartment in Elephant and Castle and then near the East Street market where we were burgled three times. My mum had to work really, really hard to get us out of there, but we eventually moved to a house in Thornton Heath and it was better from there.” His mother calls him at least once each day and remains the driving force of his life. “I think seeing how hard she had to work, and not having a father figure or role model in my life, definitely made me stronger and more determined to succeed,” he says. “I could have gone the other way and let my life go down the pan and said, ‘Oh, I didn’t have a father’, but I didn’t want to use that as an excuse. That would have been too easy.” And Agnes-Lucinda didn’t do easy. Natalie and Vanessa were put through college and emerged with degrees in law and business, but the boy was a real problem. He was doing well at school, but was talking about being a footballer! What kind of a degree was that? And although she tried her best to dissuade him, he clearly loved the game. One night she watched him waiting for a call from a Fulham scout who had asked for his number. It was the first time a professional club had shown an interest and he almost burst with excitement. He counted every second of the hours that drifted by until finally it rang with a coach from Wimbledon who asked to speak to his mother. Agnes-Lucinda might have ended it right there if she hadn’t been softened by the glint in his eyes. Would she consent to her son playing for Wimbledon on trial? She would. She let her heart rule her head — but Nigel was always wary of the bottom line. “I didn’t want to be the failure of the family,” he explains. “I didn’t want to see my sisters achieve and be successful while I was a failure. I was interested in graphic design and multi-media and knew it would be harder to be successful in football than in industry, but it was just the determination in me. I knew I had to work hard, but I was determined to succeed.”

TONY FINNIGAN can recall vividly the moment he realised that Reo-Coker was a player. When football is your business — Finnigan is managing director of the Wright Wright Wright agency — it pays to keep an ear to the ground, and he had taken a tip from a friend at Wimbledon, Carlton Fairweather, to come and take a look at their new 13-year-old. “The first time I saw him was a T*tenham game in 1997-98,” Finnigan explains. “The kid was playing against Andre Boucard, a boy wonder, and he was taking the piss out of Nigel. The kid would try to close him down and Boucard would move it; he’d try to tackle him, and he’d dummy him or move it again and was a yard in front with his brain every time. “The thing that stood out, though, was his (Reo-Coker’s) tenacity and appetite to compete. He kept coming back and coming back, trying to compete against this guy who was a yard in front every time. But before the end of the game he got to him. They went for a 50-50 ball and Nigel tackled him so hard that he (Boucard) couldn’t finish the game. “I asked Carlton for his number and made an appointment to see his mother. ‘They’ve all been here looking to sign him’, she said. ‘SFX and all of the big boys, but there’s just one problem’. ‘What’s that?’ I asked. She said, ‘My son needs a guardian, because his father is not around’. I said, ‘Well, I’m prepared to do my best’.” One of Finnigan’s first lessons was to encourage him to make the most of what he did best — his Roy Keane/Patrick Vieira/Steven Gerrard ability to compete from box to box. “I told him, ‘You’re an engine, be an engine’,” Finnigan says. “ ‘Don’t be a wing mirror, don’t be a hubcap, don’t be the rims, be the engine. Nothing works without the engine’.” And over the three years that followed, the engine took off. The senior players at Wimbledon knew it was coming. They listened to him bossing the youth team on the training ground and understood he was a future leader. “I trained with Robbie Earle and Michael Thomas and Andy Roberts and Kenny Cunningham a few times when I was young,” says Reo-Coker, “and they were always very encouraging. ‘Keep doing it, keep working hard’, they’d say. ‘You’re going to be a player’.” The club was in financial freefall as he pushed towards the summit. By the time he had established himself as a first-team regular, the fans were boycotting games over the move to Milton Keynes and there was suddenly nobody to play for. “To dream about becoming a professional footballer and to have to run out at home games with only 30 or 40 people supporting you was heartbreaking,” he says. “There were times when I thought, ‘Why bother? What’s the point?’ But if anything, it made me stronger and the experience was invaluable. “There have been a couple of bad times at West Ham when I’ve thought, ‘Look at what you’ve been through to get here. You used to be playing for a Championship side at home in front of one man and his dog, with 20,000 people against you supporting the away side! You have nothing to lose and nothing to fear’. It really did teach you about the other side of this life — it’s not all glitz and glam and being a celebrity.”

IN JANUARY 2004 he made his debut for West Ham — a 2-1 defeat of Rotherham in front of 34,483 spectators at Upton Park. Most were supporting the home team. None had brought his dog. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. The crushing pressure to perform was a new experience. “There’s having fans and having West Ham fans, and to go from having no fans at all to a 35,000 sell-out who are as passionate and vocal as they can be was daunting. If they’re not happy, they let you know that they’re not happy. It wasn’t until the start of my first full season (seven months later) that I felt comfortable here. And even then it wasn’t easy. “There was so much pressure to get back to the Premiership — you couldn’t feel comfortable enough to go out and express yourself.” In October, after a solid start to the season, Pardew handed him the armband before a home game with Wolves and he became the youngest player to captain West Ham. But within three months his engine wasn’t firing and he was left out for six games as the race for promotion entered its critical phase. “I went through hell during that time. I want to be successful. I want to be remembered. I want the respect of people to say, ‘Yeah, he was a player’. Nothing hurts more than when you are not involved with the team. I sat back and tried to analyse what was happening. I went back to my childhood years and asked myself, ‘Why did I love football so much then? Why was I enjoying it? What was I doing on and off the field to perform?’ And eventually he (Pardew) gave me my chance again and I grabbed it like it was the end of the world. “The first game I came back was for Wigan away. It was a big game. We needed to win. I partnered Hayden Mullins in central midfield and people described it as one of the best games of the season. That’s when we started to get the wins and come together as a team. I haven’t been left out since. We crept into sixth place and just qualified in the playoff. And then we said, ‘Right, we’re going to go all of the way this year’.” At the start of the season not even the most ardent West Ham fan would have interpreted “going all the way” as a top-10 finish in the Premiership, a place in Europe and the first appearance in an FA Cup final for 26 years. But Reo-Coker seems relaxed and calm as the excitement reaches fever pitch. He is not sure if he will make a speech before the game next weekend. “I’m not the type to be in players’ faces and get excited. I try to let my football do the talking, winning tackles and driving forward with the ball and passing and shooting. I think it’s important, being so young, that we don’t get caught up in the occasion and allow it to pass us by. “I’ll probably get the lads together out on the pitch for a few brief words. Something along the lines of ‘No one remembers second place. We have an opportunity to write our names in the history books at West Ham United. We’ve achieved a lot this season, but let’s not leave it there. I wanted to be a footballer to be a legend, and if you want to be a legend, this is a good place to start’.”

HE MAKES an impressive attempt to convert me to Tupac as our interview draws to a close, but I protest that I’m too old. The final question relates to his highlight of the season. He smiles and offers the view that the best may yet unfold. There’s the game against T*tenham this afternoon. “We’ve got to show T*tenham the respect they deserve, because it’s a very big game for us and another cup final for our fans. It’s been sold out for four months.” How about the announcement of the England squad for Germany? “I’ve heard a few whispers that I could be in the squad of 27, but it’s just rumours, nothing concrete. My holidays are booked, but if I have to cancel them, it would be great. I’d be lying if I told you I won’t be disappointed if I don’t make it. But everyone has their time to shine and I believe that eventually my time will come.” And what footballer hasn’t dreamt of lifting the FA Cup? But his highlight of the season has already been chosen. Five months ago, during the build-up to Christmas, he called at his mum’s one afternoon in Thornton Heath and suggested that they go for a drive. He drove south and into Purley, stopped outside a new house and told her he had a surprise. He presented her with the keys. She started crying. “I can still picture the look on her face when I handed her the keys and will cherish it for the rest of my life. It made me feel so good after all she had done, holding down two jobs so that my sisters could go to college and helping me to become a man.” She has succeeded.

Idiot Wind

Journalistic standards on television are not relevant in today's world. In fact, we're not getting much journalism on television - we're getting entertainment and therapy and voyeurism, but not credibility, restraint when necessary and a fundamental belief that there's a difference between reporting the news and leaving the camera turned on. Football agents are crass, venal, opportunistic and self-promoting. They have too much money, bend the rules and are in many cases pathological narcissists. So when the two worlds collide, as they did outside Upton Park this afternoon, the result is a particularly unedifying experience.

West Ham had called an official press conference to introduce new signing Lucas Neill and confirm the capture of Spanish loan signer Kepa Blanco. The main event was then reduced to a sideshow when Tony Finnigan arrived and loudly announced to the assembled journalists that he was Reo-Coker’s representative and was here for a meeting. Premeditated and meticulously stage-managed for maximum exposure, Finnigan emerged several hours later to grandiosely inform the press that his client intends to “give his all as he always does in the next 14 games and at the end of the season we will have a look at it.” It’s nice to know our club captain has every intention of giving his best on the pitch for at least the next 14 games of his lengthy and very lucrative contract. If that constitutes news then we are in even more trouble than I thought.

I Hate You Butler!

I was reading Iain Dale’s excellent West Ham blog this morning when I came across the post Where Are They Now: Peter Butler. Now, it is not often that I can help with questions like this but on this occasion I really can fill in a few blanks.

For anybody too young (or too old) to remember, Peter Butler was a combative and occasionally belligerent central midfielder who made about 70 first team appearances for West Ham at the back end of the Billy Bonds yo-yo years of the early to mid nineties. Always an energetic presence in the Hammers engine room, Butler was sometimes reminiscent of a dog chasing a balloon; a constant heel snapper and possession stealing counter point to the more thoughtful Ian Bishop. In the successful 1992/93 promotion season Butler played in nearly every game, culminating in the memorable 2-0 victory over Cambridge United that sparked a wild pitch invasion seconds before the final whistle. In a spiteful game that also confirmed Cambridge’s relegation, one of my lasting memories is of a brutal foul on Butler by Phil Chapple that referee David Elleray completely missed. Butler, obviously in a lot pain with a nasty wound opened up down his shin, struggled back to his feet as best he could without any thought of play-acting, complaining or retaliation and just got on with the game. Honest, unfussy and uncomplicated, Butler was cast from the same mould as his manager and was the embodiment of his tough northern roots.

The following 1993/94 Premiership campaign saw a slightly reduced role for Butler, but he still made over 20 appearances as the Hammers finished 13^th. The next season he departed for Notts County and then onto Grimsby and WBA before returning home to Halifax for his final two seasons. It was there, in around 2000, that I bumped into him in a restaurant in the Calder Valley. He was standing in the bar area waiting for a friend who was running late. I recognized him instantly, and having already had a little bit to drink, had absolutely no reservation in approaching him. I remember calling over “I hate you Butler!” in a pretty crap Blakey impersonation and he just smiled politely like he had heard it more than a few times before or else he had no clue what I was talking about. Anyway, we ended up chatting for about twenty minutes. He wasn’t really playing much at the time as he had fallen out of favour with manager Paul Bracewell, and he was already making active plans to move into the property business somewhere out in the Far East. He had contacts interested in investing in the tourist industry in Bali.

I’m not sure what happened next but I do know Butler took a player/coaching role with Sorrento in the Western Australia Premier League in 2001. In 2003 he moved into a managerial position with Sabhar Rhinos in Malaysia, taking them to the Malaysian cup-final in his first season. By 2006 he had accepted the post as coach with the Singapore Armed Forces Football Club, known popularly as SAFF Warriors, but his attempts to implement Western training ideas apparently did not prove popular with the players. A terrible run of results, internal club disputes and private upheaval (his wife and family were still in Kuala Lumpur) saw Butler leave by mutual consent. That is where the trail runs cold. I’d like to think he has finally made it to Bali, lying on a beach somewhere rubbing chip fat into his goose-white, battle-scarred limbs, claret and blue knotted handkerchief on his head.

Newcastle United 2 West Ham United 2

West Ham Cry Foul Over Milner Strike- John Wardle

Newcastle's defensive woes continued as they failed to handle a West Ham attack that had previously scored only twice away from home this season. Alan Curbishley's side doubled that miserable tally inside the first 22 minutes and Newcastle looked in danger of an embarrassment to rival their 5-1 midweek FA Cup defeat by Birmingham... The Observer

Solano Steadies Ship For Newcastle- Simon Turnbull

The meeting of the Hammers and the more recently hammered on Tyneside yesterday brought to mind the Monty Python sketch in which the Yorkshiremen debate who had it worst - the one who lived in a shoebox in t' middle o' t' road or the one sustained by a daily handful of hot gravel. "So you lost your last match 5-1," Alan Curbishley might have said to Glenn Roeder before kick-off time. "Luxury! We lost our last away game 6-0."... The Independent on Sunday

Newcastle Recover Thanks To 'Farcical' Offside Law- James Mossop

You could read the pain in Alan Curbishley's face as he graphically exposed the farce of the "active, inactive" element of the offside law and soon afterwards Newcastle manager Glenn Roeder, a beneficiary of the moment that allowed his team back into the game, agreed with him... The Sunday Telegraph

Hammers Let Points Slip Away- Paul Forsyth

Rarely can the acquisition of a point have come as such a relief to Newcastle United. At the end of a humiliating week for the Tyneside club, another shambolic start threatened to inflict further embarrassment here, but with the kind of stirring response that was missing in the FA Cup on Wednesday, they almost claimed an unlikely triumph... The Sunday Times

Curbs Spends To Keep Fans On Side- Colin Young

Alan Curbishley had spent more than £10million of Eggert Magnusson’s money before he stole Lucas Neill from under Liverpool’s noses as West Ham try to buy their way out of the bottom three... The Mail

Parker Happy In Front As West Ham Lose Grip- Michael Walker

Sporting a Noel Edmonds-style multi-coloured cardigan that would have had Uriah Rennie, for one, searching for his red card, Scott Parker talked last Friday about Alan Curbishley, about meeting him as a nine-year-old and about the impact he had had on the young midfielder's career. "Git" was Curbishley's response 24 hours later. It was said with a wry smile... The Guardian

West Ham Fail To Finish Job- George Caulkin

Football - monkey business with a bag of air, or a trial of endurance, character and capacity for suffering? For the players, management, directors and supporters who attended Saturday’s match at St James’ Park, relief was the least objectionable emotion on offer. After a season spent crouching in the trenches, groping for reserves of strength, it could have been worse... The Times

Some People Buy A Dog, I Bought A Football Club- Part Two

The second part of the excellent article that appeared in the Reykjavik newspaper Morgunbladid. It has been brilliantly translated by TheJourno on the KUMB forum.

The army generals meet regularly

The army generals, as Eggert calls them, meet every morning at Upton Park. It consists of Eggert, Duxbury and Alan Curbishley. “We work very closely together. In these meetings we set out our plans but then we go our separate ways and we all try our hardest in our quest for new players.”

West Ham is only one of many clubs locked in the January transfer race and the clubs in the relegation dogfight are the ones that are the most active. “The problem with the short period of time we get to sign players is that most clubs don’t want to sell players unless they have signed replacements for those players. It makes it very difficult to get players in. During the summer, the time to sign players is more flexible and people are more relaxed. Some clubs don’t want to sell us players based on the fact they don’t want us to get stronger. A lot of stress comes with it also.”

Eggert also says a lot of players do not want to come to a club fighting in the relegation zone. “Nobody wants to be relegated. That is very natural.”

Eggert had no love for football agents before he moved to England and that has not changed during his time as West Ham chairman. “We not only have to deal with the clubs, but the bloody agents too, excuse my language. They come and they often have the final say on which players we get and which players we don’t get. It is intolerable and scandalous that they should have this power. This is a problem that needs to be addressed in the game.”

The reorganization of the club

Even though transfer issues are at the top the agenda these days, the whole picture regarding the club has not been put aside. Eggert tells me the club is currently being reorganized. “West Ham is a great club with fantastic supporters who deserve the best. When we looked at the club in the beginning we could see its enormous potential and we are going to take advantage of that. We will build our model based on the top clubs of European football, Chelsea, Manchester United and Barcelona. The ambition is strong and we aim to take West Ham right to the top. We know it will take time but we are in no rush. The goal is to be playing Champions League football within five years.”

Eggert admits it would be a backwards step should the club be relegated come spring, but re-iterates that if that should happen, the plans would not be changed. It would just take a little bit longer to get to those goals. “When we took over the club, the possibility of relegation was staring us in the face so we are well aware of it. We have therefore structured a sidestep plan should we get relegated. But we are not going to be relegated. That is why we are so active right now.”

Like at many clubs that are newly promoted to the Premiership there is a clause in players’ contracts that states their wages will drop should the club drop down a division. Eggert says that it is important and will make the running of the club easier should things go wrong come May.

When you are building a club with the aim to put it at the top of European football, ambition is not enough. Money and finance are crucial– and it has to be available in the vast amounts. Eggert confirms that a large reserve of money is available to be used in the transfer market. “You must not forget, with better results and more success, the more money is coming into the club. It’s like a chain reaction.”

Curbishley is the right man for the job

Eggert is in no doubt that Alan Curbishley is the right manager to lead West Ham United to the adventures of Champions League football. “He has great experience and managed to be very successful at a small club, Charlton, for a long time. Now he has the chance to help a big club to achieve its goals, which are European football at first and then later to battling regularly for trophies in English Football and all within few years. That’s what I told Alan I wanted when I hired him and he knows what he has to do.”

Eggert says he has already become known at West Ham as someone who has desire to make things happen quickly. “I don’t care for standing still so I am integrating my ways of thinking into the club: act now if you want to achieve something and don’t wait until tomorrow. Have them done yesterday,” he says and smiles.

Regardless of this kind of thinking, Eggert assures me he will not turn his back on the club should his goals not be achieved in the given time frame. “Of course I understand that this could take longer than I anticipate. But from the knowledge we have acquired in European football, I have the utmost confidence we will succeed in the given time frame.”

West Ham is famous for its development of great young players and currently Anton Ferdinand bares witness to that. Eggert aims to strengthen that aspect of the club. The mediocre success of the club in the past few years has made it impossible for the club to hold onto its best players, especially those brought up through the youth system.
To name but few players who are now key players at other clubs include: Rio Ferdinand and Michael Carrick (Manchester United), Joe Cole and Frank Lampard (Chelsea) and Jermain Defoe (Tottenham).

Reo-Coker stays

Eggert says the key issue is that the club must keep its best players if it wants to begin to progress. “We will emphasize the importance of keeping our best players, especially those who have grown up at the club, that is, if they share the same future vision as us. If they don’t, they can pack their bags and we will find suitable replacements.”

A lot has been written about the future of the West Ham captain, Nigel Reo-Coker, in the last few weeks and he has been linked with number of clubs. “Reo-Coker stays with us. He sat in the same chair you are sitting in a couple of days ago and we reviewed his situation at the club. The conclusion is that he will stay at the club. I don’t deny it was a difficult and sensitive subject because some of our supporters have turned on him because of the many rumours surrounding the player. However this issue has now been settled.”

Upton Park, or rather Boleyn Ground, as the ground is formally named, has gone through changes in the last few years with three of the newest stands having been reconstructed since 1993. The stadium is beautiful from my view from my hotel room at the West Ham United Quality Hotel.

New 60,000 capacity stadium?

Even though the ground situation at Upton Park is fairly good, the West Ham hierarchy is nonetheless exploring other options. “Upton Park is a 35,000 capacity stadium but our vision is a 60,000 seater arena in the mould of the new Arsenal stadium. The support of this club is widespread so we would have no problems filling that sort of stadium but it of course depends on the club doing better than it is doing now on football pitch. Arsenal have achieved great income from companies and VIP-guests so we will try to market ourselves to those kind of supporters also. That is one of the reasons why a London based club was so marketable, because we have no problems filling these seats here rather than in Liverpool.

West Ham is currently in discussions with the City of London over the future use of the new Olympic stadium, which will be finalised before the Olympic Games take place in London. However, Eggert says it is impossible to tell how these discussions will pan out. “I’m going to meet Ken Livingston, the mayor of London, about this issue tomorrow (last Thursday). We are also looking at building a stadium on land near to us and Livingstone has mentioned that possibility to us. The third option would be to enlarge Upton Park but that is probably the toughest option of them all because of land issues.

Asked when West Ham could be able to play their first game in a new stadium, Eggert answers: “Within three to five years.”

The nearest surroundings of Upton Park is an aging district but Eggert believes it will be transformed with the arrival of the Olympics. “A lot of new housing will be built. The mayor here in Newham is a stout West Ham supporter but he wants us to move away so a new district can be built on the land. However I should note that he doesn’t want us to move very far. He still wants to have the club near to him.”

Into the leisure market

West Ham Holding have a lot of other things brewing at the moment, like strengthening the brand name of West Ham United, which Eggert believes is a great resource. “The brand West Ham United is known throughout Europe and we are very interested in expanding that knowledge. Football is a part of the entertainment industry and we are exploring possibilities for entering that market. There is nothing concrete yet but if exciting opportunities arrive we will look at them with an open mind. I can name, for example, Danish club FC Copenhagen, which has all kinds of leisure activity based around their football team. If we move to another stadium then we should take note of all the possibilities that will be open to us, like for example, hotel and conference halls. I think it is feasible to have some kind of hall to house concerts and other activities.

Eggert is very comfortable in his new office at Upton Park. “I have had the greatest respect for West Ham ever since the club won the European Cup Winners’ Cup in 1965 after a great final. The club has always wanted to entertain people on the football pitch and play beautiful football. Many great players have been at this club, most notably the trio of Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters who were the most important players of the 1966 World Cup winning England team. Hurst and Peters come regularly to watch games, as well as other greats such as Trevor Brooking and Tony Cottee. Billy Bonds doesn’t come to games a lot now after he fell out with the previous chairman. I will fix that.

Eggert is an emotional man and does not hide his feelings while sitting in the stands watching his team. The English media has picked up on that. “Cameras are often directed at me at games and then shown on Match of the Day. The English seem to enjoy this but I am just acting like I have always acted, in a passionate way, and that will never change."

He says he has been welcomed wherever he has been. “A lot was reported about the takeover and it doesn’t matter where I am, everyone seems to recognize me. Maybe it’s because of my stylish haircut,” says Eggert and puts his hand on his head. “It’s an odd feeling to become a little bit recognized around these parts.”

“Here is Mr. Magnusson’s car.”

Now is a good time to quote the cab driver again. He did not only know Mr Magnusson but he also knew how he travels about London. “Look,” he said when he parked his car at Upton Park. “Here is Mr Magnusson’s car. He is most definitely in at the moment.”

Eggert says he is not afraid that the West Ham supporters will turn on him should the club be relegated in May. “I think the general supporter is fully aware of what has gone on at this club in the past months and appreciates what we are trying to do now to save the club from relegation. I am also a lot more open person than the previous chairman and I am not afraid of the spotlight. When I took over, the first thing I did at my first game was to greet the people in every stand. I have heard the last chairman was last seen in these stands some fifteen years ago.”

Eggert and his wife, Gudlaug Nanna Olafsdottir, are enjoying life in London even though they have not moved into permanent housing. “Six months ago I could not have imagined myself sitting in this office but I am used to things happening very quickly around me. My wife expects something new every day and she probably feels good when I am feeling good and keeping myself busy. Maybe it’s best for her to get a break from me. I don’t know,” says the chairman and starts to laugh. “I am just being funny,” he continues. “She’s a football fan too. Otherwise this would not be possible. She also has obligations as the chairman’s wife, like for example when we greet Prince Andrew, who is due to arrive here for a visit tomorrow (Thursday). We have been married for forty years and we have always been happy. Now, when the kids have flown out of the nest, something had to replace them. Some people buy a dog, I just bought myself a football club."

Some People Buy A Dog, I Bought A Football Club- Part One

This is an excellent article that appeared in the Reykjavik newspaper Morgunbladid. It has been brilliantly translated by TheJourno on the KUMB forum.

Some People Buy a Dog, I Bought a Football Club.

West Ham United manager Alan Curbishley is sat with Eggert Magnusson on the sofa when I come into the room. I have been like a grey cat in the office all morning but Alan Curbishley had not noticed me because he had other matters to attend to on the training ground. Eggert introduces us and tells the manager about the reasons for me being here. After that, Curbishley stands up and is about to leave the room. “Where are you going mister? The reporter is going to interview you,” Eggert calls to his manager. “Oh, were you going to speak to me?” Curbishley asks embarrassingly. “I thought you were here to interview Eggert.” The three of us begin to laugh at this misunderstanding. Eggert then leaves me and Curbishley alone.

Onto more serious things, after all there is no comedy at Upton Park these days with the club lying third from bottom in the Premiership. “There probably couldn’t be a worse time to take over a team. Just two weeks before the transfer window opens,” says Curbishley. “But the good thing about it is that I have taken over a football club that believes that everything will go well in the end. The chairman doesn’t stand for anything negative and is ready to do all in his power to back me and the team all the way in this struggle.”

Curbishley threw himself straight into the deep end and has steered the team through seven games in four weeks because there are a lot of games around Christmastime in England. “It’s not ideal. Because of the number of games and the need to rest players between games we haven’t been able to get things straight on the training ground during this time. So I have had a limited opportunity to get my message across to the players. Having said that, I am fully aware of the magnitude of this job."

Curbishley started off in style with a win over table toppers Manchester United, but is not happy about how things have panned out since that great start. “We haven’t managed to get the number of points that we need. It was especially painful to gain only two points in the two games against Fulham when in all honesty we should have had six. That would have meant we would not be in the bottom three and that matters to us now in January in our quest to sell this club to quality players.”

West Ham have nonetheless been active in the transfer market since the transfer window opened and Curbishley has been very passionate about that issue. “I am aware now how powerful Eggert is. The man is an incredible energy bolt,” he says and starts to laugh. “He doesn’t like to hang around over things.”

Curbishley says their transfer strategies have changed since the New Year as he and Eggert are searching high and low for a new centreback. “It was not a priority at first but after James Collins and Danny Gabbidon got injured and will be out for a few weeks we needed to re-evaluate our strategies. Anton Ferdinand has also had some injury problems, so we are in dire need of a centreback.”

The central defender was reeled in the day after this interview in the shape of Calum Davenport.

Curbishley is mesmerized by Eggert Magnusson’s future vision. He has set himself on a quest to bring West Ham to the forefront of English football within five years. “The ambition is certainly there and it was about time that the people who run this club began to think like that.”

Asked whether he thought Eggert would succeed, Curbishley had an emphatic answer. “This can be achieved but it will take hard work. But the foundations are there, our supporters are great in number and we certainly need them to support us. We all know we are a part of a giant, some would say a sleeping giant, but now it is time to awaken this giant.”

The first step, Curbishley says, is to let the footballing side do the talking on the pitch. “If we succeed in doing that we will become a big club in the coming years, but even if we fail to do that we will still be a big club. It will just take us a little bit longer. Of course no one wants to get relegated but it is not the end of the world.”

When Curbishley is asked to explain the difference between how West Ham are doing this season compared to last season, he blames the lack of new faces at the club. Even though, this is oddly not the same team. “Injuries have been a big factor. We lost Dean Ashton at the beginning of the season. That was a big blow because he is an England international and would be part of the England squad right now. Ferdinand, Collins and Gabbidon have also been out for brief and longer periods, as has Matthew Etherington. So you see, this is not the same team. Last season, the injury problem was not so much of an issue and everything was great. The rhythm was solid unlike what we are experiencing now.”

Curbishley says that history has taught us that the line between laughter and tears in the English Premiership is very thin. Teams who narrowly escape relegation one season can be fighting in the top 6 the season after that. “That’s why it is so important to finish no lower than the bottom four or five come spring. That’s all I am asking for right now. Then we can train hard in the summer and strengthen our squad with new players. Then we will be a force to be reckoned with.”

It is almost a cliché the number of world class players West Ham have lost over the years. The one way to stop that is to achieve Champions League status, according to Curbishley. “The only clubs who don’t need to sell their best players are the teams who finish in the top four in the Premiership. And even they are not safe. Liverpool nearly became that kind of club, a selling club, only two years ago when Steven Gerrard nearly joined Chelsea.”

Curbishley explains that his relationship with Eggert is black and white when compared to his relationship with Charlton chairman Richard Murray. “I was at Charlton for 15 years and I always had the same chairman. We grew up together, so to speak, and educated one another through that period of time. I met Eggert for the first time four weeks ago. I got a call and was asked whether I was interested in becoming the manager of West Ham. It was like going on a blind date. But West Ham is my club. I began my football career here and even though I was disappointed for Alan Pardew I did not hesitate when I got the call,” said Curbishley.

The manager re-iterates that it is important for Eggert to show the supporters that he has the club‘s interest at heart. “That’s what he is doing by buying all these players and nobody can question his desire to do the very best for West Ham. Hopefully we can bring him that.”

Eggert Magnusson has been the chairman of West Ham United for two months now. These have been a hectic two months, especially the last few days as Eggert and his West Ham staff are busy scouring the transfer market in search of players to help them in the fast approaching relegation battle in the English Premiership.

“What are you going to do at West Ham?” asks a London cab driver when I sat myself down in his cabbie at Liverpool Street in London. He has a twinkle in his eyes. I enlighten him that I am an Icelandic reporter and that I am going to have a look around the club and have a little chat with the chairman who is my fellow countryman. “Mr. Magnusson. That’s great,” says the cab driver and his enthusiasm is real. He is 57 years old and has been a Hammers fans since he was walking around in nappies. Maybe that isn’t so surprising, since I have heard that every other cab driver in London follows the Hammers.

“I love him,” answers the cab driver when I ask him about the new chairman. “He obviously loves football and he also seems to have money to burn. That is also a plus,” says the cab driver and smiles. “And we need it the way things are going right now.”

The cab driver thinks the West Ham supporters are mainly supportive of Eggert but a small tension began brewing when Iranian businessman, Kia Joorachbian was trying to take over the club. “We didn’t want that Arab at our club,” he says without hesitation. The cab driver is, however, alright with the fact that Eggert is also a foreigner. “It doesn’t matter, as long as West Ham is number one in his life.”

Under the watchful eyes of Bobby Moore

The morning after, I find myself sitting in Eggert Magnusson’s luxurious and comfortable office at Upton Park. The tradition of this historic club is carefully highlighted on the office walls. They are covered with memories and souvenirs. Eggert sits directly in front of me in a deep leather chair and behind him hangs a picture of David Beckham taking a corner kick in a friendly against Australia at Upton Park from a few years ago. As I turn, the smiling face of the late Bobby Moore greets me. It bodes well that West Ham’s favourite and greatest son is watching over us during the interview.

Eggert is a very busy man these days because the transfer window is now active and will stay open until the end of January. West Ham have no time to lose. The team needs to be strengthened as a fierce relegation battle is at hand. He is ready for the interview but explains to me that he could have to stop at any time to take a phone call or leave the office to attend to transfer matters. Scott Duxbury, Eggert’s right hand man, frequently enters the office during the interview. Actually there comes a time when I think I am at a train station because the traffic is that bad in the chairman’s office on this particular day.

However, the chairman doesn’t break a sweat as he takes care of every matter one after another, most often with a smile on his face. “It has been real busy,” answers Eggert after being asked how the first few weeks in the chairman’s chair have been since he and Björgólfur Guðmundsson took over the reins at the club. “It has been hard but enjoyable work.”

The projects have not all been rosy but Eggert let two head figures of the football club go, days into his job. Chief Executive, Paul Aldridge, and manager Alan Pardew had to leave. “It was not easy but I had to do it. Aldridge had been here for ten years and I expected him to be here for a little while longer. It soon became clear, however, that he was too attached to the other party trying to take over the club, the Iranians. So he lost my trust and it was for the best for him to go.”

Not trained properly

Eggert says it was very hard to let Alan Pardew go but it was unavoidable. It is clear that there is more to it than first appeared. “There is no point in talking about it publicly but the key factor was that something just wasn’t right in the dressing room. Tension had been building between the players and the manager for a while. That was a cancer we had to cut out.”

Eggert feels that the West Ham players were not trained properly and feels the preseason preparations were mishandled because of the tension that was building. “That was entirely unacceptable.”

West Ham regained their Premiership status in the spring of 2005 and had a great season last year. They finished ninth in the league and lost in the FA Cup final to Liverpool on penalties. “We have a very young team who achieved remarkable success last year. Now the wind has started to blow against us, and what happens, is that some of these young players fall apart. That’s why we are focussing on getting older players in at this point in time; fierce characters who will drive these young players forward. We have already bought Nigel Quashie and Luis Boa Morte, and we are working, day and night, to get more players in. The best scenario would be to add three or four more players during the transfer window.”

The day after this interview West Ham sealed the signing of Tottenham defender Calum Davenport, and that was a name heard quite a lot during Eggert’s conversations with Duxbury. Blackburn defender, Lucas Neill, is obviously very high on the club’s shortlist and he will most likely be a West Ham player on Saturday (yesterday). Arsenal defender, Lauren, who was also wanted by West Ham, chose Portsmouth and Eggert feels the asking price of Birmingham defender Matthew Upson is a little steep. On two occasions this morning Eggert tries to get in contact, via the telephone, with Sevilla’s chairman over a possible loan move for striker Kepa Blanco. However, on both occasions, the Sevilla chairman is unavailable. Eggert is in good mood and says to the secretary on the other line: “Hey, you will have to send me a picture of yourself. We have talked so often on the phone and I think I have to see what you look like.” On the other line I hear the secretary start to laugh. One Icelander has also been on Curbishley’s shortlist. “We tried to sign Hermann Hreidarsson from Charlton but the answer was short and to the point: No!"

From Poll to Poll

From Poll to poll: my week of controversy
by Russell Brand

Given the fact that for six days a week I work for a Big Brother spin-off show it is rather difficult to draw my focus from the international hoopla that's been created by events inside the house. Last Saturday I watched West Ham draw with Fulham. It were a nerve-jangling affair and where Graham Poll produced five minutes of added injury time from is a mystery to me. Perhaps it was from the same orifice from whence he plucked the third yellow card he dealt in the World Cup.

Neither side seemed content with Poll's adjudication that day. The Fulham fans thought he was awful as well. The West Ham fans stayed a further five minutes in addition to the five mystery minutes that he added on to chorus him down the tunnel with jaunty ballads of hate. I've didn't imagine for a moment the words "Graham Poll" and "wanker" could be arranged in such vast and varying configurations.

West Ham have now entered into the transfer market, purchasing Calum Davenport and at the time of writing it looks like Lucas Neill may join in addition to Luis Boa Morte and Nigel Quashie, both of whom played well on Saturday, not to the high standard achieved by Nigel Reo-Coker and the fantastic Yossi Benayoun, but good performances from new players none the less. Eggert Magnusson is not shy in spending his Icelandic biscuit tokens. And it's a good thing because one cannot ignore West Ham's defence when allocating blame for Saturday's defeat though Graham Poll contributed a goal of blunders to Fulham's final tally.

Whilst I've continued to follow Premiership football closely, my head has been swimming in controversy due to events in Big Brother. Of course racism is deplorable and bullying detestable. I wouldn't seek to query that, what I'm finding enormously difficult, as someone who has met Jade Goody on several occasions and can attest to the fact that she's a decent girl who's had a remarkably difficult life, is that she's not a bad person.

I don't know Danielle Lloyd or Jo from S Club 7, but I imagine they too in isolation are decent people. What irks me as much as the persecution of the elegant and beautiful Shilpa Shetty is the national wrath directed at these three women who are really expressing views and attitudes endemic in the culture from which they came. Of course football and racism went hand in hand for many years. There are many more black and Asian supporters at West Ham now than when I came as a child in the early 80s. But I suppose what is difficult about the Big Brother fiasco and surrounding hullabaloo is that it's an indication of unaddressed racism throughout our culture. And to tell you the truth it's a right pain in the ass.

I suppose it will be a slow and thorough process that brings about a huge social change required to address these issues. Currently it's not so prevalent in football but it was not that long ago that John Barnes and Tony Daley were pelted with bananas whenever they played away.

Now the problem seems to have been quelled but perhaps if we were to watch the actions and conversations of football fans for 24 hours a day or indeed football players we would uncover things that were unpalatable - my only hope is that we can find in ourselves the compassion that we demand of those three housemates when it comes judging them.

Guardian column

The Upton Park Patriot

Calum Davenport has officially been confirmed as West Ham’s third recruit of the transfer window. In a move completed with little fanfare, the rangy central defender has joined for an unconfirmed fee believed to be in the region of £3 million rising to £4 million if specific conditions are met.

The transfer has been completed with almost indecent haste, which tends to suggest Davenport was never originally in our manager’s plans. Indeed, Curbishley intimated as much in his interview today when he suggested the primary aim for his visit to White Hart Lane last Sunday was to watch our forth coming opponents, Newcastle. There must have been something in the performance of the young defender that caught the eye, or else our own escalating injuries problems have somewhat forced our hand. Whatever the reason, there will be many West Ham fans who will welcome the return of a player who impressed greatly in a loan spell back in 2004.

Having been snaffled up (and then largely ignored) by Spurs in their gluttonous recruitment drive of young English talent a few years, Davenport immediately found himself offloaded to Upton Park. He made his debut for us in a 2-1 home victory over Sheffield United, a game memorable for a Marlon Harewood howitzer and a deflected Sheringham free kick that found the top corner five minutes from time. My visceral impression of Davenport from that time is of a statuesque, almost gaunt figure who never seemed to lose an aerial challenge. If the 2007 vintage can prove equally as dominant in the Premiership then we may go some way to addressing our frightening vulnerability to high balls into the box, something that has contributed to probably 90% of the goals we have hemorrhaged since Christmas.

Tottenham supporters seem to have mixed feelings about Davenport’s departure. Most will concede that he has done a competent job in filling in for the often injured Ledley King, while some maintain he has consistently outshone Michael Dawson in the games they have played together this season. There are perhaps justifiable concerns about the youngster’s distribution, positional sense and pace, three potential weaknesses that were not necessarily exploited at Championship level where the player last represented us. Having said that, I doubt Curbishley has aspirations to use Davenport as an attacking libero, and since when has lack of pace been a hindrance to good defending? Just ask Bobby Moore, Alvin Martin and erm…Malky MacKay. No, the role I envisage Davenport assuming is that of a flesh and blood Patriot missile, clinically intercepting the aerial scuds that routinely threaten our penalty box. If he can do that, and if we can find him a more mobile partner to repel the ground attacks, we might once again witness a clean sheet at West Ham HQ.

Even the Man From Del Monte Said…

News broke this afternoon that both Lauren and Ashley Young had reportedly rejected the opportunity to move to West Ham, the latter after a reputed £9.6m fee was agreed with Watford. It should be noted that the voracity of either report is yet to be substantiated by a source more credible than Sky Sports and the Sun. For what it is worth, everything I have been told would seem to suggest that both deals are still a distant possibility so I am treating these latest developments as just another itch from the month long media rash that is the transfer window guess-fest.

Whatever the truth, it is becoming clear that this January transfer window is destined to be an exercise in partial frustration for all Hammers fans still clinging to the hope that an infusion of new blood will resurrect our anaemic season. With expectations heightened by an ambitious chairman, and an endless procession of high profile transfer targets linked by the media, it is all too easy to avert your eyes from the stark reality of our perilous situation. It is hard, at the best of times, for any football fan to conceive of a situation where a player could find joining his club anything other than desirous. When you are then seduced by the promise of a £50 million transfer kitty, when you allow yourself to believe against all reasoned exposition and past experience that globally renowned superstars will forgo untold glory to participate in a relegation scrap at the Boleyn, it can only ever be disheartening to be faced with the eventual signature of a Nigel Quashie. It is like getting your hands on the Keeley Hazel sex tape only to discover that all you can see for most of it is some bloke’s spotty arris. It’s just deflating. Besides, if I want to see an arse take centre stage then all I have to do is picture one of our current back four trying to defend a corner. But I digress.

Frustration in the transfer market at this time is year is hardly a new experience, especially when the situation is as desperate as ours. During the 1987/88 season, back in a time when I felt these things even more keenly, we had another much publicised struggle against the transfer deadline in which a seemingly endless procession of targets rebuffed our increasingly desperate advances. I was thirteen at the time and just at the age to learn about the true nature of rejection. A few weeks earlier, during a slow dance at the school Christmas disco, I had foolishly attempted to slip my hand under Melanie Woolgar’s blouse and received a swift reactionary knee to the bollocks as my reward. Ashen, dizzy and desperately gasping for air, the experience was still not as painful and humiliating as the one played out across the sports pages that winter. John Lyall, armed with a much publicised £1million war-chest, made very public advances towards a succession of available striking targets. Overtures were made to Mick Harford, then Kerry Dixon, Peter Davenport and a few weeks later Kevin Drinkell. Yes, even fucking Kevin Drinkell. In each case the lure of the claret and blue was evidently, painfully resistible and it hurt a lot more than a swift kick to the knackers. This was a far deeper rejection; of the club I hold dear, of the streets I walked, the air I breathed and the values held sacred by my father and his father before him.

Eventually, mercifully, Leroy Rosenior accepted the calling. He arrived as a £275K stop-gap and gleefully plundered the half dozen goals that lifted the club out of danger. On the day of his home debut there was a banner in the Chicken Run that read ‘Even the Man From Del Monte said no to West Ham.’ In many respects Rosenior was a typical West Ham player. He wasn’t the prettiest, the quickest or the most cultured but he had the one thing we need now more desperately than anything else. He had a heart for the fight and willingness to be here. It’s why most West Ham will flick a defiant finger to any player who rejects this club.

West Ham United 3 Fulham 3

Christanval Stuns 10-Man West Ham- Will Buckley

West Ham and Fulham drew an increasingly exciting London derby. West Ham might, and should, have won, but had they done so it would have been a pyrrhic victory because both first-choice centre-halves and Carlos Tevez had to limp from the field. As it was they had to settle for a point which leaves them as far from Charlton as they are from Wigan... The Observer

Young Signing Could Turn Tide For Hammers- Matt Scott

Alan Curbishley found a silver lining to another troubled weekend last night when West Ham had a £10m bid for Watford's Ashley Young accepted. Earlier bids, starting at £7m, had been rejected but now the only bar to the England Under-21 forward going to Upton Park lies in personal terms, which have yet to be agreed... The Guardian

Curbishley In A Fury As Poll Makes No Buddies- Roy Wilkinson

Post-match, the West Ham United manager Alan Curbishley saluted the wit and wisdom of David Essex - he was referring to an interview with the hit-making Hammers fan in the match programme. Essex's 1973 film That'll Be The Day is an affecting tale full of rock 'n' roll dreams, bittersweet reversals and Ringo Starr. Following Saturday's heartbreaking result against Fulham, Curbishley must be thinking, how can it get more bittersweet and when will it be our day?... The Independent

Stand Up And Fight, Coleman Tells Rivals- John Ley

When managers use the phrase 'dogs of war', it usually hints at a problem. Chris Coleman, the Fulham manager, could not resist it when trying to suggest how West Ham could get out of their predicament... The Telegraph

Christanval Piles On The Misery For Curbishley- Andrew Warshaw

Where to start after one of the most pulsating, compelling – and at times controversial – games of the season? First things first. Fulham, for sheer battling spirit, grit and enthusiasm, deserved to take a point in what was their sixth successive draw in all competitions... The Sunday Telegraph

Curbishley Learns More Bad News About West Ham- Alyson Rudd

Alan Curbishley, the West Ham United manager, gives the impression that he is experimenting with his new club. On Saturday the experiment was called “How do West Ham deal with taking the lead?” The team failed the test and Curbishley learnt something else about the character of a club who are in serious danger of relegation. “I did think, if we did get into a winning position, what will happen then because they’ve not been in a winning position for so long,” Curbishley said... The Times

Pretty Bubbles

Pretty Bubbles by Sebastian Faulks

I didn’t see West Ham in the flesh until 1967 when I went with a schoolfriend who was a Chelsea supporter. I stood next to a man with a cap who kept shouting ‘Come on, you Irons.’ I didn’t know what he was talking about, and it has always struck me as odd that an East End team should have a nickname which in cockney rhyming slang (iron hoof/poof) should lay them open to mockery, especially with such a shaky defence. There were plenty of exciting players on display that day. Hurst, Sissons and Peters for West Ham; Charlie Cooke, Tambling and Osgood for Chelsea. Yet it was to none of these that the eye was drawn, but to a defender: Bobby Moore. Much has been written about his style, but it was truly extraordinary. His anticipation was such that he seemed to be in a position to intercept a pass before the player on the other side had even decided to unload. He always gathered the ball moving forwards, so that at least three opposing players were wrong-footed and immediately had to go into reverse. Sometimes Moore would then step over the ball and turn the first challenger before releasing a 30-yard pass into the path of the winger; sometimes he would hit the ball flat and hard up to Ron Boyce (‘Ticker’ to the faithful) who would busy around the centre circle with it for a while before moving it on to Hurst or Peters.

Waves of applause rolled down towards Moore from the loving West Ham fans; every move he made was stamped with authority, every gesture made you certain he was the world’s master of defence. Sometimes he could be almost too domineering; midfield players would lay the ball back to him when they might have taken it on. When he made the fatal mistake against Poland in the qualifying match for the 1974 World Cup, it was unbearable. The casual way he dragged the ball back inside to turn the tackler was a copy of the movement he had been successfully completing every Saturday for fifteen years. It was as if Denis Compton had been out at a crucial moment in a Test match to the sweep he had himself perfected. In my view that one error did nothing to tarnish Moore’s career. On the contrary, by showing that he was human, like any other player, it made the riveting and masterful performances of his pomp seem all the more remarkable.

Even the Arsenal crowd was charmed. My first trip to Highbury came the following year. The ground made Upton Park look a bit down market, to be honest. Arsenal had this greenhouse affair tunnel, the stadium was huge and, to a bright-eyed schoolboy, the red of their new shirts was dazzling. The Hammers looked all right, though. They played the better football, but their forwards kept getting chopped down by Simpson and Storey in the Arsenal defence. Even my Arsenal friend grimaced in embarrassment when Simpson was cautioned for another knee-high swing at West Ham’s number 9.

This was a slow, gangling centre forward of about nineteen who had been brought in to replace Johnny Byrne. His name was Trevor Brooking and he had been in and out of the team for a couple of seasons. My reaction was ‘Forget it.’ Byrne was a real old centre forward with greased-back hair; he didn’t play with a fag in the corner of his mouth, but it seemed implied. This youth Brooking was one-paced, kept falling over and didn’t use his height in the air. ‘Lovely build, that Brooking,’ said the man next to me. ‘That’s about all,’ I piped back bravely.

Time, Ron Greenwood and a hidden talent proved me wrong. Brooking became, with Keegan and Shilton, the light of his generation. He was the most beguiling and most skilful player West Ham have produced in my time. His famous dummy, his ability to lose a man by shrugging his shoulders and shifting his weight, were made remarkable by the fact that- lovely build apart- there was something essentially quite ungainly about him. But what made his game so ravishing to watch was his ability to make other players look ordinary, or even stupid. This he did with his passing. It might be with one of his characteristic near-post balls, when the big guns were gathered at the other side, but most exquisitely it was with the pass placed casually into no-man’s-land. Crowd and defenders would look on for a moment in disbelief. The suddenly it would dawn. The ball was not rolling into no-man’s-land at all, but on to the one diagonal that would take the accelerating striker clean through the previously unbreachable defence.

The West Ham crowd was spoiled by this kind of thing for years. They loved him for it and they applauded every time, but they took it as their due. Such talents, however, as the present West Ham team sadly demonstrates, come only once in a lifetime. I went to Upton Park for Trevor Brooking’s final game. It was against Everton whose newish goalkeeper, Neville Southall, allowed them an improbable 1-0 victory. It didn’t spoil the occasion, however. Brooking was called back for a lap of honour after the game, and the crowd gave him as fine a tribute as any man could ask for. In that ten or fifteen minutes of cheering and applause I think they registered their gratitude for the joy he’d brought them over so many winter Saturdays. I have not had the heart to go back to Upton Park since.

from Harry Lansdown and Alex Spillius (eds.), Saturday's Boys, 1990

Like An Old Dog

Like an old dog looking for a quiet place to die
By Russell Brand

When I think of Soccerball in connection with the United States, I recall depictions of hooligans in the Simpsons, children and women playing a neutered, "escape to victory" version of the game (not like Arsenal Ladies who seem robust, I'm not being sexist, racist possibly but not sexist) and Alexei Lalas's beard (I think in this image he's leaping to score a header at some point during Italia 90).

And it is to this land of preposterous imagery and inherent indifference to our game that David Beckham will run out his last few seasons of dead ball excellence and razor endorsements. There was talk of him coming to West Ham or possibly Newcastle or Bolton which I suppose would have seemed like a mistake, as if he were returning chastised, sans accomplishments, to be frustrated on some unloved, unlovely wing glancing to the centre of the action where he'd always been culturally and always yearned to be tactically.

I remember the night before our dog died she wouldn't sit with us, preferring instead to linger behind the sofa with the instinctive knowledge of her demise and whilst California is more glamorous then the back of a settee in Essex I think that Beckham is too proud to let us witness his decline. Also I understand he's being quite well paid. Doubtless it appeals that he may be the footballing missionary who finally succeeds where Pele, Franz Beckenbauer and George Best failed and convinces America to enjoy a globally relevant activity other than bombing.

For what it's worth I like him, I like his vanity, his style, class and temperament. I didn't get swept up in the effigy burning (not that it was a national pursuit, my mum didn't either) I liked it that he wore a sarong and clearly tended to his hair at half-time during World Cup matches. As a footballer he's provided us with incredible moments perhaps most notably the free-kick he scored against Greece that granted qualification that would have otherwise been denied, and also awoke me from a heroin-induced stupor and gave me sufficient vim to order a pizza and make it through a difficult weekend.

There must be countless stories of acts of inadvertent kindness enacted by Beckham, culturally only Diana has occupied the position of maligned and worshipped Saint, adored for sartorial elegance, presumed dumb, ubiquitous yet endlessly fascinating. Perhaps because his communication skills aren't as sharp as his football skills he becomes enigmatic and endlessly intriguing. What is he thinking? What's he like in bed? Does he love his missus?

I've just begun working out with a personal trainer, an ex-footballer and communicative only on the subject of fitness this makes him to me a canvass on to which I project all manner of quirky fantasies, not sexual, just idol musings of how he'd be in a fight or a deerstalker. Dear David bares the burden of a nation's reflections.

He's not a tragic character is he? Like Di? I hope not. I imagine all will be well for him in LA. They'll become chums with Snoop Dogg and continue their peculiar friendship with Tom and Katie Cruise. Perhaps they'll become scientologists - that'd be nice (my American pc knows how to spell "scientologist" but not "footballing" - that's worrying).

I hope his ambitions are the achievement of personal happiness as opposed to some doomed crusade to make Americans like football. In my lifetime they've hosted one World Cup and reached the quarter-final of another and seem to delight in ignoring it. Whether they continue to be ignorant to the magic of the game he has so beautifully served is anybody's guess but they'll struggle to ignore Beckham.

Guardian Column

West Ham United 3 Brighton & Hove Albion 0

Curbishley Goes On The Offensive- Nick Szczepanik

Alan Curbishley, the West Ham United manager, has always been an avowed admirer of Sir Alex Ferguson, but few had realised that he was turning into the Manchester United manager. Ferguson routinely refuses to speak after matches and, by flouncing out of Saturday’s post-match press conference, Curbishley was mimicking his mentor’s contempt for football writers and, by extension, the readers who are interested in managers’ thoughts... The Times

Curbishley's Quest For Clarity Looks Like Blurred Vision- David Lacey

West Ham's advance in the FA Cup said little about their chances of survival in the Premiership although the post mortem spoke volumes about their new manager's state of mind. After a month at Upton Park Alan Curbishley threw a wobbly the like of which had not been seen in all his 15 years at Charlton... The Guardian

Curbishley In Rage Despite West Ham Showing Noble Art- Amy Lawrence

In spite of a comfortable passage to the FA Cup fourth round, the pressure gauge is evidently heating up inside Alan Curbishley. The West Ham manager used his post-match press conference not to praise some decent individual contributions, a young goalscoring hero, and a much-needed positive result in these parts, but to launch a three-minute 24-second rant to stress his 'outrage' about recent headlines. And with that he turned on his heels and left... The Observer

Curbishley Lets off Steam After Victory- John Ley

Asked to compare the trials and travails of a Premiership manager with the pressures at the lower levels, Dean Wilkins could only chuckle. "Premiership managers don't know what management is about," said the Brighton manager. There may have been an element of devilment in his response, but his sentiments were heartfelt... The Telegraph

Curbishley Blasts Critics After As Tevez Lifts West Ham- Simon Hart

West Ham manager Alan Curbishley had every reason to celebrate after watching his side bounce back from last week's 6-0 drubbing at Reading with a morale-boosting Cup victory over League One side Brighton, though the pressure of life at Upton Park is clearly beginning to show... Sunday Telegraph

True Grit Doesn't Always Mean True Brit

I was flicking through the papers at the weekend when I came across this curious article in the Sunday Telegraph written by Patrick Barclay.

West Ham take note: true grit doesn't always mean true Brit
By Patrick Barclay

As West Ham rounded off a thrilling first season back at the top level with a desperately narrow defeat in the FA Cup final, much was made of their Britishness. And not without reason, for Alan Pardew had gathered an unusually indigenous group. Of the 14 who did duty against Liverpool in the Millennium Stadium, only Yossi Benayoun and Lionel Scaloni were foreigners. Of the 12 Britons in the squad (to narrow it further), only Danny Gabbidon and Christian Dailly came from outside England. And (to narrow it even further than that) no fewer than eight of Pardew's unlucky heroes were London-born. So what a substantial number of critics were saying, basically, is that here were a bunch of close-knit lads who knew what English football was about — come to think of it, Pardew kept saying it as well — and could be relied upon to stand shoulder to shoulder when the going got tough.

Then the going got tough. In other words, a summer of basking in praise ended and the players, their London character enhanced by the return of Hayden Mullins and Lee Bowyer, were asked to compete in the Premiership again. Even the club's foolish acquisition of the Argentines Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano could not split the ranks. Shoulder to shoulder, they entered the fray. You need only look at the league table to see how they have done. Their first match of the new year was a 6-0 defeat at Reading incurred through the worst Premiership performance, especially in terms of attitude, you could imagine. Had the team been full of foreigners — had they been, say, Arsenal — we should no doubt have been obliged to read thinly veiled suggestions that their lack of resilience had something to do with nationality. Because West Ham are English, however, the tendency is to identify individuals such as Nigel Reo-Coker and make them scapegoats for the demise of Pardew and other turmoils.

I am not saying West Ham have sunk like stones this season because they are English and have therefore, as poorer professionals than Pardew might naively have imagined, let the nice things that were said about them last season go to their heads instead of stoking fires of ambition in their hearts. True, the English national team did spend last summer looking like such wasters, people who believed their own publicity would win them the World Cup — and appeared to come home none the wiser. True, it was a wise French coach who once rhetorically asked me: ''Why is it that, when a French or Italian boy has a few good games in the first team, he trains even harder so he will progress to the next level, yet when an English or Scottish boy breaks through he treats it an excuse to light a cigar and break open the champagne?" He was, of course, generalising. And so am I. Not for a minute am I saying that the English, once so renowned for their fighting spirit, have become a nation of head-droppers. It could equally be pointed out that there was a wholesome English (and Scottish and Irish) flavour about the very Reading who thumped West Ham. All I am saying is that it might be a good time to give the mindless xenophobia a rest.

Death is Beautiful

Death is beautiful but Wright-Phillips means life
By Russell Brand

I get a kind of giddy adolescent thrill during periods of intense transfer activity, like a pre-prom frisson in an American teen romcom. "Ooh, did Chad invite you to the prom?" "Are you wearing that peach frock?" "Did you hear Luis Boa Morte has signed for West Ham?" 'Tis a time of transition and hope renewed.

Though in the case of Boa Morte, the signs are mixed; his name literally translates into "Luis Beautiful Death" - which is a bit heavy. Good portent for the oncoming relegation struggle, d'ya think? Beautiful Death? Like a swan in a glittery waistcoat speared on a shard of black ice. A sentimental man could be forgiven for collapsing into a nostalgic reverie, lamenting "Clever" Trevor Brooking's all too brief tenure when the Irons were relegated with more points than any Premiership club in history.

t is a time of Jacobean twists at Upton Park, under the stewardship of the Icelandic Egg-man (Goo goo g'joob). Curbs from a post-Charlton wilderness, Pards to Charlton, ousted but with dignity intact and a misty veil of noble grief settling round East London's wounded streets. Ah, how the euphoria of the debut victory against United were swiftly replaced with plunging woe after the 6-0 slaughter at the hands of Championship foes Reading. Oh undue haste, oh bitter taste at glorious waste of mercurial fortune.

Yossi Benayoun reportedly claimed that West Ham played like "a bunch of drunks". I think any self-respecting drunk would rather choke on his vomit than endure such humiliation. Also, drunks can be quite single-minded in the pursuit of a goal. Perhaps the team ought to consider downing a tactical bottle of Thunderbird before away fixtures in future - at least, were they to score, the post-goal celebrations would be fun as the sublimated homoeroticism bloomed into full penetration, which would be good for bonding and help amend the antiquated attitude that exists towards homosexuality in football.

Having said that, Matt Lucas said he was greeted with earnest salutations at the Emirates Stadium, home of the McGunners, after his civil partnership with his partner Kevin. "Well done on the wedding, mate" is a step in the right direction when you consider the trials of Justin Fashanu.

So the transfer patio door remains wide open and who would not dare to dream what else might come dancing through? Perhaps by the time you read this Javier Mascherano will be at Anfield and Shaun Wright-Phillips at West Ham at a considerable loss to Chelsea, which would make it doubly sweet. So here's a bit of inappropriate gossip for ya.

I've just come back from my holiday in Mauritius - jolly nice it was too - where also guesting at the humble shack where I resided was everybody's favourite oligarch, Roman Abramovich, which neatly quashed any doubts I had about the quality of the hotel. "Ah," I thought (which is a silly thing to think, really), "there's one of earth's wealthiest men. This place must be alright." One can scarcely imagine Roman tolerating Pontins and gamely participating in the coercive glee of that idiot crocodile that blighted my childhood summers.

I was drawn to Roman; he does rather exude power and on New Year's Eve, when the hotel held a buffet (a posh one with ice sculptures, not paper plates with pictures of balloons on them), I kept staring at him like an anxious spinster. When our eyes met, on three occasions, I tried to frame my features into an expression which, if verbalised, would say: "Oh, hello mate, I'm off the telly, you needn't feel threatened or irritated - let's have a chin wag. After all, it's Christmas." He responded with an expression that I interpreted as: "You are an insignificant scuttle-bug and I could crush you with an eyelash."

I told someone of this and they said, "He's shy." Perhaps that's true. Perhaps his shyness comes across as terrifying, awesome power. But I seem to recall The Smiths saying "shyness is nice" not "shyness is a cold stare that rips through your tender soul and leaves you gasping on a veranda wearing a paper hat that now cruelly mocks you, its joyless wearer, for your face is etched in fear and you are the king of naught but shame". That's not "nice". I'm not judging him, though, let me get that in print. I'm sure he's lovely. I get nervous enough visiting the Bridge. Perhaps next time I go the Hammers will be in possession of Wright-Phillips and we'll avoid beautiful death and enjoy a humdrum victory.

Guardian column

Bunch of Drunks

It has taken a few days but we finally have the first public response to the debacle at Reading on New Year’s Day. Predictably, it did not come from captain Nigel Reo-Coker but rather from Yossi Benayoun, who in a moment of blame-shifting honesty accused his team-mates of “playing like a bunch of drunks.” Now, given the much publicized alcohol related problems suffered by at least two of our current squad this season, Benayoun’s comments are either breathtakingly crass or else a thinly veiled reference to worrying deficiencies in organisation, application and motivation endemic in our current squad.

Speaking about the 6-0 humbling at the Madejski Stadium, Benayoun is quoted as saying: “It was an absolute disgrace and I felt humiliated. If things keep on as they are we're definite to go down. The defence was shocking. We had practised on corners and free-kicks so Reading wouldn't score like that but they put five out of six from corners and set pieces into our goal. The coach has said no one is leaving but after a game like that who knows."

Whether our tormented Israeli is himself preparing the ground for a timely exit we can only speculate. Rumours persist that he has been unsettled for some time and he seems not so much to be smouldering but positively ablaze with righteous indignation at the moment. “In our last game,” he complained, “I was the best man on the pitch, but what could I have done against Reading? I only touched the ball twice." Well, you could have tracked back a bit more but I'm just being churlish.

In fact, I’d like to say Yossi is mistaken here but I can’t. The attack was anaemic, the midfield non-existent and the defence a shambles. Rob Green was the only innocent victim of a shambolic display and the only one who should escape criticism. The sad truth, however, is that he may be the first to lose his job. Roy Carroll is back in training after a spell in the Priory. After this latest display, I wonder if his room is still free.

Born in 1900

Bet you don't know why West Ham are called the Hammers
by Hunter Davies

I've gone through life thinking West Ham were called the Hammers after the Ham part of their name. Seemed obvious. Now I know the truth. And a great deal other truths, many of them pretty trivial, about West Ham, thanks to the chance of their date of birth.

I was researching a book about people and things born in 1900, a millennially angled book, looking for likely topics. After a great number of letters and phone calls, I had 26 people lined up to be interviewed, all born in 1900, and a good selection of things, institutions and inventions, also born in 1900. They included the Labour Party, the hamburger, Mercedes cars, the Daily Express and Birmingham University.

I also wanted a book and a football team born in 1900, two things I like to think I know about, to follow their progress and development over the century. The possible books included Conrad's Lord Jim and H G Wells's Love and Mr Lewisham, two fairly interesting novels, still being read, but neither with much of a history or progression to follow.

The Wizard of Oz first appeared in 1900 as a story, so that might have been interesting, as did Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman. But both felt a bit thin. I also found three plays by George Bernard Shaw first put on that year, but I don't like the theatre. Then there was the opera, Tosca. That might have produced a good chapter, except I don't know anything about opera.

In the end I chose as my book Freud's Interpretation of Dreams. He finished it the previous year, but held it back, so its birth would be in 1900. And significant, so he hoped. It gave me the excuse to look at the history of psychoanalysis over the century, a topic which definitely has had a progression. It's now part of all our lives, and our language, even if many of Freud's theories are currently being rubbished.

I then spent three happy hours looking through Rothman's, fingers crossed that I would turn up a half-decent club born in 1900. Rochdale was the first I found. Formed as Rochdale Town in 1900, it went bust in 1907, then was reborn as Rochdale. Could be interesting, if I'm stuck, following the progress of a third-rate club, but of no more national interest or even football interest than Carlisle United.

Then I noticed that West Ham Utd had been officially formed in 1900. Until then they had been an amateur team, under a different name. It seemed legitimate to include them as a Born 1900'er. I can make up my own rules. It is my book. And I struck lucky. Not a mega club, like Man Utd or Arsenal, about which we all know, but a big club with an interesting history. They were in the first Wembley Cup Final of 1923, the famous one with the white horse, and provided three players for England's World Cup-winning team of 1966. So more to write about than Rochdale. Or Carlisle.

West Ham's beginnings were interesting, reflecting the beginnings of many clubs. They began in 1895 as a works team, Thames Ironworks, from a shipyard on the Thames. The owner was Arnold Hills, educated at Harrow and Oxford, one of the poshos who helped create football, who had played for England against Scotland in 1879.

He spent £20,000 on a sports complex for his workers, with a cycle track and football pitch, and Thames Ironworks even played the odd game under floodlight. This consisted of electric light bulbs strung from poles. The ball was whitewashed to make it more visible. It was noted that when Ironworks were about to shoot, the lights always seemed to dim, making it jolly hard for the goalkeeper to spot the ball.

They got promoted to the Southern League, then were fined £25 by the FA for hiring an agent to tempt players away from the Football League. Ah, little really changes in football.

In 1900 Mr Hills decided he could no longer finance the team out of his own pocket - so a new company was formed, West Ham United, named after the local borough. The team's colours, claret and blue, were kept. The club's badges, which showed crossed hammers, representing riveting hammers, were also retained. Hence the Hammers. In the early years of the century, some supporters were still shouting, "Come on you irons."

The other thing I didn't know about West Ham was where their club song came from - "I'm for ever blowing bubbles". Its origin is a bit hazy, but the legend that it was sung by West Ham fans at the 1923 Cup Final is cobblers. The song, written by an American called James Brockman, was not heard in England till 1926. It appears to have been first sung at the end of the 1920s when West Ham had a young player called Murray with curly, bubbly hair. Someone in the crowd thought he looked like the Millais painting, as used in the famous advert of the time for Pears soap, and starting singing the song. Others followed. And it's still being sung.

I did a tour of the club today, to bring its history up to date. They are still at Upton Park, on the site they have had since 1904. In many ways, the game itself has hardly changed - still 11 players a side, even if they are now millionaires, same sized pitch, basically the same rules, same coloured strip, same nickname. Only the environment has drastically changed - new spanking stands, giant TV screens, real and enormous floodlights, enormous advertising hoardings.

I noted one advert which would have puzzled anyone from the era of Thames Ironworks. It was for Jiffy condoms. What would they have made of that in 1900?

from The New Statesman, Born 1900, 1998

Reading 6 West Ham United 0

Reading's Dream Day Deepens Curbishley Nightmare- Rob Smyth

When Alan Curbishley arrived at Upton Park three weeks ago, it was blithely assumed that his expertise would enable West Ham to avoid relegation with ease. When he won his first game, against Manchester United, it was apparently a done deal. Not any more. Curbishley has presided over three consecutive defeats that have left his side deep in the mire, and while excuses could be made for the first two this one was as bad as it gets... The Guardian

Curbishley Shocked AT Hammers' Humbling- Glenn Moore

The Icelandic acquisition of West Ham is beginning to look the worst football investment since Sam Hamman trousered £20m from two Norwegian oil barons 10 years ago on the supposition that Wimbledon were about to move to Dublin... The Independent

Rampant Reading Add To Curbishley's Woes- Clive Tyldesley

You will not hear anybody say that West Ham are too good to go down now. Alan Curbishley has problems aplenty but complacency is no longer one of them... The Telegraph

Curbishley Endures A Hammer Horror- Russell Kempson

A new era dawned at West Ham United three weeks ago when Alan Pardew, the struggling manager, was dismissed and Alan Curbishley returned to the club whom he had supported as a boy and gone on to play for. The marriage made in heaven got off to a good start, with a joyous 1-0 victory over Manchester United, the Barclays Premiership leaders, at Upton Park. “Curbs”, the hero, had returned in style... The Times